Scandalous

by Jenna Petersen

  Today he rewarded her loyalty and care with unkindness and an overreaction that had little to do with her and everything to do with his own situation with Katherine.

  “I think you need to take a good look at why you reacted so strongly this afternoon,” his sister said as she folded her arms and stared evenly at him. It was as if she read his tangled thoughts all too well.

  He shifted under her gaze.

  Clearing his throat, he said, “I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

  Her eyes and demeanor softened a fraction. “You never did. Even as a child, there were so many evenings I heard you pacing the floors. All night sometimes.”

  He frowned. As a young man, he’d spent sleepless nights wondering if Colden told him the truth about his parentage. Wondering when the day would come when the man he called father would confirm or deny the ugly words his brother had spoken. And wishing for those words to be true in some way. Longing for a father who didn’t speak to him in hatred or touch him in violence.

  Now it was different. His sleepless nights were filled with Katherine. For the hours she was in his arms, he could forget that he still couldn’t find the answers to his pressing questions. So he took those hours greedily, hungrily, letting her fill the empty spaces of his heart.

  Until the morning when reality hardened him again. Though lately, reality hadn’t troubled him as much. Another bit of Katherine’s doing.

  “This is more than sleeplessness,” Julia whispered, searching his face. “You’ve never been so angry, and over nothing.” She blushed. “Nearly nothing.”

  Dominic couldn’t let her statement pass unanswered. “It was more than nothing. You and Adrian were staring at each other with such obvious…” He shifted uncomfortably. “Desire…attraction. It surprised me, and I overreacted. That’s why I’m apologizing.”

  Her mouth thinned into a pressed line. “You should be apologizing for your selfishness. I realize Adrian has been your close friend for years, and I have been little more than an afterthought of a life you ran from. But I couldn’t run, Dominic. I was trapped because of my sex. Now I want my happiness, too. You shouldn’t begrudge me a chance at it.”

  Drawing back in surprise, he murmured, “You think I reacted as I did because I was jealous? Of you taking Adrian from me if this situation develops further?”

  “No, you reacted as you did because you’re jealous of us finding a feeling you fear with every breath.”

  She rose to her feet and paced away, then suddenly spun back to face him with fire flashing in her eyes.

  “Love, Dominic. You’re terrified of letting anyone love you, or of loving them in return. That’s why you cannot sleep. Because you hold a woman in your arms you’re starting to love and it terrifies you. Especially when you know you married her under false pretences and hurt her with your lies of omission every day.”

  Dominic stumbled to his feet and backed away. Why did her ridiculous accusations prick him like the truth when they were nothing but sentimental rubbish? He cared for Katherine, he had accepted that. He hated that he lied to her, yes. But love her?

  No, he didn’t believe that was possible.

  She continued, but her voice and face had softened. “Go ahead and look at me like I’m daft, but I know you. Sometimes better than you know yourself.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” he whispered.

  She frowned. “I realize it’s difficult that you only know half your parentage. Even more so because Cole used it to maim for so many years, and Mother refuses to share any details with you. Were you hoping to find some answers here?”

  Dominic stepped back, too stunned to deny what she said. “Yes. I have viable information that I was conceived in this house. I hoped to find some evidence of my father’s identity.” He paused. “I wasn’t aware you knew of my—my being a…bastard.”

  Julia laughed humorlessly. “You must take me for a fool. Your arguments with Cole and later with Father could have brought the house down. I wasn’t a child when you left and I wasn’t deaf. I knew.” She reached out a hand to cover his. “And I never loved you one bit less, or saw you as any less my brother.”

  His jaw twitched at her words of familial love. They cut through the thick layer of anger that had cloaked him so long and touched a part of his heart he long believed was dead.

  “I’m so sorry, Julia,” he whispered as he drew her into a hug. “I never should have said those things about you being a spinster. I never should have implied there was something untoward between you and Adrian.”

  She smiled. “Thank you. In honesty, I don’t know if what you saw today will lead anywhere.” Her expression took on a faraway look. “Adrian claims to believe in love at first sight and has vowed to honorably pursue me with that in mind, but I have been out in society long enough to be more practical. All I know for sure is that I have never felt something like this before for any man.”

  He hesitated as he flashed to the first moment he saw Katherine on the terrace. He’d certainly felt a strong draw to her in that instant. Lust. And something more. Something he had never felt before.

  He shifted his focus to Julia. “You deserve happiness. Whether it’s Adrian’s notion of love at first sight or something that develops over time. If you find that with my best friend, I will be pleased. And I shall tell him that as well, when I apologize to him later tonight.”

  Her eyes softened. “Thank you, Dominic.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek. “May I offer you some advice?”

  He sighed. “I doubt my saying no will keep you from doing so.”

  Her laugh was full of humor this time. “You’re probably right. Please don’t make the mistake of keeping Katherine out of your life and your heart just because you made a bargain to take her.” She tilted her head. “I’d be a fool if I didn’t see your marriage is more than a bargain now, isn’t it?”

  He opened his mouth to deny her claim, but couldn’t seem to find the words. Not when he knew they were true. What he felt for Katherine had changed, shifted over the past few weeks of their marriage. Now he didn’t know what it was. More than lust, yes, but was more truly possible? He’d told himself so long that it wasn’t. Now it was hard to change that view.

  “Perhaps.” He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

  “You know,” she said softly, “you simply do not want to see it.”

  With a sigh, she turned to the door. “I’m exhausted. It’s been a long, trying day for all of us. But think about what I said, will you? I watched you go through hell at home. I would hate to watch you create a hell for yourself now that you have a chance to be truly happy.” Her smile was sad. “Good night.”

  “Good night,” he said as she slipped from the room and closed the door behind her.

  Once he was alone, he sank into the closest chair with a groan. His rubbed his fingers over his throbbing temples. When the hell had life become so complicated? So out of control?

  Not only did he wake every morning yearning for more than just his wife’s body, but he was so tangled up in her that he’d hurt his sister, endangered a life-long friendship with Adrian, and had been entirely distracted from his search for his real father. Why?

  Julia’s pointed questions forced him to face what he’d been trying to deny. He was getting used to having Kat in his life. Not just his bed or his house, but in his life. His mind. Even some small part of his heart.

  Only there were so many half-truths between them. As much as he dreaded it, the time had come to tell her about his devil’s bargain. It was the only way to protect the future he was beginning to long for. Only after she knew the truth could he analyze what that future was. And how to make it a reality.

  Dominic sighed as he entered his chamber and stripped off his shirt. A long conversation with Adrian left him feeling much better. Not only had his friend forgiven his earlier outburst, but had reassured him he was completely serious about Julia, no matter how sudden their attraction.

  The crisp linen hit the fl
oor with a swish and Dominic went to work pushing one boot off with the toe of the other before he sat down in a chair by the foot of his bed to finish undressing. He had no desire for a valet tonight. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Or better yet, sink into the dark oblivion of sleep.

  “Mmmph.”

  Dominic slowly turned to the bed. In the glow of the firelight, he saw a lump beneath the blankets. A shapely lump. A lump that resembled his wife.

  What was Katherine doing there? She had been so furious when she left him in the attic earlier in the day. He was sure she’d finally make good on her vow to sleep in her own chambers. Yet there she lay, dark hair spread across the pillows and her arm draped across his side of the bed, as if she’d reached out for him some time during the night.

  Frozen by her beauty and the surprise of her presence, Dominic stared at her. He was overwhelmed by a feeling of tenderness toward this woman he’d not known just a few months before.

  Slowly, he rose and removed the rest of his clothing. The bed was warmed by her as he slipped between the sheets. He rolled over and gently gathered her to his side. She didn’t wake, but made a low sound of contentment and snuggled her smooth cheek into the crook of his arm.

  She muttered something unintelligible against his skin. The only word he understood was his name, whisper-soft as her breath caressed him.

  Katherine was the first good thing that had happened to him in a long time. And though their marriage had come about as part of an ugly deal, somehow she wasn’t tainted by that association. In fact, she was the one thing in his life that had none of the torment of his past.

  He could keep it that way. At least until their tender emotions faded over time. If he first made amends for all he’d done and then admitted the truth, he might be able to keep her at his side.

  Now he truly understood how much he wanted that. And how much he was willing to risk to have it.

  Chapter 13

  K atherine was utterly and completely confused. She frowned as she pretended to measure her chamber windows for curtains, though she doubted anyone who walked in would believe her show. She certainly didn’t. What did decorating matter when things had changed so much?

  For days Dominic hadn’t continued his seemingly endless search of Lansing Square. Not since the ugly scene with his sister and Adrian. Instead he was sequestered in his office. The one time she gained entry, she found him hunched over his desk, writing madly on a document. He hid it the moment she cleared her throat. Their conversation had been curt, to say the least.

  He only appeared for meals and the occasional outing with their houseguests. Even then, he was distracted. And though he’d made apologies to everyone, including her, about his stunning lack of manners, he still seemed unable to concentrate on anything for more than a few moments.

  Not that Adrian and Julia seemed to mind. The two of them took full advantage of their host’s state of mind. They were constantly together, whether it was ice skating on the frozen pond, going to the village nearby, or taking sleigh rides through the countryside, Katherine could see their immediate attraction blossoming into a much deeper connection.

  She would have been happy if she wasn’t so…so…envious.

  Yes, she could admit she was envious, though it stung her to do so. Julia and Adrian were living a dream she’d long ago let die. They were falling in love right before her very eyes, and no matter how she tried to convince herself that love was dangerous, it was also beautiful. Seeing them growing so close stoked the ache she felt whenever she dared take a side-glance at her husband.

  But he obviously didn’t feel those same tugs of emotion. The last night they slept in the same room was the night of their most recent argument. Even then, Dominic hadn’t tried to seduce her as he had every night before. He’d just let her sleep, and had slipped away before dawn. If she hadn’t woken in the night to find herself in his arms, she wouldn’t have known he’d been there at all.

  Her private chambers were beginning to feel very big and lonely. In the deepest recesses of her heart, she missed sharing a bed with her husband. Missed feeling his warm arms around her. She missed him.

  “This is what you wanted,” she reminded herself quietly as she sunk into a chair and covered her eyes.

  She’d repeated that statement innumerable times over the past few days, yet she still didn’t believe it. In truth, she ached for Dominic’s company, and was disappointed he didn’t ache for hers. Somehow she’d expected him to come to her room, or court her back to his. The emptiness of his disregard was shocking, no matter that she’d predicted it would happen.

  “Excuse me, madam.”

  With a start, she uncovered her hot face and turned to the door. Matthews stood in the entryway, uncomfortable in the face of her pain. She smoothed it away with an embarrassed blush and said shakily, “Yes, what is it?”

  “A package has arrived for you. Shall I bring it in or have it placed elsewhere?”

  She cocked her head. Nothing she ordered should have arrived for weeks. To save money, she’d specified nothing was to be shipped with expedience.

  “Bring it in, Matthews. I have no idea what it could be.”

  In a few moments, the butler reappeared with three packages, all long and thick, wrapped in plain brown paper. Though the label was addressed to her, she didn’t recognize the shop name stenciled across the back.

  With a curious shrug, she cut the string with the scissors Matthews had handed her. Peeling back the paper, she gasped. Inside was the exact fabric she’d envisioned for her parlor furniture. Deep, rich blue, with just the faintest design. It was obviously expensive, much more than her meager budget would allow.

  “And I was instructed to give this to you once you opened the package.”

  Matthews held out an envelope. She took it with trembling hands as he smiled and bowed out of the room. Barely keeping herself from ripping it open, she slid a finger beneath the seal, pulled out a thick, rich piece of paper, and read the missive inside.

  It was from Dominic’s solicitor, increasing her pin money and informing her of the establishment of a special fund for renovation of the estate. When she saw the amount that had been deposited into said fund, her jaw dropped. Not only would she be able to finish every room in the house, but do some maintenance on the grounds when spring came.

  Why had Dominic done this? Especially now when he seemed to have lost interest in her?

  Her eyes widened with sudden, shaken understanding. Perhaps that was the reason! He no longer wanted her, so he offered her the estate as some kind of consolation. Something to occupy her mind, to help her forget him and the time they’d shared together.

  Despite how many times she told herself being thrown over was inevitable, believing it would happen was far less painful than actually experiencing it. She had to find Dominic. To look into his eyes and see for certain that he no longer desired her.

  Stuffing the letter into her pocket and sweeping a ream of the extravagant fabric into her arms, she opened the adjoining door to his room. He wasn’t there. With a sigh, she hurried down the stairs into the foyer.

  “Matthews?” she called out, peeking through doors and around corners, but the butler was just as absent as her husband seemed to be. Dominic wasn’t in his office, and she hadn’t heard him in the attic, either.

  Then she heard voices coming from the last place she would have expected them. Dominic’s rich baritone was coming from the parlor she had chosen, the one she longed to decorate.

  “Matthews, I don’t want you to worry about that,” he said. “I realize it’s been weighing on the minds of the staff, but no matter what happens, I will make sure you and the rest of the servants are taken care of.”

  “I appreciate that, Mr. Mallory.” Matthews sounded more relaxed than he had in weeks. “And I will be sure to pass along your reassurances to the others in your employ.”

  “Very good. Now, did Mrs. Mallory’s package arrive?”

  She stiffened
as her hand curled around the doorjamb.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Did she—” he hesitated. “Did she like it?”

  As Matthews drew in a breath to answer, Katherine walked through the door. “Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

  Dominic’s eyes darkened and she felt a swell of irrational triumph to her very core. There was still sharp desire in the endless gray of his stare, even if it hadn’t been demonstrated in a few days. Perhaps his gifts weren’t given to apologize for a lack of interest.

  “Matthews, that will be all,” he said quietly, never taking his eyes from her as the butler left. He only looked away when the quiet click of the door indicated they were alone. “I didn’t think eavesdropping was your manner, Kat. Did you hear anything of interest?”

  His tone was nonchalant, even playful, but that was at odds with the tension she saw around his eyes and in his stance. For some reason, he was intensely interested in what she’d heard. And how she had reacted to his gifts and his words.

  “I overheard,” she corrected softly, keeping her distance though it was difficult. “That isn’t the same as eavesdropping. And in answer to your question, I did hear several interesting things.”

  She set her armful of fabric on a rickety side table so she could focus entirely on him.

  His gaze darted to her face. “Which were?”

  “You reassured Matthews that the staff shouldn’t worry about their futures.”

  She finally gave in to her wish to come nearer, though she only allowed herself a half-step. It was enough to feel his body heat. Immediately her muscles tensed with longing. What was wrong with her? They hadn’t even touched.

  She took a breath and continued speaking, “It was a kind thing to do. But why did you do it? I’ve been asking you to do so for weeks and you refused.”

  He shrugged uncomfortably. “I thought if I gave the staff some guarantees, they might not be so terrified of me. Perhaps they’ll do their jobs more efficiently.”

  “I thought you didn’t care if they were frightened of you,” she whispered, watching unnamed emotions play across his face as he patently avoided her gaze. “In fact, my impression was that you didn’t really care what they thought of you at all.”