Once a Week
Page 32
A DIDACTIC NOVEL
[In humble imitation of Mr. EUSTACE MILES'S serial in _Healthward Ho!_(Help!), and in furtherance of the great principle of self-culture]
THE MYSTERY OF GORDON SQUARE
SYNOPSIS OF PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
Roger Dangerfield, the famous barrister, is passing through GordonSquare one December night when he suddenly comes across the dead body ofa man of about forty years. To his horror he recognises it to be that ofhis friend, Sir Eustace Butt, M.P., who has been stabbed in sevenplaces. Much perturbed by the incident, Roger goes home and decides tolead a new life. Hitherto he had been notorious in the London clubs forhis luxurious habits, but now he rises at 7.30 every morning andbreathes evenly through the nose for five minutes before dressing.
After three weeks of the breathing exercise, Roger adds a few simplelunges to his morning drill. Detective-Inspector Frenchard tells himthat he has a clue to the death of Sir Eustace, but that the murderer isstill at large. Roger sells his London house and takes a cottage in thecountry, where he practises the simple life. He is now lunging ten timesto the right, ten times to the left and ten times backwards everymorning, besides breathing lightly through the nose during his bath.
One day he meets a Yogi, who tells him that if he desires to track themurderer down he must learn concentration. He suggests that Roger shouldstart by concentrating on the word "wardrobe," and then leaves thisstory and goes back to India. Roger sells his house in the country andcomes back to town, where he concentrates for half an hour daily on theword "wardrobe," besides, of course, persevering with his breathing andlunging exercises. After a heavy morning's drill he is passing throughGordon Square when he comes across the body of his old friend, SirJoshua Tubbs, M.P., who has been stabbed nine times. Roger returns homequickly, and decides to practise breathing through the ears.
CHAPTER XCI
PREPARATION
The appalling death of Sir Joshua Tubbs, M.P., following so closely uponthat of Sir Eustace Butt, M.P., meant the beginning of a new life forRoger. His morning drill now took the following form:--
On rising at 7.30 a.m. he sipped a glass of distilled water, at the sametime concentrating on the word "wardrobe." This lasted for ten minutes,after which he stood before the open window for five minutes, breathingalternately through the right ear and the left. A vigorous series oflunges followed, together with the simple kicking exercises detailed inchapter LIV.
These over, there was a brief interval of rest, during which our hero,breathing heavily through the back of the head, concentrated on the word"dough-nut." Refreshed by the mental discipline, he rose and stoodlightly on the ball of his left foot, at the same time massaging himselfvigorously between the shoulders with his right. After five minutes ofthis he would rest again, lying motionless except for a circularmovement of the ears. A cold bath, a brisk rub down and another glass ofdistilled water completed the morning training.
But it is time we got on with the story. The murder of Sir Joshua Tubbs,M.P. had sent a thrill of horror through England, and hundreds of peoplewrote indignant letters to the Press, blaming the police for theirneglect to discover the assassin. Detective-Inspector Frenchard,however, was hard at work, and he was inspired by the knowledge that hecould always rely upon the assistance of Roger Dangerfield, the famousbarrister, who had sworn to track the murderer down.
To prepare himself for the forthcoming struggle Roger decided, one sunnyday in June, to give up the meat diet upon which he had relied so long,and to devote himself entirely to a vegetable _regime_. With thatthoroughness which was now becoming a characteristic of him, he leftLondon and returned to the country, with the intention of making a studyof food values.
CHAPTER XCII
LOVE COMES IN
It was a beautiful day in July and the country was looking its best.Roger rose at 7.30 a.m. and performed those gentle, health-givingexercises which have already been described in previous chapters. Onthis glorious morning, however, he added a simple exercise for theelbows to his customary ones, and went down to his breakfast as hungryas the proverbial hunter. A substantial meal of five dried beans and astewed nut awaited him in the fine oak-panelled library; and as he didample justice to the banquet his thoughts went back to the terrible dayswhen he lived the luxurious meat-eating life of the ordinaryman-about-town; to the evening when he discovered the body of SirEustace Butt, M.P., and swore to bring the assassin to vengeance; to theday when----
Suddenly he realised that his thoughts were wandering. With iron will hecontrolled them and concentrated fixedly on the word "dough-nut" fortwelve minutes. Greatly refreshed, he rose and strode out into the sun.
At the door of his cottage a girl was standing. She was extremelybeautiful, and Roger's heart would have jumped if he had not had thatorgan (thanks to Twisting Exercise 23) under perfect control.
"Is this the way to Denfield?" she asked.
"Straight on," said Roger.
He returned to his cottage, breathing heavily through his ears.
CHAPTER XCIII
ANOTHER SURPRISE
Six months went by, and the murderer of Sir Joshua Tubbs, M.P. and SirEustace Butt, M.P. still remained at large. Roger had sold his cottagein the country and was now in London, performing his exercises withregularity, concentrating daily upon the words "wardrobe," "dough-nut,"and "wasp," and living entirely upon proteids.
One day he had the idea that he would start a restaurant in the East-Endfor the sale of meatless foods. This would bring him in touch with thelower classes, among whom he expected to find the assassin of his twooldest friends.
In less than three or four years the shop was a tremendous success. Inspite of this, however, Roger did not neglect his exercises; takingparticular care to keep the toes well turned in when lunging ten timesbackwards. (Exercise 17.) Once, to his joy, the girl whom he had firstmet outside his country cottage came in and had her simple lunch ofSmilopat (ninepence the dab) at his shop. That evening he lunged twelvetimes to the right instead of ten.
One day business had taken Roger to the West-End. As he was returninghome at midnight through Gordon Square, he suddenly stopped andstaggered back.
A body lay on the ground before him!
Hastily turning it over upon its face, Roger gave a cry of horror.
It was Detective-Inspector Frenchard! Stabbed in eleven places!
Roger hurried madly home, and devised an entirely new set of exercisesfor his morning drill. A full description of these, however, must bereserved for another chapter.
(_And so on for ever._)
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