Hurt Me So Good

by Joely Sue Burkhart

“After a titillating preview of VCONN’s upcoming show last night, we are thrilled to have stumbled across a blog created by one of America’s Next Top sub’s contestants. According to our information, this contestant is the exact same woman in the trailer released by VCONN.”

  Shiloh started to pull away, but Victor kept his arm locked about her. She wasn’t getting away from him that easily.

  “Even juicier, the contestant works at VCONN. Shiloh Holmes is an Associate Producer at VCONN, but reportedly began dating President and CEO, Victor Connagher, and suddenly found herself the show runner for Top sub.” Firkuss pointed to the screen behind him to their silhouette from the trailer. He let out a slick, fake laugh. “Perhaps dating isn’t exactly the right word. Now who does this look like to you?”

  He held up a picture of Victor in profile from a recent charity event, his longer hair clearly visible. It wouldn’t take much imagination for the viewers to see the resemblance.

  Reeling, he felt like the rug had been jerked out from beneath his feet. He hadn’t minded people within the BDSM community knowing his identity, but this… He and Shiloh had just come out of the closet in a very big way. Everyone in Dallas would know the kinky shit they were into, and the gossip and rumors would get worse with each and every episode.

  Do I dare proceed with the show? If it drags Shiloh’s name through the mud and airs all our dirty laundry to the entire city?

  “I don’t know how she got details on Internet Secrets,” Mal said in a clipped, tight voice, “but she’s been your spy all along. She’s only trying to get closer to you to leak more information.”

  Shiloh jerked away from his arm and stepped toward Mal, her eyes flashing. “I would never do such a thing! I didn’t even know about your show, so how could I have possibly leaked any of the details? Do you think I would leak my own name like that? Everybody in Dallas thinks I’m doing my boss just to get a promotion and spot on a sleazy show.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “Enough,” Victor retorted. He took Shiloh’s hand and drew her back to him. “She didn’t do it, Mal. I know about the blog. She told me herself.”

  “So? That doesn’t mean she didn’t call up Firkuss and tell him all about it too.”

  “Why would I do that? Do you have any idea what I put on that blog? How many times I wanted to approach Victor but I didn’t know how, all the secret fantasies? Oh, God…” She turned and buried her face against his chest. “I’m so sorry. Everybody will read those things. They’ll know it’s you, won’t they? It’s so obvious. They’ll read all the horrible language I used, see all the secret things I’ve thought about doing with you. I can’t bear it. Why was I so stupid?”

  Victor wrapped his arms around her and dropped his chin on top of her head. He’d taken the time to read several months’ archives of her blog, and he suddenly found the whole situation rather amusing. He even started to chuckle. “Next time I invite someone into my office and I don’t get up to shake their hand, they’re going to assume you’re under my desk giving me a blowjob.”

  She made a high-pitched wail that only made him laugh harder.

  “You think this is funny?” Mal stared at him like he’d suddenly sprouted another head. “Everybody in Dallas is speculating that Victor Connagher is the meanest Master in town.”

  “Aren’t I?”

  “Well, yeah, sure, but do you want everyone to know it? Right now, we can bluster with threats of a lawsuit to shut KDSX up, but if you continue to tape the show, more and more people are going to assume Master V is you. They can’t help but make that connection, no matter what kind of mask you wear.”

  “I know.” His mind leaped ahead, imagining the fallout. After the pilot, the speculation would only get worse. Or better, he thought, allowing a wicked grin to twist his mouth. “Our ratings are going to shoot through the roof. Everyone will watch just to see if they can tell for sure it’s me.”

  “And that doesn’t bother you?” Mal asked incredulously. “You know what kind of Master you’re showing yourself to be on the show, right? This isn’t nice, safe Dominant play like what you did with Kimberly all those months. This is the real shit, V. People are going to know you’re a sadist.”

  Despite his growing excitement for the show’s success, he couldn’t deny a kernel of uneasiness. “We’re keeping it clean enough for TV.” As long as Shiloh doesn’t push me over the line. “We’re not doing latex, ball gags or dungeon shit.”

  “Yet.”

  He arched a brow and looked down at Shiloh’s head. “Are you planning a dungeon scene?”

  “Not exactly.” Her words were muffled against his shirt. “There is a punishment round coming up, though. I don’t know how far we’ll end up going. It might get rather intense.”

  “We can pretty it up for Dallas.” He tried to keep his voice light, but Mal’s eyes narrowed. She’d caught the unease in his voice. If only he could pretty himself up for Shiloh and ensure her safety. If he could keep his mind clean, his crop in control and his need for brutality under wraps…

  “If she didn’t leak this blog, who did?”

  Victor met Mal’s gaze and made his voice as soft and gentle as possible. “Andy.”

  She snorted and whirled away, striding rapidly in the opposite direction. He and Shiloh followed her into Silken’s office. “I don’t believe it.”

  “He’s the only other person at VCONN who knew about my blog,” Shiloh said. “He threatened to tell Victor if I didn’t let him win Top sub.”

  “That doesn’t mean he called up KDSX and leaked the show or the blog.”

  “I told him earlier today that he couldn’t blackmail me because Victor already knew everything. I told him all about the blog and honestly, I expected him to fire me.” She peeked up at his face to judge his reaction. “I especially expect him to fire me now that his cover is blown.”

  “I’ve been hiding a long time,” he said softly, leaning down to kiss her. “Maybe it’s time to stop hiding Master V behind the mask of the CEO.”

  He didn’t realize how tense she’d been until she melted against his chest. Tears glittered in her eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I tried to keep everyone’s identity a secret with the masks. If I hadn’t started that stupid blog…”

  “I love your blog. In fact, I want you to write another entry. Right now.”

  “What?” She spluttered as he pushed her toward Ryan’s computer. “I should delete the whole damned thing before they have the chance to spread it all over Dallas.”

  “Don’t you dare.” He gave her his most intimidating glare. “I’m going to talk with Mal awhile about Andy, and I want you to write a juicy new entry. Make it as scandalous as you can imagine. Drop a hint about the leak—that you can’t wait to see what happens once I get my hands on him. And then write about what we taped just now, and what happened afterward.”

  “You want me to say that…” Her eyes were wide, her mouth soft and so lush it was all he could do not to smash her against him for a long, deep kiss that would curl her toes.

  “I was so incensed after watching another Dominant punish you that I had to drag you off set and fuck your brains out.” He winked at the choked sound that escaped her mouth. “Or whatever inappropriate language you can think of. You’re so much better in that arena than I am.”

  Victor sat with Mal before the fireplace while Shiloh typed up her blog entry. Crew came and went, cleaning up from the dinner and checking in for their next duties. When he noticed Léon and Brandon together, he couldn’t help a small, smug smile.

  Sniffing and wiping her eyes, Mal stared into space. “I just can’t believe it. Why would Andy do something like this?”

  “I had a friend do a little digging, and it seems as though Andy has gotten himself into trouble with gambling. He and a bunch of his college buddies are playing poker pretty heavily.”

  “Gambling? But he never…” Mal met his gaze and he reached out to squeeze her hand. “How could he hide something li
ke that? From me?”

  He suddenly had an inkling of what Kimberly must have felt after dating him for months—and agreeing to marry him—before he’d finally shown her the real Victor beneath the calm, safe, controlled mask he’d been hiding behind. A BDSM relationship revolved around trust, and to keep such a secret from a Dominant or a submissive, broke that trust. It shattered every illusion of safety in a caring but politically incorrect relationship.

  “I’ve whipped that boy to climax. I’ve tortured him with need until he begged me to come. He’s licked my feet, slept on the floor, and even wore women’s panties to class because I told him to. But now… It’s like I don’t even know who he is. I had no idea he was gambling so heavily he’d feel so desperate that he’d betray us. If he needed money, I would have helped him.”

  Giving Andy the benefit of doubt, Victor tried to think of something more positive to say than he was a lying dirty cheat. “Maybe he was too ashamed to ask for help.”

  “No.” Mal shook her head. “He’s asked me for help before. I’ve even given him an advance on his salary—out of my pocket, not VCONN’s—because he said he needed to fly home to see his parents. I wonder if he ever did. Maybe that was just a lie. Maybe everything’s a lie.”

  “What he had with you wasn’t a lie.”

  “Wasn’t it?” Mal laughed, a raw sound closer to a sob. “I’ve been preparing mentally for the war with Mama if I bring Andy home and introduce him as my live-in lover and possibly my someday husband, only now to find out he might have been using me all along. He’s been stabbing VCONN in the back, and instead of submitting to me, he’s been fucking me over this whole time.”

  “We don’t know how deeply he’s in this, Mal. I know you’re hurt, and I have to admit that I think he’s a prick for how he tried to blackmail Shiloh, but you’re jumping to conclusions about your relationship. He might be the most committed sub—”

  “No man could truly submit to me while withholding such secrets,” Mal said in a flat, hard voice. “I’m done. He’s getting out of my house tonight.”

  “I think we should play this smart. Let him dig himself deeper. If you question him, he’ll only be defensive and try to lie his way out of trouble. Let him entrap himself, and, if we’re very lucky and good, which you know we both are, we’ll make laughingstocks of KDSX, Firkuss and Andy.”

  “How?”

  “We let Andy leak information—but we choose what he leaks, and we play the show.”

  Mal released a low rumbling growl that she usually saved for the scene. “In this mood, I’m afraid I’ll rip his dick off.”

  Smiling, Victor shrugged. “Keep it clean enough for TV.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Georgia resumed her hostess duties as though nothing had happened. “Mistress M, would you like to punish Gift for failing to answer your questions correctly?”

  Shiloh tensed instinctively. She’d seen the emotions tearing up the other woman’s face. If Mal chose to punish her while she was so angry, Victor would end up being very pissed indeed.

  “Not at this time.” Mal gave a hard smile for the camera, but Shiloh knew she was thinking about saving all that rage and hurt for Andy. “Although I reserve the right to punish her if she fails the next challenge.”

  Georgia inclined her head and turned to the camera. “Very well. Let’s begin the judging.”

  Pressing her forehead to the cold floor, Shiloh waited in the shadows while Patrick kicked off another submissive and rewarded Peppi with her necklace. Victor had chosen rubies this time, one of Shiloh’s favorite stones, which made losing this round hurt even more.

  Mal went next, and she was terse with Andy even though she declared him winner. He dared to slip his hands up her thigh beneath her riding habit, giving her a cocky grin that had surely won him much favor in the past.

  This time, Mistress M planted her boot on his chest and shoved him backwards to sprawl on the floor. “Remember who your Mistress is, boy.”

  Disgraced, Andy remained prone, face pressed to the floor.

  “And now, let us hear from Master V,” Georgia said.

  Instead of coming toward them, Victor stayed on the dais while the contestants rocked back to their knees.

  He began in a severe voice that could have blistered paint off the walls. “Gift, you failed to answer a single question correctly for both Mistress M and Master P. Service is a crucial skill for any top sub, and while you serviced me to the best of your ability, you failed to please the other Dominants. You brought shame upon your Master.”

  Shiloh dropped back to the formal kowtow position. Yeah, this was all a show, but his critique still stung as fiercely as any blow he could hope to deliver. She could have done better for the other Dominants, but her best would always go to Victor.

  “Willow, you answered the most questions successfully tonight out of all the submissives competing for my collar, and so you win this challenge.” Canned applause filled the silence, but Victor looked far from pleased with his forehead furrowed and the short, impatient taps of the crop against his hip. He walked toward Kimberly, continuing to slap his thigh repeatedly, and his face went even grimmer with each flinch she gave. “However, I have significant doubts about our compatibility.”

  He gave one last loud strike against his thigh, and Kimberly kowtowed before him, shaking. “I can’t do it, Master. I’m so sorry. Please dismiss me instead of Ruby.”

  Her words melted even Shiloh’s heart. His face softened and he bent down, his hand gentle as he lifted Kimberly up to stand before him. Sincere tears dripped down her cheeks, her face twisted with grief.

  “I’m sorry.” Gently, he latched the necklace around her neck for her. “I cannot change who I am, and neither can you. You’ll make a less edgy Dominant very happy indeed.”

  Taking Kimberly’s hand, he bowed and kissed her knuckles, keeping with the tone of the show. Head high, she walked off set, leaving Shiloh and the other contestant before Victor. “Return to the line.”

  Georgia stepped forward and patted him on the arm. “I’m afraid you’re not the top Master tonight.”

  He gave her a look that made her pale and jerk her hand back. She forced a shaking smile for the camera while the Dominants arranged themselves on the dais. Victor and Patrick stood on the lower ring and Mal took the top, although she looked none too happy about it.

  “Tonight, our top Dominant is Mistress M, with her submissive, Beau, at her feet.”

  Victor’s jaws were tight and his fingers white on the crop. Shiloh swallowed a heavy lump of guilt in her throat. It stung his pride to lose a single game. In the end, though, this loss would give the show more drama. He couldn’t win every single challenge effortlessly, or their Dallas viewers would cry foul.

  In her opinion, of course, he’d already won top Dominant.

  After the earlier refresher course on humility, Andy crawled up the steps and pressed his face against Mal’s boots. If she hadn’t been so upset about his likely betrayal, she might have stretched out the performance for the camera, but she merely called, “Cut!”

  The lights came up and the crew milled about, a little surprised at how quickly she’d ended the scene. Andy actually looked a little scared. He didn’t get up immediately, and when Mal moved away, he clung to her ankle, earning another sharp kick to free herself.

  “Mistress, what’s wrong? Have I offended you?”

  Her jaws worked, her eyes dark with reproach. Victor came to her aid. “Sorry, Andy, she’s upset with me. I need all my editors working through the night to make sure the pilot is ready. Do you have friends you can hang out with tonight? I thought I’d just have Mal sleep over in my guest room so I could work her as late as possible.”

  “Oh, sure, I was going to meet some friends after work tonight anyway. Are you going to have an opening night party, Mr. Connagher?”

  “Of course,” Victor smiled, and Shiloh couldn’t help but shiver. Was Andy really that stupid? Couldn’t he see the shark swimm
ing beneath the surface, mighty jaws at the ready to swallow him whole? “It’s tradition, isn’t it? My place, Friday night. We’ll watch the pilot together.”

  Hours and days flew by in a blur of frantic work. Shiloh, Mal and Victor worked long into the night managing the thousands of details that would make or break the show. Victor fielded all the countless phone calls and public relations. Mal proved to be a godsend in the editing room, and she was more than willing to spend every waking moment at work so she wouldn’t think too much about Andy.

  Shiloh worked herself into a stupor each day and then fell into Victor’s bed for another kind of blissful stupor. They made love each night, sweet and slow or hard and passionate, but they didn’t play BDSM games. She didn’t feel any lack, and evidently his needs had been met—at least temporarily—on the show.

  Watching the pilot was surreal. She didn’t recognize herself masked and in costume, kneeling at the fierce masked man’s feet. She’d known Victor would be incredibly hot on the screen, but watching him and seeing the tightening of his eyes and mouth, the darkness flickering in his eyes, the quick, hard tug on his hair, all signaled how much he wanted her. How much the little scenes they played out turned him on.

  She became so unbearably aroused that she felt swollen and achy, as though they hadn’t had sex for months. Years.

  She suddenly understood why some people got off on voyeurism. Watching the trailer was enough to make her tremble and break out in a sweat. If he brought out his crop and smacked her with it, she’d come right here in the middle of thirty or more chatting guests. They couldn’t leave soon enough. They all applauded wildly after the credits rolled, and Shiloh’s eyes filled up with tears.

  Her name, listed as creator and show runner. He’d given her full credit. She couldn’t imagine what KDSX would do with that little tidbit. Would people leap to all sorts of conclusions about her relationship with Victor? Could the gossip be any worse than it already was? Although those words printed out in black and white on the screen were proof that she was real, that the blog was real, and so her relationship with Victor Connaghter, CEO of VCONN, must also be real.