Cherished Love (Cherished Cowboys 1)

by Charlene Bright

“That’s right. We are a part of the school’s 4-H program, and Mal helps us train our horses for the high school rodeo.”

  The girl on the sorrel was almost apologetic. She sensed the tension forming between Mallory and Wade and was trying to be diplomatic. The boy on the blond horse had no such talent.

  “Who are you? Are you her boyfriend?”

  His emphasis on the word “boy” struck Wade as hilarious, so he guffawed, before he caught himself and handed Mallory the flowers. He looked at her, wondering precisely what she had been telling other people about their relationship to this point, and whether he should answer or let Mallory squirm, since he found her awkwardness so endearing. He decided he could field it and to take pity on her on this account. He introduced himself, shaking hands with the two teenagers as he did so. It somehow felt better to use his right arm, despite the thickness, than to shake “southpaws.”

  “I’m Wade Williamson. Say, these are some mighty fine ponies you have here. I’m just here to have a look around the grounds and see what’s going on. Maybe, if she’s up for it, I thought I might talk Ms. Tisdale into teaching me a few things. Who knows, maybe she can make a cowboy out of me yet.”

  The younger cowboy knew the name. “Wow. Wade Williamson. Wow. This is so cool! I can’t believe I get to meet you.” He cast his eyes to the ground, then looked up optimistically. “Say, Mr. Williamson, do you think maybe, since you’re not too busy, would you mind maybe…would you maybe take the time to talk to the club this year? Our next meeting is in a month. Could you please?”

  Mallory saw an opening, and she wanted to test Wade just a little, see where his heart was. “Great idea, Jake. Could you do that, Wade? That would be awesome!”

  Wade chuckled and looked directly into Mallory’s eyes. “I’m sure I could try to help you out a bit if you’d like.”

  Mallory went on to debrief the kids while Wade looked on, smiling from ear to ear. She, too, smiled at him as the kids raced away toward the stables when she was through.

  “That was a really nice thing you did. You’re kind of a big deal around here, especially for the young rodeo crowd. You’ve really made their day.”

  He thought he’d only agreed because it would make her happy, but when she put it that way, he realized it was a great idea. But that did not keep him from basking in the warmth of her approval.

  “I’m happy to help out. It should be fun. Lots of older cowboys helped me to get my start when I was their age, so I guess it’s time to pay it forward.”

  They strolled over together after Christa and Jake and perched on the railings of the arena.

  “Hey, Wade.”

  He murmured absently, attention on his new trainees and the possibilities of what he might offer the club members in terms of tips and recommendations.

  She took the sound as approval to continue. “Could you be honest with me?”

  The question threw a new curve at him. He had always considered their conversations to be on the up and up, so asking for truth was to him like asking the sun to shine.

  “Since you put it that way, I suppose it depends on the question and how you ask it.”

  “Could you tell me what happened to Tommy Greeley ten years ago?”

  Wade stilled, keeping his gaze focused on the horses and riders in the arena. He kicked the dust as if he were a nine-year-old who was asked to kiss his aunt on the lips. He squirmed, and she could feel the dam within him about to break. He hadn’t considered that she might ask such a question. It meant she had been inquiring about it and that she knew more than she was letting on. His response was flat, low, like the weight on his heart.

  “No, I can’t.”

  She waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she filled the silence. “Can’t or won’t?”

  He looked at her now and spoke very softly. “Both, I think. It’s not something I have ever talked about and today is not the day. If that day comes, there are others I need to talk about it with first.”

  Mallory nodded. The two looked back out to the field, and Mallory decided not to ask about it again. If he ever felt the day had come for him to tell her, she’d listen with an open heart. But, for now, she would respect that it was his to tell…in his own time.

  The kids were done putting their gear away, and the horses were safely and securely back in their stalls. As they trudged off toward town, Mallory led Wade toward her training office. As part of the arrangement for lessons, the 4-H allowed her a comfortable little office alongside the horse barn. Quaint and not too small, she had decorated with her trophies, photos, and awards from her own riding days, as well as an ample couch and a small stereo unit. As they walked in, Wade looked about and rested his new cast on the top of his head, the blue Mylar coating reflecting the distant smoke in his eyes.

  He took a seat, glad to see her intensity lessen, her need for information wane. At the same time, he was afraid to look in her eyes because of the gravity of the question she had asked outside. He would have to tell her someday, but maybe not today.

  She sat down on his left, near his good arm, and moved in close. He felt the closeness, smelled the clean linen that clothed her, the violets that made up her cologne, and her hands on his knee, leaning in toward him.

  “Wade, I think you know I am really attracted to you. And I think you feel the same way about me. But we seem to be holding back.”

  His body was already responding to her closeness. The feeling of arousal with her so close was clouding his mind, taking control. He knew he’d promised Colton, but this was Mallory’s doing. She had brought him to a place where they could be alone, at last. He could taste the sweetness of her, the desire. Despite all his reservations, his fears, it was good to know that this sudden, intense attraction wasn’t all one-sided.

  “I’m tired of holding back, Wade.”

  She reached up to her collar, unbuttoned the top one.

  Her question about Tommy reminded him why he was holding back. Why he had promised Colton he wouldn’t pursue his sister. He looked away, and she grasped his left hand with both of hers. She knew that what she felt all those years ago wasn’t just a school-girl crush. She wanted to tell him, to kiss his lips…but she also felt the hurt rising in him, the torrent of unbridled emotion held in his heart, and knew that it was his to tame.

  Wade’s eyes darkened, and she pulled him close enough that she could feel his breath mingling with hers. And then she waited. His move. All he had to do was move that one last millimeter and her lips would touch his. She tilted her head up and he started to move. Away. In that moment, their lives were held in sway. He got up and walked away to sit in the chair facing the couch where Mallory remained.

  They sat in silence, the boy and girl they used to be looking at one another, each trapped in their adult and very willing bodies. The quietness of the mood was countered by the lightly blowing westerly wind, the white fluffy clouds passing by outside the window.

  He looked skyward, wanting so badly to wrap his arms around her, hold her tight to his chest, but could only see Tommy’s eyes, trusting and scared. Then he thought of sweet little Amy and the pain Kyle and Lilah had caused her and suddenly couldn’t bear the thought of seeing that same hurt in Mallory’s eyes. He was suddenly very glad that they had been interrupted on that stormy day before they had done something at least he would regret. He squinted, blinking back tears. There was so much vulnerability, such isolation and fear in him now. He stood to go.

  Her heart leapt in her chest. There was something here to fight for, something that would stand the test of time. She decided it was worth the battle. They would find a way to make it work. She was sure that if it was too much, he would withdraw and they would have to do this another time. She too stood and the mood broke. They were once again Colton’s best friend and his sister, with the moment in their past.

  “Wade, I’d really like to come over to your place. Maybe we could hang out tonight…alone?”

  Wade’s demeanor immediately changed
. He couldn’t think clearly now. He really couldn’t violate his friend’s trust, couldn’t fall into the old ways. He had promised Colton. And Mallory wasn’t deserving of the cold detachment that the old Wade had hidden behind. He strained to come up with the words. He put his hands on top of his head, blew out a deep breath, and rolled his eyes to meet her from that odd angle.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  From the range of emotions through which Wade moved in that instant, Mallory had the answer she needed. His was the love she wanted, would do anything to have. His desire to be honorable had shown itself beyond the wreckage of his past. Still, she needed to pursue, to hold even more closely the mirror to his heart, to open him to his own happiness. She baited the hook, dangled it precariously in front of him. Like a red scarf before the bull.

  “Oh. Okay. Maybe another time?”

  Wade glanced at her briefly, then looked away again. He could barely understand the words coming out of his mouth. From the stormy encounter, to the spaghetti dinner at the Tisdale ranch, through all the intervening weeks, his adoration of this courageous, smart, and clever cowgirl had grown and flourished. Still, he continued, knowing it was best. She was the best thing to ever enter his life. He could not drag her down with him, not into the morass his life had become. Not now. Not ever.

  “I really don’t think that’s a good idea, Mallory.”

  In her triumph of assurance, she realized she may have lost him, pushed him away too quickly. All she wanted to do at that moment was run, run, and never look back. What had she done?

  “Right. Sure. I understand. Can we just forget I asked?”

  Wade turned her around, so they faced each other on the couch, bodies separated again, and his defenses rebuilding. He touched her hand. He needed her to understand what was in the way, the obligations to which he’d sworn an oath.

  “Hey. This is not so simple. There are more variables, and I want you to know everything you need to, to be fair to you. It’s not like that.”

  She was a proud woman, knew her own mind. This was feeling a little childish, like she should accept “Wade knows best” as a valid standpoint. She bristled, visibly.

  “What is it like then?”

  He had to be as truthful, yet as tactful, as he could.

  “This wouldn’t be right. I mean, I know I haven’t said this outright before, but I’m sure you know I see you as gorgeous, smart, mischievous, and fun, and I’m insanely attracted to you. But you know from my past, that I’m going to be going back to bull riding as soon as I can, and that suits me fine. I’ve never done any long-term serious relationships. I don’t do love. You are amazing and you deserve better than that. Better, more dependable, more here. I fear that if we follow the old script, I will end up hating myself even more than I do now. Despite all the desires in the world, I can’t let down my guard with you, be with you. Colton is probably right—”

  Mallory’s response to her brother’s name in this context was immediate and explosive.

  “Colton? What does he have to do with it? You talked to my brother about me? Like you need his permission? Like I need his permission? I’m a grown-ass woman. I can do whatever I want. And what is this ‘fall in love and get my heart broken’ crap? Do you think you’re just that irresistible? You’re really not! And I’m not that stupid. I know what you’re like. Girls talk. News gets around. Maybe all I was looking for was a fling. Did you think about that?”

  And that was when the doubts had started to set in. Who was she kidding? She wasn’t made for a fling—she didn’t know how to start one to begin with. And how would she handle it when he left? She had scoffed earlier when he had brought the subject up, but she knew herself and knew she would probably take it hard. Still, she had decided that the risk was worth it.

  Even if she and he did just have a fling, all she really had to worry about was the repercussions around this town. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of him (or he of her) but this was a small town, and as soon as things started the turn for the worse, the whole town would know. She had no desire to be the object of speculation and gossip about what happened during the relationship; with his reputation, hers would go from nothing to nasty. Actually, either way, her brother would find out right away. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin Colton and Wade’s friendship. She knew how much it meant to Colton. What was between her and Wade would be just another of his passing fancies, but the damage it could cause would haunt her for the rest of her life.

  She lived a whole alternate lifetime in those minutes while he was thinking of a comeback. She wondered how many more she would go through before she really had to decide what she wanted.

  Chapter 7

  Colton was sitting in the front of his pickup, trying to decide what to do. He knew that Mallory and Wade were adults, that he had no right to interfere, and that doing so might jeopardize his relationships with each of them—his friend and his sister.

  But the memory wouldn’t quiet in his mind, wouldn’t be ignored, and after ten years, it was ready to have a voice. Colton had made a promise to Wade that night, but it was the promise of a scared boy. Now, a grown man watching his sister get involved with the man who had made him make that awful promise, it was more than he could bear. It was better to bring it out into the open now, before Wade and Mallory went down a path that wouldn’t be easy to return from.

  * * *

  Wade and Mallory stared at each other for what seemed like a long time. He knew she was right, that he was not the sole “decider.” He thought he was being valiant; she thought he was being irrational. He was trying to save her virtue, and she was trying to change the world. He walked outside, said something under his breath, scowling into the bright afternoon sunlight in the west.

  She was clearly not done and stormed out behind him, taking time only to cut off the lights, slam the door, and lock it behind her. As she turned into the sun’s rays, she realized she really didn’t know what to say next. She had been all the way up and down the emotional roller coaster, and the one man she wanted more than anything was being a jackass.

  Furious, she determined to stalk away from him as fast as humanly possible. Mallory put her hand up to cover the sun, misjudged her coordination and stumbled clumsily, landing face down in the dirt.

  Wade looked on in horror and immediately and gallantly went to her aid, but more than just his determination had been thrown off by the accident. Off balance, his arms flailed, his boots catching on the Montana clay. He braced for the impact, and fell alongside her, curled to protect his tender but healing ribs and the still-cast arm. He let out a pain-easing groan. Even without touching, the very idea of being so close to her again put his mind at ease, felt so right. Suddenly, her whole body began to shake from her own private funhouse. Each rolled to their sides, looking at each other. Her hands went up to her face, trying vainly to hold back the laughter that had overtaken her.

  Her face lit up, her eyes bright. She fell back into giggles, and the infectiousness of the moment overcame his bravado. He couldn’t help but start to laugh too. “What a pair we are!”

  Their laughter subsided and he sobered up, and as he looked down into those beautiful gray eyes staring right back up at him he forgot about the consequences, forgot that he should leave her alone, forgot about her brother, and leaned down and kissed her. He drew back and traced a line down the soft skin of her cheek and across her lips, and then feathered kisses over her eyes, down the bridge of her nose, and then sank into her lips again.

  He was just coming back up for air when a shadow fell over them, blotting out the mid-afternoon sun. They’d been so distracted, they hadn’t heard the big Chevy roll up and its occupant disembark. Wade rolled onto his back, looked into the sky, at the source of the shadow—Colton.

  “Come on and get your shit together, you two. We need to talk.”

  Wade, all of a sudden, wasn’t in a laughing mood. Standing over him was the one man with whom he had trust, and that
was on the blocks, he could tell. Colton sounded pissed. With difficulty, and a twinge of pain, he got to his feet and then helped Mallory stand. He could tell this was not going to be the fun kind of conversation they’d had over spaghetti a few nights ago. He only hoped it wouldn’t end as badly as he feared.

  Wade and Mallory followed Colton to the rodeo arena and then to the empty bull pens. Wade’s heart turned to ice.

  “Wade, you have, what, three weeks before you get that cast off, right?”

  Wade nodded, sullenly, dread inching around his heart. He looked at Mallory, who was still looking at him as she had back outside her office. He broke out of the grumps with a grin back at her.

  “So, I know it isn’t my place to tear either of you up, or get in the way of what you two want to do, but I do believe we have to get a few things clear that are hidden in the past, but are sure to make it impossible to work through. So, let’s start with the tough and hard facts.”

  “Mallory, first off, I want you to know that as your older brother, my need to protect you is always my first concern. You know I love you, and I would do anything in my power to keep you safe.”

  Mallory nodded, adding, in her best impression of Colton, “Always have, always will.”

  He nodded in return, recognizing his own signature phrase and continued, “In doing so, there have been times in my life where I have lied to you, kept secrets from you, made sure you never had to experience the problems I have had to. I believe this is something every brother has had to do from time to time, but I do not regret any of them. However, there is one point in my life, in our lives, that I think should no longer be in the darkness, should not be ignored or overlooked or conveniently dismissed as just being in the past.”

  Colton paused and caught his breath. Wade was leaning forward, hands on the wooden fence, one foot propped on the bottom slat. Mal was listening intently. When he went into the story this time, he was bringing them all with him.

  * * *

  May 15, 2004