by Natalie Dean
I went about my morning as I normally did and once I was dressed and made up, my curls loose and brushed over my shoulder, I walked out past the garden and towards the stables. I was dressed in a casual sky blue dress, though I’d put quite a bit of effort into my makeup. I wanted Liam to find me beautiful, and I didn’t want him to see the bruise on my face.
I glanced inside the barn and was pleased to see Liam tossing hay into the stables. Most of our horses were housed in stables, though newcomers were kept in the pen outside until they could be properly socialized.
A blush covered my cheeks when I realized that Liam had removed his shirt in order to try and compensate for the oppressive heat. As he worked, his muscles glistened with a thin sheen of sweat, and it made a strange heat rise in my belly. His skin was a deep tan that seemed natural to him. It made me wonder if perhaps he was part native.
He must have felt eyes on him because he turned and glanced at me, blinking in surprise. “Mariana? Oh! I didn’t know you were there!” he murmured, grabbing for his shirt and pulling it over his head.
I turned away as he dressed, cupping a hand over my eye to give him some privacy. “I’m terribly sorry!” I gasped.
After a few moments had passed I glanced over my shoulder, and he grinned at me, closing the space between us. “Sorry you had to see that. Not a sight for a lady.”
Oh, I wanted to argue, but I decided it was best I kept my lewd thoughts to myself. I just shook my head and smiled. “No harm done,” I assured. “I should not have snuck up on you.”
He looked around as if trying to spot someone before his eyes fell on mine again. “Did you get lost again?” he teased.
I blushed and looked away. “Hardly. I only lost my way before because it was dark. I can see perfectly fine now.”
“So can I,” he said, his eyes focused on me.
I turned away and brushed my fingers over my hair, looking back at him curiously. “Are you terribly busy?”
He looked back at the stack of hay and then at me. “I think that helping the lady of the house might take priority over refreshing the hay.”
I nodded and looked at Penelope, pointing towards her. “I want to ride that horse.”
He cocked a brow. “Is a lady supposed to ride a horse?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed a little. “I thought you were supposed to be helping me.”
He raised his hands as if to say ‘you win,' though his smile was genuine. He led me over to the pen and held the gate open for me, smiling. “You have a strong will, Mariana, so I’m sure you’ll do fine with Penelope. Have you ever ridden a horse before?”
“Of course I have.” It was a lie, but what could it hurt?
Liam set up the saddle and put the bit in the horse’s mouth. He motioned for me to come over and I walked towards the horse, trying to figure out how I was going to get on the saddle. I looked it over for a moment and finally put one foot in the stirrup, hiked my dress up and swung my other leg over. I was feeling rather triumphant once I was on the saddle, but then I realized just how high up I was and a small panic started to set in. The horse was much taller than she looked.
I gasped and fell forward, wrapping my arms around the horse’s neck, squeezing my eyes closed. Penelope shifted under me, and I could feel Liam’s amused gaze.
“You’ve ridden a horse before, huh?” he asked.
I looked at him and glared a bit, sitting myself up. I was a bit shaky, but at least I was upright. “I have! It’s just been a while!” I countered.
I know I seemed a bit petulant, but it was because I felt a strange calm around Liam. I had only met him briefly, but something told me that Liam would never hurt me, even if I did talk back a little. It was a freedom I didn’t have when it came to Reynold. I wanted to take advantage of it.
He glanced up at me and smiled. “First of all, you need to slide back on the saddle. You’re too far forward,” he pointed out.
I did as he said and felt a little steadier. He tapped a little nub at the front of the saddle and glanced up at me. “Hold onto this since I have the reigns.”
Right as I gripped the horn of the saddle Penelope started to move forward, and I gasped. The rocking from side to side was a strange sensation, though it wasn’t a bad one. It was rather calming once I realized I wasn’t going to slide off the saddle and make a fool of myself. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around, enjoying the view from atop the horse. It wasn’t much higher than standing, but there was something about being on Penelope’s back that made me feel in control, even if Liam was guiding her.
“How long have you worked in my husband’s stables?” I asked, deciding it best to make light conversation.
“Coming up on four years,” he said, leading Penelope out of the pen and down a short path that circled the barn.
“Four years? Do you like it?”
“I like working with the horses,” he said, patting Penelope’s haunches.
“You like horses?”
“Very much. My family used to tame wild Mustangs before people like your husband pushed us out of our homes.”
“Your family?” I asked.
“My father was a native, and my mother was a settler,” he explained. “She left her family to live with his and so I spent my childhood in my father’s tribe.”
A strange guilt settled in my belly. I had no part in what happened to his family, but I still felt guilty somehow. “I’m terribly sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said, glancing up at me. “I imagine you’re just as much his victim as my family was.”
My brows furrowed and I looked away, shame coming over me. I rode in silence, unsure as to what to say. We eventually circled around the barn and returned to the pen. Liam tied Penelope to one of the posts and looked up at me.
“Did I speak out of turn?”
I paused and gripped Penelope’s mane, the straw-like hair felt good between my fingers. “No. I just hate that it is that obvious.”
“It’s not obvious,” he corrected. “I just know him, and I know how men like Reynold work. They don’t obtain anything diplomatically. They just take what they want.”
My face burned with shame and I stared down at the ground until I felt a hand on my leg. It was a very bold move on Liam’s part to touch me in such an intimate manner, though I didn’t feel uncomfortable with it for even a second. I turned to look at him, and he smiled softly.
“Just because someone takes something, it doesn’t mean that they own it. Remember that, and remember that no matter how dire the situation, if you’re still breathing, then you can still fight. Your life isn’t over.”
The words were like fire. They burned through me and lit me up. For a moment I felt a hope that I hadn’t felt since I was a child. He was right. I could still fight. He’d offered me the comfort and advice that I’d been seeking from so many others. This strange man was the only one to offer me hope.
I stared at him and opened my mouth to speak, but before I could, the world started to spin. I let out a weak noise and tumbled off the horse. The only thing I could remember after that was falling into his arms and being pulled to his chest, feeling his warmth and taking in his masculine aroma.
I wasn’t sure why I’d fainted, but I had to admit that if it had to happen, this was by far the best place for me to fall.
Chapter 6
I wasn’t sure how long I was unconscious, but I didn’t care to know. The last few months had made me appreciate sleep more. I used to be an early riser, but now I slept as much as possible. When I was asleep, I didn’t have to contemplate the crushing sadness that engulfed me nearly every day.
The warmth of sleep was a comfortable sensation that I was reluctant to leave, though the voices around me made it hard to stay in that abyss. I heard a stranger, and I heard my husband. When I finally allowed my eyes to flutter open I found myself in my bedroom, the curtains drawn and no sun peeking in from under them. It was night time.
“Looks like our little lady is awake,” the strange man said.
I turned to him, and his leather satchel told me everything. He was the doctor. I groaned softly and started to sit up, though Reynold put his hands on my shoulders and forced me to lie back down.
“Don’t try and get up.” He said firmly.
“Why not?”
“You’re pregnant, Mariana.”
Those words brought a tidal wave of emotions. I was pregnant. I had been expecting this news for a while now, but I was still unsure as to how I should feel. Of course I wanted children. I wanted to be a mother, like any other woman, but my situation brought with it sadness. If my child were a boy, he’d be taken from me so that he could be educated and trained in the ways of his father, but if I had a daughter, she would suffer the way I was suffering now. My mother’s words were echoing in my head, making it difficult to be happy about the prospect of a child.
“Thank you, doctor,” I whispered weakly.
He gave me a strange look before packing up the rest of his things and heading to the door. He paused and looked at me. “I wouldn’t recommend riding any more horses for a while, Mariana.”
I nodded, flushing at the comment. If they knew what happened, then they knew I was with Liam. I could only imagine the vicious beating I would endure. The doctor left, and I was alone in the room with my husband. He stared at me from across the room and grunted.
“Be more careful. You’re carrying my child. If anything happens to that baby I will make you regret it for the rest of your life,” he snarled, his voice low in his throat.
The threat made the hair on the back of my neck stand up on edge, and I could feel the tickle of a whimper in the back of my throat, but I managed to push it down and get a hold of myself before I could break. I kept my eyes on the blanket, and I nodded slowly.
“I understand.”
“Good,” he growled, slamming the door as he left.
For a moment I sat there in shock. I couldn’t believe that he’d left without beating me. I brought my hands to my stomach and looked down at my flat belly, my heart slamming in my chest. He wouldn’t hurt me as long as I was carrying his child. He wouldn’t risk hurting his child. There was a part of me that felt I should have been hurt by the revelation, but I was already more than aware of the fact that I was only worth anything because I could have children, but this solidified it.
A few more days passed and I recovered quickly from my fall. Heidi told me that the farmhand had brought me into the house and called the doctor. The only details he’d offered were that I’d been riding the horse. My husband knew nothing about me so he wouldn’t have questioned the story.
Over those next few days, Reynold stayed out of the house. He was most likely staying in one of his many other homes with his mistress. He didn’t have to take me to bed now that I was pregnant and I was thankful for the peace of mind it brought me. For the first time since I’d been married, I didn’t fear for my safety on a daily basis.
Since I had the house to myself for days at a time, there wasn’t much for the servants to do. I cleaned up after myself and so Heidi found herself with plenty of free time. We spent that free time, curled up on a small chaise together and I would read her stories since she’d never been taught to read.
I closed Wuthering Heights and set it on the oak table beside us as Heidi pulled the knitted blanket around us. The nights were starting to get a bit cold, and that called for heavy blankets. I always enjoyed leaning against Heidi and sharing a good story. I treasured these nights, and I treasured her friendship.
“Madame?”
“How many times must I tell you to call me Mariana?”
“Oh. Right,” she said, getting a little flustered. “I apologize.”
“No need to apologize,” I said, hugging her tight. “What were you going to ask me.”
“I was going to ask about the gentleman who brought you in from the stables.”
“Liam?” I asked, a smile coming to my face at just the mention of his name.
“Yes. Do you fancy him?”
The question caught me off guard. To say that I hadn’t been thinking about Liam would have been a lie. That man had hardly left my thoughts since I’d first met him. What I hadn’t considered was how I felt about him. I’d avoided thinking about my emotions because I knew it wouldn’t have done any good. I was a married woman, and I didn’t want to risk the dangers of having an affair. Some women took new lovers because their husbands were too old and sometimes it was even a silent agreement between a husband and his wife, but I was not that lucky. I didn’t need to ask to know that my husband wanted to keep me all to himself. I was the prize, and a man wouldn’t share his prize.
“I can’t say I feel anything. Liam’s a nice man, but we’ve only met twice.”
Heidi smiled and rested her head against my shoulder. “I don’t think that matters.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you meet the one who you are destined to be with then you’ll know,” she said quietly. “You’ll know it in your heart.”
I frowned a little and looked out the large window and into the night sky. Stars were twinkling brightly, and I could only imagine how wonderful it would be to lay under those stars in Liam’s arms. I frowned at the thought, trying to will it away.
“You seem to forget that I’m a married woman.”
“It doesn’t matter. You will find the one you love. Love always finds a way,” she insisted.
I wanted to believe her. I desperately wanted to believe that my life wouldn’t always be an endless cycle of fear and self-loathing. I wanted to believe that beyond this was something beautiful and warm like love.
I wanted to believe her, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up by believing in fairytales.
Chapter 7
Reynold was off on another one of his week-long business trips. It was so strange to me that he felt the need to lie. I knew where he was going and so did everyone else. He didn’t need to make up stories about extended business ventures, but whether he lied to me or not, I didn’t really care. As long as Reynold was out of the house, I was happy.
I was in the kitchen, singing to myself as I spread some books and papers out on the large table. The cooks still made my meals for me, but this was the biggest table in the house, and when they weren’t cooking, I often occupied it. I was using my free time to learn French and Astronomy. I’d been able to buy several books since my husband was gone so often and I was burying myself in learning anything and everything I could.
I was bent over the pile of books, focusing so hard on the words that I didn’t even hear the sound of footsteps in the kitchen.
“Mariana?”
I jumped and turned around, a hand to my chest and my eyes wide in surprise. Liam was standing in my kitchen in a fresh shirt and pants. He clearly hadn’t started his work day yet. His curly black hair was brushed out of his face, revealing his strong jaw and stormy eyes. He was so beautiful it made my heart ache.
“Liam…what are you doing here?” I asked quickly.
He looked around the kitchen and tucked his hands into his pocket, smiling softly. “Well, I saw the boss man was out of town, and I thought I’d come check on you. I haven’t seen you since you fell off that horse," he said, looking me up and down. "You seem to be doin' alright. Why’d you go and faint anyway?"
I opened my mouth and started to tell him that I was pregnant, but something stopped me. For some reason, I didn't want him to know I was pregnant. I closed my mouth and cleared my throat, deciding to go with something that wasn't quite the truth.
"I over heated. I don't spend much time in the sun anymore," I said.
"Yeah?"
"Yes." I hoped he wouldn’t press me about it anymore.
He nodded and turned his attention to the books scattered around the table. He reached out and ran his weathered fingers along the leather spine of one of the books.
"You can read all these
books?" he asked, sounding almost wistful.
"Yes. Can't you?" I assumed that because he was a man he'd gotten a decent education.
He shook his head, his thick brows furrowed. "No. They weren't going to waste money educating a half-breed."
That statement made my heart ache for him. I hated that so many people in this world were unable to understand the true magic of books. I paused and leaned forward, letting my fingers brush against his.
"I could teach you."
"To read?" he asked, sounding almost confused.
“What else would I possibly be talking about?” I asked with a cocked brow.
“Would you really teach me to read?”
“Only if you teach me how to ride a horse properly,” I said with a playful smile.
He chuckled and offered his hand, which I reached across the table and took. We shook firmly, and he grinned. “I’m going to hold you to this deal.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
He nodded and put his wide-brimmed hat back on his head, smoothing his fingers over the soft leather. “I’m glad you’re alright. I was worried about you for a minute there.”
“Despite how I look, I can assure you that I’m a tough girl.”
He smiled and nodded. “I know you are.”
The comment made me flush, and I watched as he turned to leave. As he got to the threshold of the kitchen door, he paused and glanced over his shoulder.
“Are you busy this evening?”
“Not at all.”
“You should come down to the barn just after sunset.”
I blinked, leaning on my elbow. “Why?”
“Can’t ruin the surprise,” he said with a toothy grin. “I hope to see you there, Mariana,” he said, tipping his hat and leaving without explaining his cryptic request.
For a moment I stood there, feeling baffled and excited all in one go. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew I wanted to go. If he was going to be there, then I definitely wanted to go. I turned and marched up the stairs so I could pick out something nice.