To Break a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  He tensed beside me and I knew the moment he realized what he’d said. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize—I didn’t even think—”

  “I get it. It was a family affair, and you didn’t think of me because—despite the web of flowery words you love to weave—somewhere in your brain, and maybe in your heart, you don’t see me as family.”

  “No. That’s not it at all!” He flicked on the bedside lamp and leaned over me. I could see his bereft expression as clear as day, but whether it because he’d let the words slip or because he’d hurt my feelings, I didn’t know. The one thing I knew was that he and I saw each other very differently, and while that might not always be the case, if I stuck around to wait for it to change, it would kill me.

  “It’s fine, Jereth.”

  It wasn’t, but even as he ripped me apart, I still deigned to spare his feelings. Fucking inconvenient ass love. I had moved before he registered it, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and using the light from the lamp to find my clothes and slip them on. Tossing the covers aside, he sprang from the mattress and rushed toward me, grabbing my hands after I pulled on my shirt and began to button my jeans. His sculpted body, taut and enticing, was a distraction that I didn’t need at the moment, and I tried to focus on anything but his thick sex hanging in between us.

  “If it’s fine, why are you getting dressed? Where are you going? Stop, please. Just stop.”

  Several shallow breaths barely held my tears at bay, but they managed well enough for me to speak. “I’m getting dressed because I’m—I’m leaving.” My breath hitched and I tried a long, slow deep breath, willing my heart to calm down enough for me to get out of this man’s presence with my dignity intact. I met his frantic eyes and the levees broke, letting my emotions run unchecked down my cheeks. “Jereth. You don’t know how to love me, and you don’t know how not to hurt me. No amount of love is worth the pain I feel when I try to hold on to you, so I’m giving up.”

  His eyes became glassy, and I had to look away. Tears weren’t sentient; they didn’t think for themselves or mean anything. They were just liquid saline. I couldn’t allow the sight of him crying to sway me.

  “When I told you that I’m never letting you go, I meant that shit. You’re mine. ‘Til death do us part.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not, though, and I never was. I see now that you’ve never had any room in your heart for anyone other than yourself. Little do you know, I’ve been doing my research; you want to own me like a possession, but you missed the mark completely. You can’t be in charge of my orgasms if you can’t take care of my heart. Playtime is over.”

  Finishing the button on my jeans, I pulled away from his now lax hands and left him and my bedroom behind me. Grabbing my purse and keys from the kitchen counter, I faced the door but paused before taking a step toward it. Even if I hadn’t heard him follow me out of the room, steps heavy and panic-stricken, I would have sensed him standing in the doorway of the hall. Having him here was too much, I couldn’t breathe.

  “Please don’t be here when I return.”

  The sound he made was like that of a wounded animal, and my throat constricted with tears, but I had to move. I crossed the living room and left my home, not bothering to lock the door behind me since he would—hopefully—be leaving soon, and trudged to my car to slide behind the wheel. It hurt so bad; the pain was incredible. Leaving him felt like ripping my heart out because I knew this time was for good. There was no other way.

  The short, intense tale of Jereth and Tonya had reached its end.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  When Reality Strikes

  I’d never been good at doing what I was told. It had earned me the title of The Rebel even before I reached high school and was a point of contention between me and my parents when I’d opted out of college. It was what had once led to me being in a relationship with a woman fifteen years my senior. It was who I was.

  So, when Tonya told me to leave, I did the exact opposite without hesitation, planting myself on the concrete stoop of her porch, shirtless and clad only in a pair of hastily tossed on basketball shorts, staring down the road while I waited for her to return. Completely disregarding the humid summer weather, I watched the sun set over the neighborhood and the street lights click on. I waved at friendly neighbors who came outside to gather their children playing in their yards and nodded at cars whose drivers honked as they drove past but still, no Tonya. The crickets woke up and began their noisy songs, but Tonya didn’t return. No less than three hours had gone by, and my stubbornness had morphed into anxiety. Did she even plan to come back? With Wisdom gone with his father this week, there was really no reason for her to come to the house. My presence damn sure wasn’t enough to bring her home; instead, it was more than likely an incentive to stay gone.

  Dropping my head into my hands, I wanted to yell curses at the heavens. My shoulders were tense from struggling not to kick something, but all of my anger was directed at myself. All of this was my fault; I’d fucked it up—fucked us up—again.

  Headlights flashed as a car turned into the driveway, and I stood up, heart pounding as I prepared to fall to my knees and beg Tonya to give me another chance—a third chance—to show her that we were meant to be together. The lights dimmed as the car turned off, and I felt my face droop as I recognized the car as belonging to Natasha. The youngest Black sibling stepped out of her car and hesitantly walked up the path to the stoop. I moved to the side to give her space to get to the unlocked front door.

  “Hey, Jer.”

  “Tash—” My voice cracked from misuse and I had to clear my throat before trying again. “Natasha, have you heard from your sister?” Following her inside, I waited while she placed her keys and purse on the table beside the door.

  Removing her sweater, she turned her back to me while she hung it up in the small closet in the foyer. “I spoke with her…”

  “And…? When is she coming home?”

  Tasha’s head drooped slightly before she spun around and faced me. “Jereth. Unlike Latoya, I’ve always liked you, as a person and as my sister’s mate. I think you’re a good guy with a genuine soul, but unfortunately, it’s clear that you have some hangups that cause you to hold back. My advice to you is if you love my sister, go get your shit together and come back a whole man who is capable of loving her the way she deserves because right now, you are lacking.” With a single nod and a small smile, Natasha scooped up her purse and ascended the stairs to the second floor, disappearing into her bedroom.

  After standing there, contemplating both Natasha’s advice and the events hours earlier, I knew what I needed to do. Hurrying to Tonya’s room, I grabbed my phone from the table on my side of the bed and dialed a number from my favorites. When the line was answered, I explained my situation and asked for help. Satisfied with the response, I hung up and gathered a few of my things.

  The doorbell rang while I was in the bathroom grabbing my toothbrush, and I heard footsteps on the stairs before I even had a chance to let Natasha know that I would get the door. Dressed and presentable, I entered the living room with my duffel slung over my shoulder and my cell phone in my hand. Boobie and Natasha were sitting on one side of the large sectional speaking in low voices. Just as I reached the edge of the sofa, light laughter erupted between them. Boobie noticed me first, and I gave him a knowing smirk.

  “Thanks for showing up, cuzzo.” I reached out a hand and he stood up, slapping my palm with his own.

  “You know I got you, fam.”

  “’Preciate that.”

  Natasha rose and turned to me with a smile on her face, and I didn’t miss the way Boobie’s eyes dropped to her ass before he looked my way as well. “Jereth, I was just chatting with your cousin. I had no idea you have family who lived so close.” Though her tone was light, I sensed the underlying censure.

  Fuck. There was no way that tidbit of information wouldn’t make its way to Tonya and solidify her thinking that I was no good
for her. Fuck fuck fuck! Sighing, I rubbed at the sudden crop of wrinkles in my forehead.

  “Is that what y’all were giggling about?” It was an asshole thing to say; I knew it and immediately felt guilty when Tasha’s lips pursed and her eyes fell to the floor. Boobie moved to stand in front of her in a protective pose that gave me pause, and the juxtaposition of them standing next to each other was a sight to see. Him, diesel as fuck at six feet six inches and three hundred pounds, and her barely inch over Tonya’s five feet three but thick as a brick house.

  “Nah, bruh. We were laughing because I told Tasha that I was going to have to kick your ass for not introducing us sooner.”

  Tasha? Suspiciously, I observed my cousin. Was he up in here flirting with my sister-in-law?

  “Yeah, okay nigga. Let’s roll.” Tightening my grip on my bag, I flicked my gaze back to Natasha. Her brows were raised in expectation. “Tell Ki that I love her.”

  She tilted her head a fraction to the right. “Why?”

  My steps toward the door faltered. “What do you mean why? Because I do and she needs to know it.”

  “If she doesn’t already know, after all of this time, then I’d just be wasting my breath—and even worse—possibly lying to her.”

  Throwing my hands in the air, I moved past her toward the front door careful not to touch her. “Come on, man. I thought you were on my side!”

  Her sympathetic smile did nothing to lessen the blow from her words. “You thought wrong. I will always be on the side of my sisters. As a man with two siblings, you should know this personally.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, I’m on their side, unless they’re the one in the wrong. Then I’m on their ass.”

  Natasha nodded. “I’ll give you that. However, you and I both know that my sister isn’t in the wrong in this situation.”

  “I mean, she’s not completely innocent of any—” I hedged, but the look on her face stopped me mid-sentence.

  Immediately, Natasha turned to face Boobie, who stood on her immediate left, watching our exchange with an amused grin on his face and his arms folded across his chest. “Big Sexy, you said the two of you were cousins, right?”

  Boobie’s ass was cheesing so damn hard at the way she addressed him, all his damn teeth were showing. “First cousins. Our mothers are twin sisters.”

  “First. Cousins. Of twins. Wow, ya’ll are damn near brothers. And you live here in Houston?”

  My eyes bored into the side of Boobie’s skull, but he ignored me. “Yes, ma’am. Just outside of Houston, down Highway 59 South.”

  “Thanks, Big Sexy.” She winked at him and his big ass fucking giggled like my thirteen-year-old niece. Returning her attention to me, the look she gave screamed “I rest my case”, and I had nothing to rebut.

  After a minute of exchanging stares, I sighed. “I’ll be back.”

  “You might not believe me when I say this, but I hope so. As long as you come correct next time, everything should be fine.” She joined us by the door. “And by ‘come correct’ I mean decide if your issues are big enough for you to tackle on your own and be man enough to ask for help if they aren’t, then once that’s done, figure that shit out so you aren’t laying another woman’s baggage at my sister’s feet.” How she managed to say all of that with a smile on her face was beyond me. With a wave in my direction and a wink and a nod at Boobie, she opened the door and walked us out onto the porch.

  Boobie’s Suburban was parked in the driveway behind Natasha’s compact car, and I started in that direction as soon as we hit the landing, freezing on the last step after I shot a quick glance behind me to see about my cousin. Boobie was standing in the center of the porch grinning in Natasha’s smiling face. This nigga.

  “Can I call you?” I heard him ask.

  Natasha chewed on her bottom lip in the first sign of indecision all night and flicked her eyes briefly over to where I stood. “Um, I’m not really in a position to be…talking.”

  “Oh, my bad. You have a man already?”

  “No…”

  “You’re pregnant with somebody’s baby?”

  The wind carried her low giggle over to me, and I chuckled. It had been a long time since I’d seen my cousin pursue a woman; usually, they just fell at his feet after seeing him in a picture or out and about with my baby brother, Hawk.

  “Nah, I’m not pregnant.”

  “Alright, so hear me out. You’re beautiful, and I can tell from the way you politely handed my lil’ cousin his ass that you’re smart and kind. I’d like to get to know you better. No pressure.”

  She did that head tilt again and damn if she didn’t look like her eldest sister. My heart ached at the thought that I might not get to banter with Tonya like this again.

  “What does ‘no pressure’ mean?”

  “It means there are no obligations or expectations attached to our interactions. We can talk, catch a show, take a trip—whatever you want—as friends.”

  “Friends?”

  “Just Friends.”

  The entire exchange was too fucking cute for me to witness in my current mind frame. I was at the truck, tugging on the handle of the door before Boobie had even reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. As I relaxed into the seat, I thought of the irony that the train my love life was on came screeching to a halt on the same day that Boobie’s left the station, full of hope and promise.

  ♥♥♥♥

  When It's Time To Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

  “Tell me again why you need to stay here, and does it have anything to do with some woman at a local coffee shop cursing Mama out?”

  My baby brother questioned me from across his long dinner table where we were gathered to eat the dinner that his pregnant girlfriend, Nedra, had cooked. She sat next to him, slicing into her baked chicken while he rubbed her swollen belly idly. Boobie snickered from his seat on my right while his younger sister, Trina, didn’t even try to pretend she wasn’t listening hard from where she sat on Nedra’s other side. Chewing my food, I sat back in my seat and stretched my legs out in front of me.

  “Why would you think it has something to do with Mama?”

  Hawk fixed his piercing gaze on me. “I don’t know, man. Probably because she told Pops that your wife had cursed her out.” A slow smirk appeared on his face as all sounds in the dining room halted, his eyes never leaving mine. “Which is crazy because up until a month ago neither of my big brothers were married, as far as I know. I know I’m sometimes out of the loop down here in H-town, but there ain’t no way I wouldn’t hear about The Rebel getting married, and I for damn sure wouldn’t have missed being a groomsman. So…what’s up Jer? Clue me in, bruh.”

  Having Hawk find out that I was married was less jarring than receiving a call from my mama about her run-in with Tonya. I took another bite of the juicy chicken.

  “If I’d have had groomsmen, you definitely would have been one of them.”

  “Nigga.” Hawk’s deep voice was cloaked in disbelief. “Are you telling me that you’re actually married? Legally?”

  I nodded. “That’s what I’m telling you.”

  “Ooh,” Trina cackled.

  “Who is this woman? I didn’t even know you dated.” Hawk looked over at Boobie. “Did you meet her?”

  Boobie shook his head. “Nah, but I did meet her sister. If they look anything alike, I know she’s bad as fuck.”

  “Chill out, man.”

  Grinning at me, Boobie shrugged. “Am I lying?”

  “No, but that’s not the fucking point. Watch how you speak about my wife.”

  Hawk pinned me with his intense gaze. “You sound real serious about a woman you probably just met.”

  It was bait, clear as day, but I was no longer in a position to keep things so close to the chest. Since it was obvious my ace had never leaked a word of this to anyone—something I would soon owe him a debt for—and my future with the woman I loved was hanging in the balance, I bit.

  “You know damn well that
it doesn’t take long to get serious about someone. Not when they’re The One. Besides, our anniversary is coming up, and it’s time she met y’all.”

  Though he didn’t deny my claim, he looked at me suspiciously. “What anniversary? Your one month?”

  “Nah,” I shook my head, mentally donning goggles with the full knowledge that the shit was about to hit the fan. Once I said what I had to say, three of the four other people in this room would be on the phone discussing this information with somebody in my family. “It’ll be eighteen months since we said ‘I do’.”

  Hawk’s eyes bugged out of his skull and Trina started choking on her chicken.

  “Bitch, what?!”

  I smirked at Nedra’s outburst but otherwise remained silent as my family reacted. Trina quickly excused herself, no doubt running to her room and getting on the phone with her mama, my aunt Sandra and my mama’s twin sister. Boobie’s phone was in his hand, and I could only assume he was rapidly texting J. J and I were close, but he and Boobie were bosom buddies. Nedra’s and Hawk’s eyes were on me, though Hawk’s mouth hung half open and Nedra’s was occupied as she shoveled her food in and chewed quickly.

  Hawk blinked. “Man…I knew you were private but this…getting married without telling anyone. Wait—” He sat up straight as if he had just experienced an epiphany. “Was your wife with you while you were in Cabo this whole time?”

  My eyes fell to my nearly empty plate. “Nah, she’s been here in Houston.”

  A piece of chicken fell out of Nedra’s mouth and rolled a couple of inches across the table. “Hold the fuck up. You’ve been hiding a whole-ass wife in Houston while you kicked it on the beach in Cabo San muthafuckin Lucas? Are you serious right now?”

  Before I could answer, Hawk piggybacked on her comment. “You’ve been down there for three years, man. How the hell did you manage to not only find a woman willing to marry your secretive ass but stay married to you while you’ve been in an entirely different country?”