Broken

by Monica Rossi

  “No,” she said again. She wasn’t giving up that easy. She took Red’s hands in hers and closed her eyes. Whatever she’d done outside she could do again, and this time instead of taking lives, she’d save one. She tried to focus, to call all of her need and love into a palpable form but nothing happened. She concentrated harder, determined not to fail, but this time when the blinding light came, instead of encompassing her and holding her in its warmth, it seemed to attack. Her brain exploded into shards of pain and she fell back, letting go of Red’s hands.

  “Sidney, stop it. You’re going to hurt yourself,” Demon helped her off the floor. “You’re spent from what you did outside, there’s nothing you can do.”

  “I’m not going to let him die! I just need to try harder! I have to try.”

  She stood in front of Red and put her hands on either side of his head and closed her eyes again, willing the power to come, trying desperately to turn her fear into something other than a sick feeling at the back of her throat. The light came and she braced for impact, hoping to find the safe place of comfort and not the sharp edges of pain. The light surrounded her and stole her breath, it ripped and tore at her from the inside out. She crumpled to her knees, sobbing.

  “Stop doing this to yourself, you’ve got to let him go,” Demon watched as she climbed painfully back to her feet. “Say your goodbye and I’ll put an end to his suffering.”

  “No, you can’t! I’ve got to try again, this has to work,” she was near the edge of hysteria, she couldn’t understand why she could use her power before to cause so much destruction but now that she needed it to save a life it wouldn’t work for her. Still on her knees in front of Red, she clasped his hands, prepared to do whatever she needed to save him.

  “Fuck. Move out of the way,” Demon grabbed her shoulders and moved her aside as if she didn’t weigh anything, and took her place in front of Red. He looked back at her and sighed, his eyes full of doubt, “You’re going to have to keep your mouth shut about this.”

  He placed one hand on Red’s forehead and the other on his chest. Red winced at the contact but Demon ignored it. The air around them began to pulse, Sidney could feel the movement of energy between them, and Demon began to speak. The words had no meaning to Sidney. They didn’t sound like any language she’d ever heard before but there was a music in them that called to her. Sidney thought that it must sound like that to babies when their mother sang them a lullaby. Incomprehensible but comforting.

  The energy intensified, causing the room to almost feel hot, and very faintly she could see that Demon was giving off a greenish glow, surrounding him and Red in an eerily beautiful light. Sidney didn’t know what Demon was doing but she could see the bruises on Red’s skin fading even as his face morphed into a painful grimace. She heard a popping sound and Red cried out, the look on his face telling how much the healing was costing him. Sweat and blood poured off Red’s skin, and the room filled with a sickly sweet smell that made Sidney almost want to vomit. Demon was sweating as well, but neither Red’s obvious distress nor the cloying smells broke his determination.

  Red’s back arched and he screamed as Demon’s chanting grew louder and the light around them shone brighter. The room seemed alive with the force of will Demon was exerting and Sidney wasn’t sure either of them could continue. But just when she was about to try to do something to stop them, Demon took his hands away and Red fell back into the wheelchair, both of them panting hard.

  Sidney ran to Red, Demon stumbled out of the way so that she could get to him, “Are you ok?”

  In answer he stood up, shakily taking a test step, “It would seem so.” He looked at Demon, his eyes clouded.

  “Oh you can save the profuse shower of praise and thanks for later, we need to leave,” Demon said, still catching his breath, headed for the door. Sidney and Red followed.

  “No, we get Frederick first,” Red said, turning to go away from the exit when they left the room, instead of following Demon out.

  “Too late, he’s long gone brother. He and his personal body guards managed to escape while we were healing you. They took the two prospects with them.”

  “How the fuck can you know that?” Red demanded.

  “There’s a dead harpy screaming in my ear right this second. It’s amazing I was able to heal you at all with her fucking mouth running the entire time.” Demon looked at Sidney, “When we get back to town I’m going to need you to take me to your witchy friends, I’ve got to get rid of this bitch before I lose my mind.”

  “What about Big Dog, Trainz, and BillCo?” Red asked, his eyes never traveling to Sidney.

  “Don’t know, she hasn’t said anything about them.”

  “Good,” Red said. His eyes hardened as he started down the hallway again. Sidney followed in their wake, grateful he was alive but nervous about the look in his eyes.

  Sidney was bone weary, she felt like everything inside her had been pulled out and left at that horrible place… or on the asphalt of the clubhouse parking lot.

  Big Dog, Trainz, and BillCo had been found in a room she and Demon had followed Red to, but like Demon had said, there was no sign of the two young bikers, Squint and Squirt. That didn’t seem to matter much to Red though, he seemed satisfied enough that he finally had Big Dog. It had taken Demon physically holding him back to keep him from killing the ex-president right there on the spot. Reluctantly Red had let Demon convince him that they needed to bring him back to the clubhouse for questioning and to let the rest of the members decide on their punishment.

  Then they’d gone outside and Red had seen the destruction left by the fight. Fourteen of theirs had been killed. Their bodies, some in human form, some in wolf, had to be left because there was no way to get them home. Red promised everyone that they’d come back and get them, and that the people who were responsible would be dealt with, but everyone seemed shell-shocked. Sidney could tell by the looks in their eyes that they were just as empty as she felt. She just wanted to go home and try to forget what had happened. Forget the image of Red in a wheelchair, broken. Forget the fact that Demon was some kind of werewolf witch hybrid. Forget the dead bodies of men in suits weeping blood tears into the grass. She wanted to forget it all, but mostly she wanted to forget her part in it.

  Red had claimed a dead man’s bike for the ride home and Sidney started to get on behind him, but he stopped her with a look, the first look he’d spared her since she’d walked into the room where he’d been held prisoner.

  “Demon is over there, you’d better ride with him,” he’d said, and turned his face away as he’d cranked the motor and drove away. Sidney told herself it was just because he needed some time to himself, surely after he’d gotten over the shock of what he’d been through he’d talk to her. They could work everything out and get back to normal.

  Her eyes caught Demon’s, he had a look that she could only read as pity in them, as if he could read her thoughts and found them painfully disillusioned. She walked to him and got behind him without a word. She didn’t need or want his opinion.

  The ride back had taken forever. And once back she’d thought she’d help with anyone who was still injured, but Red had cut that thought short before she’d even gotten a chance to get off the bike.

  “You best just take her on home,” he’d said to Demon, refusing to look at Sidney.

  “I thought I’d see if anyone needed me to..” she began

  “We’re fine,” he cut her off.

  “But I can –,” she started to argue, but he cut her off.

  “This isn’t your place, we don’t need you here,” he finally looked her in the eyes, the coldness in them startling, “I don’t want you here.”

  Sidney looked around, anywhere but at that hard face that was saying things she didn’t want to hear, and she saw that everyone around had heard. They’d all stopped to watch her disgrace, the fact that their eyes were soft and compassionate only seemed to make it worse.

  “Fuck you Red, you’r
e such an asshole,” Demon said, his words low and dangerous.

  “Take her home Demon,” Red turned and walked away, taking with him the last hope Sidney held of them ever going back to the way things were.

  The drive back to her house had been numb, she’d cut herself off from feeling anything, even the constant strum between her and Demon was just a distant buzzing. They pulled down her street and all she wanted from life was a dark room and her bed to curl into. But she wasn’t going to get her wish.

  As soon as they rounded the corner Sidney saw someone sitting on the front steps of her house. She had no idea who could be waiting for her, maybe it was a wrong address, and she could send them on their way so she could be left alone. But as they got closer she was able to make out the soft feminine features.

  It was Jessica, her sister, and she had her suitcase beside her. Perfect.

  “Sidney!” Jessica said with false cheer as she ran up to Sidney, not even giving her time to swing her leg off the bike, “I’ve missed you so much!” Jessica wrapped her arms around Sidney and mechanically, Sidney returned the hug.

  “Jessica, what are you doing here?” Sidney knew the words sounded callous as soon as they were out of her mouth, her voice sounded dead even to her own ears. But she didn’t have the energy to worry about niceties, not when her heart felt like it had been torn through her chest.

  “I’m just here to visit,” Jessica eyed Demon, that old glint in her eye that said she saw something that she wanted, “I thought you’d be happy to see me?”

  Sidney was anything but happy to see her. She got off the bike without a word and headed towards the door, she assumed Jessica would follow and she was correct, but she stopped short, turning back to Demon. He was watching her with those emerald green eyes, his face masking whatever thoughts he had about her. “Thank you Demon… for everything.”

  “You going to be ok?” he asked.

  She shrugged her shoulders, “I’ll manage. I’ll call you in a couple of days about…” she looked at Jessica who was listening to their conversation intently, “about getting rid of that friend of yours. Maybe we can do something.”

  He nodded and backed out of her driveway.

  “My God Sidney, I was wondering where you were but Jesus. If you were with him I can understand not wanting to come home.”

  Sidney opened her door, ignoring the remarks about Demon, “Have you been waiting long.”

  “Oh no not really. Only all day yesterday and today,” she giggled, her false brightness grating on Sidney’s nerves. “I got a cab into town and grabbed a motel room for the night, and man. What. A. Dump. Have you seen it? Full Moon Motel or something like that, looks like it came straight out of a 1950s horror movie. They didn’t even have a complimentary breakfast bar. Or shampoo! But it was the only place in town, or so the cab guy said. Unless he was just playing a horrible joke on me. Then I came back here this morning hoping you’d be back. But nope, still no Sidney. So I just waited on the steps for you. It wasn’t so bad. I kept trying to call you but the reception is shit out here but there were some raccoons playing in the neighbor’s trash can and they were so cute. I noticed that you have a loose board on your steps, you should probably get that looked at before someone trips over it. Oh and I got an email from Mom saying that she was giving some kind of Fall Festival Gala for the Autism Society and asking me if I’d go. Are you going? Because I’m not sure I feel like driving all the way up there just to hear her bitch at me about how I’m doing everything in my life wrong.”

  Jessica hadn’t changed much. Her mouth still went a mile a minute, when she deigned to speak to Sidney at all. “I haven’t heard anything about it.” She doubted her mother had sent her the same email, her socially awkward daughter who always wore the wrong dress was more of an embarrassment than her wild and willful daughter. It didn’t matter, she would have hated every second of it anyway. And she didn’t have the energy left to think about it anyway. “The guest room is in there, and there’s food in the fridge, make yourself at home. I’m going to go take a bath and get in bed, I’m exhausted.”

  “I hear you girl. If I had a man like that I’d stay exhausted to. Where did you even meet someone like him? All dark and dangerous? And those eyes, Jesus.”

  Sidney just shook her head and headed toward the bathroom, she wasn’t in the mood for girl talk.

  ***

  A long soak in the tub made her body feel better but her mood was as dark as ever when she emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around her and hair dripping down her back, to see Jessica curled up on her couch watching television and holding a big bowl of cereal.

  “I think your milk is off,” she said around a mouthful of cereal, “And who over the age of 20 still eats Count’n Crunch? Jesus it’s like pouring pure sugar down your throat. And there’s this,” she gave a few experimental smacks,” waxy aftertaste. Gah, sugary plastic, that’s what it is. You should seriously try something with a whole grain or two in it.”

  “So eat something else.”

  “Uh uh, I’m too hungry, I haven’t eaten today and I didn’t eat much yesterday.”

  The vision she’d had of Jessica during her Dedication Ritual came back to her. She remembered how worried she’d been about money and some other troubles Sidney couldn’t quite recall.

  “So what’s the deal?” Sidney didn’t feel like having this conversation but it would be better to get it out of the way than to let Jessica skirt around the issue for weeks while trying to figure out the best way to take advantage of her.

  “What do you mean?” Jessica looked insulted, that meant that whatever was about to come out of her mouth was a lie to cover up whatever m mess she’d gotten into.

  “Don’t give me any crap Jessica,” Sidney sighed, she wasn’t in the mood to play along, “You show up here without warning, without a car, with just one suitcase, and without enough money to buy something to eat. Something is up. If you need money you know all you have to do is call Mom or Dad.”

  Jessica sat the bowl of cereal on the coffee table.

  “You want the truth?”

  Sidney rolled her eyes, “No, please lie to me.”

  Jessica ignored the sarcasm. “I’m sick of it Sidney, sick to death. I don’t want to dance to Mom’s little tune and she told me she’d cut me off if I didn’t do exactly what she told me. Finally finish college, find a nice man and get married, produce little babies for her to shower gifts on and then ignore. Every since you broke it off with David she’s been down my throat to ‘make something of myself’. And Sidney, here’s the thing. I know I’ve been a fuck up, my whole life. But I’m trying to change, trying to do better, but I don’t know what I want to do, want to be. I know I hate school. I’m just not good at it like you were. I know I’m nowhere near ready to get married. I know I don’t want any part of her ‘little miss society’ game. So I told her to go fuck herself. And I moved out.”

  Some part of Sidney was proud of Jessica for standing up for herself against their mother, another part of her felt like this was just another excuse to avoid actually doing anything, but the biggest part just didn’t want to have to deal with the fallout. Which made her feel guilty because, Jessica was, after all, her only sister.

  “I bet Mom loved that,” Sidney said.

  Jessica giggled, “She flipped shit.”

  “So where did you go?”

  “I packed up everything I wanted and I drove until I didn’t feel like driving anymore. I had around $500 on me and I didn’t even take any of my credit cards because I knew Mom would cancel them anyway. I found this little town outside of Chattanooga, Hixon, and I found a cheap motel that let you pay by the week, and it was shitty, but not as shitty as the one here. At least that one did serve a free continental breakfast, even if it was only muffins, donuts, and cereal. Anyway, I got a job as a waitress. I saved my tips, and got a little apartment.”

  “Sounds like you were doing pretty well,” Sidney was actually impressed. It was
more motivation than she’d ever seen Jessica put into anything. “So what happened?”

  “One damn thing after another. First I had to get two new tires for my car, then I got sick and had to miss work and pay for a doctor’s visit and medicine. And I checked, Mom did take me off the insurance right after I left. Then the hot water heater in my apartment started leaking and my asshole of a landlord told me I was responsible for fixing it and if I didn’t it’d rot the floor and I’d have to replace that due to neglect.” Jessica looked down at her hands, “I just couldn’t make it on my own.”

  “You didn’t have a guy who was helping at all?” Jessica always had some guy wrapped around her finger, so it wasn’t a question meant to insult, it was just a surprise that the first thing she’d done when she’d gotten into town was find a job and not a boyfriend.

  “No, Sidney, I’m so tired of men wanting me for who my parents are. For what I represent in dollar signs and reputation. I wanted to get settled first and then when I could say I’d done it on my own find a guy who didn’t know me from a hole in the wall who would want me for me and not for anything else.”

  Sidney sat back in her chair, damp hair and lack of clothes forgotten. She still talked a lot but it was obvious, if Jessica was telling the truth, that she’d changed a lot from the girl who had tormented her when they’d been teens.

  “So where’s your car and all your stuff?”

  “I sold everything I could. I paid off everything I owed in Hixon, fixed the water heater and used the rest to buy a bus ticket here. To you.”

  A tightness filled Sidney’s chest. She’d never been the big sister, she’d never been allowed to be. Jessica hadn’t seemed to want anything to do with her, much less life advice and friendship from Sidney. Maybe they could start fresh, maybe they could have a relationship that meant something now and forget everything that had happened in the past. Sidney would start by offering what any big sister would when her little sister needed help.