Christmas Forever

by Sophie Love

“There’s nothing to be concerned about,” the doctor said, echoing Emily’s own sentiment, making her feel validated. “Anywhere between 38 weeks and 42 weeks is considered full term. And only five percent of babies are born on their due date anyway. There’s a five week variation in the length of pregnancy. It’s entirely normal. And bear in mind that just because we call it a due date, we don’t necessarily mean it’s the best date. Emily’s body will know when it’s ready. It will do what it’s supposed to.”

  Daniel seemed to be put a bit at ease by the doctor’s assurances, but Emily thought he looked like his pride had been dented a little. He folded his arms and fell into brooding silence.

  Doctor Arkwright turned her attention back to Emily.

  “So you’re at 41 weeks now,” she said, “Which means we ought to do a membrane sweep today to see if we can get things started without chemicals. But I’d recommend we go ahead and book an induction for next Monday morning, just in case, as that will be the 42 week date.”

  “I’m not sure if I want to be induced,” Emily blurted suddenly.

  She heard Daniel suck in a sharp breath behind her.

  “Okay…” the doctor began, sounding a bit reticent. “Of course, it is your choice but know that my medical advice would be to have an induction on the 42 week mark. Otherwise, we will need to see you every day after 42 weeks, or possibly even admit you into hospital.”

  “Why would she be admitted?” Daniel asked, sounding panicked.

  “There’s a slight increased risk of stillbirths with pregnancies that go on beyond 42 weeks,” she explained in a calm and diplomatic tone. “Because things can change very quickly with the baby, we may need to monitor her heartbeat and movements and intervene if necessary. A water birth will be off the cards as well.” She looked at Emily again. “Do you understand everything I’ve told you?”

  “I do,” Emily said. “And I hope you can see where I’m coming from. I’d really prefer to let nature do its thing. My mom said she was late with both her babies and we were fine.”

  The doctor replied with a nod. “Like I said, it’s your choice. As long as you understand there are risks involved.”

  Emily couldn’t help noticing the way her smile had diminished a little. She dared not look at Daniel’s expression. She knew he would not be taking the news very well.

  “Let’s do our checks shall we?” the doctor said then, picking up a blood pressure cuff.

  She slid it up Emily’s arm and turned on the machine. Emily felt the familiar sensation of the cuff filling with air, squeezing tightly against her upper arm. Having her blood pressure checked all the time wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences, but at least the pain was only temporary. She was getting pretty used to it all now.

  A little slip of paper printed out of the attached machine, showing her blood pressure information. The doctor read it and entered the data onto her computer.

  “That’s all fine,” she said. Then she stood. “Can I get you to lay on the bed for me so we can do an ultrasound?”

  Emily did as she was asked, pulling up her shirt in preparation for the jelly to be applied. She always felt excited when she knew she was seeing her baby, but she also couldn’t help but hope this would be the last time that it was on a screen rather than in real life!

  “A bit of jelly coming,” Doctor Arkwright said and Emily flinched at the sensation as the cold goo was blobbed onto her belly.

  The Doctor began to move the wand through the jelly on Emily’s stomach. Emily looked at the screen, seeing the unmistakable shape of her baby. Her spine was clearly visible as was the small black shape that was her beating heart.

  “Hmm,” Doctor Arkwright said. She was peering at a different screen, one that had information scrolling onto it.

  “Hmm what?” Daniel asked, sounding extremely concerned. “Is there something wrong?”

  “Baby’s heartbeat is a little slow,” the doctor said. “One hundred ten beats per minute. It’s not too low but it is right on the cusp. And it’s lower than it has been before.”

  “What does that mean?” Emily asked.

  “It could mean a few things,” the doctor explained, removing the wand and wiping it clean. “The first and most obvious one is that you could be approaching labor. A baby’s drop in heart rate can be an early indication of that.”

  “What other things could it mean?” Daniel asked. His voice was very strained, Emily noted.

  The Doctor turned the machine off and handed Emily some paper towels to wipe her tummy. She sat up and cleaned herself as Doctor Arkwright took her seat again, swivelling to face them.

  “There is a small possibility that it means the baby is getting stressed,” she explained. “Again, because your pregnancy is at 41 weeks, it might be that baby is wanting to come out before your body is ready. Either way, I think it would be best if we admitted you to hospital to keep an eye on things.”

  Emily’s heart sunk. Hospital was the last place she wanted to be right now. Especially when she was so certain that everything was fine, and when she was trying so hard to make sure Daniel didn’t worry unnecessarily. But she knew Charlotte’s health was more important and she would do whatever she had to to keep her child healthy.

  “If you think it’s for the best,” she said.

  She looked over at Daniel. He looked terrified.

  “It’s just a precaution,” Doctor Arkwright said, in a clear attempt to reassure him.

  “I think Daniel’s more worried than I am,” Emily said.

  “Well someone has to be,” Daniel snapped. He paced away, running his hands through his hair.

  Doctor Arkwright gave Emily a sympathetic look. She’d had a front row seat to the stresses and strains the pregnancy had put on their marriage. Emily thought she’d probably seen far worse than her and Daniel’s bickerings. At least, she hoped she had.

  “I’ll just make a call to the hospital,” the doctor said, swivelling in her chair and picking up the phone.

  Whilst she was talking on the phone with her back to them, Emily tried to get Daniel to relax. He was wound as tightly as an elastic band, and she was scared he might snap any second.

  “Can you please come and sit down?” she asked. “Pacing won’t help anything.”

  “Nothing will help anything,” he said, “Apart from you having our baby. Please Emily. This is turning me into a nervous wreck.”

  “Daniel,” she said, firmly. “You heard what the doctor said. Anything between 38 and 42 weeks is considered full term. I’m not even really overdue. Charlotte isn’t in danger. I wouldn’t put her in danger. You have to understand that.”

  “Are you afraid?” he asked. “Of giving birth? Is that why you’re delaying it?”

  Emily shook her head. She couldn’t really explain what was going through her mind, just that there was a reason for everything and if the universe hadn’t made her go into labor yet there was surely a good reason for it. She just had to be patient and have faith, and see what fate had in store for her.

  “I’m not delaying it,” she told him. “It’s just not time. I don’t know how to explain it to you. I just know, okay?”

  Daniel took a deep breath. Emily could tell he was trying to understand, even if it was impossible for him as a man to know what she was experiencing and how she could be so certain of something like that.

  “Look, I will have the membrane sweep once we’re at hospital, okay?” she said. “Will that make you happy?”

  “Happier,” he mumbled.

  Doctor Arkwright put her phone down then and turned back to face them.

  “Okay, so that’s all sorted. You’re going to the maternity ward in Portland.”

  “Portland?” Daniel cried. “Why not the local hospital? That’s an hour drive away!”

  Doctor Arkwright looked surprised. “It’s the maternity facility you selected for any prenatal admissions. It’s on your forms.”

  He looked at Emily, frowning. All she could do was shrug.
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br />   “I chose it because it offers the best maternity care in Maine,” she said. “I suppose I wasn’t really think I’d need to be admitted at any point prior to labor. Or at least this close to it.”

  Daniel let out a long sigh. “Right. Fine,” he said, sounding clipped. He held his hand out to the doctor to shake. “Thanks for everything.”

  She stood and shook his hand. “Please try not to worry. I know as the father-to-be you can feel a bit helpless and out of control. But Emily has got this in hand.”

  Emily thanked her next, then they left the doctor’s office, went outside, and got into Daniel’s truck.

  “Chantelle’s going to be upset,” he said as he turned the key in the ignition. “You know how much she worries about you and misses you when you’re away.”

  He was looking over his steering wheel with his jaw tight, rather than at Emily. The truck rumbled beneath them as it idled in the parking lot, spewing out fumes into the cold air.

  Emily rubbed her bump protectively. “You sound like you’re annoyed with me. Like you think it’s my fault I have to go to hospital.”

  “I’m not,” he said. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Ridiculous? You’re being so short with me.”

  “I don’t mean to be,” he said, sighing. “I just feel so out of control. You’re making all the decisions. I feel like a spare part.”

  “Please just learn to trust me,” Emily replied. “It’s my body. I know what’s best. And pretty soon we’ll have our new baby and all of this will be in the past.”

  But as he reversed the car out of the lot, Daniel remained silent.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Emily and Daniel drove to the hospital in Portland, which was, indeed, an hour out of Sunset Harbor. Emily desperately wished this wasn’t happening and prayed that everything was okay with Baby Charlotte. But no matter how tense she felt, it didn’t even bear a patch on Daniel’s emotions. He was practically radiating fear. His face was completely drained of color as they drove.

  “Honey, you have to calm down,” Emily told him. “Nothing bad will happen.”

  “I can’t help it,” Daniel replied. “I’m scared. I mean I’m driving you to hospital for Pete’s sake. How am I supposed to be relaxed about that?”

  Emily touched his arm lightly. “Just try. For my sake. Please.”

  He nodded and his face relaxed a little. But, Emily noted, his hands were still gripping the steering wheel tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.

  Once they made it to the hospital, Daniel parked up and helped Emily into the main foyer. It was a very large, bright building, with all the medical staff wearing friendly pastel colored uniforms rather than clinical whites. There were also lots of plants around and a fish tank filled with tropical fish. Just the atmosphere of the place helped Emily relax immensely.

  Daniel went up to the desk.

  “This is Emily-Jane Morey. We were sent by Doctor Arkwright.”

  The nurse at the desk tapped their information into her computer.

  “Okay, would you like to come with me,” she said, smiling kindly.

  They followed her through a corridor to the maternity ward. The sound of newborn's cries echoed through the corridors. Emily felt a surge of excitement, knowing she would soon be in the same position as the new moms on this ward, holding her infant in her arms. Even the shrill cries sounded like music to her ears.

  They passed the premature ward, where tiny babies were lying under UV lights in plastic incubators. Emily felt her heart hitch at the sight of them, and was so relieved that Charlotte had chosen to be late rather than early. She wouldn’t have been able to cope with such a fragile little thing, and had no idea how much strength it took the parents in there now to see their babies look so small, to feel so helpless. She felt Daniel’s hand gripping hers. He was clearly as moved by the sight of the preemies as she was and it felt good to feel like they were united again rather than on opposing sides.

  “Right, here’s your room,” the nurse said, leading them into a bright, clean space.

  There was a large bed, a separate en suite bathroom, and all kinds of monitors set up in the room.

  “Oh,” Emily said, feeling daunted by all the huge pieces of equipment. “This is all for me?”

  “Nothing to worry about,” the nurse explained. “We’re just going to monitor both your heart beats.” She pointed at a metal pole on wheels. “This is for an IV line in case you become dehydrated.” Then she pointed to a machine with a long tube coming from it, with a mouthpiece attached to the end. “And this is the gas and air, just in case we’re meeting your little one today.” She winked. “Now, I’ll leave you to get undressed. Your gown is on the bed.”

  She left the room and Emily began to change. It made her feel much more vulnerable to be in the thin hospital gown rather than her own clothes, much more like a patient than a person. And she couldn’t stop looking at all the machines. They were so large, so clinical looking. Their presence made her anxious. Even though she knew in her gut that nothing was wrong with Charlotte, seeing all that complicated machinery made her worry that her instincts might be wrong.

  After a short while, there was a knock on the door and the nurse came back in.

  “I’m just going to put this tag on your wrist,” she said to Emily, affixing a clear plastic bracelet around her arm, that had her name written upon it.

  Now Emily really began to feel bad.

  “Am I being admitted overnight?” she asked. The only time she’d ever had a bracelet before was when she’d had to stay overnight.

  “Didn’t Doctor Arkwright explain?” the nurse asked. “Whenever we have a woman admitted with a low fetal heart rate we monitor them for twenty four hours minimum. It’s the only way we can see whether the rate is low because of distress or just low naturally. And it’s the best way we can assess the movement of your baby.”

  “But she’s moving fine,” Emily said, cradling her stomach defensively. “Just as much as she always does.”

  “It’s not always easy for moms to detect a change in movement,” the nurse explained. “That’s what the machines can do for us. I’m sorry, I appreciate it’s a bit of a frustration to be in this position. But I can arrange for a membrane sweep once I’ve taken your bloods, and that will certainly help speed things along. Obviously if she’s born we won’t need to keep you in to monitor her!”

  Emily nodded. She didn’t look at Daniel though, assuming his expression would be smug.

  She sat on the large hospital bed, which was covered with crisp white sheets that smelled of cleaning fluids, and sat patiently as the nurse took her blood. It was painful but Emily was used to it now. Nine months of being pricked and prodded had made her pretty hardy. Besides, her mind was elsewhere, mulling over the way the nurse had implied that mom’s couldn’t always detect changes to their baby’s movements. She knew Baby Charlotte better than she knew herself. Every twitch and kick had registered with her, from the routine way she woke at dusk, to the way she slept whenever Emily showered, to the way it always felt like she was practising boxing after breakfast. Emily knew all that stuff intimately, she didn’t need a machine to tell her it!

  Once the blood test was over, the nurse left with the vials, promising to return shortly.

  As soon as she was gone, Emily turned to Daniel.

  “This is terrible timing,” she said. “It’s the last few days of school for Chantelle. I’m supposed to be sending in cookies for their charity bake sale.”

  “I can make cookies,” Daniel told her. Then, he changed his mind. “I mean I can buy them from the store. Is that allowed?”

  Emily sighed. “Yes. But it’s not the same, is it? She’ll be so disappointed.”

  “Don’t worry about Chantelle,” Daniel told her. “Focus on yourself and the baby. Take care of that.”

  Emily thought he was being remarkably diplomatic, considering she could potentially resolve this situation by agreeing to being induced. But
it didn’t feel right to rush it. Despite the setback, she still felt certain that she wanted to wait.

  “If you’re staying overnight, I should go home and pick some stuff up for you. Is there anything you need in particular?” Daniel asked Emily.

  “Books,” she said. “Really trashy ones. Oh, and maybe Bryony? We were supposed to be having a meeting later today.”

  “Well that’s definitely not happening,” Daniel said, rolling his eyes. “I’m only bringing you non-work related things.”

  “But we’re supposed to be working out the winter marketing deals,” she explained. “You know, because the inn hasn’t got any bookings over winter at all!”

  “It will just have to wait,” Daniel told her. “Until you’re well enough.”

  Emily knew he was right, but she hated the idea of lying around like some kind of damsel in distress. It was infuriating. And she definitely didn’t want Daniel thinking he’d been right to worry!

  “I’d better go,” Daniel said then. “The weather report is saying more snow. I don’t want to get caught in a ton of traffic and miss picking Chantelle up from school.” He leaned down and kissed her. “Take care, won’t you, while I’m gone? I’ll be back with Chantelle asap.”

  Emily nodded, sadly, wishing he didn’t have to leave her. But knowing he’d be back shortly with Chantelle stopped her from becoming too unhappy.

  Daniel left, waving goodbye, and a little while later, the nurse came back.

  “Right, let’s get all these machines hooked up,” she said.

  She attached Emily to all the large machines, and Emily listened to the sound of Charlotte’s heart beat in the background. Her own heart beat was displayed on a large screen beside her.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked.

  “Yes,” the nurse said. “She’s at one hundred and sixteen beats, so she hasn’t dropped. That’s a good sign.”

  Emily let out a sigh of relief. “What next?”

  “Next,” the nurse said, turning her attention from the chart she was writing on to Emily’s eyes, “Is to arrange for your membrane sweep. Are you okay for me to organize that now? Have an OB GYN sent in?”