by Dianne Drake
But never out of his heart. Which was why, since Lorna, no one else had ever truly been in.
Gideon’s tent was zipped, but one of the volunteers had said he was alone in there, so Lorna unzipped it and tossed in her backpack. Then she crawled in after it.
He was alone all right. Just Gideon. With Max, of course. Gideon was turned on his side, his face to the tent wall. Max was curled up at his back, his head resting on Gideon’s hip. Max was snoring, Gideon was not. And from the sound of his breathing, she knew he wasn’t asleep.
“Jason kicked me out of the hospital for a couple of hours,” she said, crawling over to the second bed. “For once, I didn’t argue.”
He didn’t say a word. Didn’t so much as change the pattern of his breathing. But Max pricked his ears and let out a friendly whine.
“So, what’s this about, Gideon? This cold shoulder you’re giving me?”
“It’s time for you to go,” he said, his voice unusually flat. “I have a couple of volunteers who will be here later today, and as this rescue is beginning to turn down now, we don’t need as much manpower.”
“Just like that, you’re sending me away?” Actually, she’d come to tell him she was leaving, but having him do the deed hurt.
“It’s my operation, my decision.” He rolled over and propped himself up on his elbow. “I need your documentary to air more than I need you here helping. It’s as simple as that.”
“You can’t always control everything and everyone in your life, Gideon.”
“That’s obvious. If I could, Tom wouldn’t be dead. He’d have followed the rules and been alive to complain about it.”
“Tom didn’t do anything you wouldn’t have done.”
“He knew better.”
“We all know better. And yet we do things we shouldn’t, things that defy the odds. Brave things, like Tom did. And you know what, Gideon? No matter how you play and replay this tragedy in your mind, the bottom line will always be that Tom saved that child’s life. He could have waited outside until help arrived, but none of the people who work in your operation would do that, and you know it. Not one of them would have stood by, listening to that child cry.” She paused, and took a breath. “Tom’s dead. You’re blaming yourself, feeling that somehow you were responsible. But you weren’t.”
“You don’t know me any more, Lorna. You don’t know how I’m feeling about anything.”
“Three years together gives me an idea. You’ve changed, but not that much.” She settled down on the bedding and stared up at the top of the tent. It was daylight, too much sun coming through to sleep, even though she was exhausted. And her nerves were raw, another reason why she wasn’t shutting her eyes. There were so many things pent up in her…emotions left over from their night together, concern for Gideon, an overwhelming sadness for all of Tom’s friends. And especially for Dani. Lorna knew what it was like to lose someone you loved…her situation was different, but the love no less. For her child, for Gideon—what she’d felt over the loss of both in such a short time was something she still couldn’t put into words. “For what it’s worth, I’ve already made arrangements to leave. Don’t know when. Later today, maybe early tomorrow. Either way, I’ll be out of here soon, and you won’t have to worry about fighting with me any more.”
“For once we finally agree on something.” He didn’t say anything after that, In fact, he was uncharacteristically quiet, and as Lorna settled in, she listened to a breathing pattern that definitely was not one of sleep. Listened for the full two hours.
Another day, one just like the one before, and Lorna was listening to the rain beating down on the dining tent, each drop punctuating her dreary mood. Her exit had been postponed due to the weather so she’d kept herself busy in the hospital. It was practically empty now. No new casualties had come in for twenty-four hours, and the few that hadn’t gone home or been sent on to a local hospital were lingering more from a lack of someplace else to go than the need for medical care.
She was sipping that awful coffee again, actually so used to it now that it didn’t taste that bad to her. Her story was coming together, as much as she could put it together here in the jungle. She’d interviewed most of the people in Gideon’s group, talked to a few patients who’d agreed to be seen on camera, prepared text for her voice-overs. There was nothing left. She’d talked to Frayne a couple of times since he’d left, and he’d said the film had gone together brilliantly. So basically she was more needed back in New York than she was here. It was time to do the job she’d come to do, to tell the story of the valiant people like Tom, relate the tragedies and show the hope and optimism in spite of the adversity.
“I’m leaving on the next transport out,” she told Jason, on her way back to the hospital tent. “Might be in a couple of hours if the weather holds.”
He gave her a curious look. “Have you told Gideon?”
“We talked about it. He agrees. I just wanted to let you know that when I get back to New York and get this piece put together, I’ll give you a call so we can make arrangements for you to take a look. It’ll probably take me about a week, as I’ve got some other things to catch up on.”
“Hate to see you go, Lorna. You’ve been a big help to us, and I wish there was a way to persuade you to stay. Or join up as a volunteer.”
It was nice he’d said that, but she truly wished it was Gideon expressing those sentiments. “I hate to go, too, but it’s time. I’ve enjoyed helping, even though it doesn’t feel like I’ve done that much. But as far as being recruited…it wouldn’t work out. If I thought it would…” Well, that’s as far as she thought because she couldn’t thread in and out of Gideon’s life. Too many difficult emotions in that scenario. And too many distractions for Gideon. He didn’t need that.
Jason gave her an affectionate squeeze on the arm. “You’ll keep in touch, won’t you? Priscilla’s really grown fond of you, and we’d like you to come down to the ranch to meet our children some time. Maybe after the holidays. Pick out the snowiest New York day in the dead of winter and come to Texas.”
Down to the ranch was awfully close to Gideon. But she did value Jason and especially Priscilla as friends. Besides, Texas was huge. Surely, in all that open space she would be able to avoid Gideon. “I’d like that.”
“You’re not just saying that to be polite?” he asked.
“Not just saying that to be polite,” she confirmed. “I’ll come visit after the holidays.”
Gideon and Max stood quietly behind a pile of rubble, looking down at the camp, at the hospital tent. “I hate goodbyes,” he said to Max. “They just make an already bad situation worse.” Maybe he should have been friendlier to Lorna after the night they’d spent together. Offered some hope that they could be more than a typical divorced couple, or told her how he really felt. But, damn it, he couldn’t. He’d been through this once before, watching her leave him. Didn’t want to do it again, because when it got right down to it, there was no way it could work out other than the way it had before—he going his way, she going hers. This time maybe the feelings wouldn’t be so harsh, and this time they did have a better understanding of each other, something that would have helped them the first time. All that aside, it couldn’t be anything other than what it was. Wishing and hoping just distracted him from the things he needed to be concentrating on.
Gideon scratched his dog behind the ears as he headed out to the south face of the mountain for no particular reason. He wasn’t on the schedule to search, but he didn’t want to be around Lorna because that would complicate his wobbly resolve. “So it ends, Max,” he said, turning his back on the road, taking little comfort in the fact that he was doing the right thing. Besides, all the personal feelings aside, she wasn’t experienced at rescue, and with her heart, she would put herself in the way of danger first and think about it afterwards. Like she had with Tom. So, getting her away from here was for her own good. Gideon mulled that over for a minute and decided to stick with that reason. It
seemed so much better than wanting her out of there because he was in love with her and didn’t know how to work it out.
Max gave him a speculative look, and Gideon laughed. “OK, I’m pathetic. Really pathetic. I let her leave me once…” And he’d regretted it pretty much every day since then.
Clicking on the radio, Gideon raised Jason. “OK, before you argue with me, I’m going up beyond where we pulled Dani out and have a look around. We haven’t been over the ridge yet, and Max and I are up for it. And, no, I don’t have anyone with me.”
“Then I’ll send someone,” Jason said. “And no argument from you.”
He wasn’t in the mood to be bothered with other people right now, but he wasn’t going to argue the point. “I’m going on ahead. They can catch up.” He clicked off before Jason could respond, and tucked the radio in his pocket. Then headed up, his mind on Lorna.
CHAPTER TEN
LORNA was ten hours into her shift now and still waiting for word about her ride out. She’d thought she’d been leaving an hour ago, but the rain had started again, a whole new section of village was in jeopardy of collapsing, and the transport truck was in reserve to take patients out to the hospital in Francisco do Monte.
Right now, the rescue teams were out helping the residents evacuate, while minor casualties were beginning to trickle in. And her feet hurt. So did her back. But it still felt good to be doing hard work. The longer she was there the more she realized how much she missed that in her life. Once she got home she was going to make a change. She wasn’t sure what, or how, but the result would be more time for real patient care. She was excited about that. Maybe Gideon would be excited for her, once she decided to tell him. She hoped so. She also hoped that now she understood better why he’d always resented her television work, that rift between them would be patched up a bit. It wasn’t his fault he had felt that way, and now that she knew she could deal with it.
It was good he’d finally told her. Too bad he hadn’t done that years ago. But perhaps he hadn’t even thought that deeply about it then. Perhaps his reaction had come straight from the gut and hadn’t made much more sense to him at the time than it had to her.
“You look dead on your feet,” Priscilla commented in passing. She was preparing to be off on the rescue with the others, but she stopped briefly to give Lorna a glass of fresh fruit juice. “Gideon wouldn’t approve. You’re over your time limit and right now he’s being a stickler for the rules.”
Lorna took a sip of the banana and coconut mixture and enjoyed the pure taste of it sliding down her throat. It felt good in her belly, too. Not like all that acidic coffee she’d been drinking so much of to the point she’d thought infusing it through IV would have been easier. “Gideon gave up his right to approve or disapprove of anything I do years ago when I divorced him,” she said, amazed by how casually the words rolled off her lips.
Priscilla opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out.
“Shocked?” Lorna laughed. “It was just as much a shock to me that I ended up here with him after all this time. Probably even more of a shock to him. But life has a way of playing these surprising little tricks on you.”
“I had no idea. I mean, Gideon never mentioned…”
“He wouldn’t,” Lorna said. “It was rough on him…on both of us. A lot of difficult feelings. Sometimes it’s better not to dwell on it, which, I’m assuming, is what Gideon has done.”
“So earlier, when you said that you and your ex had gotten back together…” Her eyes blinked wide in surprise. “You and Gideon? Since you’ve been here?”
Lorna merely nodded, and not even demurely.
“Well, I didn’t think there was anything left that could shock me, but I was wrong because you just did.”
“The marriage was over a long time ago. We weren’t ready for it…neither of us were.” A difficult admission, but one that was so true. They’d been two people who had been so right for each other at such a wrong time in their lives.
“No wonder he was so grumpy when Jason told him you were on your way.” She laughed. “Normally, Gideon’s easygoing about everything and Jason and I both thought he was protesting too much. Which makes sense, now that I know the reason why.”
“Well, he couldn’t have been as grumpy as I was when I found out he was here. I think I wanted to face him, but I wasn’t ready. Five years and you’d think I could have handled it better, but the thought of seeing Gideon again scared me to death,”
“And?”
“And, what?” Lorna asked.
“How was it, seeing him again after so long?”
“Gideon’s an amazing man. Always was. I think seeing him again has made me realize just how much.”
“Oh, that sounds like a bit of a hedge,” Priscilla said, smiling. “The answer a well-practiced journalist would give. I think you saw him and all the old feelings just came pouring out again, and not necessarily the bad feelings. Or, am I getting too personal here? Just tell me if I am and I’ll shut up.”
“Not too personal. But I’m not sure I want to or even can talk about my feelings because, to be honest, I’m not sure what they are.” She was the very definition of mixed emotions. “I walked out on him and never went back. My divorce, not his. My decision. And at the time I thought I had very sound reasons.” Lorna tilted the glass of juice to her mouth again and took a sip. “Now I’m not sure.”
“Well, this sounds like a talk you should be having with Gideon, so I’m not going to do any more prying.” Priscilla reached out and gave Lorna’s hand a squeeze. “I hope we can be friends in spite of your past with Gideon. Or the way it turns out with him now.”
“I’d like that, especially since I already accepted Jason’s invitation to come to your ranch.”
“And I’m going to hold you to it. Look, I’ve got to get going. We’ll catch up later, and if you want to talk…” At that moment Priscilla’s radio clicked on and she was summoned to join the team. She scurried out of the tent and went to uncrate her dog, while Lorna watched the group assembling in the clearing. Gideon was going out for his second time that day, taking charge, calling out the orders, arranging the various smaller groups that would go on the hunt with him. This was so vitally his element that it made her heart swell just a bit. Yes, she was in love with him again…maybe it had never quit the first time. Whatever the case, in spite of the difficulties, just to look at him caused such an emotional stirring. And this time it was so different than anything she’d felt the first time she’d laid eyes on him. Better, fuller, more completing.
She thought back to the first time she’d seen him. It had been in passing. Gideon had been on his way into surgery and she had been running in the opposite direction to a Code Blue. They’d literally collided in the hall, and when she’d looked up to see the great, immovable force that had nearly knocked her down, she’d known she was looking into the eyes of the man she would marry. “The man I would love for ever,” she whispered.
Part of that came true…he had been the man she would marry. But the man she would love for ever? Somewhere, deep down, she wondered if that part of the prophecy was true, too. And she was just now coming to realize how true it was.
Lorna turned away from the door and forced herself to concentrate on her patients—eleven minor casualties and a few leftover yellow-fever victims, all well on the mend.
And one very melancholy doctor with the potential diagnosis of a breaking heart.
“They just called in. They’ve got another twelve injuries on the way down. Gideon’s on a rescue now, and he’s not going to be back before the storm hits.” Gwen was busy setting up for the next influx of patients, instructing Belinda Jennings and Ryan Hampton, the new paramedics who had just come in to replace Tom and Dani, on how they were going to get everything ready. “Everybody else has been called back in. That’s standard protocol during a storm. We don’t let anybody stay out.”
As Gwen spoke the words, a great burst of wind nearly ripped th
e hospital tent from its stakes. From inside the tent, Lorna looked up at the sky, frowning. Day after day of this, with more predicted. Well, so much for going home that day. Nature just wasn’t congenial enough to let her to travel yet. “Is he going to be OK out there by himself?”
“Gideon’s got Max. He’s always careful. They’ll be fine,” Gwen said, even though the crease of hesitation that crossed her face didn’t say the same thing. “And in case you haven’t noticed, Gideon makes the rules but he doesn’t necessarily follow them.”
Gwen was a no-nonsense type. She was a large woman, with short curly brown hair and eyes that never melted into a soft smile, except when she talked about Gideon, then she took on the countenance of a caring mother as she was a good twenty years older than anybody else on the team. It was amazing, Lorna thought, all the types who came together for this. So many lives put on hold while someone went out to do a valiant thing. Someone, like Gideon. “Will anybody go out there to be with him? To help him?”
Gwen shrugged. “Don’t know if he’ll allow it. He’s gotten pretty strict about the rules since the accident. He wants everybody in during the worst of the storm. Jason backs him up in that, and I don’t think anybody’s going to go against it. We’ve all been around for a while. Know what can happen.”
Sadness passed over her face and Lorna knew Gwen was thinking about Tom. He had ignored the rules, split from Dani and gone in on his own, then paid the dearest price. Yes, they all knew what could happen. To any of them. “Well, I’ve been on duty too many hours now, so I’m going off for a while.”
“And Gideon didn’t say something about it?”
“Not a word.” She smiled. “But he didn’t know.” As far as Gideon knew, she was long gone.
Lorna ducked out the door, straight into the rain. Instead of heading over to the dining tent for a bite of food, though, or to the volunteer tents to find an open bed, she dashed over to the central tent where the equipment was stashed and took a look at the latest rescue grid. Every rescue was marked, every site being explored located with bright red pushpins. No exceptions, not even for Gideon, and according to the chart he was back on the south face, going a little further around the wash than Tom and Dani had gone. He was there alone, though, as she could see his team on their way back in right now.