Deviant

by Natasha Knight

  “All right.”

  I wasn’t sure what I expected, why I felt guilty, duplicitous.

  Before I let on what was on my mind, I walked to the bathroom where I took my time in the shower, working on autopilot, washing my hair, conditioning, not sure how things were going to go once I got out there. But it turned out I didn’t have to wait to find out because the shower door slid open, startling me. I was about to protest when Julien’s big, naked body took up most of the space inside the shower. Before I could utter a sound, he was on me, pushing me against the tiles, his mouth crashing onto mine in a deep kiss that stole my breath with its ferocity. He cupped the back of my head, and where I was used to his fingers tangling in my hair and pulling, this time, he held me, cushioning my head against the hard tiles.

  I could do nothing but open to him, my body used to his, to him. His hard, naked chest pressed against mine and water from the shower splashed along our shoulders, his back. His kiss was long and slow, penetrating but not taking, softening and deepening at once, not quite devouring but having me all the same. It aroused, but he always aroused me. Being around him, my body worked from memory and I found my hands, which had at first pushed against his chest, now softened, exploring the hard muscle instead, curling over big shoulders and biceps.

  He ground against me, that kiss deepening, his cock pressing against my belly, hard against soft, and one hand moved to my hip as he released my mouth and turned his attention to my neck, to that hollow at my collarbone, and he bit, sending my belly fluttering, making me wrap my hands over his shoulders and grip. It didn’t hurt, the bite, it only aroused as he kissed, then bit again at the curve of my neck and back, drawing me closer to him, that hand at my hip now lifting my leg until I wrapped it and the other around his hips. His cock stood at the entrance of my pussy when he returned his mouth to mine, his eyes open this time.

  “I want you, Mia. I want to make love to you.”

  Make love.

  He’d never said those words before and I’d never call what we did making love. We fucked. We fucked like wild beasts fucked — and he got off on it. I got off on it. But now, looking into the deep blue depths of his eyes, I saw tenderness along with that fiery passion — and all I could do was kiss him, open to him, tell him without a single word yes.

  He slid the shower door open, and, leaving the water running, he carried me toward the bed, kissing me as we dripped all over the carpet, depositing me onto the bed soaking wet and laying his weight on top of me.

  “I want it,” I said when he lifted himself up onto elbows, nudging my legs apart with his knees. “I want your weight. I want to feel all of you.”

  “You won’t be able to breathe,” he said, kissing me, giving me more of his weight but not all of it. Not yet.

  “All of it. I want all of it, Julien. I don’t want to breathe.”

  Was it true? Was that what I wanted?

  He looked at me, his eyes shining. He heard my words and watched my eyes as I watched him. His cock slid slowly inside me, stretching me, making me gasp like it always did when he first entered me. Once I’d drawn that breath, he gave me what I wanted. Lifting me higher onto the bed, he lay his weight on me and began to fuck me slowly, shifting his hips a little, hitting just the right spot.

  “Kiss me, Julien.”

  He’d been watching me until then, our faces inches apart, our gazes locked. He gave me what I asked for, but neither of us closed our eyes when he brought his mouth to mine and I felt the shift as he lifted up a little, giving my lungs room to take in breath while he pushed deeper inside me, our bodies touching at every possible point.

  When his movements came just a little faster, he pulled back and watched my face again. We stayed like that, making slow love, not once taking our eyes off one another, almost like we both knew it would be the last time. And when he swelled inside me, he reached to take one leg higher, penetrating deeper, the thrusts coming shorter, harder now.

  Pressure built and built as he watched me. I came just moments before him and when I let out a long sigh, it seemed to signal his own release. His eyes glittered, black centers ringed with the brightest blue, his face different, unearthly almost, as he thrust once more then stilled inside me, filling me, making me feel whole and complete.

  It was long moments afterwards when my body cooled, sweat chilly against my skin, reality weighing upon my heart once more.

  There was nothing right about this — or if there had been, it wasn’t anymore. If it ever had a chance, he’d ruined it. And for what?

  For money.

  “I’m cold,” I said, squirming out from beneath him.

  He rolled off, surprised.

  I walked toward the bathroom where the water still ran, all while his seed slid down my inner thighs, and I climbed back into the shower, scrubbing his scent from me, wanting to wash his slow love making from my memory. It tasted of deception, and his betrayal turned my stomach.

  As my tears mixed with the quickly cooling water, I knew I wouldn’t be able to wash away the memory of him, of his eyes, his touch, his smell. None of it. I was fucked. I loved a killer, a man who would deliver me to my death if I didn’t find some way to get away from him, try to fix the mess I was in, and finally, permanently, disappear.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Julien

  While Mia washed, I picked up my cell phone and reread that message a hundred times, thinking about my options.

  If asked even a few weeks ago, I would have laughed at the ludicrous notion that I’d even be considering a girl over a million dollars. But today, I wasn’t laughing. I looked up at the closed door of the bathroom and thought of her.

  Fuck!

  If I handed her over, it wouldn’t matter if Samuel didn’t hurt her — because Jason would. If I helped her to get to the attorney to sign the paperwork, they’d be waiting. I wasn’t foolish enough to think otherwise, and neither was Mia. If we just disappeared, we’d be on the run for the rest of our lives.

  I picked up the hotel room phone and dialed my grandmother. It was early, but she answered, annoyed at being woken, which was kind of funny, considering. She was a tough lady, and if anyone went out there to do any damage, they’d have to reckon not only with her, but the entire village. The image of it made me smile, but then the shower switched off and I thought of the bigger problem at hand.

  Getting up, I opened the suitcase and picked out fresh clothes for Mia and myself, waiting for her to emerge from the bathroom.

  “Any hot water left?” I asked in the hopes of breaking through the heavy mood that had settled around us.

  “Probably not.” She looked at the dress I held out for her. “No, I don’t want to get dressed and go out. I’m just going to try to get some sleep.”

  “It’s too early for that, and you need to eat. Besides, I need to ask you some questions about Samuel. Let me have a shower and we’ll grab a quick bite and talk.”

  “Julien, please. I don’t want to.”

  “You don’t have a choice, Mia. Now, are you going to be here when I get out or do I need to bind you to the bed like the first time we were in a hotel room?”

  I didn’t miss her quick glance at the backpack. “I’ll be here. Go ahead.”

  I went to her and took her arms, rubbing the goose bumps away. “You okay?”

  “I’m anxious. I want this to be done.”

  “Try to relax.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Mia.”

  Her brow furrowed at that and her gaze darted away.

  “Do you trust me?” I asked, squeezing her arms until she looked at me.

  Her eyes searched mine and I could see her struggle. “Can I?”

  Could she?

  “I guess only you can decide that.”

  Non answer.

  Releasing her, I glanced at the backpack but purposely left it where it was and headed into the bathroom. I kept the door open and watche
d as best as I could while having the quickest shower ever, barely giving her time to get dressed. The fact that the backpack was where she could have grabbed it and ran, spoke to the fact that she should trust me. Not that I’d truly let her go anywhere with that book. It wasn’t the right thing to do. Hell, her options were so limited, but on her own, she was dead. With me, she might have a chance.

  Now, I just had to decide what the fuck I was doing — how I was going to keep her alive and get that million.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Mia

  Did I trust him?

  I looked at the backpack as I dressed, hurrying, glancing at the shower as I pulled the dress he’d chosen for me over my head, weighing my options. If I ran now, it might give me a few minutes head start, but I wouldn’t put it past him to chase me down the hall naked. Then he’d be pissed.

  But it turned out I didn’t have to decide on anything much because he finished showering in record time and I saw how intensely he looked at me when he stepped out, even as he made some small joke to try to lighten the mood.

  He knew I didn’t trust him and he obviously didn’t trust me.

  I dried my hair, and pulled it into a ponytail. Then we headed out for dinner, Julien carrying the backpack with him. He wasn’t taking any chances, and I wondered if he’d sleep with that ledger under his pillow.

  He chose a Chinese place nearby. It was quiet and dark, which was perfect. We ordered our meals and Julien took my hands.

  “Tell me about Samuel. Tell me about how he was with your sister, with you.”

  “Why?”

  “I want to know who I’ll potentially be dealing with.”

  “You say potentially, but you don’t mean it, do you? I mean, it’s unlikely that they’ll not show up. They’ll know when I reach the attorney’s office. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t tip them off.”

  “I think it’s wise for us to assume that. That’s why I want to know about Samuel.”

  “Not Jason?”

  “No. He’s the less interesting of the two. Jason’s type I know. Hot headed, not very smart, predictable. Birthright is the only reason he’s where he is. He’s Samuel St. Rose’s only son.”

  “I never got the feeling there was much love between Samuel and Jason. Until push came to shove, I guess.”

  “How was Samuel with Tanya? Did he love her?”

  It was strange hearing her name spoken aloud. “I thought so. She was younger than him by a lot, only a year older than Jason. She could have been his daughter. Tanya and I were alone from when I was very youg. She raised me. We came from a bad home — usual story. Drunk for a mom and dad MIA from as far back as I can remember. We ran away and somehow managed to stay gone, stay out of the system. We lived on the streets, but we survived. Samuel earned her trust somehow and she looked at him like he was a king, a god. She wanted to please him.

  “I’d had her to rely on. She’d had no one, not until Samuel came along, and that meant something to both of them. Who knows, maybe Samuel just liked having this young, beautiful girl looking at him the way Tanya did. I don’t know what it was, but I did think his love for her was genuine.”

  “How did she meet Samuel?”

  I looked at him before answering, then dropped my gaze.

  “I won’t judge. I know what it feels like to be hungry, Mia. I know what I’ve done out of desperation.”

  God, it sounded like he already knew. “She was an escort. High end.” I shrugged my shoulder, hating that she’d had to do that and that she’d been doing it from too early an age. “Samuel was a client.”

  Julien nodded. “Go on.”

  “He was her last client. He treated her well, really well. Bought her anything she even looked at twice, took her out all the time, liked showing her off. She was pretty — really pretty.” My sister had been happy then, the happiest I’d ever seen her. We hadn’t had anything growing up and Samuel, well, he turned that around, showing us a lifestyle neither of us had ever even imagined.

  “And how was he with you?”

  “He was nice to me. Nicer to me than I was to him. On the one hand, I was happy to see my sister so happy, but on the other… I felt like he was taking her away from me, in a way.”

  “Taking her love?”

  “She said no, that it wasn’t true. And I guess it wasn’t. She was young though. I always forgot that. She was more like a mom than a sister to me. I think it was that someone was taking care of her for the first time and not wanting anything back in exchange, you know?” I shrugged as the waitress set our food down. I picked up my chopsticks and watched Julien take his fork. “I think people — men — always wanted something from her.”

  “Not all men are like that.”

  “Aren’t they?”

  He ignored that. “Do you think he would hurt you, Mia? Samuel, I mean.”

  I set my chopsticks down and sat back, folding my hands in my lap. “There was a time he would have done anything for my sister, but I wasn’t there for a long time, not at the end. They’d sent me away. I want to believe that he wouldn’t, but I don’t want to be stupid. Besides, he chose Jason over me once, even knowing what he’d done to me.”

  “But do you think he could or would hurt you? Say if you gave the ledger back and promised to disappear?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “That doesn’t help.”

  “Why are you asking, anyway?”

  “Because he hired me to find you, Mia. He’s offered to pay me one million dollars to deliver you and the ledger to him.”

  I sat shocked for a long moment. Even though I already knew this, to hear him say it aloud was something else — and I never for one second expected him to say it.

  He’d come clean. That meant something, didn’t it?

  Don’t be a fucking fool!

  “I know.”

  He sat back then. “That’s why you’ve been acting like you have.”

  “What do you plan to do?”

  “Well, ideally, I’d love to get the money and help you disappear — but that may not be as easy as I’d like.”

  “No shit.”

  “Believe it or not, Mia, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “But you’d look the other way for a million bucks?”

  He studied me through narrowed eyes, and shoved a forkful of food into his mouth. “Why do you think I’m telling you? If I was going to do it, don’t you think I’d keep my mouth shut about the job?”

  I pushed soggy rice soaked in too much sauce around my plate. “You know what?” I set my chopsticks down and put my napkin on the table. “I don’t know, Julien. I don’t have a fucking clue. I can’t figure you out. One minute, you’re nice to me. The next, you’re a total dick.”

  Calm and cool as I’d ever seen him, he shoved another forkful into his mouth and nodded, as if agreeing. I just didn’t get the guy.

  “I’d be lying if I said the thought of handing you over for a million bucks didn’t tempt me.”

  That did scare me — and the fact that he could so casually say it terrified me.

  “Don’t look like that, Mia,” he said, taking a bite of an eggroll. “I didn’t say I was going to do it.”

  “Okay, then tell me. Just tell me where I stand, because right now, I don’t know. Don’t fucking toy with me on this, Julien. It’s not fair.” I swiped the back of my hand across my eyes, hating that I cried when I was upset, worked up, anxious — anything at all!

  “Christ, isn’t it obvious yet? Are you that thick?” he said this with a tap on the side of my head.

  “I guess I am. Just spell it out.”

  “No, Mia. I’m not going to hand you over to a stepbrother who raped and beat you, nor to a stepdad who may have reason to hurt you.”

  “Why not? I can’t pay you a million dollars! I probably won’t be able to pay you the half I promised!”

  “Jesus!” He reached over the small table and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me to him. “Somehow, s
omeway, you’ve managed to work your way under my skin, Mia St. Rose, and I’d kill them before I’d let them touch a hair on your head. Is that clear enough?”

  My mouth dropped open, and he shook his head.

  “I care about you,” he said.

  I stared at him, my mind reeling.

  “How it’s come to that, I haven’t a fucking clue. But there it is.” He shoved a final forkful of food into his mouth, wiped his lips and sat back, tossing the napkin onto his plate and glaring at me. “Not a single clue.”

  Well, that was certainly not what I’d expected to hear.

  “You finished here?” It was the waitress. Julien smiled politely, but I could see he was annoyed.

  “I’ll take the check,” he said, taking out his wallet. His eyes were on me the entire time. “Nothing to say?” he asked once she’d left with our plates.

  I shook my head with a loud exhale. “I’m… surprised, I guess. No. Shocked.”

  The waitress dropped the check on the table on her way by. Julien looked it over and slipped a few bills into the folder before rising. “Shocked, huh? Well, me too.”

  I slipped my hand into his and we walked quietly out of the restaurant and back to the hotel. We planned on being at the attorney’s office by 10:00 AM and it was almost 11:00 PM. Less than twelve hours to go.

  “Relax, Mia,” Julien urged once we were in the elevator. “You’re practically shaking.”

  I smiled, but it was forced. “I want this over.” Hadn’t I said that before?

  The elevator stopped and the doors slid quietly open. Julien led the way to our room and once we were inside, he locked it and set the backpack down.

  “Strip off your clothes.” He said it casually while he took his jacket off.

  “I’m not really in the mood…”

  He took two steps toward me, his eyes locked on mine. “Strip.”

  As if to help me, he reached back to unzip the dress. “I’m trying to decide,” he said, as the dress slid off my shoulders and pooled around my ankles. He turned me around and unhooked my bra, then pushed the straps down over my arms before cupping my breasts in his hands, pulling me to him so his cock pressed against my back. “Pussy,” he continued, his hands sliding to my panties, pushing them down to just beneath my hips, one hand cupping my sex. “Or ass.” His other cupped my bottom before slipping between my cheeks to smear the juices up to that tight ring, circling there, making my breath come fast.