“I get it,” I soothed. She looked at me, her big blue eyes absorbing me. For a split second, I felt connected to her in a way I hadn’t before, and thought about kissing her. I hated myself for it. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. I wasn’t supposed to get sucked into this absurd fairy tale.
“Um… I,” I mumbled, before letting go of her.
Katie’s eyes darted from mine. “Thanks for dinner. I’m going to call it a night,” she said, and then quickly walked away.
I woke the next morning feeling slightly sick, and not looking forward to seeing Katie. I was two months into my separation from Annie, so ending it now… it really would have been for nothing. I didn’t want to have to fight Katie off during the last month if she’d gotten the wrong idea last night. If she had, I had no one to blame but myself.
31
Katie
Thinking about almost kissing Ryan last night kept me up most of the night. I thought about what would have happened if he had kissed me. It would have gone one of two ways and the odds weren’t in my favor, but they never were. I knew that I’d need a plan before seeing Ryan.
Before I could call Valerie to consult, she called me.
“What happened last night?” Valerie’s voice boomed. “Ryan called John this morning, he’s upset.”
“We had a nice night. He cooked dinner. We talked. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me.”
“Why didn’t you take advantage?”
“For the very reason you’re calling me. It scared him. If I’d tried to jump his bones, he would have left for sure.”
“If you get him into bed, Annie will never take him back.”
“As long as going back to her is a possibility, he’ll never willingly go to bed with me.”
Valerie paused, taking in my words, generating her next move, I imagined. “I’ll call you back,” she finally said, sounding distracted, then hung up.
I didn’t need her help. She was so blinded by her end goal that she couldn’t see that the best way to get to Ryan was by being on his side. Then it hit me. I could win Ryan over by making Valerie our common enemy.
I jumped up, got dressed, and went to the kitchen to make sure I saw Ryan before he could sneak out. I’d chopped vegetables for almost an hour before he emerged.
“Hey,” he said, not looking at me, before opening the fridge.
“Things got a little too relaxed last night, and I’m sorry about that. I know what your mother wants, why she brought me here, but as I’ve told her, she doesn’t control me. I meant it when I said that I’ve changed. I’m not here to cause trouble. I respect that you’re in a relationship and would never cross that line. I appreciate you taking Jake and I in. I’m not sure where we’d be without your hospitality. I want to be friends with you for Jacob’s sake so we can work together to raise him no matter what happens in our personal lives.” I was in awe of myself. Even I was starting to believe the crap coming out of my mouth.
Ryan turned and faced me. “Thank you. I’m really sorry. My head is kind of a mess.” He appeared relieved, which was the point. I needed him to trust me, instead of feeling like I was a threat to his and Annie’s relationship. “I’d like to be friends, too.”
I smiled. “Good. Thank you. Also, I’d hate for your mom to win. She doesn’t think you can stick out these last few weeks.”
“She doesn’t?”
“No. She’s counting on you bailing. Got that contractor on speed dial.”
“How do you know that?” he asked.
“She calls to check on Jacob sometimes. She recently told me that I should be prepared to move out at any moment. I told her she was wrong and that you were too smart not to stick out the final weeks. I mean, you’re so close to getting everything you want, right?”
“Right,” Ryan muttered. “I have to go, I’ve got class.”
“Okay,” I said casually and went back to slicing vegetables, until Ryan was out the door.
I knew he would call Valerie and that she would be pissed that I’d kind of thrown her under the bus, but there was no way Ryan would break the deal now.
32
Annie
Lindsay and Shawn disconnected long enough for him to go visit his parents. She asked me to come over and hang out. I gladly accepted.
I should have known better than to expect a “hi” or an “it’s so good to see you” from Lindsay. She slung the door to her and Shawn’s condo open when I rang the bell and frowned when she saw me.
“What the hell’s with all that hair?” she asked through a scowl. I instinctively touched it. “What’s wrong with my hair?”
“You look like a freaking poodle.”
“No, I don’t,” I gasped. Lindsay raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Do I?” I asked, self-consciously.
“Poodle,” she confirmed. “C’mon.” She pulled me inside and dragged me straight to her bathroom.
“What are you gonna do?” I wasn’t sure I wanted her screwing with my hair.
“Train that ugly dog,” she said.
Lindsay sat me in a chair in front of the vanity, and plugged in all sorts of hair appliances. She started in the back, pulling a flat iron through it, grumbling about the length as she worked.
I tried to change the subject to something that would allow us to have an actual conversation.
“Why didn’t you go with Shawn?”
“I don’t do parents.”
“You haven’t met his parents! You’ve been living together since summer.”
“I don’t want to meet his parents.”
“Has he met yours?”
“Of course. Like my dad would let me live with a guy he hasn’t met.”
“How did he take it when you told him you were going to move in with Shawn?”
“No father wants to think about his daughter doin’ it, but he was cool. I think he knew he had to be, because I was eighteen, and he couldn’t stop me.”
That made more sense than him just being cool with it.
After straightening my hair, Lindsay pulled out a pair of scissors.
“What the hell are you doing with those?”
“I can cut a straight line Annie, chill. I have to cut some off; you look like a sister wife.”
My hair was so long once all the curl had been removed that it was touching my butt. Fifteen nerve-wracking minutes later, Lindsay spun me around to look at myself.
“Wow!” I looked like a completely different girl. “That’s amazing,” I marveled, as I ran my hands through the silky strands of my hair.
“All you have to do to keep it this way is put in this hair serum, and then dry it with this attachment, using this brush.” Lindsay held out the items. I happily took them. She used to give me fashion advice all the time. I never took it. But my hair looked amazing, and I planned to keep it that way.
I continued to look at myself, petting my glossy straight hair, until Lindsay yanked me away. “Let’s eat.”
We went to the kitchen and Lindsay took a couple of store-bought salads from the fridge and glanced at the lids. “I buy these so I never have to cook.” She grinned. “Shawn hates it.” Her grin widened. “Chef or chicken?”
“Chef,” I answered.
“Does Shawn ever cook?”
“All the time. I told him when I moved in that I would either cook or clean, not both.”
That sounded fair to me. I poured some ranch dressing over my salad and took a bite. Lindsay stared at me.
“What?”
“What do you think they’re doing?”
“Who?”
“Ryan and Katie,” she growled.
“What are you asking me?” I glared at her.
“I guess I’m asking if you think they’re playing house.”
“I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t talk to Ryan, and there’s no way I’m going to ask Valerie what’s going on.”
“So you really haven’t had any contact with Ryan?”
“No.
I’ve thought a thousand times about mailing him a letter, or sending him a text from someone else’s phone, but I don’t want to be the reason the deal with his mom gets broken.”
“I gotta give it to you. You’ve got a hell of a lot more strength that I’d have. I’d never be able to stay away from Shawn while he was with another girl for three minutes, much less three months.”
“It’s not easy. This isn’t what I wanted.”
“Did Ryan know that?”
“I guess.”
“Did you say that to him?”
“No.”
“Holy hell, Annie, you just let him decide for you!”
“No, he decided for himself.”
“And you went along with it?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I said, starting to feel angry.
“Have you thought about what Valerie will do if Ryan comes back to you?”
“If?” I gasped.
“When. You know what I meant. What if you go through all of this and she burns down that house to get back at Ryan for not hooking up with Katie like she wants.”
That was a definite possibility. She was mean enough to do it.
“I think about it all the time. I don’t trust her, but I know she has to release Ryan’s trust once the ninety days are up. His father designed a contract, and she signed it.”
Lindsay shrugged and stuffed some of her salad into her mouth.
“What?” I asked. I knew her. She was withholding something.
“Annie, I know you love Ryan, but he’s asked a lot of you since you two got together. This separation thing takes the cake, though. I’m not sure I would have gone along with it if I were you.”
Honestly, I hadn’t felt that I had a choice. Lindsay looked at me as if she felt sorry for me, and I didn’t like that at all. I didn’t say anything else about Ryan, because I knew she’d not spare my feelings with her opinions.
33
Ryan
When I got home, Katie was sitting on the edge of the sofa playing with Jacob. He was lying in his bouncy chair laughing at Katie moving his little arms and singing the patty cake song.
The sound of the kid’s laughter made me laugh, too. I’d heard him coo and babble, but not laugh like that before.
“Do you mind entertaining him a minute? I’ve got to get something out of the oven.”
The house smelled amazing, savory, like meat and potatoes. Katie got up, and I took her place. I lifted Jake into my arms and kissed his cheeks, bouncing him a little. He stuck the fingers of one of his hands into his slobbery smile. I still couldn’t believe this amazing little person was mine, and that I’d helped create him.
“Does he need to eat?” I asked Katie.
“I’ve already fed him, but he needs a bath. It helps him sleep better.”
“I could do it, I think,” I offered.
“Give me a second to get dinner covered and I’ll help you.”
Katie tore off a sheet of aluminum foil and enclosed the contents of the pan she’d taken from the oven. Then went to get what we needed to bathe Jacob.
“It’s easier to do it in the kitchen sink than in the bathtub because you can stand up,” she said, placing a small angled tub inside the stainless steel farm sink.
I undressed Jacob as Katie found the right temperature for the water. She filled a large pitcher and set it aside.
“I’m so glad he doesn’t cry. I read that some babies scream during bath time, but he seems to like it.”
I laid Jake on the bathing seat. He frowned for a moment, then smiled when Katie started talking to him.
“Okay, baby boy, daddy’s going to help tonight. Isn’t that exciting?” her voice escalated in pitch.
Katie poured the water from the pitcher into the tub. Then she glanced at me, pointing to items on the counter. “You can use a sponge or cloth, but I like to use my hands.”
She squirted a small amount of bath gel into her hands, rubbed them together, and then gently massaged Jacob’s arms.
“This is bedtime stuff, the scent is supposed to be calming for babies.” It smelled like lavender—not the most boyish scent, but it seemed to be working.
“You try,” Katie said. I lathered up my hands and finished washing Jacob, who was almost asleep by the time I was done.
Katie rinsed him, and then I wrapped him up in a towel and held him against my chest as we walked to Jacob’s room. It wasn’t until I laid him down on the changing table that I realized my shirt wasn’t just damp; it was soaked. I peeled the wetness away from my skin. “He peed on me,” I said, as the realization hit me.
Katie laughed. “Just be glad it was controlled. He peed on me when I was changing his diaper once, and it went everywhere. Go change, I’ll get Jacob down.”
I put on a fresh shirt and went to the kitchen. As I peeled back the foil on the baking pan, Katie spoke, startling me. “It’s my first attempt at a roast, hopefully it doesn’t suck.”
“It smells great,” I said.
“Sit. I’ll fix us a plate.”
“I can help.” I didn’t want Katie serving me. Getting along so well with her was twilight zone weird, but I didn’t want things to become too friendly between us again.
“So, on with the being friends thing,” Katie stated as we sat down at the table with our food. “Tell me about Annie.”
“My mother hasn’t filled you in?” I asked.
“She hasn’t said much about her—just the basics, I guess.”
“She’s amazing.” I smiled. “She’s been so supportive. I can’t figure out why my mother doesn’t want me with her. Annie’s the one who talked me out of giving up my rights to Jacob.”
“She is?” Katie gasped.
“Yeah. She reminded me of how important my father has been in my life. She promised I’d regret not having a relationship with Jacob. She was right. I hate that it had to be done this way, but I’m glad that I’m getting to know him. I was afraid that I’d let him down or be a sucky dad, but it’s like you said, I want to be better for him. I want him to have a great life.”
“You’re doing great so far.” Katie smiled and placed her hand on mine. Instinct told me to pull away, but I didn’t.
“I just wish I didn’t have to be away from Annie now. I can’t even call her. I’ve thought about it, but I figure my mother has my phones tapped.”
“What little bit I know about your mother, I’d bet on it.” Katie squeezed my hand, then let go.
“I’m starting to feel so far away from Annie,” I admitted. “Like I should have chosen her above everything else.”
“If you’d done that, then you wouldn’t have a connection with Jake.”
“I know. It’s just so hard. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m doing the right thing.”
“You are. It sounds like Annie’s a great girl. I’m sure if I were her, I’d have told you to write the baby momma a check and move on, instead of picking up all your baggage and carrying it for the rest of our lives. If she could be that gracious about Jacob, I’m sure she understands why you chose to take the deal Valerie offered.”
“I felt that she understood when I told her.”
“Then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”
I half smiled. Katie was right, just hearing someone else confirm it made me feel better.
“You know, you’re not as hard to get along with as I thought you’d be,” Katie said.
I laughed.
“Your mom kind of ruined it last time, but I’d like to come to a game again it that’s okay.”
“We play at home next weekend. I’ll get you a couple tickets.” I didn’t see any harm in Katie coming to a game—as long as my mother wasn’t there.
34
Annie
I was helping a customer who wanted to try on a few things when Valerie walked into Pam’s boutique. Seeing her made me a mix of dizzy and pissed off.
Pam had never met Valerie. I watched as she introduced herself and Pam did her s
ignature, it’s so good to meet you, clutching of her chest. A few minutes later, Valerie approached me. My heart nervously pounded. I didn’t know what Valerie was doing here, but her intentions couldn’t be good.
She smiled. “Hello Annie. You’re looking well.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“I came by to check on you, dear. See how you’re holding up.”
“I’m great.” I gave her a genuine smile.
“That’s good. I’ve been concerned about you.”
I held my arms out as if saying, tah-dah. Look at me I’m fine. Still in one piece.
“Things are going well on Ryan’s end also. He and Katie are… well, it would be very rude of me to talk to you about them.” She was trying to make it seem that she had actual manners or cared how I felt. I knew better and just glared at her.
“I know about your trip to visit Justin recently. I wanted to remind you that I see everything. I know you wouldn’t want to be the reason Ryan lost his trust.”
“I’m aware of the rules. I don’t plan on breaking them. Besides, with only a few weeks left, isn’t it a little late for you to be reminding me of the rules?”
Valerie smiled. “Goodbye dear.” I rolled my eyes as soon as her back was to me. Before walking out the door, she glanced at me once more. “I love the hair, by the way.” I instinctively touched it, and immediately wanted to make the curl return.
“How old is she?” Pam asked, slack jawed.
“Thirty something. I forget the exact number,” I said, flustered.
“She looks like she’s still in her twenties.”
“And acts like she’s still in high school,” I groaned.
“What’d she want?”
“I’m not sure,” I answered. I wasn’t certain if she was just screwing with me, or if showing herself held a purpose.
35
Katie
Valerie arrived after my cooking lesson and uttered words I never thought I’d hear her say.
“You may have been right,” she said as she walked through the front door. I didn’t care what I’d been right about; I just wanted to hear her say it again.
Breathe (Sway Part 2) Page 8