Scandalous

by Jenna Petersen

  He didn’t even hesitate before he nodded. “I love her with everything I am. Everything she saw in me.”

  Her face softened. “Then you must follow her. Don’t let her resist. Don’t allow her to go one more moment without being sure of your feelings. I, for one, am sure of hers. No woman runs away into the night unless her heart is involved.”

  He stared at his sister and the man he had called friend for so many years he’d lost count. Hope overwhelmed him as he thought of Katherine. She might not have admitted her love to him, but she’d proven it more than once. Julia was right. Something else drove her away. And he knew he could overcome that ‘something’ if he found his wife.

  Clearing his throat, he said, “You two have someplace to be. You should go.”

  Julia flushed in surprise. “What do you mean?”

  He cocked his head with as much of a chuckle as he could manage under the circumstances. “Oh yes, I heard rumblings of your plan to go to Gretna Green. So, off with you. And don’t return until you’re a baroness.”

  She smiled, but the expression was fleeting. “I don’t want to leave when you need us.”

  He reached out and drew his sister in for a brief hug. “I love you dearly for worrying. And for caring so much for me over the years.” Pulling back he looked down into eyes that were nothing like his own, but still held a part of him. “But you can’t help me anymore. I must do this alone.”

  With a sigh, Julia stepped back to stand beside Adrian. Dominic’s friend put his arm around her and said, “And what do you plan to do, Dominic?”

  He tilted his head with a determined smile. “I’m sending for my horse. I have a wife to find.”

  Chapter 19

  K atherine strummed her fingers along the wooden table with a sigh. She knew she needed to eat the roasted pheasant, potatoes, and bread the kind innkeeper’s wife set before her. For her child’s sake, at least, she had to take a few bites. But she couldn’t seem to bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to eat. She didn’t want to drink. She certainly didn’t want to think.

  She’d been on the run for two days now, heading for her friend’s estate in Northern England with only a lady’s maid for company, but her heartache wasn’t growing less. If anything, her thoughts turned even more to Dominic.

  She dreamed of him at night and when she dozed in the carriage. At stops for rest and food, she had lost count of how many times she thought she saw him, only to have that vision turn out to be false.

  By now, he had read her letter and its lies that she had not truly forgiven him and had left because she didn’t care. Hopefully, he had read the letters from his father as well. She could only pray he was heading to London now. Perhaps already there if he’d ridden hard. With the name Charles Vidal and the missing details, she was sure it wouldn’t take long to find the man.

  She sighed. How she wished she knew how Dominic fared. But she’d made the right decision in leaving. The only choice for her sanity.

  Oh, why couldn’t she convince herself?

  “Can I do anything for you, love?”

  Katherine looked up to lock eyes with the woman who had been serving her since she sat down.

  “Oh no, this is fine.” Katherine took a bite of her food to reassure the woman. She hardly tasted it. “I’m just road weary.”

  “Beggin’ your pardon, ma’am, but you look a bit life weary.” With a smile, the woman sank down beside her uninvited. “Would you care to lighten your load by talking about it?”

  Katherine flushed, uncomfortable sharing with this stranger, no matter how kind she seemed to be. “Thank you, but no.” She forced a smile. “There’s nothing to tell.”

  “It’s a man, t’isn’t it?” The woman pressed. When Katherine was silent, she said, “I’m Nell. I understand your not wanting to tell your tales to a person you don’t even know. But I’ve been through my own trials of the heart. I won’t ask you again, but if you change your mind, I’d be happy to listen.”

  Katherine worried her lip with her teeth. “What were your troubles?”

  “See that man there?” Nell motioned toward the bar.

  Katherine followed the other woman’s gesture to the round, soft form of the innkeeper who was polishing glasses behind the bar. “Mr. Wilcox?”

  “Yes.” Nell smiled like a schoolgirl in love. “When I met him, I was married to a hard man. He used to beat me something awful. I knew from the moment I met Blaine Wilcox that I loved him, but it took two years and a runaway horse that finally kicked my Martin in the head before I could be with him. Still, I never gave up. I never lost hope, even in the darkest hours.”

  Katherine stared at the worn, heavyset woman across from her. She’d probably seen more in a year than Katherine would see in a lifetime. Saying her troubles out loud would at least relieve some of the pressure, and it wasn’t as if the woman could spread the story.

  “My husband,” she stammered with heat filling her cheeks. “I love him, but we can’t be together.”

  The woman cocked her head. It was clear she didn’t understand how that was possible. “Why not? Is he cruel to you?”

  “No. Never,” she whispered.

  “Honey,” Nell said before she pushed back to her feet. “If you love the man, you must find a way together. Don’t throw love away over some foolishness.”

  As the innkeeper’s wife moved off to get drinks for a family at a nearby table, Katherine rose to her feet and trudged upstairs.

  She slipped into her chamber and stared into the roaring fire. Though she was pleased by its warmth and light, it offered her no comfort. There would be no peace or resolution for her. She’d done exactly what Nell had cautioned her against. Thrown love away.

  And no matter how she reminded herself of the necessity of her actions, it still broke her heart and ate at her soul.

  “Oh, Dominic,” she whispered. “I do love you. If only there was a way—”

  She was interrupted by a pounding at her door. She scrambled to her feet with a start.

  “Mrs. Wilcox, I’m sorry I didn’t finish my food,” she said as she approached the door. “I just want to be alone and try to sleep.”

  “Let me in, Katherine! Please!”

  Katherine took a step backward as the blood drained from her cheeks. Dominic. He was on the other side of the door, his voice filled with a desperation she’d never heard him possess, even throughout his entire search for his father. Even when she confronted him about his lies.

  It was the voice of a man who was lost.

  Why was he here? Her heart soared with brief hope that he loved her, but that hope subsided. Dominic cared for her, certainly, but not in that way. If anything, he’d come after her to keep up appearances.

  She fumbled her way closer and somehow managed to get it open. Dominic framed the doorway, big and powerful, but with a gaunt face and a haunted look in his eyes that touched her to her very center. To that place that insisted on loving him.

  “Is it all right, madam?”

  She finally noticed the red-faced innkeeper. Nell stood behind her husband close by. Though he had the stance of a man ready to fight, she could see by his look that Mr. Wilcox wouldn’t challenge Dominic. The innkeeper knew he wouldn’t win.

  Just like Katherine knew she wouldn’t, either.

  “Y-yes,” she stammered. “He’s my husband.”

  Dominic slowly turned to glare at the innkeeper. The man’s eyes widened, but Nell didn’t look as frightened as her husband did. Instead, she gave Katherine a bold wink and walked away.

  “Yes, ma’am. Good night to you both.” The innkeeper followed his wife, scrambling away as fast as his pudgy legs could carry him, leaving Katherine alone with Dominic.

  His presence was as powerful to her as it had been the first night they spent together. And her reaction was the same. Every part of her wanted to lean into his heat, to surrender and give him all her love.

  Instead, she backed away.

  He took the oppo
rtunity to come inside her chamber and shut the door behind him. Still, he didn’t speak and he didn’t come closer, just stared at her with those eyes that spoke volumes.

  She steadied herself by gripping the edge of the chaise. “You—you should be heading to London. You should find your father.” She paused as a terrible thought leapt to her mind. “You did get my letter, didn’t you?”

  He bobbed out a curt nod. “Yes.” He finally took a step closer. The movement worked through her like a caress. “And it made no sense.”

  Her spine stiffened even as her heart softened. “It makes perfect sense. I found the proof about your father. Once that was done, there was no reason for me to stay where”—she took a deep breath and hoped he believed her lie—“to stay where I didn’t want to be.”

  “With me.” His voice was flat and his face suddenly dull and free of any emotion. She couldn’t tell if he was coming to accept her refusal or somehow hurt by it.

  “Yes,” she whispered, longing to touch his cheek, to smooth the lines away from his eyes and mouth. To bring a rare smile to his lips with a kiss.

  “Now that you’ve spoken the lines you wrote for yourself, why don’t you tell me the real reason you left?” he asked, his voice going up a notch.

  She shivered as she turned away. She feared she wouldn’t be able to lie to his face anymore. Not when she was quickly losing herself in his stare. In him.

  “I told you already!” This time it was her voice that elevated. “I no longer wish to be with you. When I found the evidence of your father’s identity, I knew I could finally be free. I did my duty.”

  He caught her arm and spun her around to face him. “Tell me that while you look into my eyes, Kat,” he insisted just before his lips came down to hers in a passionate, desperate kiss that devoured and claimed and softened her all at the same time.

  She surrendered to it, swearing to herself it would be the last time. A niggling voice in the back of her head reminded her she’d made that vow before, but she cut it off as she wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck and clung to him.

  He pulled back and stepped away, leaving her empty and trembling. His jaw tightened, but not before she saw he, too, shivered with the power of the kiss.

  “You can’t look at me while you say those words because they’re a lie. You love me.”

  She backed away, stumbling from his arms. He knew?

  “I—” She dipped her chin. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t deny such a direct statement. “Yes. I do love you, Dominic, but that isn’t enough.”

  “Why?” he gasped. “It means everything.”

  She scoffed at that, turning from him with a shiver. Perhaps it was time to explain herself, to make him understand why she couldn’t live her life loving him while only receiving desire or friendly affection in return.

  Pivoting slowly, she held her shoulders back and kept from flying into his arms on sheer will alone.

  “You have asked me over and over about my past. My family. I want to tell you about them now. Perhaps then you’ll understand why my loving you changes nothing. Why I cannot return to Lansing Square.”

  Dominic shut his eyes. Katherine’s admission of love rang like beautiful music in his ears, but he felt no joy. Not when she seemed so determined to remove herself from his life permanently.

  “Tell me,” he urged. “I want to know everything.”

  She sighed as she took a seat before the roaring fire. He joined her, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and memorizing every taut, tension-filled line of her face.

  “You know my mother loved my father, but he didn’t return that emotion.”

  He nodded. It was the one glimpse she’d given of herself the night she forgave him for his lies. Or claimed to forgive him. He didn’t know what the truth was anymore, except that it was buried in her stubborn heart.

  “It was more than that,” she continued. “He encouraged her. When he wanted something she could provide, he let her believe he cared, then crushed her when she was of no more use.”

  Dominic flinched. “How cruel.”

  “Yes.” Her face softened with emotion. “He was an unkind, selfish man. But my mother was blind to his unsavory qualities. She made excuses for him, even blamed herself. I watched him hurt her, and when he left, I was the one to pick up the pieces. Even as a child.”

  Her mouth thinned. “I realized love could blind me to the truth. And I saw how easily I could be manipulated if I allowed myself to give in.” Her gaze flicked to him as she clenched her fingers in her lap. “That was why I chose Colden as my husband. I didn’t love him. I liked him at the time…before I knew the truth about his character. I felt no passion for him, so I knew I wouldn’t be swept away by emotions or lose my head.”

  Dominic sucked in his breath. She never cared for Cole? His heart throbbed with intense pleasure and relief.

  “I am sorry you endured such heartbreak,” he said softly.

  She shrugged. “It was a nightmare. And it only grew worse with each passing year. My father’s contempt for my mother grew. He flaunted his mistresses more publicly. But her love for him remained steadfast, even as she grew more and more desperate. The night they were killed, he said incredibly unkind things to her. He vowed he wouldn’t return again. In a panic, she followed him, and I her. Somehow we all ended up in his phaeton.”

  Her words hitched, but she fought to keep speaking. Dominic was moved by her strength and her pain, but managed to stay in his chair. Until she finished her tale, there was no use trying to console her.

  “Go on,” he urged softly.

  “She tried to convince him to stay, even using me as an excuse. They struggled for the reins, the horses were whinnying and crying as they raced faster and faster. Then…”

  She shuddered. “Oh God. We rounded a turn too fast. You know how rickety phaetons can be. The vehicle flipped. By some miracle, I was thrown clear, but my parents went over the side of the road in the rig.”

  He shut his eyes as pain laced through him. Then he shifted nearer and caught her hands. They trembled, the only indication she gave of how upsetting the memories were. He could only imagine how many times she’d relived the accident. How often it haunted her dreams.

  “What happened after?” he urged with a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

  Her voice shook. “I climbed down the ravine when I could stand, but I was only thirteen. I couldn’t help them. It wouldn’t have made any difference. They were both dead, crushed under the rig and the injured horses.”

  Now her tears came freely, winding their way down her soft cheeks in silent trails of anguish.

  “How long was it before help arrived?” he asked, brushing her hair back from her face. His thumb caught the warm wetness of a teardrop, and he wiped it away.

  “I walked to the nearest estate a few miles away.” Shaking her head, she said, “It felt like forever.”

  He measured his breathing as he let her story sink in. His own childhood had been filled with lies and pain, but not trauma. Not the kind of horror Katherine described in just a few short moments. No wonder she’d been afraid. No wonder she wanted to choose her mate at her own speed, not have a husband forced on her.

  “Don’t you see why I can’t stay?” she asked, drawing her hands away from his and hardening her face.

  He shook his head. “No. I understand volumes about you now, but not that.”

  She sighed in frustration. “You do not love me, Dominic. You told me when we met that you didn’t believe in love. My God, you didn’t desire this marriage, even if you grew to desire me. Even care for me in some way. But that isn’t love. And I can’t live like that. I won’t.”

  Chapter 20

  D ominic recoiled. Instead of the calm control that usually resided in his eyes, pain rippled across the lines of his face. Tangible. Caused by her.

  “You think I would use and manipulate you the way your father did to your mother?”

  She shook her
head. “I know you wouldn’t take things so far,” she admitted. “You would never be intentionally cruel. In some ways, that would be worse. To feel your friendship and your desire, but know there was no chance for love…it would be too difficult. It has been unbearable since I allowed myself to accept I had fallen in love with you.”

  Dominic smiled. Warmth lit his eyes as he came out of his chair and sank to his knees before her own. He brushed a hand across her cheek and she shivered.

  “Hear me, Katherine. Hear me well. I love you.”

  For a moment, Katherine’s world lit with fireworks of pure happiness. She gasped in surprise, searching his face for a sign he was sincere.

  “Please come home.”

  She drew back in disappointment. “Don’t you see? You want me to return with you. You know what I want is your love and so you offer it. No, I can’t do this, Dominic. I can’t put my own child through what I endured.”

  The words were out of her mouth before she could call them back. She covered her trembling lips with a hand, watching through wide eyes as Dominic rocked back.

  “A child?” he asked in a harsh, low tone that cut through the room to her soul.

  “Dominic,” she whispered.

  “Is my son or daughter growing inside you right now?” he demanded. “Were you intending to keep that from me by running away?”

  She tried to speak, but no words of either denial or confession would pass her lips.

  “How could you?” he asked, never taking his gaze from her face, never moving so she could run from his intensity. “You read those letters. You know my father was denied access to me. You know how much he longed to see me. You don’t think I would feel the same way about my child?”

  She winced. Her reasoning was so selfish in the face of his accusation.

  “Dominic, I experienced the worst a one-sided love can bring. I can’t let my baby—”

  He cut her off by grasping her shoulders. His eyes were wild and dark with emotion.

  “I have never claimed to love any woman before today. I have never desired that emotion. I certainly have never made plans to use love against anyone. But I do love you. And I am not your father. You are not your mother.”