by Kit Tunstall
“Captain Briggs thought you were here, though he didn’t see you when he searched the camp. You must have had your contacts in that day, and you’ve been kind of lax about that lately. You need to make sure you’re wearing them every day.”
I ignored the advice, though I realized he was right. I had gotten kind of lax about wearing the contacts, and I hadn’t touched up the hair dye since we’d put it in. “Why did they send you in if they thought I was here? They have a tank. They could have just leveled the camp and taken me.”
He nodded. “I imagine that was what some of them wanted to do, but the scientists actually overrode the military, pointing out you were no use to anyone dead.” The words were harsh, and he seemed to hate saying them, judging from the way he flinched. “They told me to bring you back using whatever means necessary as long as you were alive, and if you were here at the camp. I’ve stayed way longer than I was supposed to, but…” He trailed off.
“But what?”
Joshua licked his lips, looking nervous. “I didn’t want to leave you, and I certainly didn’t want to take you back to them. At first, I thought the easiest way to get you away from the camp would be to get you to like me and agree to come away with me. I didn’t count on you already being involved with Ben, and I certainly didn’t expect his unorthodox solution.”
His words ripped right through me, and though I hadn’t been able to take that final step of fully falling in love with Joshua due to lack of trust, I still had fallen for him enough that his admission eviscerated me. “You were never interested in me besides as a means to get me away from the camp then?”
He shook his head. “That’s not true. I liked you from the start. I just didn’t know what to do. Things mushroomed, and my plan to seduce you away and lure you out of here fell by the wayside. I’ve been trying to come up with a solution, or a way to get Julia away from the base while keeping her safe from exposure to the HLV virus. I’m not turning you over to them, and I have no intention of telling them you’re here.”
“I don’t believe you.” How could I believe anything he said?
He gave me an imploring look. “I swear I’m telling you the truth. I love you, Sofia. I’m not going to just hand you back over to them so they can turn you into the guinea pig they’ve made me. Since I survived the first wave, they’ve taken liters of my blood and subjected me to who knows how many tests. They even gave me the mutated strain of the HLV virus, and my immune system fought it off without any symptoms. I’m almost as valuable to them as you are, but they want you because you have antibodies to the second strain, the mutated version, which is more lethal.”
“I want to believe you, but I’m sure as soon as you’re back at Fort Glacier, you’ll crack. All they have to do is threaten your sister, and you’ll tell them whatever they want to know.”
He frowned. “I’m not going back to Fort Glacier, at least not to stay. I need to get Julia out. After that, I thought we could come back here and—”
“And what? Pick up where we left off? That’s not happening. You lied to me about everything. I still don’t even know for sure if you actually find me attractive, or if it was just part of your plan.” When he tried to speak, I held up a hand. “I understand your position, and how you ended up forced into the situation, but I don’t trust you. I don’t trust anything about you or anything you’ve said to me. I want you to pack your things and get out. I don’t care where you go, but don’t stay here.”
He called my name as I turned away from him, striding toward the exit. I tuned him out, unable to look at him. I was too hurt and angry by what he’d done, but I was also still weak when it came to him. I still loved him, and the note of raw pain in his voice almost made me to stop. I was afraid if I did that, I wouldn’t follow through with my demand that he leave. I couldn’t have him around, because I couldn’t trust him. As it was, now I knew how vulnerable I was to being taken, and I’d probably have to leave the camp myself. I couldn’t allow myself to weaken.
When I returned to the tent later that evening, Ben was there, but there was no trace that Joshua had ever shared the tent with us, other than the faint smell of his head on his pillow that I noticed when I lay down. Ben stood up from the armchair and came over to sit on the bed beside me, taking my hand. “Joshua told me everything before he cleared out.”
I was amazed that he had been so forthright. He tended to be economical with the truth obviously, so maybe I should verify what he’d told Ben. “What did he say to you?”
Ben summarized, and his version of events matched what had happened, so I was satisfied Joshua had told him the truth. At least as much of the truth as he was capable of telling. Yeah, I was bitter and still angry. “I have to leave Camp Utopia.”
He frowned. “No, you don’t.”
I made myself look at him, almost memorizing his features. “I have no choice. As soon as he gets back to Fort Glacier, he’ll tell them I’m here, and they’ll come for me. Their covert plan to extract me didn’t work, so they’ll come in with guns blazing. I won’t be responsible for everybody in this camp being killed or injured and having their home destroyed.”
Ben sighed. “He’s not going to tell them anything, Sofia.”
I snorted. “You didn’t really fall for that, did you? You can’t trust a word he says. They’ll use his sister against him, and he’ll crumble.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think he will. I don’t even know he’s going back to Fort Glacier. He talked about trying to find a way to get his sister out and keep her safe from the virus. There’s not exactly a practical quarantine area out in the world, so he knows she’s safer there for now. But if he returns, he puts you at risk too. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I’m sure he’s not going to reveal the fact that you’re here. He loves you.”
I snorted again. “That’s some display of love. He planned to trick me into leaving the camp with him and turn me over to the people who held me captive for the last year. I understand his reasons, but it doesn’t excuse his emotional manipulation of the situation. He didn’t have to make me care about him to do this. He could have just kidnapped me from camp or something.”
“Maybe he could have done that, but maybe he didn’t want to. He could have acted in the first few days before you got involved with him, but he held back. I don’t know if it was his conscience or the fact that he was attracted to you, but I don’t believe Joshua ever wanted to take you from the camp and give you to Fort Glacier. He’s in a difficult situation too, love.”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “I know that, but he hurt me. I don’t have the faith in him that you do. If someone had threatened to hurt a member of my family, or if they were threatening to hurt you to get me to cooperate, I’d do it. I can’t imagine Joshua will be able to hold out if his sister is suffering. That’s why I have to leave.”
Ben moved to lie down beside me, putting his head on my shoulder and one arm across my waist. “Don’t do anything hasty. Just think about it for a few days, okay? Promise me you aren’t going to try to slip away while I’m busy, or I’ll be too distracted on runs. I’ll be out there thinking about you, wondering if I’ll get home to find you gone out of a misguided sense of nobility, and my lack of concentration might get me killed.”
I glared at him as I turned my head to meet his gaze. “Damn, you’re good at this guilt trip stuff.”
He gave me a small smile. “If you think I’m good, you should have met my mom. I mean, before…” His expression turned serious again. “I can’t focus on doing what I need to out there if I’m afraid you’re going to run away the first time you have a chance. Please promise me you’ll stay, at least for now, and think things through. If you’re determined to leave, I want to go with you, but I need a few days to set the camp in order and find someone else to take over for me. Can you give me that time?”
I thought it might be a bad idea, and I was afraid the people from Fort Glacier would come at any moment, allowing two days’ tr
avel time for Joshua to reach the camp, and likely another day to be debriefed, but I couldn’t ignore the appeal in his eyes, or the logic in his words. It also bolstered me to know he was willing to come with me, though the idea of forcing him out into the danger posed by the rest of the world, with just the two of us to depend on to survive, didn’t seem fair. With a small sigh, I nodded. “I promise to give it a few days, but there’s a condition I’m imposing.”
He frowned. “What is it?”
“If Fort Glacier comes for me, I’m going to let them have me rather than have them destroy our home and hurt the people we care about. If they arrive at our door, I’m going to surrender, and you aren’t going to interfere with that. Do we have an agreement?”
I could tell he was battling himself, clearly wanting to object, but also knowing that I wouldn’t agree to stay if he didn’t agree not to interfere if it came to the point where I had to surrender to them.
With a small sigh, his shoulders drooped, and he nodded against my shoulder. “Fine, but I don’t think it’ll come to that.”
“I hope not, but the truth is my fate rests with Joshua.” A man I didn’t know if I could trust despite still loving him. I didn’t know if he really loved me, or if it was more of his manipulative game. I really didn’t know anything about him at all, and that was not only heartbreaking, but also terrifying under the circumstances. I didn’t know if I could trust him to protect me over his sister, despite Ben’s confidence in the other man. I was low on trust. It was one of the first commodities to go by the wayside after the people at Fort Glacier had kept me, ostensibly for my own safety, upon realizing I had recovered from the vaccine-induced strain of HLV.
Chapter Eleven
I spent the next two days on tenterhooks, trying to come up with a plan to survive if I left the camp. I didn’t want to tear Ben away, and I didn’t really want to leave either, but I was still frightened to stay. Early on the third morning after Joshua’s departure, when I knew he would have returned to Fort Glacier by now, I woke feeling a hint of panic and the certainty I should just leave right then.
Fortunately, Ben’s arm around me kept me anchored against him, and the panic attack passed within a few minutes, all without waking him. Once I was calmer, I slipped quietly from the bed, amazed at how early I was up. I wasn’t much of an early riser, and I usually didn’t stir until Ben was getting up for the day. I slipped on sweatpants so I could make a visit to the latrine before leaving the tent.
After attending to my morning business, I was walking back to the tent, deciding what to do with myself for the next couple of hours, when I heard a cry from the medical tent. Acting on instinct, I turned in that direction and entered the exam room. I was alarmed to find Maisie lying on the table, with Grace standing beside her, looking frazzled. I quickly approached, feeling a little awkward about interrupting them, but responding to the fear in Maisie’s expression. “Is everything okay?”
Grace startled at the sound of my voice, but then turned her head. The fear in her eyes was what really worried me, because she was a trained medical professional, and if she was afraid of whatever was happening, it must have been bad. I moved closer to them, taking Maisie’s hand instinctively. She clung to it.
“Maisie’s contractions are more regular now, and I can’t get them to stop. One of the men on a run managed to find magnesium sulfate for me a few days ago, but it isn’t stopping the contractions. I don’t know what else to do.”
“Does that mean Maisie’s in labor?”
Grace nodded
“How far along are you now, Maisie?” I asked, trying to hide my fear on her behalf.
“Thirty-four weeks.”
I met Grace’s eyes, seeing the concern there. I turned slightly away from Maisie, trying to keep my voice low as she panted through another contraction. “Have you checked the baby?”
Grace nodded. “I did an ultrasound, and she seems to be in distress. I think I should do a cesarean, but I’ve never actually done one. Of course I saw one on my rotation in the maternity department, but that was back when I was training to be a nurse. Before becoming a P.A. and working in family medicine, I was an ICU nurse, usually taking care of terminal patients. I’m not the best person for this job.”
With my other hand, I squeezed Grace’s briefly. “You’re the only person we have, so you’re just going to have to do your best.”
Grace looked haunted. “I don’t think I can keep a thirty-four-week baby alive. I don’t have the things we’d need.”
“Tell me what you need. We’ll make sure we have it on hand.” I knew Ben wouldn’t hesitate to go in search of items that would help the infant. There was no guarantee we’d find them, but we had to at least try.
I stayed with Maisie, holding her hand and speaking softly to her as Grace moved away from the exam table to make a list of things. It took her several minutes, and when she returned with the list, I realized why. Not only had she put down the names of the machines she needed, she had also provided fairly detailed drawings, so anyone without medical training should be able to identify the necessary components.
“Make sure they get the manual oxy bags along with the oxygen concentrator, in case the generator loses power or something. I imagine the little one will need an incubator and probably intubation, and if we lose power, the machine won’t be able to breathe for her. We’ll have to do it by hand.”
I took the paper, holding it firmly in my hands. “We’ll leave as soon as possible.”
Grace looked almost as frightened as Maisie. “You have to hurry, because I don’t know how long I can keep them stable before the baby either comes or gets so distressed that I have to do a cesarean.”
I nodded again to indicate I understood the urgency and rushed from the tent. I ran into mine and Ben’s, only briefly stuttering over the thought that it was no longer Joshua’s, and found my lover just waking for the day. “We have to leave now.”
He frowned, his eyes still heavy with confusion from sleep. “I thought we talked about this. Aren’t you going to—”
I shook my head. “No, I mean we need to go to a hospital or something. Maisie’s in labor, and Grace needs some supplies to keep the baby alive. She’s a preemie, so she can’t survive without some of these items.”
Ben cursed as he hopped from bed, dressing as quickly as possible. He strapped on his weapons, and I followed him from the tent. I didn’t even think about staying behind, not this time. He needed as much help as he could get, and I was too worried for Maisie to be afraid of stumbling across the people from Fort Glacier.
I blinked, realizing I wasn’t wearing contacts, and turned to run back to our tent just long enough to slip in a lavender pair. They were the first ones I grabbed. Then I ran out again, meeting up with Ben, who had entered the men’s bunkhouse and was asking for volunteers to help retrieve the equipment Grace needed.
In other circumstances, I might have been annoyed that he didn’t ask for volunteers in the women’s tent too, but it was strictly a practical matter. These were the people who went out on the runs on a regular basis, and only one of the women ever went out much, and that was Natalie. I knew she’d had late guard duty, so she wouldn’t be up for an early morning raid anyway.
There were six of us in total as we piled into a Suburban parked at the edge of the camp. It had plenty of room for all of us, plus enough room in the back section to hold all the medical equipment we might need. “Where are you headed?” I asked Ben.
“Helena,” he said a bit grimly. It was more than an hour away, and it felt like it would take too long. Before I could mention that, he added, “It’s the only place with a NICU nearby. None of the smaller areas around here are going to have the equipment we need. There’s a Children’s Hospital there, and they had a Level-One NICU if I remember correctly. It’s like the best in the state or something. We should find what we need there.”
I nodded, though I was still afraid it was taking too long. What choice was there tho
ugh?
The ride was mostly silent, and we were all tense. There was so much riding on this particular run, far more than just the basic everyday runs these men usually did to gather supplies and equipment for our continued survival. It was a heavy responsibility, and it settled on me like a weight.
Maybe I shouldn’t have come. I realized I didn’t have as much training as these guys did, and I’d never been on a run before. At the time, I’d been so frantic that it hadn’t even occurred to me not to come. I genuinely wanted to help, and hoped I could do so. Now, I feared I would end up hindering the team rather than assisting them. It was too late to change my mind though, so I resolved I would take my cue from the rest and make sure I listened to every order Ben issued, to ensure I was safe and the team was safe.
When we arrived at the Children’s Hospital, the scene was a madhouse, but not as bad as the emergency side of the hospital, where cars were parked six-deep, and more than one had plowed into another. Clearly, people had come here in their last days hoping for a miraculous cure that none of the doctors had been able to provide. Sheer odds alone suggested most of the doctors had to have succumbed to the virus as well.
We were entering a place of death, and I immediately understood why Jerry thrust a gas mask at me as soon as we were all out of the vehicle and had moved around to the back. I didn’t know where they’d gotten them, but I was glad to have one. I figured they’d had a lot of use over the last year. With Ben’s help, I soon had it adjusted to fit my face, and it formed a tight seal. It was weird and a little disorienting to have the gas mask on. It also obscured my field-of-vision on the sides, but if the alternative was breathing in the miasma of death and decay which we’d surely find in the hospital, I’d live with the lack of visibility and the Darth Vader-like feel gladly.