Broken

by Monica Rossi

  But it had felt nice. Being held, being comforted. Even without the side effect of feeling attracted to him, it had been nice.

  “I’m, sorry for crying all over you,” Melissa said.

  He startled and she realized it had been a long time since either of them had said anything. “Hey, don’t worry about it, I know how it is.”

  He probably did, but she still wasn’t comfortable with it. “I try not to get so emotional around other people, that’s kind of why I’m in Charleston and not at home.”

  “Oh you’re not going to school here?”

  “No, I have a friend who is, she actually doesn’t live very far from here, but I just decided I’d come because… this was Felicia’s favorite place.”

  “Felicia was your sister?”

  “Yes,” she looked down at her hands, she hadn’t said her name in a long time.

  “Well at least you have a friend here to keep you busy and your mind occupied, that’s good. You don’t want to dwell alone too much when you’re going through something like this.”

  Melissa didn’t respond. Her friend, Tracey, didn’t even know she was in Charleston. She’d come here to get away from everyone, not to hang out with friends.

  Owen stared at her, “You haven’t been seeing your friend have you?”

  “Not really, I just don’t feel like being around other people yet. Especially people we knew together, which is everyone. It just hurts too much to be around them without her. Every time they say something funny or tell me some news about another friend I keep imagining how Felicia would respond. How she would have laughed or been shocked. It’s too much.”

  Owen nodded, “I can see that. It was different for me. I had my own family and friends who weren’t connected to Lindsey. Even so, it felt like everything was a constant reminder of her and Parker, he was my son.”

  “Can I ask what kind of accident they had?” she asked, adding quickly, “If that’s too personal, I totally understand.”

  “No, I can talk about it now. She had taken Parker to a birthday party for a friend on a Friday afternoon, over in Mount Pleasant. The moms all hung around and talked a little after the party and it was about nine o’clock when they were coming home. Still early, you wouldn’t think there would be any drunks out at 9 o’clock. He hit them doing seventy five miles an hour and drove her off the road and into a concrete wall. It was instant for both of them. At least they didn’t weren’t in pain.”

  “Oh my god, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”

  He shook his head, “Yeah, it was sudden and it hurt. It still hurts, but it’s not as raw as it used to be.”

  “What happened to the guy? The drunk driver?”

  “He, of course, walked away with only a broken arm and a few scratches.”

  Melissa was angry on his behalf, “I hope he’s at least in jail now.”

  “He is, but I don’t wish him any harm and when he’s up for parole I won’t go try to stop it.”

  “Why in God’s name not? He deserves to be punished.”

  “I saw him at his trial and he’s written me a stack of letters, all begging me to forgive him. The man can hardly stand to live with himself. Can you imagine living with that on your conscious? Taking the life of a young mother and her child? I couldn’t, that would be more than I could handle.”

  “You’re a bigger person than I am,” she said.

  “Not really, I’ve just spent a really long time thinking about it. I could stay angry with him, and sometimes that feeling still surges up unexpectedly, the man took away everything I was living for, but it takes a lot more effort to hate than it does to forgive.”

  She wished she could be that forgiving, that understanding, but if her sister’s killer had a name she was sure her every waking thought would be how much she hated him.

  “What about your sister, do you mind talking about what happened to her?”

  Melissa swallowed hard, this wasn’t something she talked about, “It was leukemia. She was stage four when she was diagnosed and there wasn’t much that could be done. She refused treatment and since we were over eighteen our parents couldn’t force her. She was gone three months after the first time we heard the word ‘leukemia’.”

  It still made her angry thinking about it. Why hadn’t she fought? Why hadn’t she valued her life enough to at least try to beat the odds? Instead she had just lain there, waiting for the end to come without trying to postpone it at least. As far as Melissa was concerned she’d chosen to die, it was just as bad as suicide if you didn’t even attempt to save yourself.

  “That’s rough,” Owen had stopped drawing and was just looking at her now. She hoped the anger didn’t show. That was something she’d never told anyone. She was mad as hell at her sister for leaving her.

  “I’m dealing,” and she was to an extent. Or at least she was existing, which was more than she felt like doing most days.

  “Are you really? Or are you running away from life?”

  Anger quickly flared. Jesus, who was he to judge how she dealt with grief. Sure he’d lost someone but that didn’t mean she had to bounce back like he had, everyone had heal in their own way. And she’d just wanted to heal alone. She got up, this was why she didn’t interact with people, they always wanted to help, always wanted to give advice. She didn’t need it, what she needed was her sister. “Thank you for drawing me,” she said as she walked towards the door to the studio.

  “Wait, don’t get angry,” he hurried behind her and caught her arm. “I didn’t mean to offend you or pry into your business. Let me make it up to you by taking you out to dinner?”

  “I don’t think so, I’m not really in the mood.”

  “Ok, well maybe tomorrow night. Nothing special, just a sub and a beer – you are 21 aren’t you?”

  She shook her head, “Twenty.”

  “Well a sub then at the Kickin’ Chicken, or a burrito at Mama Juanita’s. Or even a slice of cake at Kaminsky’s.”

  Those names brought back memories of days and nights spent roaming downtown. She hadn’t had anything from Kaminski’s in… years. Maybe she should go, it’d be nice to hang out on King Street or in the market again. It might also be nice for him to touch her again. His hand was warm on her arm and even though there was nothing sexual about the touch, she felt the energy between them radiating through her body.

  She hesitated and then said, “Ok.”

  “Alright, do you want me to pick you up or are you going to meet me here and we can walk?”

  “No sense in you coming all the way out to Folly. I’ll meet you here, around six?”

  “Perfect, I’ll see you then,” he smiled and his face transformed, white teeth and dimples flashing, he went from being attractive to drop dead gorgeous. Melissa inhaled, a little taken aback by how much a smile could affect her.

  She walked out of his house and back onto Coming Street wondering if she was biting off more than she could chew. Never before had a man’s simple smile left her with pangs of wanting deep inside herself. She jotted the number down off his sign outside, that way she could call and cancel if she found she just couldn’t do it.

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