Dead Girl Walking

by Linda Joy Singleton

  Fortunately, I wouldn’t have to deal with creepy Mr. Montgomery much longer. With some heavenly luck, I should be myself again soon. I wasn’t sure what would happen to Leah and prayed she’d be okay.

  Glancing up at a wall clock, I realized I’d already been here for nearly ten minutes. Why hadn’t the magic worked yet? I squeezed my hand and closed my eyes. Visualize changing bodies, I told myself.

  Time for the big switcheroo.

  If I could just be myself again, I vowed never to complain about all the things that used to annoy me: homework, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, babysitting instead of hanging with my friends, and inheriting Mom’s potato thighs. I felt like Dorothy, clicking her heels together and wishing, “There’s no place like home.” Amen.

  Dizzy sensations swept over me; I could visualize myself slipping into my real body. The tingly feeling grew stronger and a dull roar echoed in my head. Focus and concentrate. Bring on the magic.

  Only when I looked at myself, nothing had changed.

  “Switch back. Now!” I held Leah’s and my hands tightly, squeezing hard, closing my eyes, and wanting this more than I’d wanted anything in my whole life.

  I opened one eye. Then the other and …

  Damn! Still in the wrong body.

  Strangling cords of doubt and fear tangled around my heart. Why wasn’t this working? It had to! Grandma? Cola? Where are you? Please make this happen!

  A rustle of footsteps. I whirled to find the door swinging open.

  “Oh! It’s you.” I sank back with relief. “Eli, don’t scare me like that.”

  “Leah?” Eli eyed me uncertainly.

  “No.” I shook Leah’s head sadly. “Still Amber.”

  “Well, change back already!”

  “Don’t you think I’m trying?”

  “Try harder. I just spotted your parents and a doctor at the elevators.”

  “Mom! Dad! Are they headed here?”

  “I think so. Do the switcheroo fast!”

  “But the magic hasn’t happened yet.”

  “We can’t wait around or we’ll get kicked out of the hospital. We have to go. We’ll come back once they’re gone. Hurry!” Before I could object, he yanked me away from the hospital bed. I glanced longingly at my Amber body, then hurried after Eli.

  We made it to the stairwell just in time.

  Peeking out, I saw my parents’ ashen faces, which nearly broke my heart.

  Mom, Dad! I wanted to call out. Everything is okay. I’m not in a coma—I’m right here! I’m still alive, just horribly misdirected!!

  I turned away so I wouldn’t fling myself into their arms.

  Instead, I huddled with Eli in the stairwell, lost in a baggy janitor’s suit and misery.

  Why hadn’t I been able to switch back? I’d squeezed my own hand and felt nothing. No zap of magic. I must have needed more time with my body to trigger the magic. Next time I’d wait longer and call out to Grandma for help. She said she watched over me, so she could pull some heavenly strings.

  “I have to get back to my body,” I told Eli.

  “Not yet,” he said with a glance through the crack in the door. “Wait until the doctor and your parents leave.”

  I knew he was right—damn it. A janitor’s uniform could only get me so far—especially one designed for a car dealership, not a hospital. But I assured myself this was just a delay. Soon I’d get another chance with my real body.

  Until then, Eli and I waited in the cafeteria. I hadn’t brought any money (obviously!), but Eli bought us both sandwiches and hot fudge sundaes. He ordered a super jumbo sundae for me. It was so sweet—Eli’s thoughtfulness, not the ice cream—well, actually, the hot fudge was sinfully hot and rich and ooh-so-yummy.

  For a while I forgot about all the scary stuff and just enjoyed being with Eli. While we ate, I studied him: his changing green-hazel eyes, his wavy hair that needed a trim, and his hesitant smile that was slightly crooked on one side. Not the model-handsome looks of his brother yet much nicer in so many ways. I bet he kissed nice, too.

  We waited a long half hour before returning.

  The door to Room 311 was closed. We watched a while, alert for any hint that medical staff or my family were still in the room. But it seemed quiet. Mom and Dad must have gone. This might be my last chance to get to my body.

  I prayed the magic worked this time—and fast.

  “You go in,” Eli told me. “I’ll wait out here.”

  “Thanks,” I said softly, wanting to say so much more. Eli had believed the impossible, and gone out of his way to help a girl he hardly knew. Looking at him, I felt a rush of emotion—and without planning to, I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

  He reddened and flashed a goofy smile. “Let’s try that again when you’re you.”

  “It’s a date.” I had a feeling my smile was goofy, too.

  As I crossed the hall, I felt his gaze on me, watching my back like a real friend and making me feel like nothing could go wrong.

  But when I reached the room, the door swung open from the inside and I nearly bumped into a grayed-haired doctor. Oops! I guess the room wasn’t empty, after all.

  “Excuse me.” Dr. Lewin (according to his badge) frowned. “What are you doing here?”

  “Uh … it’s just some …” I glanced down at my janitor uniform. “Uh, routine maintenance.”

  “It’ll have to wait,” he told me disapprovingly.

  “Why?”

  “Because that poor girl’s parents are sitting by her bedside … and they deserve their privacy.” He glanced over his shoulder then back to me. “We’re getting ready to take her to the operating room for organ harvesting.”

  “Harvesting?” My hand flew to my mouth. “But I heard she had one more day.”

  “Plans changed.” The doctor sighed. “It’s all over for Amber Borden.”

  Shock cast a numbing effect over me. I was hardly aware of Eli leading me downstairs to the main lobby. He sat me in a chair and said something about getting me water. I nodded, dazed and not caring.

  It’s all over for Amber Borden.

  Over and over I heard these words.

  An echo of finality; an epitaph of my life.

  So lost in my misery, I didn’t notice Security Guard Karl until he grabbed me. His fingers pressed hard, making me dizzy. I wanted to scream, but his touch drained my energy so I couldn’t struggle or say anything. It was as if my energy was blood, and he was a vampire sucking my life away. But then he suddenly stopped at the sound of footsteps, and from a dim place far away I heard him call, “Here she is! I found Leah Montgomery!”

  I looked up to see who he was talking to—and groaned.

  Mr. Montgomery’s hired police.

  Caught again.

  I said nothing on the drive back, sinking deep into depression. I’d failed at everything. I was a soul without a home; and the only identity left to claim was the one I’d inadvertently stolen. And to make things worse, I’d been grabbed before Eli returned with my glass of water. He probably thought I’d ditched him.

  When I was escorted into the Montgomery house, Leah’s father was waiting, rabid with threats. Blah, blah, blah. I tuned him out and didn’t comprehend a word he said. All I could hear was the doctor announcing my death.

  Angie smirked, a triumphant gleam in her black eyes, as she locked me back in my room. She pulled an envelope from her pocket and handed it to me. “Don’t forget your love letter,” she said in a snippy tone.

  I stared blankly at the red envelope. From Chad, I remembered, but he seemed like someone from a distant past. Someone else’s lifetime—not mine.

  Then I tossed the letter in the garbage.

  When Angie left after sealing me inside my luxurious tomb, I crawled under the silk covers and thought of my parents. Poor Mom and Dad. Grieving by my bedside, holding a lifeless hand, making funeral plans. Dustin and Alyce would be sad, too. And I thought of my body, far from perfect, yet more precious than I�
��d ever known, and doctors slicing it open on a treasure hunt for life-giving organs … until there was nothing left of Amber Borden.

  Tears fell, and sobs racked my body. I didn’t want to be here, trapped in this cage of skin. Now it was too late to save everything that mattered. Too late. No hope … no hope … Never again. Huddling under the covers while despair sucked me into a black void of nothingness, I let go what was left of my identity … releasing … escaping …

  Time must have passed although I had no concept of it, only an awareness of noise. A door knob rattling, and footsteps. I could tell it was Angie by the thudding steps and the smell of food. I stayed huddled under the covers.

  “Get up and eat,” Angie ordered.

  I shut out everything, hiding my face in the pillow.

  “I set your dinner on the dresser.” She sounded bored.

  I said nothing.

  “You should eat soon or the food will get cold.”

  Food was something to enjoy, to share with friends, a joyous noisy affair at the Borden household. My stomach ached with an emptiness impossible to fill. I burrowed deeper under the covers.

  Angie snorted. “Starve, for all I care.”

  The door slammed. The lock clicked.

  I ignored the tray, hating food because Amber loved it so much. I stared at the ceiling, imagining the faces of the people I loved in the swirls of paint. There seemed to be no end of my tears. Sleep was the only escape, so I drifted off somewhere so far away that no one could find me.

  I was snatched from that peaceful place when Angie returned later.

  “Get up so I can take you to the exercise room,” she ordered.

  I feigned sleep, ignoring her like a lump of nothing.

  “You know the routine. Your father insists that you exercise.” She tugged on my limp arm. “Get up this minute and come with me.”

  I sagged, limp and resistant.

  “Leah Montgomery, get your lazy ass out of bed!”

  Her fingers dug into my skin, and while I was aware of the pressure, I felt nothing.

  Angie couldn’t physically force me, so after shouting threats that were no more than a faint buzz in my ears, she left. I was aware of her fading footsteps and the door’s sharp slam, but I didn’t care. Not about anything or anyone, including me. What was the point anymore? I was gone, didn’t exist, and was only alive by default. My real family was mourning me … so I was in mourning, too.

  Through rivers of tears, I saw everything I’d lost. My parents, sisters, Dustin, Alyce … I should have told them all how much they meant to me when I had the chance. Instead of thanking my parents for the million things they did for me, I’d griped about not having nice enough clothes and complained about babysitting the triplets. I shouldn’t have lost my temper whenever Cherry, Melonee, or Olive tore up my homework or played with their dirty diapers. I should have just hugged and kissed them. And I should have supported Dustin more in his campaigns and helped Alyce out whenever she went to photograph gravestones.

  All that mattered were the people I loved.

  Now they were lost to me.

  Maybe forever.

  Time must have passed, because the next time I awoke there was no light outside my window. Only darkness, mirroring what I felt inside. Memory and sadness came crashing back, and I started to sink back into an oblivious sleep. Except there was a noise, and a crack of light at the door.

  “Leah, honey,” a voice called out softly.

  I peeked out from my covers to find Leah’s mother entering my posh prison.

  “Are you awake, Leah?”

  Dumb question. I didn’t answer. I wasn’t Leah.

  Mrs. Montgomery flipped on the overhead light, startling me with its aching brightness. I groaned and covered my eyes. Through my fingers, I watched her pull up a chair beside my bed and plop a large bag from Nordstrom on her lap. “Honey, I brought you a gift. Wait till you see it.”

  I turned over and pressed my face against the pillow. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I thought. I want my real mother, not a fake one. Just leave me alone.

  “Come on, baby girl. You’ll love this.”

  The real Leah might have been tempted by the bribe of an expensive gift. But Amber-Leah didn’t care.

  “Please, Leah?” she persisted. “You’re going to go wild when you see my gift. Open the bag and try them on. They’re the suede laced-ankle heels you admired. They’ll look gorgeous on you.”

  Her voice droned on with the importance of a fly’s buzz. I was aware that she was talking, but couldn’t fathom the words. Why was Leah’s mother offering me a gift? She didn’t even know me. I didn’t belong here. I thought of my real mother, as I’d seen her with Dad at the hospital, who was probably choosing caskets and contacting relatives.

  I pulled the covers over me, inviting darkness.

  A hand touched my face, forcing me into the light. “Don’t cry, baby,” Mrs. Montgomery soothed. “I’m here for you.”

  Shutting my eyes tight, shunning the light—and Leah’s mother.

  “Everyone is worried about you.” She kept a firm hold on me so that I couldn’t hide. “Your friends care about you, too. You’ve received many get-well cards and flowers. Jessica, Kat, Moniqua, Tristan, Chad and even Chad’s brother have been calling for you. They all want to see you, but your father is too angry. Why do you set him off, Leah? That only makes things worse. He’s furious that you disobeyed him. Why did you go back to that hospital?”

  There was silence as she waited for the reply I refused to give. Just leave me alone! I wanted to shout. I tried to jerk away from her, but she kept a firm hold on me.

  “It’s all right if you don’t talk,” she continued in a patiently weary tone. “I’ll do the talking and you can listen. I went to my second meeting. You’d be proud at how I spoke up. We don’t use last names there, so I just introduced myself by my first name and admitted that drinking is a problem. I thought it would be so hard to say those words, yet I did it. And you know why? For you. So I can be strong enough to help you.”

  She paused, as if waiting for me to reply.

  “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me. Please, say something.”

  “Go away!” Flinging her off, I pressed my face against the pillow.

  Then I slipped away into the silky darkness under the blankets, not knowing or caring when the room stilled with silence. I escaped into the sweet oblivion where no one could call me Leah.

  I dreamed of my little sisters.

  Cherry, Melonee, and Olive were playing hide and seek. They ran through the house, hiding from me. I looked under beds, behind furniture, and inside cabinets. I could hear them giggling, but I couldn’t find them. I shouted their names, panicking. I tore apart cushions and ripped into walls. If I could find them, everything would be okay …

  Fear gripped me so tight that I woke up. Breathing fast, clutching a blanket to my chest, I gazed into murky darkness, startled to be in a stranger’s room.

  Until I remembered.

  Leah. Not Amber.

  Hugging the tear-damp pillow, I rocked back and forth, too exhausted to even cry. I heard a rumbling and winced at the cramping in my stomach. Hunger pangs. Outside it was dark night. A glance at an illuminated clock showed it was not quite three in the morning.

  My stomach growled louder, demanding food. But I preferred to sleep and dream about my family. The concept of eating repulsed me. Yet the gnawing hunger was too severe to ignore. So I flipped on a bedside lamp and half-rolled, half-stumbled out of bed. Pushing back tangled blonde hair, I checked the room for a food tray. But there was nothing. Angie must have removed it when I was sleeping.

  I prowled the room like a wild animal foraging for food, digging in drawers, the closet, and even under the bed. The only interesting thing I found was a journal with just a few pages of writing. I put it aside to read later—after I found something to eat. If this had been my room, I would have found my hidden stash of candy, granola bars, and red
licorice. But Leah didn’t even have a stick of gum.

  Frustrated, I stomped my feet and kicked at the door.

  The door flew open. Unlocked?

  Stunned, I just stood there. Who had forgotten to shut and lock the door? Angie? Leah’s mother?

  Unexpected freedom should have thrilled me. Yet what did it matter? Being freed from Leah’s room didn’t free me from her body.

  Still, I should take advantage of my freedom and do something like …

  a) Find a phone and call someone for help (Who? I had no idea.)

  b) Find Leah’s car keys so I could escape. (But where?)

  c) Find the kitchen and eat.

  Since I had no idea who to call or where to escape to, I gave into my growling stomach and chose “c.”

  Twinkling night-lights guided me downstairs and into the spacious kitchen that I’d passed on my first escape attempt.

  The kitchen was dark except for a soft glow from the far corner. As I drew closer, I saw that the glow came from the refrigerator door—which hung wide open.

  On the floor squatted a small boy wearing only pajama bottoms.

  “Hunter?” I exclaimed.

  “Shssh!” He set down a bowl of cereal and glared up at me. “Do you want to wake up the whole house?”

  “No.” I lowered my voice. “What are you doing?”

  “What does it look like?” He gestured toward his cereal. “Get lost.”

  “Forget it. I’m starving.”

  “I got here first. I was sent to my room after Dad’s lawyer bailed me out. I didn’t steal that much, just some dumb CDs, so I don’t know what the big deal is.”

  I gave him a shocked look. “You were arrested?”

  “Just a misdemeanor.” He shoveled in a spoonful of Captain Crunch cereal. “Why is everyone freaking out?”

  “Why steal, when you can afford anything you want?”