by Natalie Dean
I wasn’t going to make a fool of myself this time.
Chapter 8
Waiting for the sun to set was grueling. With my husband gone, there wasn’t much for me to do. I tried to focus on the books I’d purchased, but whenever I sat down to read, my mind would wander to Liam. I was starting to think that he was going to be my demise. I didn’t like how much of my mind he seemed to occupy, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Any time I tried to push him from my mind, he always found his way back.
As darkness settled over the ranch, I felt myself grow more and more excited, though my nerves were just under the surface. I didn’t really care for the fact that I had no idea what I was walking into, but I trusted that it was neither dangerous or embarrassing.
The lantern in my hand was difficult to carry because of its weight, but I was willing to bear it. I walked through the wet grass, beads of water collecting at the hem of my dress and rolling off the boots that I wore. The heel was thick enough that I didn’t sink into the soft ground, but It still made it difficult when I stumbled on uneven areas.
As I neared the barn, I could hear the sounds of fiddles and singing. Stomping feet kept the rhythm, and the sounds of people laughing made me hopeful. What in the world was going on inside that barn? I finally made my way to the door and gasped at what I saw inside.
All of the house staff was gathered in the large barn as a small band of men played local tunes. They were stomping their feet and holding each other close as they moved in at a frenzied pace. This was not the kind of dancing I was accustomed to, and it piqued my interest.
Liam was standing with the band, clapping enthusiastically and stomping his foot. He was belting the words to the song, his eyes bright and his smile wide. When the song ended, he glanced towards the barn door and our eyes met. His grin grew even wider, and he jogged towards me.
“You came!”
“Of course I came,” I murmured, feeling overdressed and out of place. Most of the people in the barn were still in their work clothes while I wore a silk, champagne colored dress.
“Are you alright?” he asked, quickly seeing how nervous I was.
My eyes darted up to meet his as I glanced around the barn. I moved closer to him so I could whisper without being heard.
“I’m not sure I should be here,” I admitted.
It wasn’t that I felt I was better than those around me, but I couldn’t imagine that all these people would want me at their party. I was the woman they had to pamper every day. Surely I wouldn’t be welcome.
Liam glanced over his shoulder. “Everyone was excited when they found out you were coming,” he said, offering his hand. “I think you’re right where you belong.”
I hesitated and let the words sink in. I didn’t see it as an insult. Maybe some people of my standing might see themselves as better than the people who worked for them, but I didn’t. All of these people had freedom and skills. They went to work every day and provided for their families. They were good, hardworking people with big hearts.
Finally, I tucked my hand into his and offered a small smile. He pulled me into the barn, and I laughed as he pulled me close.
“What are we doing?” I asked, brushing blonde hair out of my face.
“We’re going to dance.”
“But we’re so close!” I gasped, surprised at how good it felt to have his body pressed against mine.
He smirked and put his hand on my lower back as the fingers of his free hand tangled with mine. “I don’t know how they dance where you’re from, but here we hold our darlin’ close.”
“Darling?” I whispered, my eyes wide.
“That’s right,” he said with a grin.
“But I-,”
“Tonight you’re my darlin’. After you go home and crawl into bed you can be his wife again, but right now, at this moment. You’re my darlin’.”
My entire body flushed with heat, and every nerve came alive. His words were so profound. They were so possessive, but for the first time in my life, I didn’t flinch at the idea of a man claiming me. I wanted to be his. I wanted to be his darling. I nodded and allowed a slow, careful smile to come across my lips.
“Very well, farmhand,” I teased with a grin. “Tonight, I’m yours.”
He grinned as the music started and swung me around. I didn’t know the steps to this dance, but it didn’t seem to matter. I wasn’t in a ballroom, moving about with carefully placed steps as people judged my every move. It didn’t seem like the steps mattered at all, in fact, I was starting to think that there weren’t any steps. We just moved with each other. We moved the way the rhythm told us to move, and all that mattered was that we were together, our bodies radiating heat and desire.
His arms were strong in a way that made me feel safe, and every time I’d pull away to twirl, I would miss the feeling of his arms around me. I would miss the safety I found within them. I was lost in him, and I was lost to the music. The world spun, and the stars seemed brighter than ever, and I never wanted this night to end.
I was laughing when he pulled me in close and started to move a bit slower. The music had slowed to a more relaxed pace, though I didn’t mind. I put my head on his shoulder as his other hand that wasn’t tangled in mine, cradled me close. This was what I expected love to feel like. Was this love? It was far too soon for that, but I felt that this was the beginning of something that could be love.
I turned my head just slightly, my cheeks pink from the cool wind that was blowing through cracks in the barn walls. My hair hung in messy wisps around my face, but I didn’t care. When Liam looked at me, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.
“You look so lovely, darlin’,” he whispered. The awe in his voice made my heartbeat quicken.
“You don’t have to flatter me, Liam,” I murmured, burying my face into his shoulder and taking in his woodsy, masculine scent.
He dropped his head, and I felt the tip of his nose press into my hair. His breath was warm in contrast to the chilly air, and it felt good to have him so close. It wasn’t until that very moment that I realized we’d stopped moving altogether.
“I’m not flatterin’ you, darlin’.”
It felt so right when he called me that. He pulled away and looked down at me, both of his hands on my shoulders. He gave a squeeze, and it got my attention. I met his gaze, but the intensity in them made it impossible for me to hold it. I looked away, my cheeks red.
He cupped my cheek and ran his thumbs over them. They were rough from years of manual labor. I liked the way it felt against my smooth skin. It made me imagine what my life could have been if I’d been allowed to choose my husband. I could have ended up with a man like Liam, hearing these sweet words every day rather than being beaten down at every turn.
“Doesn’t he tell you that you’re beautiful?” he asked.
My eyes stung with tears, and I tried to push them down, but it was hard. I swallowed thickly and tossed my head back to look at the ceiling, praying that I might keep the tears at bay. I took a deep breath and finally looked at him, my eyes still shining with the threat of tears.
“No. He’s never told me I’m beautiful. He’s never spoken a kind word to me the entire time we’ve been married,” I admitted bitterly.
Liam frowned deeply and looked me up and down. “Then you come see me every day,” he murmured, staring at me thoughtfully. “You come to me so I can tell you that you’re beautiful. I want to make sure you hear it every day,” he said.
My chest suddenly ached with want. It wasn’t physical desire that I was feeling in this moment, it was the desire to be with him always. I wasn’t accustomed to hearing these kind words and it suddenly became hard to breathe.
I pulled away from him and stumbled back, my eyes wide. I was afraid of getting my hopes up and getting my heart broken. I was barely holding on, and I knew that I’d fall to pieces if I let myself fall for Liam. This was never going to be my life, and I had to accept that.
“I must go,” I whispered, my voice shaking.
Liam seemed confused, but I didn’t bother explaining myself. I picked up my skirt and turned, getting out of the barn and as far from Liam as fast as I could. My heeled boots sunk into the earth and my layered skirts weighed me down. Liam caught up with me and grabbed my wrist. The sudden stop forced me to spin around, facing him.
“Where are you going? Did I say something out of line?” he asked quickly, the confusion in his voice breaking my heart.
I shook my head back and forth, trying to pull myself free. “I can’t be here! I can’t be around you!”
“Why?” he demanded, still holding my wrist tight.
I finally stopped pulling and dropped my head, trying to find the words. “This isn’t a life I can have,” I whispered. “My path was chosen for me, and I will never be able to be as happy as I am with you!” I said, my eyes wide as the wind whipped my hair around my face.
Dark clouds were forming, and bright flashes of light overhead illuminated the sky. I stared at Liam, unfazed by the cold drops of rain that were starting to come down. His eyes were fixed on me trying to take in what I’d just said. He licked his lips and looked away.
“You need to understand something right here and now, darlin’,” he murmured, looking me in the eyes. “The only person who can choose your path is you.”
The words hit me at my core, and I felt a pressure on my chest. I opened my mouth to speak, but Liam put his fingers to my lips to silence me.
“There are going to be times in your life where you think you’re backed into a corner, and maybe you are, but what you don’t consider is the fact that there’s a way out. You can’t go back, so you got to go forward. Whatever monster has you trapped in that corner, you got to fight it. Tear it to shreds and get free so that you can follow the path of your heart's desire.”
My eyes widened, and I stared at him as the skies opened up. Water dripped down his perfect nose and soaked his clothes. His steely eyes flickered towards the mansion and then met my gaze again.
“You can keep runnin’ darlin’. You can go back to that house and back to a man you don’t love and who doesn’t deserve you, or you can fight, and I promise you, you won’t be alone when the time comes to finally face that monster.”
His words rocked me. My hands shook, fingers numb against the cold wetness of the summer storm. I pulled away and looked up at him for a long moment. He was right. I was at a fork in the road right now. One path led to hell, and the other led to the possibility of happiness and a life that I could actually see myself being happy with.
Finally, after a long moment of silence, I threw my arms around Liam and pressed my lips to his. We tumbled into the soft, muddy earth, but I could care less about the stains on my dress. Our lips met and stars exploded behind my eyes. It was like seeing fireworks on the Fourth of July. Light danced around us as the storm raged on, but I didn’t care. The freezing wind was countered by the heat that rose in my body as I tasted him for the first time. Whiskey and sweat lingered on him, and the taste of it was intoxicating.
His tongue brushed my lips, and we kissed again. When I finally pulled away, I took in a gasping breath and shivered excitedly, laughing as our foreheads pressed together.
Liam was left panting, laughing as well and brushed his fingers through the loose strands of wet hair that hung in my face. “You alright, Darlin’?”
“Perfect. I’m perfect,” I whispered, nuzzling his cheek for a moment.
He smiled and put his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me to his chest and sighing as the rain fell around us. I felt as if it were washing away all of the pain and the tears of the past. I was finally ready to move forward and challenge the life that I thought I was doomed to. I was terrified, but there was one thing holding me together.
The fact that I knew I wasn’t going to face it alone.
Chapter 9
The night of the dance was drilled into my memory. It was the catalyst that kept me moving, even on the days my husband was home. Reynold and I moved around each other silently, ignoring each other for the most part. When he was home I stayed in the small library I’d created for myself and ignored the giggling of young women who were dazzled by Reynold’s money.
They would come through the house, their pale skin and bright eyes still fresh with wonder and hope. They were always beautiful and always naïve. There were moments when I considered warning them about the wasp nest they were walking into, but I soon realized that Reynold was far kinder to these women than he was to me.
For a long time, I could not figure out why. I wasn’t jealous of these women; I was simply curious as to why they were treated so much better than I was. Then it dawned on me. They weren’t tied to him. They could leave whenever they wanted, and there wasn’t much he could do about it. I was at his mercy, but he was at theirs. They were beautiful young, supple things that would give him what his wife wouldn’t as long as he was willing to buy them dresses and carriage rides. I didn’t think poorly of them, but I was silently grateful that I didn’t fall into their ranks.
On the days he wasn’t in the house, I snuck out to spend time with Liam. The maids and other house staff never spoke a word of it to Reynold. They despised him as much as I did and wanted me to be happy. They knew I would only find that outside the walls of my gilded cage.
Liam was a man with a big heart and gentle hands. When he kissed me, my heart leapt out of my chest and in his arms I felt safe. We talked about our hopes and dreams, and he held me in the sweet-smelling fields. Winter was nearly upon us, and while nature seemed to shrivel around us, our love was beginning to flower and bloom.
The wind outside was blowing dead leaves off tree branches, and I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders, poking the fire in the library. My husband left me to my own devices but was happy to give me as much spending money as I wanted. It wasn’t that he cared about me or my wants or needs. All he cared about was that I could spend his money and make him look good. So, I turned his parlor into a small library and filled it with as many books as I could get my hands on.
There was a knock on the door, and I jumped up, a bright smile crossing my face as I all but ran to the front door and threw it open to reveal Liam. He was dressed in what he always wore, though he had a coat thrown over his simple linen shirt and a woven scarf wrapped around his neck. Our area of California got a bit chilly in the winter, but it rarely snowed.
I ushered Liam inside and closed the door, sliding the bolt lock to make sure that my husband could not come in unannounced. I turned around, and before I could even greet him, Liam pulled me close and dipped me down, kissing me with such passion that it stole my breath away. I relaxed into his arms, grinning into the kiss and wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders.
Once I was back on my feet I laughed, my cheeks pinkened from the kiss. “Well, hello to you too,” I teased softly.
He grinned playfully and tipped his hat to me before taking it off completely and setting it on the little table beside the door. “Sorry, darlin’. It’s been too long since I’ve kissed you.”
I chuckled and just shook my head, offering my hand to him. He took it, his fingers curling around mine. “It’s only been three days,” I said, though I’d missed him just as much.
“Three days too many,” he murmured as I led him into my sanctuary.
He looked around and whistled, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He hadn’t been in this part of the house yet and seemed impressed. “This is nice. Doesn’t look like the rest of the house.”
“That’s because I designed it,” I said, patting a chaise.
He cocked a brow and crossed the room, settling in the velvet covered seat and leaning against the high back. “You have an eye for it.”
“Design?” I asked, closing the doors and drawing the curtains.
“Absolutely,” he said, watching me closely.
I returned to the chaise and settled against him, a worn book in my hands.
It was relatively new, but I’d already read it at least a dozen times. He hummed and brushed some hair out of my face.
“What are we reading today, love?”
We spent our days together riding horses and spending time in the sunlight, though a lot of that time was also spent reading. Liam wasn’t completely illiterate, but he struggled with novels. He was learning more and more every day and loved showing off his newly learned skill. When he stumbled across a word, I’d help him, though it rarely happened anymore. Now we took turns reading chapter after chapter. He was the only man in my life who’d ever encouraged my love of reading.
“It’s called ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’,” I said excitedly. “It’s very good.”
“You read it without me?” He gasped, pretending to be scandalized.
I laughed and smacked his chest lightly. “You took too long to get here! Besides, I’ve read it a dozen times, and it’s been good. I’m sure it will still be good the thirteenth time as well.”
He hummed and looked at me with scrutiny. His brows knitted together to feign concern. “I suppose you’re the one who suffers if it isn’t as good the thirteenth time.”
He draped his arm around me and pulled me close to him, rubbing my shoulder gently. We read by the firelight, pressed against each other and enjoying the warmth that radiated off one another. Between the fire and our body heat, we easily fought the chill coming through the cracks in the windows and doors. It felt good to be pressed against him, and I could feel a stirring in my belly that I only felt with him. They were feelings I never thought I’d feel at all considering my violent wedding night experience. I never thought that I would feel burning desire for anyone.
The longer we read and the longer I was pressed against him, the more I wanted him. I licked my lips, not focused on the words that were falling from his mouth. I knew this story backwards and forwards, but I could not bring myself to actually listen. My stomach was in knots, and I could feel a quiver of pleasure working its way down my spine