by Kit Tunstall
“What happened to her?”
He shrugged. “I couldn’t help her.”
It wasn’t much of an answer, and it was typical. I could see he was starting to block me out again. Still, I had to try to learn something more about him. “You haven’t really said much about how you survived the last year? Where were you, Joshua? Were you alone?”
“It was a horrible year, and I’m glad to be here.”
I was annoyed by his lack of forthrightness, but before I could press him on it, or ask if Natalie’s theory held any credence, he suddenly spun away from the herbs he’d been carefully cataloguing and pushed me onto the floor. I knew it was a diversionary tactic, and my brain was telling me to resist, but my hormones had little trouble yielding to his tactic to sway my attention elsewhere.
He kissed me with a hint of desperation, as though I was suddenly going to disappear. My brain was still trying to form coherent thoughts, but by the time our mouths broke apart, I couldn’t seem to recall exactly what we’d been discussing, or why I’d been so frustrated with him. The memory was still there, but it just didn’t seem that important at the moment.
His hands moved to the hem of my T-shirt, pushing it up my stomach to under my armpits. I’d worn a sports bra today, so he had little trouble peeling it up and putting it underneath the bunched-up T-shirt. I arched my back to meet him when his head lowered so he could lick the tip of one of my nipples before sucking it into his mouth. I threaded my fingers through his hair, holding him against me, as my other hand clutched his shoulder for support. I was lying on the floor and in no danger of falling, but I was suddenly lightheaded and weakened by the wave of passion that swept through me.
His mouth drifted downward, and his hands cleared the path, undoing my shorts and shoving them aside, along with my panties. Somehow, I managed to kick off my own sandals, currently unconcerned by where they might land.
He moved between my thighs, looking down at me for a moment before he lowered his head. “I’m getting used to sharing you with Ben, but I have to admit these times alone are some of my favorite moments of the day. I get you all to myself.”
I frowned at him. “Do you feel neglected when we’re all together?” It was a new experience for me too, and I was just learning how to make the relationship work, but I was careful to try to give them both equal attention and to make sure they both knew I was with each of them even when we were all together. I wanted them both to feel as loved and desired as I did, and though there was only one of me for both of them, I did my best to make sure they each got all of me.
He shook his head. “Not at all. I just enjoy the times when I get to steal you away by myself for a bit.”
I looked up at him, feeling a hint of concern. “We’re supposed to be trying to make this work for all three of us.”
He hesitated for a moment. “I know, and I’d rather have you this way than not at all, but lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe you and I should just leave the camp. We could go somewhere else and start over, just the two of us.”
I frowned at him. “I don’t want that. I wouldn’t want to leave Ben or our friends that we have here. It’s safe here, and as much as I enjoy being with you, I wouldn’t want to give up Ben either.”
His expression darkened, and I braced myself for an angry outburst. Instead, his words surprised me.
“It’s not safe anywhere, Sofia. You shouldn’t get so complacent. This could all be taken away in a minute.”
I shivered in fear, but not because I thought he was threatening me. He was just simply stating a fact about our new reality. Things could change in an instant, and we could lose everything we’d built here with one wrong move or in the blink of an eye. “That’s all the more reason not to leave voluntarily. We should cling to what we have for as long as we have.”
He hesitated for a moment and then sighed, bringing his mouth closer to his original destination. “It was really more of a fantasy or a daydream. We aren’t safe out there alone either, and I know you don’t want to leave Ben. He’d be devastated to lose you too. So would I.” Those were the last words he spoke before his mouth settled over my core, his tongue teasing my folds.
Before I lost all ability to think under the talent of his tongue, I studied his gaze, finding no reason to doubt his assertion that he would be devastated to lose me, even though I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure he trusted me. He was still holding back, at least emotionally, and I didn’t like that.
It was hard to think about it though as he continued stroking me with his tongue until I came before he slipped inside me. When we were together like this, it was impossible to entertain doubts, and I was content with relying strictly on instinct. As we made love, everything felt right between us. If we could spend all of our time together in bed, there wouldn’t be any problems at all between us.
Ben was clearly angry when he came back to the tent later that evening, shortly before dinner. Joshua had already left to take his plants to deliver to Grace and to Joel and Betsy, since he’d found a mix of medicinal and culinary herbs. It was just the two of us when Ben stormed in, and I frowned at him, concerned. He was usually pretty placid, almost laid-back, so seeing him so angry was worrisome. “What’s wrong?”
I abandoned the book I’d been reading, marking my page and setting it on the table near the armchair, and got up to go to him. I was mildly concerned maybe I had done something to upset him, so it was a relief when he let me put my arms around him and hug him.
A moment later, some of the tension left his body as he hugged me in return. “It was a bad run.”
I put my arms around him, hands on his neck. “Did you run into that other group?”
He shook his head. “We ran into Captain Briggs and his camouflage group of morons. We had found a fairly decent haul of food in someone’s basement. We’ve started searching houses now. The fuckers waited until we carried it all up and had it sorted, about to stack it on the truck, before they showed themselves. Briggs said it was government property, since the people who lived there hadn’t paid taxes in more than a year, and he was seizing it under the rules of martial law.”
My own anger stirred. “He can’t do that. There’s nothing left of the government, not even martial law.”
He shrugged. “The Fort Glacier pricks are left and consider themselves the government, I guess. Even then we might have said no and decided to fight for it, but they had a tank. A motherfucking tank. Who takes that out on runs?”
My heart stuttered in my chest. If they had a tank, they probably had other toys at their disposal as well. If they ever discovered I was here at Camp Utopia, they’d have no trouble breaking past our defenses to take me back if they chose. I shivered as I hugged him. “You gave them the food, right?”
He nodded, looking disgruntled. “I didn’t see a choice in the matter. It would have sustained us all for a couple of months, but it wasn’t worth anyone dying for, and I don’t doubt the mad captain would have blown us all away if we hadn’t acquiesced.”
I nodded. “I’m sure you did the right thing. Briggs isn’t a man who lets anything stop him from getting what he wants, and he’ll take it if he has to.” I remembered his hands pawing on me that last morning of my incarceration.
It wouldn’t surprise me at all to learn he would kill an entire group of survivors to get more supplies. I was concerned about the fact that the military was out scavenging though. That must mean the stores they’d had on base were running low, or at least low enough that they felt like they should sure them up, and him and another group in the area with whom to compete for resources.
Unlike the other group who had shot Ben, Trenton, and Clint, Briggs had a major advantage in the form of his tank and whatever other toys were at his disposal—if any. My greatest hope was he didn’t have enough manpower or skills between the soldiers he had to get some of the scarier weapons up and running, like combat jets.
I assumed they didn’t even have helicopters or anythin
g of the sort yet, or we would have seen patrols on a regular basis. They were clearly trying to get to that point though, first by building up their rations, and then who knew what their next step would be? It was frightening to be so close to Fort Glacier, realizing they were trying to reassert their role as the government.
I wasn’t opposed to a new government arising—I understood the need for a central system that helped control the chaos—but I couldn’t imagine any of the people at Fort Glacier would be temperamentally suited to starting a new democracy. It would be a tyranny, plain and simple, and we would all be their pawns to use at their discretion for whatever purpose they dreamed up. I didn’t know what we could do about it, but it seemed like someone had to bring down Fort Glacier. Either that, or Camp Utopia needed to pack up and leave the area before Fort Glacier’s tendrils crept out around the surrounding area and ensnared us all.
In an effort to distract both of us, I started helping him remove the clothes he’d worn out on his run. He looked hot and sweaty, but it was an appealing look, and it started my hormones racing. So far, I had a libido that perfectly matched having two lovers, and I couldn’t imagine getting tired of either one of them, or both of them together.
It didn’t matter that I had been with Joshua only an hour or so before, and he had given me at least three orgasms in the process. I was suddenly aching for more, this time with Ben. I wasn’t certain if it was just the typical reaction I felt around him, or perhaps I needed to blot all thoughts of Fort Glacier and the fear it inspired from my mind. He definitely needed a way to cool down, to regain control of his temper, and what better way to regain his control than to temporarily lose it in a pleasurable fashion?
With that thought in mind, after undoing his pants and pulling them to his ankles, I knelt at his feet, putting one hand on his buttocks to brace myself, and using the other to wrap around the root of his cock. I guided it toward my mouth, and he let out a little hiss of satisfaction as my lips wrapped around the head, slowly sinking down the length of him until I could take no more. His fingers tightened in my hair, and the other hand cupped my cheek. He guided my head softly, but I controlled the rhythm and the depth. I soon had him tensing as his shaft twitched, and he came with a small cry of satisfaction.
While I was down there, I helped him remove his pants the rest of the way and stood up, taking his hand to lead him to the bed. After sex with Joshua, I had just thrown on a light summer dress, not even bothering with underwear, and I stripped it in a moment before lying on the bed.
He pulled me on top of him, his mouth claiming mine in a long kiss before he pulled away. “You know how to make everything better, Sofia.”
Not everything, because I had no answer for the threat of Fort Glacier looming over us, but I tried to push aside the thought for the moment. I wanted to focus on Ben and making us both feel good, not think about the fear that overwhelmed me when I imagined being taken captive again and forced to endure more of their medical experiments while being at Captain Briggs’ mercy. I already knew he had none.
I kissed him again, nibbling lightly on his lower lip and stretching it out before releasing. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”
“I think you said something about it this morning, but I could stand to hear it again.”
I smacked him lightly on the arm. “I’m not sure you deserve to hear me say it now.”
“Don’t hold back.” In a second, he had flipped our positions until I was lying underneath him, and his fingers went straight to my ribs. He started tickling me without a hint of remorse. “Say it.”
I was giggling too hard to say it even if I wanted to, and I was in the mood to make him suffer a bit. It was amazing how quickly he could change my mood from dour to joyful. I tried to wriggle away from him, but he held me more firmly, continuing his ticklish onslaught.
“Give me the words, Sofia.”
I couldn’t hold them back any longer, simply because his tickling was starting to hurt from laughing so hard. “I love you,” I said in a burst amid laughter escaping me.
“I love you too.” With that, he spread my thighs and sank into me. I held tightly to him as I thrust my hips to meet him. When I turned my head, I was surprised to see Joshua standing in the doorway, his expression brooding as he watched us. He seemed sad, and I frowned at him as I wiggled my fingers for him to join us.
For a moment, I honestly thought he was going to turn around and walk away. After the briefest hesitation, with all the doubt he clearly felt reflected on his face, he approached the bed and sat down near the head of it. He didn’t make any attempt to join in.
Instead, he just took my hand and brushed his thumb lightly over it as he sprawled out beside me, while Ben made love to me with increasing intensity but infinite tenderness. With both of them there, I felt cherished and safe, far beyond the influence of Fort Glacier or the other worries we had to live with on a daily basis. When it was just the two or three of us, depending on who was present, were the moments that made the rest of it easier to endure.
Chapter Ten
I didn’t set out to snoop through Joshua’s things. I was actually trying to do something nice. I’d had laundry duty and had returned to our tent with everyone’s belongings. I put mine in the plastic tote I usually kept them in, and then did the same for Ben. Joshua also had a tote, but it was such a mess that I cringed when I saw all the clothes just tossed in haphazardly, as though he had emptied his bag straight into the bin. Seeing the lack of organization, I figured he would appreciate it if I separated his clothes for him so he could find what he was wearing easier.
I pulled out his bin and dumped everything on the bed, setting it down on the floor as I began to fold his clothes, sorting between underwear, socks, bottoms, and tops. I was about halfway through the pile when the shirt I was folding made a crinkling sound. I checked the pocket on the front, but there was nothing there, so I gave it a gentle shake. What I thought was a piece of paper fluttered down and landed on my lap. I didn’t pay much attention to it as I finished folding the shirt and putting it in the stack. Then I picked up the paper, intending to set it aside and put it on the top of his bin when everything was folded, but froze when I saw my face.
This wasn’t a recent picture, even if he’d had some way to produce it, like a Polaroid camera. This was definitely over a year old, and I remembered the day it had been taken. It was the day I was taken into the Fort Glacier program to receive the vaccine. I’d had to fill out a stack of paperwork and provide this picture, taken by one of the soldiers at the base at the time, before they’d given me the shot. There was only one way he could have gotten that picture, and it was if someone at Fort Glacier had given it to him.
My conversation with Natalie came back to me, and the theories made a lot more sense. He probably wasn’t on the run from something. He’d been sent here for whatever nefarious purpose, but it clearly involved me. I wasn’t sure what his motives were, or what his mission was, but I was somehow involved, if not central to it.
I wanted to hope it was something as simple as he’d gone AWOL while assigned to look for me, and that what I thought we had wasn’t all a complete lie and illusion, but I was out of optimism. The last year-and-a-half had stolen that all from me. Apparently it had taken my ability to trust too, because I found it all too easy to accept he was here working against me. I was shaking as I stood up, haphazardly tossing the rest of the laundry into the bin without really thinking about it before striding from the tent and searching for Joshua.
I knew he was out foraging, but I wasn’t certain where. Without knowing his intent, I was suddenly afraid to be alone with him, especially in the wooded areas surrounding the camp, where he might be able to do anything to me despite the gun I wore strapped to my hip. I’d have to wait for his return and confront him.
I paced back and forth in front of the entrance of the tent for almost an hour before I saw his blond hair, and then the rest of him came into view. He appeared to be heade
d straight for our tent, and that suited me fine. I spun on my heel and went back inside, walking through Ben’s office and wishing he were there instead of out on a run. I could have used his support, though I didn’t need it. I could do this on my own, but I would have preferred to have him there.
I stood with my arms crossed over my chest and waited for Joshua to enter the sleeping area of the tent. He came in about a minute after I had and dropped his pack on the floor near the bed. He gave me a smile, but it quickly dissolved off his face when he saw my expression. Good, he realized immediately I was angry as hell.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I was too angry to form syllables at the moment, so I simply thrust the picture in his direction. His complexion paled, and he swayed.
“Why do you have this? Why are you are really here?”
Sweat beaded his forehead suddenly, and he looked like he might collapse. It didn’t sway me toward sympathy, and maybe it wasn’t even designed to do that. Perhaps it was simply his genuine reaction. I couldn’t be sure, because I knew nothing about him. I thought I had known him, but how much of it had been a lie?
“They gave me that picture when they sent me here so I’d be able to find you.”
My stomach dipped as confirmation of the theory emerged from his mouth. “Are you a soldier?”
Joshua shook his head. “No, I’m a survivor. I got the HLV virus in the first wave, and when they found out I recovered, they insisted I move on to the base. It wasn’t a matter of telling them no, especially since they took my sister and basically held both of us hostage. My sister’s immune, I think, or maybe she’s just dormant. Either way, they were able to keep her from being exposed at the base, and I was forced to cooperate to ensure Julia’s safety.”
I felt a spark of sympathy I didn’t want to experience, understanding his viewpoint. It would have been easier if he had just been a gung ho soldier assigned to find me rather than a civilian like me who was forced to do their bidding. “What are you supposed to do with me?”