by Carnal, MJ
Slim and I finished our lunch in silence. When we were done, I got up and put my pail back in my saddle bag while Slim turned and went back into his air conditioned office. I stood by my bike for a long minute and ran a hand through my sweat slicked hair. It was longer than I’d let it grow in years.
I’d rebelled a bit since getting out. I’d been living my life in a uniform for years. We’d all had the same haircuts, same march, and the same salute. I was done with the same. The day after I’d gone to my dad’s, I had found a tattoo shop and started work on my sleeve. I needed more meaning. I needed to break away from the conformity. The same day I went and started my tattoos I had also gotten my ears pierced. The markings on my own body brought me back to Katherine. Did she get hers for the same reason? Did she feel the need to break away from the mold and if she did, why?
It was so hard for me to believe that the girl I watched in high school was the same tatted girl I’d seen last night. Katherine had innocence in her eyes that day, in the parking lot. Everything about her was pure. She was who she was, and she didn’t hide from it. It was something I admired about her. When she stood up to me that day when nobody else had, she made no excuses. The quirkiness, pouty lips, hazel eyes, and no holds barred girl was a total bad ass back then and she didn’t even know it. Even in my drunken state last night, I could tell she still had an attitude that said ‘don’t fuck with me’.
I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out through my nose. Squinting into the dry dirt field, I headed back out. There was plenty of work to be done and not enough hours in the day. I’d given Katherine too much thought already and I needed to focus on something else. Letting my mind wander to her wasn’t the best idea. I might be curious about her, but it’s like Slim said, I can’t get involved. I won’t ruin what I had going on here with my job, and I won’t ruin a girl that I could see was still innocent despite the external appearance she portrayed last night.
I wasn’t the same kid I used to be, either. I tried really hard to be normal around other people but I wasn’t always successful. My head was full of lists. I cataloged things everywhere I went. I had strategies, exit plans, and fail safe plans. I wasn’t normal and I wouldn’t fuck up someone else’s normal just because I was feeling inquisitive. Needing to focus on my job, I pushed Katherine out of my head. The rest of the day went on uneventfully, and I finally jumped on my Harley and headed home.
When I walked in the front door of my apartment I was met with silence. I moved through the pitch black space, allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Making my way into the kitchen, I set my keys down and sat at the table. I had a small two-seater table that was up against the wall across from the stove. Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and listened. It was so quiet that I was imagining hearing ringing in my ears. I considered getting up and turning on the television just to have some noise, but I didn’t want to move. I couldn’t hear any traffic from outside, and even my usually noisy neighbors must have been gone. Listening to my own breathing eventually lulled me to sleep. I startled myself awake when I saw a flash of bright light behind my eyelids. Focusing on the time glowing from the microwave, I’d been asleep for the past hour. My whole body was aching from the day’s heavy lifting and how I had been sitting in the chair. I stretched my neck one way, then the other, allowing it to pop with each twist.
It was just past seven o’clock and I hadn’t eaten yet. In fact, I wasn’t even hungry. I really wanted a damn drink. I decided right there in that moment to do something that I knew wasn’t the wisest decision, but my feet thought otherwise. I got up, felt around for my keys, and walked out the door. A few minutes later I found myself standing at the entrance of The Hole. I stood there pondering what I was even doing here. I tried to justify it by telling myself that I was only doing what I did every night, which was drown myself in Crown. But there was no denying that I was here for more than just the alcohol. I wanted to get a glimpse of Katherine. Thinking that if I just saw her once, that would be all I needed and I could walk back out the door, go to the store to buy the good stuff.
That all flew out the window when I walked in and laid eyes on her across the room. She was behind the bar mixing a drink. She had her back to me and I watched her move fluidly around the confined space. Her long hair cascaded down her back in soft, wispy waves. The red ends shone under the lights, giving it a more vibrant hue. She was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt, and she had on a pair of short cut-offs like she did last night. I really wanted to see her legs, but the bar was blocking my view of her lower half.
I didn’t get to continue my perusal of her because a deep voice cleared his throat next to me.
“Dude, I’m gonna need to see your ID before you come in.”
Right. I’d been standing here like a total idiot for I don’t know how long. Digging in my back pocket, I pulled out my license and looked at the man I’d remembered as Beaver. I handed it to him and he inspected it, flipping it back and forth, and then finally looking up at me.
“Wait, you’re the guy from last night. Nelson, right?” Beaver was grinning like he was seeing an old friend.
“It’s Timber, but yeah,” I said.
“Nice seeing you again, man. How long have you been in the area, and how come I hadn’t seen you till last night?”
I wasn’t in the mood to be chatty, but I wouldn’t be an asshole either. Shrugging, I said, “Been here for a few months, but I haven’t had much time besides going to work, going home, eating, and sleeping. Then I start the cycle all over again. I didn’t even know this place existed until last night.”
“Seriously? This town is barely a mile long. You can’t miss this place.”
“Like I said, I don’t get out much,” I said, staring him down.
He grunted, accepting my answer. “Well, welcome. I guess I don’t get out much either. My ass is always here keeping an eye on the bar and the girls.”
“Thanks,” I said. He handed me back my license and before I could think better of it, I asked him a question. “How long have you worked here?”
Beaver let his eyes roam the bar before he brought them back to me. “I’ve been here for a couple years now. Ed hired me after some prick got too grabby with that one over there,” he said, pointing in the direction of Katherine. “Ed’s the owner, if you didn’t meet him last night. Anyway, he’s getting a little too old to fend off the guys that can’t keep their hands to themselves. Now I work every night that Kat does. She’s like a daughter to him, so it’s her that he wants me to keep safe more than the other girls or the bar.” He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice. “Right decision, if you ask me. If some dude comes in here, it’s always her they notice.”
Just thinking about some guy putting their hands on her made my blood boil. However, knowing that Ed put someone here to look after Katherine made me feel better. I’m sure with Beaver around, nobody messed with her. He was a big son of a bitch. I’m not afraid of anything, but if he came at me, I’d certainly flinch. Looking him over, I liked him. He kept my girl safe.
My girl?
Where that thought came from, I didn’t know, but I also didn’t get much time to think about it because it was as if I called her to look in my direction. She turned her beautiful hazel eyes my way and I felt my body being pulled towards her. Gulping, my feet took each step towards the stool that sat directly in front of her. I watched her watching me, searching her face for any sort of clue that she recognized me. I didn’t see any as I sat down. Her eyes never left mine. She followed my every move, as if she were as drawn to me as I was to her. I noticed her swallow, and her chest moved up and down with short breaths. She was nervous. When I blinked, it was as though the trance she’d been in broke, and she cleared her throat, looking away.
Katherine threw a white towel over her shoulder and walked over so she was standing directly in front of me. Her eyes seemed to harden before she said nonchalantly, “What can I get you?”
Her soft voice hit me strai
ght in the gut. It didn’t fit her external appearance. The tattoos, her white shirt that was cut in the front to display a hell of a lot of cleavage, and eyes that were lined with too much black liner. What the fuck was I doing here?
“Crown and coke,” I told her in my own deep voice.
I saw her hand reach out and grab the counter when I spoke. I let my eyes travel up her arm to her face. When my gaze met hers, I saw her lips part. She was reacting to me, and I wondered if it was more than just the attraction I could see she was obviously feeling. Did she recognize me?
Katherine turned her back to me, grabbed the bottle, and poured the amber liquid into a short glass. After topping it off with coke, she put it on the napkin she placed in front of me.
“You starting a tab? Otherwise, that’s five bucks.” She started wiping the counter down.
“That’s pretty cheap. You give me watered down whisky?” I asked.
She paused, leveling a glare at me. “Ed doesn’t run that kind of establishment, asshole. He keeps his prices low so he keeps his customers. You going to hand over a credit card or are you going to pay and head home?”
“Relax sweetheart, it was just a question,” I taunted.
“It was a question that insinuated my boss cheats his customers.” Her adorable dark brown eyebrow lifted.
“I’m sure he’d be happy to hear that his employee is hardcore and loyal to him.” I smirked at her.
She was quiet for a few beats before she leaned across the counter and got closer to me. Damn if it didn’t get me a little hard. With both hands braced on the hard surface, she said, “you know what? I think this one’s on the house. Enjoy it, mister. I’ll make sure Beaver over there,” her eyes flicked over to Beaver’s place at the front door, “shows you out.”
I couldn’t help the flat out grin that stretched across my face. “You kicking me out?”
She pushed off the counter and leaned back against the opposite counter, crossing her arms over her ample chest. “Nope, but I’ve had your type in here before. I’m just letting you know that it might be wise for you to help yourself out the front door, or someone else will.”
“My type, huh? And what type would that be?” I knew I was getting her riled up, but I didn’t care. I wanted to keep hearing her talk. Her voice was strangely soothing, even though her words were harsh.
Now she was the one smiling. Her tongue flicked out over her lower lip. “The type that waltzes in here, flirts with the local talent, thinks he’s going to fuck her, and then walks away without so much as leaving a name.”
“I have no problem telling you my name, sweetheart.”
“I’m not interested in your name. Nor am I interested in fucking you, so how about you finish up your drink and head on home.”
I looked down at my drink, and then back up at her. I noticed that her pinky finger was shaking slightly under her tucked arm, and her chest was heaving a bit too much for someone that was just having a semi-flirtatious conversation. Pushing a bit more, I tested her limits.
“What’s your name?”
She sighed. “Fine, I’ll play. It’s Kat.”
“Kat? Is that with a C or a K?”
“It’s with a K. Short for Katherine.” She hesitated before she turned the question back to me. “I showed you mine, now you show me yours.”
Was she flirting with me? “I’m Timber. It’s nice to meet you Kat, short for Katherine.” I gave her the full force of my smile. Clearing my throat, I ran my finger along the rim of the glass. “Seems we have one obstacle out of the way.”
She knew right away what I was implying. However, I would never just fuck her and leave. Oh no. She’s the girl that you never get your fill of. She’s the type that you take home to meet the parents. She’s the kind of sweet that you ache for with every taste. She’s the type that you want forever. Except… she didn’t need to know I wasn’t interested in a quick fuck. I didn’t know what I wanted with her; I just knew that I wanted to keep talking to her. She was making my heart feel like it was vibrating just by being near her. I saw her eyes widen with my words, then she closed them, sucking in a deep breath through her nose. When she opened them again, there was resolve there.
“All right, Timber, I think we are done here.” She looked around the bar at the other patrons she’d been ignoring since I’d sat down. “I’ve got work to do. Enjoy your drink.”
Kat walked down the bar and began serving another customer, effectively leaving me without a chance to respond. I sat, slowly sipping my drink, and observed her. She moved easily and spoke to other people with grace. It seemed they all liked her. And why wouldn’t they? The feel around her was calming. I selfishly wanted more of it. In fact, I wanted it all to myself. I wanted her to know who I was. I needed her to remember me. Something in me was pushing me to get her attention again and announce that I was the guy she hated in high school.
About fifteen minutes passed and I saw her start to walk towards the back. Having no idea what I was doing or what I was going to say, I stood up from my chair and followed her. She was halfway down the long dimly lit hallway when I caught up with her. Touching her elbow, I said, “Kat.”
She swung around, gasping. I’d startled her. “Jesus Christ, Timber.” She was clutching her chest. “For such a large man you move too stealthily. I didn’t even hear you behind me.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to scare you,” I said.
Kat was looking up at me, her head tipped all the way back. She was so tiny next to my taller frame. “Well, you did. You’re not even supposed to be back here. What do you need?”
I was making her nervous. Needing to come out with it, I said, “Kat, we know each other.”
“What are you talking about? I just met you.” She shook her head back and forth, her long brown hair swaying.
“Cut the shit, Kat, I can see it all over your face right now. You know exactly who I am, so why have you been pretending that you don’t?” I really didn’t know, but I was taking a wild guess.
The pulse on the side of her neck was beating rapidly and her eyes started darting around. One thing I learned while in the Army is when someone’s eyes go a certain way they are coming up with a lie. Kat just gave herself away and she didn’t even realize it.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She backed up against the wall to get some space from me. “I saw you for the first time last night, and now you have me backed into a corner. You and I don’t know each other and I think it’s time for you to leave.”
I had to give the girl credit. She was standing her ground. But why on earth was she so adamant that I was a stranger to her? Was I that forgettable? Not believing her still, I pushed again.
“You’re kidding, right? Two words, Katherine. High…school.” I said, ticking off two fingers in the air.
She swallowed hard and stared me straight in the eyes. “Nobody calls me that anymore.”
I stood there gauging her reaction to what I’d just said. She did know me, but she chose to pretend that she didn’t. The hallway was silent, with only the faded sound of old country music playing from the main part of the bar. Standing here in front of her, being this close, her eyes trained on me, I knew I wanted her. I wasn’t sure how I wanted her. I just knew that I wanted to be near her.
“Why not, Kat? Why are you pretending to not know me?” I asked.
“It’s none of your business why I don’t go by Katherine anymore. And honestly, I don’t want anything to do with Bay City. I left that town for a reason. It’s a reason I’m not going to share with you or anybody else. So why don’t you just march back into the bar, get anything you came in with, and leave.”
If there’s one thing I don’t tolerate, it’s being told what to do. I’ve been dealing with orders being barked at me for the past five years and I’ve had my fill of it. Taking a large step forward and getting into her personal space, I leaned my head down so that I was almost eye level with her. I was so close that when I brea
thed in, I could smell the scent of her skin. It was a mix of coconut and the ocean. It was an overwhelming essence that went straight to my dick. I closed my eyes, trying to center myself and not do what I really wanted to do at that moment, which was to push her up against the wall and put my mouth all over her body.
Opening my eyes, I said, “It may not be any of my business why you left and I’ll respect that, Kat. But understand this. I leave when I want to leave, I ask the questions that I want to ask, and I’m a pushy bastard. I’ve known you as Katherine since we were teenagers, so it won’t be easy for me to all of a sudden call you something else. I’ve also noticed a few things about you since walking into this bar. You’ve changed your appearance. You’ve covered some of this beautiful body with tattoos.” I let my eyes roam down the length of her. “I like it.” Her mouth parted slightly.
“You dress more provocatively than you used to, and it gets attention from men. I’m sure it’s unwanted attention, but I’m also sure that you are a smart girl and aware of what it does to them. You’ve lost the glasses, and you wear too much make-up. I’ve been watching the other people that work here the past two nights. They are protective of you, especially the big dude at the door. Why they watch over you like they do, I don’t know. Like I said, I’ll respect why you left, but I’m sure I’ll be asking some questions real soon.”
The silence between us went on for so long that I wasn’t even sure she heard a word I said. I knew I was pushing my boundaries with a girl that I’d hardly known all those years ago, but I couldn’t help myself. She had an allure to her that made me want to be around her. My body was stirring with desire, but my brain and nerves felt calmer being this close. It seemed like a double standard, but I rolled with it.
She finally spoke. “There’s nothing to find out. I dress how I dress. I’m addicted to tattoos. If men find my appearance appealing, then so be it. And the big dude at the door… well, he’s my friend, and he keeps me safe. I’m pretty sure that about sums it up.” She took a deep breath, but she wasn’t done. “Oh, and I see no reason why you would need to adjust to calling me Kat. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t step foot in my bar again.”