Alisiyad

by Sarah R. Suleski

  Liseli tried to think back to Tuesday. “Oh. I was upset. Mr. Berdilo offered to make me the permanent manager and—” she stopped, wondering why she was telling this thing about the Burger House.

  “Oh, I see. You had to escape to the Mill.” The Child, Alisiya, nodded, and Liseli found herself nodding like a reflection.

  “That’s true,” she said. “I’m sorry you missed me.” She was; she felt compelled to be contrite.

  “That’s quite all right. I was surprised to see the boy, though.”

  “Why?”

  “You didn’t write about him much.”

  Liseli looked down, and reached her left hand over to grab the fingers on her right. She shrugged. “I couldn’t.”

  “Well, it’s worked out, anyway. There had to be two of you then. It’s as my vision foretold. Two of you. He’s served his purpose by being with you there, as I saw you. I saw you 85 years ago, drinking from the River. Can you fathom that?”

  Liseli nodded. “Yes, I can.”

  “But we are going on about this; it is a digression. What you want is freedom, and that is what I want. Now that you have freedom from your life, that odious place where you worked, and your terrible family, now you want freedom from the boy, don’t you?” Alisiya titled her head to the side as she shook it, regarding Liseli with eyes that were wellsprings of sympathy.

  “Russ?” Liseli looked up and titled her head. “What do you mean?”

  “He has served his purpose. People here think that two are needed to fulfil the prophecy. But I alone know it can only be one, because I did not tell all I saw.”

  Liseli didn’t know what she was talking about, but she felt as if she did, and she nodded in understanding.

  “The real way to defeat Leeton is not to march on his city. It is to march out of this land, this other Alisiya, and open it up to all the other lands, which will kill it. That is what he fears, that is what his nightmares are.” The Child put its hands on the rail and leaned forward.

  Liseli leaned forward as well, fascinated by the wistful, singsong voice.

  “I saw that I would go to Adayzjia, and one person would take me there, because I cannot go by myself. That person is you, Liseli. I have come to know this. You will take me through the gate, and we will both be free, and he will die of his broken heart, because he loves this land more than anything. Once we are in Adayzjia, alone, there will be nothing of America to tie you down, and nothing of Alisiya to tie me down. We’ll be free. They will pay for holding us captive. Do you understand?”

  “I think so. I don’t know.”

  Alisiya smiled. “Here, follow me.”

  She hopped off the rail and walked away off the bridge. Liseli followed her, not sure why she was going along with this, but unconcerned. The Child led her up the path, then turned off to the right onto some stepping stones. They came to a small, square, ivy covered building, and Alisiya said, “Open the door and go inside.”

  Liseli tried the door, but found it locked. “I can’t, it’s locked,” she said.

  “That should be no obstacle to you. Simply try,” said Alisiya patiently.

  Liseli tried, but couldn’t. “I really can’t.”

  Alisiya sighed. “It’s because you’re not free,” she said as Liseli turned around and looked at her. “You weren’t supposed to go to him last night. You were supposed to go to the River. Instead you went and bound yourself to him. I was disappointed. It will make things harder.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “When you came through the gate, you had not yet lain with the boy.”

  “Of course not.”

  “You were still free enough, though he was with you. Now you have joined with him, become one flesh, as they say. Do you know what that means?” Alisiya shook her head, disapproving.

  Liseli thought for a moment. “It means I’m not free.”

  “Yes. You will have to be free if you are to take us to Adayzjia. You will have to separate yourself from the boy.” She crossed her arms and nodded. “I realize it may be difficult for you; you are confused. You have not had the years I’ve had to form your purpose and reach a clear understanding of your destiny. So you may think you love him, but that is only an obstacle you must overcome before you can be free.”

  Liseli stood with her arms dangling at her sides. “How do I overcome it?” she asked after a moment.

  “I am sorry, but . . . .” Alisiyad paused. “He will have to die, now.”

  Liseli shivered, feeling as if something had jolted her from a comfortable sleep. “I don’t like that.”

  “Well, it is only your fault. If you hadn’t done what you did last night, the attachment wouldn’t be this strong.”

  Liseli looked at her feet. “I don’t . . . know . . . .” She started to feel her breath coming in shorter gasps; “I’m not sure . . . look, I . . . don’t know what you want me to do, exactly.”

  “Simply do what you did when you crossed through the Mill gateway,” said Alisiya.

  “I don’t think I did anything . . . .”

  “Your mind isn’t clear. It’s full of him. I can tell.” Alisiya frowned.

  “So you want me to go somewhere . . . another world?”

  “Yes, but that comes later. You won’t be able to do it until the boy is no more.” Alisiya pointed at her. “I am counting on you, Liseli. I am counting on you to be what you were born to be. You need clarity, now. You need to be in control. You cannot cling to fetters.”

  Liseli felt as if her mind was like mashed potatoes — clarity was further away than it had ever been. She struggled to understand the calm words of the Child. It wanted her to nod, and agree, and she felt it making her want to nod, and agree. But she didn’t, she touched her forehead, trying to remember that she was still there. “You mean . . . you want me . . . to kill Russ?”

  “Nooo, no no no,” Alisiya laughed. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that, I know you can’t do that, not yet. No. Just let him die, when the time comes. And it will come. Let him go. That’s all you need to do. Are we understood? Are we free?”

  “But . . . ” Liseli didn’t know how to say it, and she knew, dimly, that the Child would not like it however she said it. “But I don’t want to do that.”

  “You’ll have to learn control your wants to match each other,” Alisiya said firmly. “If you want freedom, you want to do that. You want to lose him.”

  Liseli closed her eyes. The trees were closing down on her. She opened her eyes. Alisiya was waiting for a reply, serious black gaze fixed on her face. Liseli backed up. In her mind she saw a pair of hands clutching at her, fingers digging into her brain. She tried to tear herself away, refusing to think with the hands upon her. The hands let go of her and hovered over her, invisible but palpable. They were waiting also. “But I think I might love him,” she said.

  “No you don’t.”

  “I think I do,” Liseli insisted, pleadingly. “’Cause you know . . . what I really want . . . I think . . . is someone I can count on. To always be there. And, I mean, he is always there. Whether I want him to or not.” Alisiya was staring her down with a displeased scowl, but she soldiered ahead. “I, um, well, I know he’s late getting there, and sometimes screws things up when he’s there but,” she laughed weakly, “I mean, he wants to be there. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t even deserve that. I don’t know why you want me to lose it. I don’t understand you.”

  “You’re muddled,” Alisiya said in a flat voice. “I’ve never seen someone so muddled.” She sneered. Then she composed her face, and sighed. “Liseli, I must give it to you bluntly. You can’t have him. It is not your destiny. Your destiny is to free yourself and lead me into Adayzjia. You will want that once you have it. Consider this a test, consider your love for the boy to be the obstacle you must overcome to find yourself.”

  “His name is Russell,” Liseli said petulantly.

  “I don’t care, Liseli. I need you to get over this fixation with bondage and unhappiness
and free yourself,” Alisiya stomped one small bare foot. “I brought you to this building to show you what I need you for. On the other side of that door is nearly all I have left of my mother, besides memories, bad memories, do you understand? And one man is responsible for that. I can never defeat him if you will not help me.”

  “Well, I don’t care, Alisiya,” said Liseli. A rush of fresh air blew through her mind. The hands twitched. “Would you kill your mother if someone told you to? That’s like what you’re asking me to do.”

  She felt pain shoot through her brain from front to back, and she grabbed her head with a whimper.

  “I did kill my mother,” Alisiya said, pointing at the door as if she would knock it down with her finger. “You know nothing of what you ask me, because your mind is a dark, little, vermin infested hole of selfishness and petty, petty ideas. I . . . need . . . you, and you will come through for me, because you cannot even save him if you try. So don’t. Save one of you, the only one you can save. Yourself.”

  Liseli couldn’t answer. The intense migraine pulsating through her head made her vision blur and her legs weak. She doubled over and cradled her head, feeling tears seep from her eyes.

  “What’s the matter? Headache?” Alisiya asked. “Poor thing.”

  “Stop,” Liseli croaked in a tiny voice.

  “I will. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  The pain ebbed away like tide, and she straightened, taking deep breaths. Now her head only throbbed dully with a headache in her temples, like after a long and tedious day around the grease pit of the Burger House. She looked at Alisiya mistrustfully. “Who was that woman in my dream?” she asked.

  “Aysha. My mother. She is with me always. Sleeping, but part of me. She will never die, truly, as long as I live,” Alisiya said, holding out both hands earnestly. “I took a part of her with me, and she stays with me still.”

  “I didn’t like her.”

  Alisiya’s eyes smoldered. “She wouldn’t like you, either.”

  “Fair enough. I didn’t like the part where Russ was dead with all those other bodies on that gray road, either,” Liseli looked away. “And I didn’t like the song. Why do you sing that? How do you know that? It’s from my world. I don’t ever remember writing about it.”

  “My mother sang it. She learned it from my father. It was from his world.” Alisiya shrugged. “And even though you didn’t like Russ being dead, you will still have to do as I say, because you cannot change fate, Liseli.”

  “No.” Liseli shook her head and crossed her arms. “I don’t like people telling me what to do. Maybe that’s just your idea of fate.”

  “Liseli, I have lived so much longer than you. I have seen much. I know a good deal more than you about life, about death, and about love.” Alisiya regarded her with cold patience. “You refuse to listen to wisdom.”

  “I don’t want your wisdom,” Liseli said, trying to keep the waver from her voice. “Maybe I made a mistake last night, but whatever else he is Russ is still my friend and I’m not in the habit of killing my friends.”

  “Do you know that you kill him a little every day?”

  Liseli stared down her nose at Alisiya, but did not respond.

  “You are not so cocky when you are in pain,” said Alisiya, and Liseli felt her legs give out from underneath her. She fell to the ground in an awkward heap, whimpering again as pain like glass in her blood traveled up and down her legs. She bit her lip and tried not to beg for the torment to be lifted. She hated to beg.

  “You are too valuable to hurt seriously, Liseli.” The Child turned away. “But you may leave me no choice in the end. Think, girl, on what I’ve said. We can be friends, or we can be enemies, but in the end you will take me to Adayzjia, because I have seen it, and I know that it will happen.”

  Liseli lay with her face in the grass, tears running from her eyes and snot running from her nose as she tried to ignore the sharp pain in her legs and the dull pain in her head. She grabbed a handful of tangled weeds and tore them from the ground. She needed to vomit, but there was nothing inside.

  “I’m sorry, Liseli.” Alisiya looked down on her with a smile. “It cuts me to pieces to see anyone in pain. I’ll go now. You’ll feel better in a minute.”

  Chapter 16 ~ Rag Doll

  Liseli looked down at her dress ruefully as she stumbled along the path. There were grass stains on it, and it was wrinkled. She walked crooked, blinking as she came out into the light. Her ears felt like they were full of water. The people paid no attention to her as she passed them; she paid no attention to them. She wanted to know where Russ was, suddenly it was very important to know where he was. He was in danger and he didn’t know it. Alisiya was planning on doing something to him . . . where was he?

  She fought down a rise of panic and told herself not to be silly. Alisiya had wanted her to think over things, so of course nothing was going to happen right away. But soon. I hate that smug little bitch. The thought leapt to her mind with sudden vehemence before she closed her eyes and took a breath to steady herself. Who was that Child to tell her what she wanted, and what her destiny was? Nobody. Nothing. No one. Her head pounded dully, but she didn’t feel the pain anymore, just a numbing thudthudthud.

  Finally she caught sight of him; he was standing under the balcony, near the edge. She moved toward him slowly like she was walking through eddies along a shore. He saw her coming, and met her halfway.

  “Hey. I . . . oh hey . . . whoa . . . have you been crying again?” He spoke slowly as his eyes traveled over her disheveled appearance.

  “No.” She swiped at her cheek, feeling a grass blade fall from it.

  “You have.” He sounded disappointed. “You’re all smeared up and . . . were you on the ground?” As he talked he pulled his sleeve down over his hand and started to wipe at her face like she was a little girl.

  “Yeah. I was lying on the ground crying my little heart out because I was so embarrassed,” Liseli said, tilting her face up so he could clean it.

  “Are you joking?”

  “Yes.”

  He paused. “You don’t look like you’re joking.”

  She sighed. She felt rattled, spent, and dizzy. She didn’t want to talk about it. What was there to say? He’d probably misunderstand and accuse her of being out to kill him. “I tripped over a tree root and hurt myself. I messed up the dress, too.”

  “It looks okay. Are you okay?”

  “Mm.” She shrugged. So-so.

  “Are you still mad?”

  “No. It’s no big deal.”

  He paused, looking at her in doubt. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  He shrugged a little, then smiled. “Well . . . okay, good.” He left go of his sleeve and lowered his hand, but she kept her face titled toward him, so he bent down and kissed her. She leaned into him for a moment, but then quickly drew away.

  “Russ . . . . Your breath reeks. What did you do?” She sniffed.

  “Oh.” He lifted a hand into front of his mouth, smiling apologetically. “I had a drink. Can you tell?”

  He was wavering where he stood, and he speech had been a kind of slow and distant the whole time. But she hadn’t really noticed, because she felt the same way. In a fog. She frowned. “Early for drinking, Russ.”

  “I know. I only had a couple swallows. It was Currun’s brain killing special,” Russ said, resting his hands on her shoulders. His smile brightened. “I found out stuff.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well . . . I don’t remember it all. But I think the King here might want to kill us.”

  “Oh.” She paused, thinking. Then she nodded. “I think so too, maybe. Do you know why?”

  “It has something to do with the River.”

  “Prophecy?”

  “Yeah.” He looked disappointed. “How’d you know?”

  She smiled faintly, leaning into his hands. “Mm . . . Eliasha told me.” She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to lie to him about it, but she
couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to tell him. “Look, let’s not worry about that right now. When does the play start?”

  “I don’t know. This afternoon.”

  “Okay.” She began to walk her fingers up his arms, and he looked down uncertainly. She took a breath and cocked her head to the side. “Let’s go inside for a while.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.” She took his hands from her shoulders and pulled him toward the stairs. “Come on.”

  “I’ve been drinking,” he said with suspicion, but didn’t resist.

  “I don’t care,” she lifted one shoulder. “I want you . . . right now . . . silly.”

  He smiled self-consciously and looked down. “Ah . . . yeah . . . I just think I might have passed out over there and not woken up yet.”

  She pinched the palm of his right hand.

  “Ow, hey.” He winced. “Alright. No, wait a minute. You have to eat something first.”

  “No.”

  “I mean it.” He stopped, digging his heels in. “I want you to eat.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do, Russ.”

  He laughed. “You’re telling me what to do.”

  “I . . . oooh. Russ, I have a headache, don’t cross me.” She frowned and tugged on his arm. Her head didn’t really hurt, not anymore, but he didn’t have to know that.

  “You have a headache because you haven’t eaten anything,” he shot back.

  She dropped his hands and crossed her arms. “Fine. What do you want me to eat?”

  He took a step back. “I’ll go get something. You go up to my room and I’ll bring it to you. Promise me you’ll eat it.”

  “Russ—”

  “Promise.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Alright.”

  “Say it.”

  “I promise.”

  He kissed her cheek and turned around, jogging unsteadily back toward the pavilion. She realized a moment too late how it would look: “Oh hey, I’m just getting some food for Liseli, she’s going to eat it in bed and then we’re going to have sex. What time does the play start, by the way?” She wanted to call him back, but didn’t want to yell. So she turned and stomped toward the stairs, shaking her head. Him and his stupid food. . . . Sometimes he can be so clueless.