Nick Stone 1 - Remote Control.

by Andy McNab

  I shouted back at Kelly, "Stay down, do not get up, do you understand?"

  There was no reply.

  "Kelly?"

  I got a weak "Yes."

  If I had to kill these policemen, it would be unfortunate, but when all was said and done this was the sort of thing they got paid for. I made my plan. If they stopped me, I'd wait until one or both came within range. The pistol was where my hand would naturally go, and I'd draw down on them.

  The flashing blue and red came closer. I just drove on toward them. My mind-set was that I was a shift worker, on my way to earn my living. Now their lights were making me screw up my eyes so I could see beyond.

  I wasn't worried. I felt very calm. Just wait and see. They sped past at more than sixty.

  I looked in the rearview mirror. They hit the brakes; now I was sweating. I watched and made distance at the same time.

  The brake lights went off. Either they'd just been slowing down or they'd changed their minds.

  I needed to dump this car before first light, which was probably the earliest the owner would discover it missing. I also had to get both Kelly and me a change of clothes, and we had to get into another hotel.

  Kelly started yelling, "I want to go home! I want to go home! I want my " "Kelly, we are going home! But not yet!" I had to shout to cut in.

  I couldn't see her, so I tilted the mirror. She was curled up with her thumb in her mouth. My mind flashed back to the times I'd found her like that and I said, quietly, "We will, don't worry."

  We were following a road that seemed to parallel the Potomac, on its west side. After about half an hour I found an all-night supermarket. I parked. There were maybe twenty or thirty vehicles outside; at that time of the morning most of them probably belonged to employees.

  Kelly didn't ask why we were stopping. I turned around and said, "I'm going to get us some more clothes. Do you want anything? Shall I see if they've got a deli and we'll get some sandwiches?"

  She whimpered, "Don't go, don't leave me!" She looked as if she'd been slapped. Her face was bright red, with puflfy eyes and wet hair stuck to her face. You don't take a beaten-up seven-year-old with blood on her clothes into a store after four in the morning.

  I leaned over into the back, unzipped the bag, and took out the coveralls. I said, "I've got to leave you here. I need somebody to look after everything." I pointed to the bag.

  "Can you do that for me? You're a big girl now, a great spy."

  She nodded reluctantly.

  I started to get the coveralls on while still sitting in the car seat.

  "Nick?"

  "What?" I was busy fighting with a leg.

  "I heard shooting. Is that man dead?"

  "Which man is that?" I didn't want to turn around, didn't want to face her.

  "No, he's not. I think he made a mistake and thought we were someone else. He'll be OK."

  I was now arching my back to get the top half on.

  "The police will take him to the hospital."

  That was enough of that. I quickly got out of the car and poked my head back in. Before I even started to outline the routine she said, "You're coming back, aren't you? I want to go home and see Mommy."

  "Definitely, I will come back, no problems, and you will see Mommy soon."

  I turned the interior light on and moved the rearview mirror so I could see my face. The deep cuts on my forehead and under my eye were still wet, the plasma trying hard to get a scab going. I spat on my hand and used the cuff of the coveralls to wipe the rest of the blood off, but there wasn't much more I could do. Industrial accident.

  I signaled Kelly to lock the door and lie down. She nodded and complied.

  I grabbed a cart and went through the electric door. I got money from the ATM, then two sets of everything for Kelly and me, plus a washing and shaving kit and a box of baby wipes, and some painkillers for my neck. It was hurting bad now. I could look left or right only by turning my whole body.

  I must have looked like a robot. I threw in some Coke, chips, and cookies.

  There weren't many shoppers. My cuts drew the odd glance but no stares.

  I got back to the car and tapped on the window. I didn't say anything. Kelly stared up; the windows were now covered in condensation, so she had to wipe it with her sleeve. I could see she'd been crying. I pointed at the lock, and she opened it.

  I was all big smiles.

  "Hiya, how's it going?"

  There wasn't much of a reply. As I dumped all the purchases onto the passenger seat, I said, "Look, I've got a present for you." I showed her a Snickers bar. There was a reluctant smile. She took it and opened it.

  I looked at the car clock. It was nearly 5 a.m. We started driving toward the Beltway, then headed west.

  I saw the sign for Dulles International and slowed down for the exit. We had to dump the car soon; I had to assume that the driver was an early riser.

  Kelly was lying in the back, staring at the door. Either she was in a dream world, or she had been damaged mentally by what she had seen. At the moment I didn't really care which.

  We were about eight miles from Dulles. I started to keep a lookout for hotels. I saw the sign for an Economy Inn.

  Absolutely perfect but first, we had to get ourselves cleaned up.

  As we continued on toward the airport I could see the wing lights of an aircraft making its approach about four miles away. I followed the signs to the economy parking, having stopped just short to check for cameras at the entrance. There weren't any; they must register on the way out. I took my ticket and parked among thousands of other cars.

  "Kelly, we're going to get you dressed in some new clothes," I said.

  I showed her what I'd bought, and as she was getting un dressed, I got out the baby wipes and cleaned her face.

  "Here, let's get rid of all those tears, let's clean you all up, here you are, here's a brush." I brushed her hair too quickly; it hurt her.

  "OK, let's get this sweatshirt on you. Here you go. There, you're looking good. Here's another wipe blow your nose."

  While she was doing that, I got myself changed as well, then dumped all the clothes in the passenger foot well Kelly was still looking miserable as the shuttle took us to the terminal.

  We walked into the departures area. The terminal was busier than I'd been expecting at this time of the morning. People were checking in all along the lines of desks, hanging around in the shops, or sitting in the cafes, reading newspapers.

  I wasn't saying much to Kelly, just holding her hand as I moved along, bag on my left shoulder, looking for the Ar rivals sign, then to the taxi stand. An escalator showed me the way down. We were nearly at the bottom when Kelly announced, "I need to go to the bathroom."

  "You sure?" I just wanted to get out of there.

  "I'm really sure."

  "OK." After the last time I'd learned my lesson.

  I followed signs to the rest rooms. They were to the left, near the large exit doors from international arrivals. You went in through one of two large openings in the wall and immedi lately came across a row of seven or eight disabled toilets, all unisex, and on either side of this were the entrances to the men's and women's rooms. I stayed outside in the main concourse, watching all the people who were waiting for the automatic doors to open and their loved ones to be disgorged.

  You always know when you're being stared at. I'd been standing there a minute or two when I became aware. I looked up. It was an old woman, standing against the rail facing me on the opposite side of the channel made by the barriers, Obviously waiting for somebody to come through. There was a silver-haired man with her, but her eyes were fixed on my face.

  She looked away, turning her back to the exit doors, even though people were streaming out with their carts. Every few seconds I heard a scream of joy as people were reunited.

  What had she been looking at? The cuts on my face? I hoped it was just that. There was nothing I could do about it anyway. I would just shake it off, but keep
an eye on her all the same.

  Then I saw her start talking to her husband. She wasn't passing the time of day. Her body language looked urgent and agitated. He looked over in my direction, then back at her; he gave her a shrug that said, "What the hell are you talking about, woman? " She must have seen Kelly and me going into the rest rooms and said to herself, "Where do I know those two from? " I wasn't going to move. I wanted to see what she was doing. The moment she started to walk away, I'd have to take action.

  I could tell she was still trying to figure it out. I felt my heart pumping. I avoided eye contact, but I knew she was staring. Any moment now she'd remember the news report where she'd seen Kelly's face.

  The seconds ticked by. At last Kelly came out and stood by me, a big smile on her face.

  "Shall we go now?" I said, grabbing her hand before she could answer.

  As I turned with her for the exit, I could clearly see the woman tugging her husband's arm. She recognized us. How ever, the husband had now seen whoever it was they were meeting and was looking the other way.

  She pulled his arm more urgently.

  I wanted to run, but that would confirm it for her. We walked, and I talked crap to Kelly with the actions of a happy dad.

  "Look at those lights, aren't they nice? This is the air port I fly into every time I come here, have you been here before?" Kelly didn't have time to answer any of my stupid questions.

  I had to fight the urge to turn around and look. I started to think, what if? If I got the police on me here, I was fucked.

  There was nowhere to go, just more of the airport, with more security than you could shake a nightstick at. My eyes were darting around. We had about thirty or forty yards to go to the exit sign. With each step I expected to hear a cop shouting for me to freeze. All I could hear was the general hubbub and the occasional squeal of greeting.

  We reached the exit, turned left, and started walking downhill on a wide ramp that led down to the pickup points and the taxis. The moment we'd made that angle I started to move faster and chanced a look behind.

  There was a fine drizzle in the air as we exited and looked for the stand.

  Kelly said, "What's up?"

  I said, "There's the taxis, let's go."

  We had to wait for three other people in the line before it was our turn. I felt like a child who desperately wants a toy and cannot wait any longer. Come on, come on!

  At last we jumped into a cab and drove off. I turned and looked behind me. Nothing. I still couldn't relax. Kelly could obviously sense the drama but didn't say another word.

  I tried to block it out of my mind. Look hard enough and you'll find a positive in even the worst situation--that was what I'd always told myself. But I couldn't get a silver lining out of what had just happened. If the old woman did make the connection and told the police she had seen us heading for the taxis, it was negatives all the way.

  I looked at Kelly and yawned.

  "I'm sleepy," I said.

  "What about you?"

  She nodded and put her head in my lap.

  I gave the driver directions. Once off the freeway we drove a few blocks, then I got him to pull in. I watched him drive away as we stood in the parking lot of the Marriott. We would walk to the Economy Inn from there.

  "We're going to a hotel now," I said.

  "Usual story. I'll be saying a lot of things that aren't true, and all you've got to do is be quiet and look really tired, OK? If you do what you're told and it works out, we can go home." We walked toward the reception.

  There was a young guy on the desk, his head buried in a textbook. We went through all the same routine, only this time I'd been beaten up during the robbery. He looked embarrassed.

  "All of America's not like this, you know. It's beautiful." He started talking about the Grand Canyon; after making a promise that I'd make a point of visiting it this trip, I turned and walked out.

  When we got to the room, I started helping her off with her coat. As she turned so that her other arm came out of the sleeve, she asked without warning: "Are we going to see Mommy and Daddy now?"

  "Not yet, we've still got things to do."

  "I want my mommy. Nick. I want to go home. You promised."

  "We will go soon, don't worry."

  "Are you sure Mommy and Daddy and Aida will be there?"

  "Of course they will be."

  She didn't look convinced and sat on the edge of the bed. It was crunch time. I couldn't carry this on anymore. If we got out of this mess, I couldn't bring myself to let her be dumped on her grandparents or whoever and find out what a lying bastard I'd been all this time.

  "Kelly.. ;' I sat next to her and started stroking her hair as she laid her head on my lap.

  "Kelly, when you get home, Mommy, Daddy, and Aida will not be there. They've gone to heaven. Do you know what that means?"

  I said it as almost a throwaway, not really wanting to get into it any deeper. I wanted her to say, "Oh, I see," and then ask me if we could have Mickey D's.

  There was a pause while she thought about it. All I could hear was the hum of the air-conditioning.

  Her face creased into a frown.

  "Is it because I didn't help Daddy?"

  I felt as if somebody were stabbing me. But it wasn't too hard a question; I felt OK. answering that one.

  "Kelly, even if you had tried to help Daddy, they still would have died."

  She was crying quietly into my leg. I rubbed her back and tried to think of something to say.

  I heard: "I don't want them to be dead. I want to be with them."

  "But you are." I was fumbling for words.

  She lifted her face and looked at me.

  "You are with them. Every time you do something that you did with them means they are with you."

  She was trying to work this one out. So was I. "Every time I eat a pizza with mushrooms I think of your mommy and daddy, because I know your mommy liked them.

  That's why they are never far away from me--and why Mommy, Daddy, and Aida will be with you all the time."

  She looked at me, waiting for more.

  "What do you mean?"

  I had to think quickly.

  "I mean, every time you put plates on a table Mommy will be with you because she showed you how. Every time you catch a ball, Daddy is with you because he taught you. Every time you show someone how to do something, Aida is with you--that's because you used to show her how to do things. You see, they are always with you!"

  I didn't know how good it was, but it was the best I could come up with. She was back on my leg; I could feel the heat of her tears and breath.

  "But I want to see them. When will I see them. Nick?"

  I hadn't gotten through. I didn't know who was more upset, me or Kelly. A large lump was swelling in my throat. I had gotten into something I couldn't get out of.

  "They aren't coming back, Kelly. They are dead. It's not because of anything you did or didn't do. They didn't want to leave you. Sometimes things happen that even grownups can't fix."

  She lay there listening. I looked down. Her eyes were open, staring at the wall. I stopped stroking her and put my arm around her.

  People need to show sadness and loss. Maybe this was the time for Kelly to do that. If so, I wanted to reach out, not cross the street. I just didn't know if this was how you did it.

  "You will be with them one day, but not for a long time.

  You will have children first, just like Mommy. Then your children will be sad when you die, just like you are now. They all loved you very much, Kelly. I knew your mommy and daddy for only a few years. Just think--you knew them all your life!"

  I saw a small smile moving across her face. She pressed her body closer into my legs.

  "I want to stay with you. Nick."

  "That would be nice but it wouldn't work. I travel a lot. You have to go to school and learn how to be a grownup."

  "You can help me do that."

  If only she knew. I hadn't eve
n a garage to keep a bike in, let alone somewhere to look after a child.

  Your weapon, your kit, and only then yourself--that's the order of things. I wanted to ease my magazine springs; it wasn't strictly necessary, but I felt that I needed to do it to mark the end of one phase and the beginning of a new one.

  By now Kelly was sound asleep.