Breathe (Sway Part 2)

by Davis, Jennifer

  “I didn’t know Annie had a key,” Katie said.

  “I didn’t expect her to come here. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s kind of like she said. From the outside, it does seem like I’ve taken her place. That I have everything that was supposed to have been hers, but we both know that I don’t.” Katie looked at me, her blue eyes anxious. “She still has what I want most.”

  “What’s that?” I asked, swallowing hard.

  “Your heart.”

  I broke our gaze, unsure what to say. Thankfully, Katie kept talking. “She’s hurting. I get it. I probably would have set this place on fire if I were her,” Katie admitted, shaking her head. “Having your heart broken can cause a person to make reckless decisions.” I was sure she was referencing my decision to marry her so quickly, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to shove it aside and keep moving.

  “I’m no idiot. I knew you didn’t ask me to marry you because you loved me. But you did ask me, and I am your wife. I’m your wife because I want to be with you. I want us to work. All I’m asking is that you keep trying to make that happen,” she said, wiping away tears that had started in her eyes.

  I exhaled until my lungs were empty. I felt so guilty for dragging her into this. For using her. “I’m sorry about last night. It won’t happen again. ” I cut my eyes to Katie. “I promise to try,” I said. I felt I owed her that much.

  “Thank you,” she breathed, then got up and went inside the house.

  15

  Katie

  I hated feeling guilty. Especially for something I hadn’t done. Coming face to face with Annie last night had made me sick, not because I’d accidentally introduced myself to the love of my husband’s life, but because I knew I’d unintentionally played a role in breaking her and Ryan up.

  Valerie was right; I shouldn’t have cared because I benefited from it, but damn if I didn’t feel responsible. They were both in so much pain. I was torn because I was falling for Ryan. I was too far in to back out now. I wanted to be with him. I couldn’t help thinking that as more time passed that their feelings would fade. The guilt would ease and we would all be happy.

  I knew there were a few routes I could take in dealing with Annie being in my house, but Valerie’s wasn’t one of them. I couldn’t forget she’d been here. Or how much it had upset Ryan.

  At first, I thought I needed a plan, but realized that all I needed was to be honest with Ryan about my feelings. I knew it would work because he felt guilty, too. I could tell when he looked at me sometimes, even before last night, when he’d made it glaringly obvious that he’d used me to hurt Annie. That part made me feel less terrible about my actions.

  16

  Annie

  Justin and I arrived at the first location Monday afternoon. The motel we stayed at was old and run down looking. I was completely terrified to go into our room. When Justin mentioned crappy motels, I didn’t think he’d meant it literally. Coach Fuller’s only request was that everyone stay at the same place, so going somewhere else was not an option.

  I wondered if I should have just stayed home and suffered, instead of tagging along. I was the only girl. No mothers, no sisters, not even Coach Fuller’s wife would be traveling with us.

  I knew I was doomed. These boys wouldn’t care if they slept in the mud, and I would have to sleep where they chose, which would no doubt be the least expensive place available.

  After we got settled in, as Coach put it, we all met back outside where he had arranged a mini-mixer, if you will. Hot dogs from the rotisserie at the quickie market next door, potato chips and generic soda.

  We sat in the chairs around the pool, which no one dared to go in because of the gloppy green film floating on top.

  “You okay with this?” Justin asked me.

  “I’m great with this.” I smiled. He grinned back at me as if he knew better, but was going to allow me to lie to him.

  The guys were great, a mixture looking for extra playing time, a few red shirts, and some right out of high school hoping to get a jump on their competition in college. We met a guy named Ross, who was also going to be playing at Harmon in the spring. Ross had a boyish look to his face and was tall and lean. He was one of the shorter guys, not that 5’8” is short, but most of them were over six feet.

  Everyone assumed that I was Justin’s girlfriend and neither one of us corrected them. He even took a few jokes about it, standard stuff about being whipped. But I appreciated him protecting me. I wasn’t ready to meet someone new yet.

  The team was good, too good. They played ten games in the first two weeks and hadn’t had any real competition at all. Coach told the guys not to get used to that because the upcoming teams would be better. I figured they couldn’t be any worse.

  I would now have to label the first place we stayed—the one I was afraid to go inside— as tolerable, because the lodging got worse as we went on.

  We were staying at places that ran just under twenty bucks a night for a double. I didn’t think it was possible to sleep in a tent at a campground for that little money a night, but I didn’t want to seem like a princess by complaining. Since I was the only girl, it would have been easy to figure out that I was the culprit.

  I didn’t want to give the impression that I thought I was too good to stay at places with names like The World Famous Wynona Inn, which was located in the middle of nothing, or The Heavenly Hideaway, both of which offered hourly rates, and made my skin crawl.

  We had to spend three nights at the Wynona and I immediately knew there was no way I could lay down on that bed for any reason, not even if my life were being threatened.

  I found a small retail store not too far away and bought plastic sheets to put down to act as a disease barrier between us and the coverlets, also new pillows and blankets. Justin laughed at me, but I knew he had to have been grateful that he wouldn’t have to sleep directly on a seminal cesspool either.

  I tried to calm down and go to sleep, but I couldn’t. Every time I felt my eyes getting lazy my subconscious would intervene and widen them again.

  “How long does it take for sperm to die outside the body?” I asked Justin as we lay in bed the first night.

  “What?” he laughed, gasping. “Why are you asking me that?” “Because you’re a guy. You should know that. As a girl I know that I could get pregnant up to seven days, according to some sources, after having unprotected sex.”

  “Okay, that’s while it’s inside your body. It needs a warm, moist place to survive.”

  “Yeah, I know, which is why I need to know how long it survives outside the body.”

  “Not long.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that if there’s sperm somewhere in this room, I doubt it can hurt you.”

  “I’m not worried about it hurting me. I’m concerned that it may smell my uterus and try to find a way in.”

  Justin laughed so hard I thought he was going to roll off his bed. “I do know there is no way that can happen, so relax, your uterus is safe from being invaded by strange sperm—for tonight anyway,” he laughed ominously, making fun of me.

  “It’s not funny, Justin,” I complained.

  “It dies pretty much as soon as it hits dry air. I promise. It doesn’t have that cockroach survival thing. They can live for weeks without a head.”

  “Thank you so much for that!” I flung a pillow at him. “Now I have to worry about headless bugs trying to get me too.”

  “At least you know they won’t be trying to get into your uterus,” he chortled. I groaned and covered my head with my blanket.

  Justin burst out laughing two or three more times telling me how stupid I was for imagining such things. I didn’t find it so funny though.

  ***

  The accommodations may not have been top notch, but the fields we played at were nice. The following week, I was in the concessions line before our next game started when I heard something behind me made me smile.

&nbs
p; “Hot damn, girl! You know blonds are my favorite.”

  I turned around to see Alex with his arms wide open. “No hug for your favorite third baseman?” he asked. I leaned into his embrace and held on.

  “You smell absolutely torturous,” he sighed, his grip tightening around my waist. I quietly laughed. “You don’t exactly stink,” I said. I knew for a fact that he covered himself in Ax body spray at least twice a day. “A little moaning and some sweat would merge our two scents perfectly,” he said, his tone playfully gravelly. I shook my head and took a step back from him.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Playin’ ball.” He shrugged. “Y’all’s team is gonna take a beatin’ today.”

  “We’ll see. “I grinned. “Have you seen Justin yet?”

  “Nah. I had to talk to you first.” He winked.

  “What are you doing after the game?”

  “Whatever you want,” Alex growled, a devilish grin on his lips. I rolled my eyes. “Let’s meet up for a beer,” he said, backing away, I’ll see your sexy self later.”

  If nothing else, Alex could boost a girl’s ego in less than ten seconds. It was probably why he got laid so much.

  The game was tight—one of the best I’d seen in weeks. Alex’s team didn’t deliver a beat down, but they did win by one run. While the other players were shaking hands, Alex and Justin did that guy hug thing and talked a while before coming off the field together.

  “We’re staying at the same place,” Justin announced when they reached me. Alex winked at me again. I hoped he wouldn’t try to sleep in our room or something.

  The three of us grabbed a bite to eat and then went back to the motel. Alex had gotten hold of a few beers and poured them into the disposable cups we had in our bathrooms.

  We sat outside at a picnic table in a grassy area away from the building. As soon as we sat down, Ross called Justin’s name and waved for him to come back.

  “So,” Alex said, gazing at me. “How are you doing?”

  “Better.”

  “Are you dating?”

  “No.”

  “What about you and Justin?”

  “What about me and Justin?”

  Alex smiled widely, and then shook his head. “Alright, Ms. I’m going to be a shrink.”

  “What?”

  “You really don’t know?” he asked, appearing dumbfounded.

  “Know what?”

  “Justin’s into you, and not in a friendly way. He wants you. Bad.”

  “No, he doesn’t?” My reply began as a statement, but morphed into a question.

  “Trust me. I may not be all psychological or whatever, but the first time I saw him look at you it was obvious to me. It’s why I didn’t pursue you.”

  “All this flirting is you not pursuing me?” I smirked.

  “That’s harmless fun and you know it. If it weren’t for Bishop though, I’d snap you up in a hot second. I’d be all over your fine ass until you were mine,” Alex said slowly as if he were in pain.

  Oddly, I found his confession sweet. Alex’s eyes lingered on me another minute, and then he sighed. “Back to you and Bishop.”

  “What about us?”

  “There’s some history there.” He grinned crookedly, eyeing me as he sipped his beer. I hesitated before my admission. “We made out once.”

  “I knew it!” Alex slapped the table.

  “And he said something a while back that made me think he might have feelings for me, but I thought he was over it.”

  Alex scrunched his nose and shook his head. “I’d say not. Are you still hung up on Mullins?”

  I didn’t answer him.

  “That means yes. You shouldn’t be. The guy did you dirty and Bishop’s always had your back.”

  “I know Justin’s always had my back. He and his family are my family. If we tried to be a couple and failed, then I’d lose everything. More than my best friend. I’d lose Pam and Larry, too.”

  “You can’t think his parents would cut you out like that?”

  “Not intentionally, but when Justin started dating someone else, they wouldn’t invite me over to witness it. It would complicate things too much. I wouldn’t even be able to come for holidays anymore, and I’ve been doing that since I was eleven.”

  “Do you have feelings for him?”

  I looked into Alex’s cool blue eyes and told the truth. “I love Justin. I always have, so it would be easy for me to fall in love with him, but I can’t let that happen.”

  “Why the hell not?” Alex asked, eyebrows raised.

  “I just know in my gut that it would ruin us.”

  “Sorry,” Justin said, as he returned to the table. “Were you talking about me?” he asked Alex.

  “Not everything’s about you, bro.” Alex slapped him on the back. “She’s a hard one to crack.” He nodded to me. “Can’t get her to give me the time of day.” I was glad he hadn’t mentioned what we’d been talking about.

  “I told you from the start that she wouldn’t.” Justin put his cup to his mouth and finished off his beer.

  “I’ll get us a refill,” Alex said and got up from the table.

  “Was he bothering you?” Justin asked me, his eyes concentrating on mine. I smiled. “No. He was being sweet.” I stood up. “I’m gonna go to bed and let you two catch up.”

  “You sure he didn’t say anything weird?”

  “I’m sure. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  On my way to our room, I saw Alex. “It was good to see you,” I said.

  “It’s always a pleasure seeing you, sexy girl.” He smiled. “For the record, I think you and Bishop would make it.”

  “Goodnight,” I said. Alex leaned down, putting his cheek close to my mouth. “I need a kiss to go with that.”

  “Shameless,” I muttered, before pecking his cheek.

  17

  Justin

  “What’d you say to her?” I asked Alex. “She looked at me funny before she left.”

  Alex laughed. “Paranoid much?”

  “I don’t know what to do. I thought I could make what I felt go away, but it’s not going away, it’s getting worse.”

  “Then you should do something about it.”

  “Like what?”

  “Ask her out. Take her to dinner and tell her how you feel about her.”

  “I’m sure she knows. I said something a while back…”

  “Maybe she thinks you’re over it.”

  “Maybe,” I muttered.

  “You should quit torturing yourself and make a move. Do it before you go home.”

  “I don’t know… we live together now.”

  Alex spit his beer across the table. “How are you not insane? I’d be in a looney bin if I had to watch her walk around in those pajama shorts again.” The week Annie stayed with us at Martin, she tortured Alex and I by walking around in a pair of tiny flannel shorts—just thinking about them made my pulse quicken.

  “We’d only been in our place two days before she broke into Mullins’s house to see him.”

  “No she didn’t,” Alex gasped.

  “Yes, she did. I don’t get how she could still be into him after everything he’s done to her. Anytime we get close, she pulls away. She says it’s to save our friendship, but damn, I’m not going to be able to stand by and watch her date someone else.”

  “Something tells me she wouldn’t be comfortable watching you with another girl, either.” Alex patted me on the back again. “Make a move, bro. What’s the worst that could happen?”

  18

  Annie

  Justin thought he was being cute by tattling to Pam that I was afraid to go to sleep at night, scared of being inseminated by uterus sniffing zombie sperm, or swallowed up by filthy carpet, which totally backfired on him. I had to work real hard not to laugh out loud when Coach Fuller announced that someone had graciously donated prepaid hotel rooms for our next stop.

  “I love your mother,”
I sighed, relieved that we’d be spending the next two night in a clean place with a pool I was sure someone hadn’t recently fished a dead body from.

  When we got to our suite, we had a six-pack of beer on ice waiting for us. “I love your mother,” I sang after swallowing half of my first beer in one gulp.

  “She is pretty great,” Justin admitted. We tapped the mouths of our bottles together before finishing them. “To Pam,” we chanted in unison, and then called to thank her.

  Justin and I both took a shower. It was so nice to have actual water pressure and enough hot water to finish rinsing off. Then we ordered dinner, real food that included green vegetables. As much as I loved fast food, my body was screaming for something healthy. We finished all the beer in the urn and then ate as if we were starving.

  I woke the next morning with Justin’s elbow in my neck and a fork stuck to one of my legs. We’d fallen asleep with our dinner dishes in the bed. I laughed, which woke Justin. As he moved to stretch, I heard plates clanking together. He looked at me like what the hell was that, which made me laugh harder.

  “We slept with the dishes,” I told him, then showed him the fork imprint on my leg. He grunted, acknowledging it before carefully rolling off the bed.

  I was putting the dishes on the room service cart when there was a knock at the door. Justin whipped around and asked me what time it was.

  “Ten-thirty.” I don’t know why he needed to know that to answer the door, but it seemed to make him feel better.

  Two women with massage tables stood in the threshold. Justin shrugged at me. “I love your mother,” I told him again. Something I didn’t love was watching that girl with her hands all over Justin. I knew it was her job to touch him, but still. I kept one eye open.

  I was so relaxed when they left that all I wanted to do was go lay by the pool. I had to buy a bathing suit first. I couldn’t wear my green one anymore because it reminded me of Ryan.