“Why did you pick her? What did she do to make you choose her?” she sobbed.
“You have to go,” I ordered. “I don’t want you here.” I grabbed my phone from the bar in the kitchen and texted Justin to come get her. “You can’t just break into my house.”
“I didn’t break in,” Annie cried. “I have a key, a key that you gave me when you asked me to move in here with you. This was supposed to be our home, and you replaced me like it was nothing.” She glared at me through her tears. “I feel like such a sucker. You were probably screwing her the whole time.”
“That’s rich coming from you,” I said, struggling to control myself. I wanted to scream back at her all of the things I felt. How much what she’d done had hurt, but I couldn’t risk Katie overhearing me.
“Speaking of rich, I hope you and your wife are enjoying the money my sacrifice earned you,” she said.
I couldn’t do this with her. I got behind Annie and guided her toward the front door. “Key,” I demanded, holding out my hand.
“Why did you even give this to me?” she asked, her voice barely audible. “You didn’t mean any of it.”
“I meant everything I ever said to you,” I told her, my jaw clenched. “Now give me the key,” I repeated harshly.
Annie placed the key in my hand, covered it with hers and then looked up at me. God, she was beautiful, even though she was a mess. I missed her so much that it hurt. Staring into her dark brown eyes, I forgot about everything except the two of us.
Annie moved her other hand around my waist and leaned against me, resting her head on my chest. I wanted to want to push her away, but she felt too good to let go. I breathed in the familiar fruity scent of her hair, the sweet smell of her skin. Feeling her so close to me... I never imagined touching Annie would be painful, but it was brutal—what was happening to my insides because of it. Why was I allowing her to do this to me?
“Dammit Annie, you have to go,” I said, peeling her away.
“What did she do?” she whispered, tears flowing down her face. The pain in her eyes tore at my soul, threatening to break me.
“It wasn’t what she did,” I whispered. “It was what you did. Now get the hell out of my house and don’t come back.” Just thinking about it made me angry. My eyes went cold and I pulled further away from her.
She shuttered. “What did I do, Ryan? I can fix it, I swear,” she pleaded, the sound of my name coming from her mouth made me even angrier. “You know what you did and there is no way to fix it. Get out,” I breathed.
“I love you, Ryan,” she said, her voice cracking.
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this to us,” I said, and shut the door in her face, leaving her sobbing on the front porch.
I exhaled, furious with myself for letting her get that close, for letting my feelings for her surface again—not that I’d been able to bury them in the first place. My closed fist punched the door, stinging my knuckles, but it still didn’t hurt as much as holding Annie those few moments had.
When I turned to go back to bed, Katie standing there.
“You still love her,” she said.
“Go back to bed,” I ordered numbly.
“No.”
“I don’t want to get into this with you right now.”
She raised her voice. “I don’t care. You should tell me the truth. I deserve to know what just happened here. I’m your wife, Ryan.”
“I know what you are.”
“Then tell me,” Katie demanded.
“Yes, I love her, but you already knew that. You’ve known all along, so I don’t know why you’re pretending to be shocked or whatever it is you’re doing. You knew. You’ve always known.”
“I thought it was over. You told me it was over!”
“It is over!”
“It didn’t look over to me.” She bit out the words.
“I kicked her out, didn’t I?”
Katie shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself, holding her waist as if she were going to be sick. “What did she do?” she asked.
I’d hoped Katie hadn’t heard that. I didn’t want to discuss it. I didn’t want to think about it. But most of all, I didn’t want to hear myself say it out loud.
“You told her you picked me because of something she’d done. What did she do?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I thought you asked me to be your wife because you wanted our son to have a proper family, to grow up in a home with both of his parents. A home, unlike the ones we grew up in, but it was really because Annie had done something you wanted to get back at her for. It didn’t have anything to do with us at all. You used me to get revenge against her.”
“And you haven’t used me for anything, Katie? Getting your money back and being returned to your father’s good graces had nothing to do with us getting married, did it? The housekeeper you’ve hired, the car you bought, all this new furniture. You and I both know that I’m the reason for that. You gained plenty when you married me. ”
She stared back at me, the realization that every word I’d said was true was visible on her face.
“I don’t want us to be like them,” she muttered. I knew she was talking about our parents. I never wanted to be like them either, but somehow, we were well on our way to becoming them. We weren’t close. We hadn’t married for love, and we both had secrets.
“If she’s not gone in five minutes call the police,” I said, and walked down the hall to the guest room.
11
Justin
I didn’t respond to Ryan’s text, even though he’d referred to Annie as my girlfriend. I was pissed that she’d gone to Ryan’s house after telling me she didn’t want him to think he had any effect on her anymore. If she’d just let me whip his ass earlier…
I guided Annie into my room and lay down with her. She put her arm around me and snuggled her face against my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I feel so stupid. I never should have gone over there.” She looked up at me. “It’s really over. He doesn’t love me anymore.”
I was sick of hearing about Ryan, but she looked so wounded that I felt bad for her.
“He said I did something, that our breakup was my fault.”
“Your fault? You were nothing but loyal to him. How could he blame you for what he did?” I complained, my desire to pound his face in returning.
“It just hurts so much. He’s all I thought about for three months. Not getting to be with him or talk to him was so hard. I just want the pain to go away. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Annie was killing me. Why couldn’t she let Mullins go? “I wish I could do something to make you feel better. I wish I could make you forget him,” I groaned.
“I want to,” she mumbled. Pulling herself closer to me, she ran her fingers into my hair. Her breath deepened, then I felt her lips on my neck. “You can make me forget him,” she murmured.
“Annie,” I garbled, unclear what she was asking, but the thought that she wanted me to have sex with her woke every nerve in the lower half of my body.
She let her hand trail down my arm, then slip beneath my shirt and up my chest. “Please,” she breathed, when I didn’t respond. “I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Although I wanted to, I knew she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to make this decision. She slid her long leg over mine, inching closer, until she was lying on top of me. Her fingers twisted in my hair again as her lips landed on mine. I wanted her, but not like this. It was nagging at me. I felt like I would be taking advantage of her and I just couldn’t do it. I turned my head away.
“Annie, stop. You don’t really want to do this. You’re upset.” She was also a little drunk.
“Yes, I am upset, and now I feel even worse. I’m sorry for throwing myself at you. I’m sorry that I’m so disgusting that no one wants me,” she said and began to move away from me. I couldn’t help it; I caught her
before she could get off the bed.
“Stop,” she said, trying to pull away.
“Nobody thinks you’re disgusting, least of all me. If this is what you need, I’ll give it to you,” I said, before letting her go. Her eyes flickered to mine. “This isn’t fair to you,” she muttered, climbing back into my arms. She was right, but I would do anything for her.
I kissed Annie with a fierceness that I was sure would make her forget that Ryan Mullins ever existed. Her fingers returned to my hair and I slowed the pace. She relaxed; her body was like melting butter in my arms. Then she rolled us over and rose up, pulling her shirt off, and tossing it aside.
She kind of looked like a mermaid, her wavy hair hung to her waist, covering most of her chest. Her eye makeup was smeared from where she’d been crying, but I still thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
As my hands moved up her body, she glanced to her shirt in bed beside us. Ryan’s shirt. Hefty tears formed in her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she breathed. “I shouldn’t have…” she trailed off, grabbing the shirt and pulling it back over her head. She climbed out of bed, not looking at me as she walked away.
After taking a breath, I got up and went to her room. She was hiding beneath the comforter. “Are you okay?” I asked, uncovering her face.
“I’m just so confused. And embarrassed for asking you to be my personal pain killer.”
I laughed at that.
“Well, it’s the truth,” she complained.
“I understand how you feel,” I said. Breaking up with Eve had been harder for me than I would ever admit, which was how I wound up with Denise. I’d used her to make myself feel better. It was temporary and in the end didn’t help me at all. Time healed me. Time would heal Annie, too.
“I shouldn’t have let you talk me into it,” I joked.
“Oh my gosh,” she gasped and pulled the covers back over her head. “I can’t believe I almost killed our friendship.”
I didn’t want to hear the friendship talk again. I didn’t want to be reminded that she didn’t feel the same way about me.
I sat on the bed beside her. “What if we left for a month?” I asked.
“Where would we go?”
“I got an offer to play with a traveling team. They start in a couple days.”
“They’ll let me come with you?”
“We pay our own travel expenses. So, yes, you can come with me.” I brushed some hair away from her face. “It’ll be good for you. Flying down the interstate in big red with me, radio blaring, staying at crappy motels, eating absurd amounts of fast food, and having zero chance of bumping into anyone we know for the rest of the summer.”
“You’re sure you want me to come?”
“I forgive you for trying to use me as a sex toy,” I said. Annie slapped my arm, smiling.
“What about Pam? She just gave us this place. Will she freak if we leave it for a month?”
“Pam won’t care.”
“It does sound fun,” she admitted, smiling wider.
“Then let’s do it—but only if you promise to behave,” I joked.
“Justin!” She pulled the covers back over her head.
“I’ll call Coach Fuller in the morning,” I said, then stood up.
“Thank you,” she said from beneath the comforter, her voice muffled.
I’d originally turned the offer down so that I could stay with Annie. I didn’t want to leave her alone after what she’d been through with Ryan. I would have worried the whole time, selfishly, that she’d get back together with him. I figured he’d regret marrying Katie at some point and want Annie back. Now that he’d seen her, it made the possibility feel more real. Taking Annie away from Ryan’s vicinity would help her move on.
12
Annie
I was beyond embarrassed over my behavior, and as much as I wanted to put yesterday behind me, I couldn’t.
I was desperate to know what Ryan thought I’d done so I called Lindsay to ask if he’d talked to Shawn. If he knew something then Lindsay knew it, too.
“Am I still on Justin’s shit list?” Lindsay asked when she answered the phone.
“What?”
“He read me the riot act over those Jello shots the other night.”
“No. He’s fine. Has Ryan said anything to Shawn about me?”
Lindsay groaned. “Annie, you should let Ryan go.”
“He told me I did something to break us up.”
“You talked to him—when?”
“Last night.”
“Please tell me you didn’t go over there.” I didn’t answer. “You can’t seriously still be into him after all the shit he’s put you through. I mean, he’s married to another woman,” she said slowly, as if that would make the words more comprehensible.
“Forget I asked,” I said. I didn’t want another lecture.
“I want you to stop embarrassing yourself. You and Ryan are done. He hasn’t said anything to Shawn, except that he doesn’t want to talk about it. Even if he had, that information wouldn’t form a time machine. Ryan can’t undo all he’s done, no matter his reasoning.”
“I know, but I feel I deserve to know why he’s blaming me.”
Lindsay sighed. “What he did is not your fault. It sounds to me like blaming you was his excuse to hook up with Katie and not feel super guilty about it. Let him go, move on,” Lindsay added when I didn’t say anything.
“I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Whatever. Just stay away from Ryan,” she grumbled.
13
Katie
When I got up the next morning Ryan was gone, which didn’t surprise me. That was what he usually did when he wanted to avoid something. After I fed Jacob, I put him in his swing and called Valerie.
“What did Annie do to Ryan?” I asked when she answered.
“What’s that, dear?” She sucked at playing dumb.
“Ryan said Annie did something to him and I know you know what it is.”
“Ryan didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“Then he must not want you to know.”
“Maybe not, but it affects me, too.”
“You got him. That’s all that matters.”
“I don’t have him. He still loves her.”
“Make him stop,” Valerie commanded.
“Like it’s that simple! Don’t you think I would erase her from his memory if I could?”
“You’re a beautiful girl, the mother of this son; it shouldn’t be so difficult for you to bend him to your will.”
“Annie showed up here in the middle of the night hysterical. It upset him. He slept in the guest room after she left and was gone this morning when I got up.
“I hope she didn’t make too much of a scene. Annie’s a fan of the dramatic.”
“She was in the house. She had a key, but I guess you already knew that they were planning to live here together once his time with me was done.”
“I did know that, but it doesn’t matter now, Katherine. Trust me,” she sighed.
“I know you did something to break them up. I need to know what it was.”
“No, you don’t. All you need to know is that it worked. You’re Ryan’s wife, not her. That’s what counts, so keep moving as if this never happened,” she said, then hung up.
How was I supposed to ignore something that was constantly between Ryan and me?
I wasn’t stupid; I’d known Valerie had swayed the situation in my favor, but hearing that whatever she’d done caused Ryan to choose me was scary. He could just as easily change his mind.
14
Ryan
I’d gotten up early to avoid Katie and gone running to clear my head. When I got off the treadmill, I checked my phone. I had ten missed calls from a number I didn’t recognize.
Before I could check if they’d left a message, the phone rang again. “I need to talk to you,” an angry female voice said.
“Who is this?”
“Lindsay.”
“Lindsay? How’d you get this number?”
“It’s programmed in Shawn’s phone, dummy.”
“What do you want? I’m busy.”
“You’re a jackass,” she said spitefully.
“I’m guessing this is about Annie.”
“Why did you tell her she’s to blame for you marrying Katie?”
“My business is none of yours. I’ve already told Shawn that I don’t want to talk about Annie. I with Katie. End of story.”
“If that’s the end of the story, stop blaming Annie for your choices!”
“I wouldn’t have made that choice is she hadn’t—” I stopped myself before I could say the words out loud. “Don’t call me again,” I said and hung up.
Two seconds later, she sent me a text. You at least owe her an explanation, asshole. She lives in the Hunt complex, unit 9. Give her closure, and then leave her alone.
She’s the one who needs to explain herself, I texted back.
She didn’t marry someone else and send her fucking mother to tell you, she replied.
She did something worse!
I don’t even know why I bothered. Fall off, asshole!
I dialed Shawn’s number. “Sup man,” he answered.
“Reign in your girl. She’s wearing me out about Annie.”
“Yeah, I’m not touching that subject, she’s beyond pissed.”
“Well, so am I. If Lindsay knew everything she wouldn’t be so mad at me.”
“Since you won’t share everything, there’s nothing I can do.”
I could have told him, but I still didn’t want people knowing what Annie had done. “Forget it,” I said.
“Alright. Let’s meet up sometime—shoot some ball or something.”
“Alright. Bye.” I hung up the phone, madder than I was when I’d come to the guy three hours ago. I decided to leave my car parked and run home in hopes that I would be calmed down by the time I got there, since I still had Katie to deal with.
When I got home, Katie was sitting on the porch staring out at nothing. I felt bad for the way I’d talked to her last night, although what I’d said was true. I’d promised to treat her well and blowing up at her wasn’t keeping my promise. I sat down beside her and looked down at my shoes.
Breathe (Sway Part 2) Page 16