Make Music With Me

by Kristine Allen

  “Yeah. Everything is great. The doctor says the little peanut is right on track. Healthy size, and developing like he should be.” Nervous fingers shredded the napkin she held in her hands.

  “It’s a boy?” Excitement made my voice crack and my heart nearly exploded. Hearing the sex of the baby made it suddenly more real. Just like that.

  “Oh! No, I haven’t found out. I have been going back and forth between referring to him or her as he or she. My appointment is this week for the ultrasound to find out for sure. How long are you here? Um, I mean, I don’t…. Sorry. This is so….” Huffing out a breath, she covered her face with her hands.

  “Hey.” Grabbing her wrist to uncover her face, I jolted at the shock that shot up my arm as soon as I touched her skin. Every fucking time, dammit. Recovering, I continued, “Poppy. We’ll figure all of this out. If you want me there for the appointment, I can stay. We’re supposed to fly out on Tuesday, but I can leave later. When is it?”

  With a slight cringe and a wrinkle of her nose, she said, “Tuesday. At ten thirty.”

  “I’ll be there.” There was no question. No hesitation. This was my fucking kid we were talking about and I was going to be there for anything I could be. Even if I had to give up the band and move here.

  “Isn’t Angelica expecting you back?” Catching her snide tone before her words sunk in, I looked at her with narrowed eyes.

  “No. Why would she?” It seemed strange she would bring Angelica up after we’d run into her once.

  “Well, I would think she would like to know you decided to stay longer. I figured she’d be expecting you back.”

  “Uh, no. She has nothing to do with my decisions.” Confusion bled over my words.

  “Oh, um, okay. Sure. I’ll text you the office address.”

  “Or we could go together.” The wide-eyed expression on her face at my suggestion had me chuckling.

  “Jesus, Levi, you’re taking this awfully well. Shit, I hardly slept last night because I was so afraid you were going to hate me. What I did—keeping this from you for so long—was wrong. I really expected you to be pissed as hell, maybe scream and yell at me.” The flush that spread over her cheeks made her cute as hell.

  “Oh, I get it. You wanted to meet here”—I gestured to the busy diner—“because you were thinking I’d be on my best behavior because we’re in public?”

  “Well, um, yeah. Sort of.” The redness on her face deepened and I watched her swallow with difficulty. The flush across her cheeks made the light spray of freckles I loved so much, stand out boldly.

  “I guess you’re lucky I’m good at keeping my cool regardless. Because I can assure you, being in public wouldn’t have stopped me if I was pissed and wanted everyone to know it.” Fighting my smile, I reached across the table for her hand. Briefly, I rested mine on top of it.

  “Oh.” Those damn eyes of hers. They reminded me of the toffee Mom used to make when we were kids. They flicked up to me, then dropped to the table as quickly as they’d flashed in my direction. The waitress brought my drink and took our order.

  “Look, I get that this isn’t the ideal situation. Neither of us planned on this happening. But despite what either of us wishes had happened, we created a life together. As far as I’m concerned we are both responsible for making sure this baby is taken care of in the best way. I told you back then how I felt about you. Despite you running off and cutting me out of your life, that hasn’t changed. For almost a year, your voice, your pictures, your words, were what got me through some really shitty moments. If nothing else, you were my best friend and I miss the hell out of that.”

  The tears she’d been trying to keep at bay slipped free again. Removing her hand from the table, she wiped them from her cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, my hormones are all over the place and I cry all the damn time. Levi, I cannot apologize enough for not telling you as soon as I found out. It was too easy to tell myself ‘tomorrow’ I would call you, then tomorrow would arrive and it was another tomorrow. Procrastination became the norm and the longer I waited, the harder it got to make myself contact you. Not to mention, I’ve had a lot of crap happen that I’ve not dealt with very well.” Once again she buried her face in her hands and with her elbows resting on the table, she blew out a big breath.

  “Poppy, I’m really not interested in dwelling on water under the bridge. Fuck no, I’m not happy that I’ve missed out on these months of watching my kid grow inside you. But will it change anything by being pissed about it? No. I guess you can thank my time in the Army for my ability to contain my emotions. Now tell me what all has been going on? Anything I can help you with? Talk to me.” When I’d told her she’d been my best friend, I meant it. Yeah, I had Logan, then there were battle buddies, and Dominic had been my best friend since second grade, but no bullshit, she had ranked right up there with him. Higher, truth be told. Because Nic and I hadn’t stayed as close as I would have liked since we joined two different branches of the military. We were finally starting to rebuild that friendship, but sometimes it seemed like he would always be closer to Aiden because they had been through a lot of shit together while they were assigned to the Marine Force Recon.

  “I don’t even know where to begin. First, it honestly devastated me when we ran into your girlfriend after what we’d done. I was fragile to begin with. That made me feel like the lowest form of human.” My jaw clenched, but I wasn’t going to interrupt her. I thought I was beginning to see part of what caused everything to go to shit. There would be time to explain that later. “Then after I got back and found out I was pregnant, I passed out in front of Mom and John. Of course, they panicked, called 911 and I ended up in the ER. That’s how they found out about the baby. The reason I passed out was probably the most stressful.”

  “What happened?”

  “So, umm, I walked in on my mom and John cuddling in the kitchen as she cooked.” At my raised eyebrow, she gave a burst of dry laughter. “Oh, it gets better.”

  “More?”

  “Uh, yeah. They admitted to me that my dad—Sam—was actually not my biological father. John is.”

  Holy shit was all that came to mind.

  “Whoa. That is a lot. Besides passing out, how have you dealt with that? Are things better with you all, now?” My poor girl. I couldn’t imagine what that must have been like for her. If someone had told me my dad wasn’t actually my dad, I might have laughed, then beat the fuck out of them.

  She sighed. “So, I quit my job and didn’t talk to my mom or John for over three weeks. Thankfully, John left me on his insurance even though I wasn’t actually working for him. That was part of the reason I put off contacting you. There I was, jobless and pregnant, after telling you I didn’t want to talk to you. I guess I didn’t want you thinking I was trying to trap you or I only wanted you to support me. It sounds kind of stupid now.”

  “Do they know I’m the father?” That still blew me away—I was the father of a baby. I was going to be a fuckin’ dad.

  “Yeah. They do. In fact…. God, this is shitty. I don’t want you to be pissed.”

  “Let me guess. That was the reason for the big push for the band to come down. Yeah, I wondered why he was so adamant that we come down here to play. Something told me there was some other driving force behind it, because I knew he had people breaking down the doors to play for him. The idea that he wanted us to play that badly didn’t sit right with me. The guys didn’t care why he was asking, just that he did. Even though I figured there was more to it, it’s kind of a deflating thought, now.” Ruffing my hand through my hair, I shook my head.

  “No, Levi. I mean, yes, that was part of the reason. But I can promise you, John would never have let you play if he didn’t think you were talented as hell. He has a reputation to maintain, you know.”

  The shy smile that peeked out made my fucking day and had the edge of my own lips tipping up.

  Our food order came and our conversation paused as we started to eat. Finishing
well before her—thank you, military training—I set my napkin on my plate and pushed it to the side.

  “So, the first thing I need to tell you—Angelica is not, nor had she ever been, my girlfriend. She, Dominic, and I went to school together. We went out a few times. Before I left for my last deployment… well, she and I hooked up. I’d driven home for the weekend, I’d been drinking, pissed about some stuff, and regretted it as soon as I sobered up. She’s always been clingy, which is why I never dated her after high school. She didn’t like seeing me with you and successfully stirred the shit.” Just thinking about that bitch and the bullshit she’d pulled had my blood boiling.

  “Oh. Wow. Shit. Hey, you know what, though? It’s okay. Looking back, it was too soon. Things would have probably gotten ugly if I had stayed. Neither of us was in a place where we needed to be even thinking about a relationship.” Her face flamed. “Not that I’m saying that’s what I want now.” She rushed that out like she was afraid I might run if I thought she did.

  “What if I do?” The response I got to that was the deer-in-headlights freeze.

  Setting her silverware on the plate with food she had merely picked at, she scooted it to the edge of the table. “Levi. I… Um… it’s probably not a good idea.”

  “Why not? Fuck, Poppy, you were my best friend, the only sliver of normalcy I wanted to hang onto the whole time I was trapped in that shitstorm overseas. We obviously have chemistry, or whatever the hell you want to call it, and we get along great.” Yeah, I had wanted to talk to her when we came down—hell, I’d wanted answers for why she just left and then cut me out of her life. But I sure as shit hadn’t planned for what she had laid on my doorstep. I’d had no idea she was pregnant with my kid, nor the possessiveness that would stir up.

  Her face fell into the palms of her hands as she groaned. “Dammit. Don’t you understand? I can’t. Everyone I love gets taken away from me. I don’t think I would survive if that happened again. As it is, I pray every night that the next day doesn’t bring any problems with this baby. And what about your family? I don’t want them to hate me or you. It’s bad enough that I’m having their grandchild and it’s not with the son I was engaged to. I just know they’re going to hate me. We don’t need to compound it with us being in a relationship.”

  “What, so you just hide? Protect yourself from everything by being alone the rest of your fucking life? What about after the baby gets here? Are you saying you’re not going to tell my parents about the baby at all? Come on, Poppy. What’s the point of even being on earth if you don’t exploit every fucking minute of every fucking day? You know what I’ve learned from Lucas’s death? Life is too damn short to not enjoy it. Do what makes you happy.”

  Her hands dropped to the table and she looked at me in resignation. “I don’t know if I can.”

  “You can. It’s just a matter of taking things one day at a time.”

  “One day at a time.”

  “Yeah, one day at a time.”

  Indecision colored her expression. Her gaze swept out the window, and all around the restaurant. Finally, she closed her eyes and opened them to stare at me. Licking her lips nervously, she breathed, “Okay.”

  “Okay? Really?” My heart was jumping up into my throat with each surging beat.

  “Yeah.” Despite the conviction in her tone, she still looked scared out of her tree at the decision she’d made.

  Clasping both her hands in mine, I leaned over the table toward her.

  “We can make this work—I know we can. But we’ll take things slow. Start with the appointment on Tuesday. Then we’ll figure it out as we go. I want to be a part of my kid’s life regardless of where we, as a couple, end up. That won’t change.” Nodding, she held my gaze. The relief I felt at this small victory was monumental. It had me beaming, even though I tried to keep my happiness subdued.

  “So… how do you feel about meeting my parents tonight over dinner?”

  “Huh? Your parents want me to meet them? You want me to meet them?” Stunned, I thought for sure I’d heard her wrong.

  “It was John’s idea, actually. And yeah, I do. You are the father of their first grandchild, you know.” The side of her mouth shyly curved up.

  “Well, then yeah. Absolutely.”

  Now I just had to figure out how to keep her and my baby in my life for good.

  “So Levi, I have to tell you, you and your boys were a huge hit Saturday night. I’ve already had several calls about you, both from local venues asking about you playing there and from a few big label executives.” John glanced at me as he was cutting his steak.

  “Executives?” The surprise on my face and the clatter of my utensils on my plate were enough to make Poppy laugh. It embarrassed the hell out of me.

  “Yeah. That’s usually how this works. A band is good, label representatives contact me after their people hear you perform at my bar…. You know, that is the idea. Right? To get noticed?” John stuffed a bite in his mouth as he tried to hide a smile.

  “Well, um, yeah. I mean, yes, sir. It’s just that I… we… the band and I didn’t expect anything to happen this fast. The guys are going to shi—Uh, I mean, they won’t believe this.” My hands were itching to pull out my phone and call Logan or Dominic immediately. Holy shitballs. We’d all been hopeful, but I doubted any of us thought it would happen that quickly. I relieved that we’d held off on accepting the offer from Stapleton. Rage, the small independent record label he worked for, had thought we’d jump at any random offer.

  After we’d discussed the details of those calls, we’d randomly switched topics. Somehow I managed to maintain small talk through the rest of dinner.

  As Poppy and I prepared to leave after finishing with the meal and cleanup, Poppy’s mom dropped another bombshell on me. It seemed she would be joining us on Tuesday for the appointment.

  Nothing like trial by fire on the family front.

  “Miracle”—Shinedown

  “So you’re about twenty-four or twenty-five weeks and we’ve estimated your due date as the twenty-first of January. Generally, we would’ve liked to have done this ultrasound a few weeks ago, so I apologize that this was the earliest we could get you in. April says you’ve decided you want to know the sex of the baby, Poppy?” Dr. Evans lifted her glasses to the top of her head. Then she looked away from my computer chart, where she had been reading whatever notes the nurse had put in there.

  “Yes, ma’am. And it’s okay, I understand about the scheduling. I’m just relieved you accepted me. I know you aren’t taking new patients, so I’m really happy to be here.”

  I really had been lucky to get in with her. Thankfully, Trina had been seeing her for years and was able to sweet talk them into accepting me on her referral.

  “All right, then I’ll send Tami in and she’ll get started. You have a full bladder?” I nodded. Oh, did I—I felt like I was going to pee myself if I moved too quick. “Good. Well, everything looks like it’s progressing well on your end. So keep doing what you’re doing. The ultrasound will tell us if little baby Pritchard is progressing as well.” Levi inhaled sharply. Confused, I leaned around her to see him but couldn’t decipher his mood.

  Her Scottish accent lilted pleasantly across my ears as she continued. “Like, I said, I’ll let the technician know you’re ready and we’ll see if we can get you some answers. It was a pleasure to meet you, Dad—and you, Grandma.” With a last smile and a shake of my hand, she rose and left the room.

  “Ohhh, I’m so excited!” My mother was like a kid in a candy store. She grasped Levi’s hand from where it had been resting on his thigh. The one that was bouncing along at a million miles a minute. “Levi, we’re going to finally know if it’s a pink or blue room!”

  “Yes, ma’am, I believe we will.” From the expression on his face, he was going to throw up. His grimace and his nervous body language almost had me laughing. While I’d had months to come to terms with and accept my situation, I had to remind myself this was new to him.
Knowing that was my fault made me feel about two inches high.

  “Oh, shush! Like I told you Sunday, call me Vivian. That ma’am stuff makes me feel old, and I’m not ready to be old. Now, what do you think it is?”

  Hiding my grin behind my fingers, I had to admit, my mom was a good distraction for Levi. Hell, and me.

  When he and I had picked her up this morning, I could tell he was keeping his emotions on a tight rein. However, typical of my mother, she had embraced him like a long-lost friend. Tears had sprung from her eyes and she’d apologized for being emotional. I was so glad she wasn’t holding anything against him for what we’d done and the results of our actions.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t given it much thought, but I feel like it’s a boy. Do you think every man feels that way?” Earnest question shone in his eyes as he glanced between me and my mother.

  “I suppose a lot of men would. My Sam? He knew Poppy was going to be a girl the minute I told him I was pregnant. It didn’t matter what anyone said, he was adamant. When we had that grainy little ultrasound picture in our hands, you would have thought it was gold. He was so happy and so dang smug.” My mom’s smile was contagious and it spread to all of us. She didn’t know I’d told him about John, and I figured now wasn’t the time to bring it up. I’d tell her later.

  “Honestly, maybe I feel that way because I never had any sisters. So ‘little’ girls are a ‘little’ scary to me.” He gave a slight shrug and blew out a short, rapid breath. He’d been Special Forces, for God’s sake, so it made me snicker that something as small as a baby girl scared him.

  “Don’t worry, whatever they see today, I promise you, you’ll do just fine.” There was a knock at the door, and the young technician pushed the ultrasound machine into the room.

  “Hi, Miss Pritchard! I’m Tami. I’m going to be conducting your ultrasound. Are you ready?”