by Lisa Sommers
“Thank you.” I focus my gaze on my beer and take a long swig. I could have done without seeing Shane with another woman, but then again I’m glad I saw it. It only confirms what I already know. All men are alike.
“Mind if I join you?”
I look up to see Shane standing next to me, beer in hand.
“It’s available if you want to sit.” I gesture to the barstool next to me. “There’s not enough room for three though.” I chin lift to where the blonde still resides in the bar.
“I don’t know her.”
“Well, that makes it all better, doesn’t it?”
“Alli . . .” His voice is stern.
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
“There’s nothing to hear. She recognized me. She came up to me. I didn’t encourage it,” he explains.
I take another long drink of my beer before responding. “Doesn’t matter.” Except it does. I can’t stand the thought of Shane with another woman.
“It does matter, Alli. I don’t want her. I want you,” he says, and my whole demeanor changes. Why did he have to say that?
I close my eyes. “Please stop,” I beg. “I’ve heard it all before, Shane. I’m not going there again.”
“You didn’t hear it from me. I don’t want anyone else. I only want you.”
“For now.” I take a long pull of what remains of my beer, before the bartender returns with my sandwich. “I’m sorry, would it be too much to ask to have it to go?”
“Not at all.” He smiles and takes my plate back to the kitchen, returning moments later with it in a white paper bag. “Will that be all?”
“Yes, I’ll just take my check now, please.”
“Put it on my bill,” Shane tells him.
“Yes, sir.”
I pick up the bag and turn to leave the bar, when Shane tugs on my arm. Closing my eyes, I exhale all the air from my lungs.
“Please don’t go.”
I refuse to turn around, because if I do I’ll look into those beautiful browns and go against everything my mind is telling me. “What time would you like to leave tomorrow to see Kaitlyn?”
“Alli. Please.” His fingers trail down the length of my arm, landing with his hand grasping mine.
“Please just leave me alone.” The words slip from my mouth, but they can’t be further from the truth. “I can’t do this.”
“Is it because of Cal?”
“Yes.” I lie.
His fingers slip from mine, making me feel bereft. Cal has nothing to do with this. I think being with Cal is a comfort zone for me. My feelings for him are nothing compared to what I feel for Shane. With Cal, my heart isn’t on the line. With Shane . . . I’m risking everything. I’ve done that before. I can’t do it again. I refuse to do it again.
“I’ll come and get you at nine in the morning.”
“I’ll be ready,” I say before I finally walk out of the bar and up to my room. All by myself. How am I going to make it all week? I need to call Chelsea.
I finish my sandwich and call my best friend.
“Hey, babe. Did you arrive safely? How’s Shane’s sister?”
“Oh, Chelsea. What am I going to do?” I say, ignoring her questions.
“So, I see you made it, oh, four and a half hours.”
Damn her.
“To be honest, you made it longer than I thought you would.”
“Chelsea, are you going to help me or not?” My god, why does she do this to me?
“Honey, there’s nothing I can do. This is all you, babe.”
She’s right.
“Just answer this for me. Why are you fighting this? It clearly has nothing to do with Cal.”
“No, it’s not Cal.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“What makes you think he’ll hurt you, honey?”
“Have you seen him, Chelsea? Women flock to him. With all the shit I put up with with Jack . . . I just can’t leave myself wide open like that again.”
“So, you mean to tell me you’re going to grow old with a shit load of cats in a tiny apartment?”
“I don’t have any cats.”
“Yeah, well, you’re heading in that direction if you don’t let somebody in that big heart of yours.”
“What about you?” Time to deflect the conversation on to her. “You have a big heart. Why don’t you let Derek or Brad, or is it Brian or Bob in?”
“This has nothing to do with me.” The tone of her voice tells me she has no interest in divulging any further information as to why she feels the need to be single for the rest of her life. “I’ll be awesome forever, and by the way, his name is Brad.”
“I see.” I don’t see, but we’ll get to that when I see her again.
“Good. Now go suck face with that hot baseball pitcher and come back and tell me everything.”
“Nice, Chels.”
I end up spending the rest of the afternoon and evening in my hotel room, watching movies and staring at the adjoining door that leads to Shane. I only lay my ear against it half a dozen times. I want so badly to knock on it. Instead, I sit there listening to the sound of him pacing his room back and forth. I’m sure he’s just worried about his sister.
Chapter 14
Shane
I slept like shit last night. It was virtually impossible to sleep knowing that Alli is just on the other side of the wall. Literally, just fifteen steps away. I don’t know why she keeps pushing me away. She may say it has to do with Cal, but I know better. She doesn’t look at him the way she looks at me. Hell, he doesn’t even get under her skin the way I do. That’s how I know she’s into me. I get to her.
I have five more days to convince her.
I begin to knock on the door that separates Alli and I when I hear the sound of her humming. I place my hands and ear on the door to see if I can make out the tune, but it’s no use. I knock once, and she stops. I wish I hadn’t done that. I could have listened to her all day.
“Shane? Is that you?” She is so cute. Who else would it be?
“Yes, Alli. It’s me. Are you ready?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m ready. I’ll meet you in the hallway.” I’d prefer for her to open this door and meet me right here, but the hallway will do . . . for now.
I pick up my key card and car keys and step out into the hallway. Alli is already there, and just the sight of her takes my breath away. She can be doing nothing, and yet she still makes me want her. I am so fucked.
“Do you mind if we grab a cup of coffee before heading out?”
I shake my head. “Nope, I’ll grab one as well.”
The drive to hospital pretty mimics our ride up to Los Angeles. Quiet.
We pull up to the hospital where we are to meet my mom and sister.
“Okay, so refresh me. Your mom’s name is Cheryl, right?” Alli asks as we walk through the sliding glass doors that lead us to the cancer wing of the hospital.
“Yes,” I respond, turning to face her. I reach my hand out to stop her before entering the front office. “Alli . . .”
She looks up at me with sad eyes.
“Thank you for coming with me.”
She purses her lips and lays her hand on my forearm. “You’re welcome.”
I offer her one last smile before turning to talk to the lady at the front desk. “Hi, um, I’m here to visit with Kaitlyn Jacobs.” I feel Alli’s gaze turn to me. I’m sure she’s wondering why my little sister doesn’t have the same last name as me.
“Yes, follow me.”
The nurse walks around her desk and meets Alli and I at the door that leads to the cancer room.
We walk down a long hallway and into another room that holds a chemo chair in all four corners. I immediately notice Kaitlyn in the far right corner, by the window.
“Lucky!” she calls out to me. Ever since I got my last tattoo, she’s called me that.
“Hey, kitten,” I respond, walking strai
ght toward her.
I lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks for coming, Shane,” my mom says.
“Of course, mom.” I also bend down to give her a brief hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Um, honey, did you bring a friend?” she asks, pointing to the door where Alli is standing.
“Yeah, mom. I did.” I gesture for Alli to come over. “Mom, I’d like you to meet Alli. She’s a friend.”
“A friend, huh?” Kaitlyn says.
“Knock it, kitten.”
“Cheryl, it’s so nice to meet you.” Alli reaches out to shake my mom’s hand, but instead my mom stands and pulls Alli in for a hug. Damn, I’m jealous.
“It’s lovely meeting you.” My mom pulls back and Alli turns to my sister.
“Kaitlyn, it’s an honor to meet you,” she says, leaning in to kiss Kaitlyn on the cheek. Damn it! I want a kiss.
“It’s nice to meet you. Are you Lucky’s girlfriend?”
I don’t do anything to correct her, and by the look on Alli’s face I can tell she wants to kill me.
“No, honey. I’m just a friend. I hope you don’t mind me being here.”
“Oh gosh, no. It gets boring sitting here. Besides, if I have to listen to my brother tell me any more baseball stories, I might have to have the nurse give him a shot of something.
“Hey.” I hop out of the chair that I pulled up while Alli was busy talking to my sister. “You love my stories!” I try to act all tough, but totally fail.
“Kids . . .” My mom warns.
I look over to see Alli laughing hysterically. Fuck, even her laugh is sexy. I need to play it cool, though. I need to change my game plan if I want to win her over. Coming on strong doesn’t seem to work with her, although it appears to be wearing her down. I wonder what would happen if I grab her hand and lead her to the nearest janitor’s closet. Or snack room.
“Shane, are you listening to me?” The sound of my mom’s voice breaks me out of my dream of taking Alli.
“I’m sorry, Mom. What was that?” I shake my head and look in her direction.
“I said the doctors want to do another treatment on Thursday. Will you be able to come for that?”
“Yeah, mom. Alli and I will be here all week.” I look to Alli, and she nods her head in my mom’s direction.
“Mrs. Jacobs, are the both of you okay with me being here for the week? I would totally understand if . . .”
“Absolutely, dear. We can’t thank you enough. And please, call me Cheryl.”
Alli smiles that beautiful smile at my mom, then turns to me and mouths the words, “thank you.” I don’t know why, though. I purse my lips and gaze into her eyes. I could look into those eyes for the rest of my life. Maybe Alli is finding peace with being here. Maybe it brings memories of her little brother back to her. I have no idea how she dealt with that. I can’t fathom the thought of losing Kaitlyn. We may have had a rough start, but she’s become my rock. Whenever I’m down I know I can count on Kaitlyn for a quick pick-me-up.
“Lucky, did you show Alli your new tattoo?” I whip my head over to Kaitlyn, who has a shit-eating grin on her face. My sister and I have the best relationship. The way we both tease one another is what I cherish the most. I didn’t have the best upbringing, being an only child to parents who never should have married, so I listened to a lot of fights. I basically dealt with all that on my own. I love both of my parents, but they weren’t meant for each other. So being able to banter with Kaitlyn, even though I’m an adult now, brings a sense of family closeness to my heart.
I shake my head at Kaitlyn’s question. I hadn’t planned on showing Alli that tattoo until it came down to it. “No.”
“You got a new tattoo?” Alli asks, raising her hands in the air as if saying, “Come on, now. Show me.”
“It’s nothing. So, anyway, what’s the plan?” I change the subject. “The doctors stepped up an aggressive form of chemotherapy to fight this shit faster? Is there something else I should know? Has the tumor grown?”
“It hasn’t shrunken any. They anticipate after the two treatments this week that we will be able to continue with just weekly treatments.”
I nod my head at her answer. I’ll talk to the doctors after this treatment to make sure they are doing everything they can to make this go away.
“Stop it, Shane,” my mom says. “I see the wheels turning in your head. They’re doing everything. Kaitlyn is in good hands.”
“I’m right here, you know.” My bossy little sister butts in. I guess I really shouldn’t be asking these questions right in front of her. “I’ll be fine. Besides, you’re here with me. What could go wrong?” She always was the optimistic one of the family.
“You’re right. You’ll be fine.” I stand up and walk toward her. I run my hand through her long dark locks and notice a small clump of hair entwined between my fingers. Fuck. I try to hide it by wrapping my arm behind my back, but Kaitlyn and my mother notice my attempt at keeping her in the dark.
Kaitlyn looks up at me and says, “I know, Shane. I started losing it yesterday. You don’t need to hide it from me. I’m fine. Besides, mom said I can get any kind of wig I want. I’m thinking of sporting pink curls.”
“Kaitlyn!” my mom hollers.
My little smartass sister starts laughing. “I’m kidding, mom.”
I can’t help but let tears fill my eyes. She doesn’t deserve this. If anyone deserves this, it’s me. I lower my head and face the back wall to shelter my pain. I really don’t want the three most important women in my life to see me like this. I can’t imagine any one of them going through this, let alone anything worse.
The rest of our visit went pretty smoothly. We sat, talked, reminisced, laughed, and when Kaitlyn took a short nap, Alli and I snuck out for a quick bite in the hospital cafeteria. My mom refused to leave Kaitlyn’s side, just in case she woke up.
“Where are we going?” Alli asks as I head in the opposite direction of our hotel.
“I need to do something.” My vague answer has Alli questioning my motives.
“Shane, tell me. I don’t trust you.”
“You don’t trust me?” I guess she has no reason to trust me. I wouldn’t.
Moments later, we pull up to a barber shop. With only my little sister on my mind, I step out of the car and stand behind it, waiting for Alli to reach me.
“You need a haircut? Now?” she asks.
“Yeah, I do.” I keep my focus on the swirly red, white, and blue twisty thing in the window of the barber shop.
“Okay.” Confusion clearly laces her voice.
We walk in the shop and almost immediately I am noticed. “Hey, are you McCall?” one of the older gentlemen asks.
“Yes, sir.”
“Can I have your autograph?” a little boy standing next to his father asks.
“Sure, buddy.” I reach for a pen on the counter and bend down next to the little boy. “What’s your name?”
“Johnny.”
I look around the room for something to sign my name on, when another guy comes out from the back room and says, “Here, sign this for the boy.” It’s a Sports Illustrated magazine featuring me as the year’s highest paid pitcher in the league.
I chuckle at their ability to whip out a picture of me on a moment’s notice.
“Here you go, Johnny.”
“Thank you, Mr. McCall.” His little voice weakens me.
“Shane. Please.”
The little boy’s mouth drops open. “Really? I can call you Shane?”
“Of course,” I assure him. “Tell me. Would you like to come see me play sometime?”
“Would I? It’s been a dream of mine to see one of your games live,” he whispers, eyes bugging out of his head.
“How would you and your dad like to come and spend the week in Arizona to watch our Spring Training session?”
“Dad!” He jumps up and down.
“You’d do that?” I look up from the boy to hi
s dad, who looks just as surprised as his son.
“Nothing would make me happier than to see this young boy get to live out his dream. It’s next month though. Does that work for you?”
“Yeah, I think so,” the boy’s father says.
“Well, here’s my number. Call me and I’ll get it set up for the both of you.” I see hesitation in the father’s eyes. If they’ve never been to one of my games, they might have money problems. “All expenses paid,” I add.
“Are you for real?” the man asks.
I see Alli walk over to the man and lay her hand on his shoulder. “He absolutely means it.”
I swear I see tears in her eyes.
“Thank you. By the way, I’m Cliff.” He holds his hand out for me to shake.
“It’s nice to meet you, Cliff. Call me and we’ll get this set up.”
Cliff nods his head and lifts his little boy in his arms, embracing him in a tight hug.
I look around the small barbershop room and ask, “So, can a ball player get a haircut around here?”
Everyone laughs, and Clark—I think his name tag says—points to a chair. “Sit down, son. I’d be honored to cut a player’s hair.”
His use of the word player strikes a nerve with me. I look over to Alli and notice her pursing her lips. Shit.
“So, what kind of cut would you like?”
“Shave it,” I tell him.
“Would you like a number three or shorter?” he asks.
“All of it. I want it all gone.”
I hear Alli gasp. I clearly caught her off guard with my attempt at supporting Kaitlyn. This is just a small token of what I can do for her. If I could trade spots with her, I would. I’d do anything for that little girl.
Alli and I arrive back at the hotel, and she insists on heading back to her own room. Without me.
Like a stab to my heart, she rejects me, once again. She won’t even eat dinner with me. Maybe today brought back too many memories of her brother. Maybe bringing her here was a shitty idea. Once again, I was only thinking of myself.
I decide to forego dinner and just get my swim trunks on. Sitting in a hot tub or sauna is exactly what I need right now. My muscles are tight as shit. Walking past the adjoining door on my way out isn’t the easiest thing to do. Just the thought of Alli in there lying on her bed with nothing on but an oversized t-shirt drives me fucking crazy. Maybe she’s wearing my jersey. That thought alone does me in, so I make a b-line for the cold showers by the pool before heading to the sauna.