by Carnal, MJ
“You.” He points his finger right at Marie, who hasn’t made one attempt to remove herself from my bed. “Get your shit. Time to say goodbye.”
“But..” Marie stutters as she searches the room for her other shoe.
“Gentlemen, please show Mr. Reynolds’ guest out.” Joshua pushes past me and points at me. “This is bad, Damien. Your reputation can’t take much more of this. Her boyfriend wants to press charges. The paparazzi got shots of you two doing more than just innocent kissing or whatever that last bullshit story was about.”
“So spin it. Like you’ve done all the rest.” I swear I’m not trying to piss him off.
Joshua huffs before he sits down and presses his fingers to his temples. “Damien, we need to change your image. I don’t know how, but the label says that I’ve got two options. Calm your ass down or find another face for Liquid Regret. We both know they’re nothing without you.”
Well this is a kick in the nuts. “I’m their cash cow, J.”
“Maybe so. But I’m exhausted. Can we play by their rules for five minutes? Every single member of this band would leave the label before they let you go. We’re talking breach of contract and uprooting family and God knows what else. I’m begging here, Damien. I’ll spin this story but you may not like it. I need you to get your shit together.”
I can’t help but be scared shitless about how he might spin this but I’ve got to trust him. He’s never done me wrong. “Spin away.”
Chapter 2
“The man is hot as sin.” Laney throws the paper down in front of me before stealing one of my fries. “And someone finally snatched him up. Hard to believe the playboy of the music world is finally settling down.”
I feel like I’m going to throw up. The headline taunts me. I can’t help myself. I have to pick up the paper and read it. “Liquid Regret’s Lead Singer Meets His Match.” The headline alone makes my head spin. “Damien ‘D-Rey’ Reynolds and Russian supermodel, Oksana Zolotov, to wed next fall.”
“Holy shit.” I whisper and stare at their picture.
“I know, right?” Laney takes a gulp of her diet soda and shakes her head. “It says they met a few months ago and have been serious ever since. It also says that the pictures of him with all those other women are either old or the media’s attempt to break them up. Crazy. Lucky bitch.”
In all fairness, I haven’t told anyone about my feelings for Damien. Moving to Los Angeles to be closer to my sister, Lily, was a fresh start for me. All my friends here just know me as easy going, laid back Mia Avery Lee. They aren’t wrong. That’s really who I am. But my brief affair with Damien Reynolds is something I keep hidden. It’s a special memory and I’m not willing to share it.
I spent a week with him. One week that changed my life. My sister brought him home with her for her short lived move back to Georgia a year ago. They tried the dating thing but decided they were better off as friends. My connection with him was instant. My heart actually skipped the first time I saw him. I am a huge romantic and believe in love at first sight. I believe in happily ever after. I know that my prince will ride up on a white horse and take me away. I saw the complete picture the first time I looked into his eyes.
His eyes. Deep pools of aqua that I could lose myself in for the rest of my life. When he looked at me, I swear he saw right into my soul. His lips were soft and owned every part of me when we kissed. His strong arms wrapped around me and I was home. I knew it was short lived. He was the lead singer of the next big thing. His band was going out on tour and I knew he would have the world at his fingertips. I also knew that he would have women falling at his feet. If the gossip pages were true, my assumptions had been correct.
When he left me on that Sunday morning, he’d promised to leave tickets and back stage passes for me at every show near Georgia. I wanted to use them. I really did. The first time they were in town, I was still too consumed with all things Damien to use them. I spent weeks nursing a broken heart and it was just too soon. It wasn’t long after that I got a job offer at the Aquarium of the Pacific and jumped at the chance. Working with the dolphins at the Atlanta Aquarium had been a dream. I was able to put my degree in marine biology to work and I’d been happy. When I got the call from Los Angeles, I couldn’t turn it down. I was going to be able to work with sea otters and seals and travel to rescue different animals. With a deep breath and no way to contact Damien, I began the cross country journey to my new life.
It was stupid to not exchange phone numbers. I just thought it would be easier. I was turning things over to fate and if they were meant to be, they would be. Romance at its finest. Like I said, I’m a romantic. I vowed not to ask my sister or her fiancé for his number. Lily was marrying Damien’s cousin, Steve. I’d heard things over the past year. I knew the tour was going well and I knew that Damien and Steve talked once a week. But I never asked any questions. Steve would tell different stories about the tour when we all got together for dinner but no one knew what I was feeling. I’m a pretty private person and I don’t like the world to see me heartbroken. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t kept up with Liquid Regret’s touring schedule and watched entertainment shows and red carpet interviews. I guess I just like to torture myself in private.
“Earth to Mia. You’re crying. What’s wrong?”
I hadn’t realized I was crying until Laney took my hand. She’d quickly become my best friend in California. She worked in conservation education at the aquarium and helped teach children the importance of keeping the environment clean.
“It’s stupid.” I feel like a complete fool. I’m typically not a crier but here I sit, at work, losing my cool. “I’m just a romantic. I love a good love story.”
“So it has nothing to do with the mystery woman that got away?” Laney winks at me before she laughs. “Rumor is that there’s a red head that he spent the summer with and he calls her the one that got away. The other part of the rumor is that she lived in Atlanta and he was with her until the day they went on tour.”
“Shit.” Covering my eyes, I try to hide from the world. Maybe the floor will open up and suck me in so I don’t have to answer any questions. How in the hell is there a rumor and I haven’t heard it?
“You slut!” She laughs so hard that I can’t help but blush. “It’s you. I knew it. You’re always on the lookout for anything having to do with Liquid Regret and I see it in your eyes every time you look at his picture. Holy shit. I can’t believe this.”
“Lane, swear to me that this stays between us. No one else can know. It was a quick summer fling and I don’t want all the questions or the attention.”
“Pinkie promise. But you’re telling me the whole story. Drinks on Friday?” Laney grabs her bag and throws it over her shoulder. “You’re my hero, Mimi.”
Once she walks away, I realize how alone I really am. When I first moved to LA, I stayed with Lily and Steve. It was so much fun and we stayed up way too late every night. Once I started working, it made more sense to rent an apartment close to the aquarium. The rent is perfect and the one bedroom provides just enough room for me and my memories. I need to get out more. I need to meet more people. I need to start dating. Now that Damien is engaged, there’s no reason to hold on to the hope of being with him one day. It’s time for me to take a deep breath, pull up my big girl panties and move on.
Drinks Friday night sound perfect. “Just what the doctor ordered.”
“Table for two?” The waitress rolls her eyes as she takes in Laney’s outfit. The girl can’t help herself. She’s self-confident, wearing loud colors and short skirts. Her spikey hair always looks like she just rolled out of bed but I know she spends hours on it. She pierced her nose last week and it’s her. I can’t even remember what she looked like without it. I envy her. She’s fierce and exactly what I strive to be.
“Did you see her roll her eyes at me?” She laughs as she pulls out her barstool. “What a bitch.”
“Jealousy. That’s all it is.” I wink at the bar
tender as he approaches us. “Two chocolate martinis please.”
“So spill it.” Laney applies another layer of lip gloss and licks her lips. Her eyes never leave the bartender. “I love a man covered in tattoos. If I lick him, he’s mine.”
I can’t help but stare as he puts down our drinks and she leans across the bar and licks his neck. Fearless. I’m going to start making mental notes. By the end of the night, I will be a flirting pro. “You’re a rock star. I swear you have no filter and no fear. Teach me oh wise one. I need to learn your wild ways.”
“Says the woman being screwed by the lead singer of Liquid Regret.”
“It wasn’t like that. It was sweet and innocent. A little romantic. It was never more than that.” I wring my hands together in my lap. “I knew he was leaving and I tried to protect myself. I fell in love with him and I let him walk away. I never did anything to pursue him. Now he’s getting married and I’m spending my Friday night in a bar with you. So, cheers.”
Laney’s eyes grow wide as she stares behind me. I don’t even want to know what her next prey looks like. It will just further depress me and remind me that I have no social skills whatsoever. I take another sip of my drink waiting for her to say something but nothing comes. The hair on the back of my neck stands up and my stomach churns. I don’t even need to turn around to know who will be there. Taking a deep breath, I bite my lip and watch Laney for clues. When she stands up and walks away, I have my answer. He’s here.
“Mia.” He whispers.
Chapter 3
“Silence is my enemy, the demon that haunts me.
You’ve stolen my soul, I will never be free.” – Liquid Regret
Holy shit. She’s here. I know it the second I walk into this hole in the wall bar. She’s sitting with her back to me but I would recognize her anywhere. The expression on her friend’s face is priceless. I pray that she isn’t about to scream or rush me. I just want a night off from the bullshit. The rumor about my engagement is ridiculous but I don’t see any way out of it. I beat myself up all day and complained so much that I thought the guys would throw me off the tour bus. It’s my new reality, like it or not.
I stop dead in my tracks when I hear her voice. She’s telling her friend about us. My heart swells with pride. The object of every wet dream I’ve had, the vision I see every night when I go to bed, the muse for every lyric I have written for months. And she’s right here. If I reach my hand out, I’ll touch that perfect, pale skin.
“Mia.” I whisper her name and she tenses. I smile at the goose bumps that break out on her arms.
She turns slowly, her emerald eyes wide with shock. “Damien.” Her voice is breathless. I immediately want to wrap my arms around her. “What are you doing here?”
Do I hug her? I’m not sure. Fuck it. I pull her into my chest, burying my nose in her hair. Every nerve ending in my body is instantly alive. This girl is an obsession. Her arms are slow to close around my waist, but when they do, I’m home. I’ve instantly forgotten about my shitty session with the band today. My pretend engagement to that supermodel witch is stripped from my memory. There is nothing in this moment but Mia and how my life is better with her near me.
She pulls away quickly and I stumble backwards. Her eyes are wide and moist. “We have a week off before we hit the West Coast. The guys call this home so here we are. Why are you here?”
Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “I moved here a while back. I got a job offer and I wanted to be closer to Lil.”
“You look beautiful.” Her hair is longer and her eyes seem brighter.
“Dude.” Harley laughs behind me. “D’s a rude son of a bitch. Hi. I’m Harley.”
Mia laughs and takes his hand. I should have known Harley wouldn’t shake it. Bastard kisses her hand and winks. “I’m Mia.”
“Oh Shit. The legendary Mia?” Lennon about crawls over Harley to get to her. “Nice to meet you, sweetness. I’m Chance. As in, want to take a chance on me?”
“Jesus. Back the fuck off.” I can’t help but laugh. They’ve heard the stories, pulled me out of my own ass when I needed it and now, they are meeting the woman that sent my brain into a tailspin. “They’re cavemen. Ignore them. They don’t get out much.”
Mia’s laugh is musical. “It’s nice to meet you guys. I’m a huge fan.”
“Please. We’re the fans. We’re happy to meet the woman who’s inspired some of D’s best lyrics.”
She blushes and it’s the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen. She is the definition of pretty. No matter how many nights are spent thinking about her, the real thing doesn’t even compare. How in the hell did I walk away from this? I am certain of exactly one thing in this world. I will not walk away again.
Mia’s friend walks back to the table, smile on her face and her chest poked out to the heavens. It’s wasted on me. I can’t see past the redhead who is laughing next to her. “This is my friend, Laney.”
Without saying a word, Laney walks up to Harley and licks his neck. “If I lick it, it’s mine.” The whole table erupts in laughter.
“Sorry, kiddo. Harley here has a wife. Lucky for you, I’m available. Lick away.” Chance throws his arm around Laney and leads her back up to the bar.
“Want to take a walk?” I need to get her out of this bar. I need to get her somewhere that isn’t filled with prying eyes and assholes with cameras. The highest bidder doesn’t need pictures of me tonight. “Get some fresh air?”
She looks around, suddenly nervous. “That probably isn’t the best idea. Oksana probably wouldn’t appreciate that. I know I wouldn’t if I were in her shoes.”
“Mia. It’s not like that.”
“I’m pretty sure it is. You’re engaged and that means that the only walking I need to be doing with you is walking away.” She grabs her purse, gives Laney a quick wave and takes a deep breath. “I know this will probably sound stupid, but it took me a long time to get up in the morning and not miss you so much. I have a simple life here and I want to keep it that way.”
“Mia.” I grab her hand, stopping her from leaving. “I can’t explain it all to you. It won’t make any sense but it’s all about image and publicity. It’s all an illusion to help me out of the shit hole I put myself into. Please don’t leave. Give me a few minutes.”
When she bites her bottom lip, I’m a goner. I want to sink my teeth into it. I’m absolutely whipped and all I’ve done is kiss this girl. “Everything in me is screaming to stay except my heart. It’s saying run and I need to listen to it.”
She leans into me, hugs me gently and pulls away. Her eyes tell me the whole story. The girl is just as screwed as I am. Maybe a little time will bring her around but one thing is certain, this is not the last I will see of Mia Lee on this break. Nope. I will camp out on her front porch if I have to. Before I get back on that tour bus, she’s mine.
“Get your head out of your ass, Reynolds.” Max is screaming at me from behind his drum kit. I’m about three seconds away from kicking his ass. He thinks he’s safe back there behind his big drums but I’m not above crawling over them and choking him. “Reynolds, what the fuck, man?”
“Stop.” When Harley stops playing his guitar, it’s serious. “Whatever it is that has your head fucked up, fix it. You’re missing the harmony completely. You’ve forgotten the words twice and they’re your lyrics. Let’s take five.”
This is the worst I’ve ever been. It’s practice but it doesn’t mean I can blow it off like it’s nothing. They’re right. My head is all over the place. The one place it isn’t is here in the studio.
“We need to get these tracks laid tonight. Chance and I will do that. Go home and get some sleep. We record tomorrow. Pay attention to the bridge on Stolen Soul. You’re flat and it sounds like shit. Seymour thinks this is our next breakout song. You feel me?”
The death gaze Harley gives me is enough to get me to stop and pay attention. “Sorry about today, guys. I have a lot on my mind. I’ll get my shit straight
before tomorrow.”
“I know this engagement is bullshit. She’s a bitch and the last few times I saw her, she was strung out and whining about everything in life. You need to look at how you got here, man. Trust Joshua. He’s got your best interest at heart. He’s trying to make sense out of this downward spiral you’ve been in. Play the game for now. I don’t see any other way. Do you?” Harley shrugs his shoulders and looks back at his guitar. “We all fuck up. Look at us. We’re the definition of dysfunctional. But you made your bed, lie in it and get comfy.”
“Oh wise one.” Chance bows at him.
“Get the fuck out of here.” Harley laughs and points at the door.
I don’t need to be told twice. The hotel room is calling my name. I need a good night of rest, a hot shower and a little perspective. I’m home for a week. I’ll give her another day. Maybe I can convince her to come to the show on Sunday night. I know I have to be careful. Mia has the potential to blow Joshua’s cover up out of the water. That could be detrimental to my career. And it’s not just about me anymore. I have three other people that are living this dream along with me. They’re counting on me to do the right thing and if I fuck it up, I’m screwing over my family. It’s my own fault. I couldn’t keep it in my pants. Thank God no one has noticed that the countless, faceless women that have been along for the ride the last year all look like Mia.
“Shit.”
Chapter 4
The morning sun streams in my bedroom window, bringing with it the promise of a new day. I love my apartment. It’s tiny and on the outskirts of the city but the rent is low and the neighbors are friendly. I’m on the tenth floor and my view is amazing. It is a diamond in the rough and I’m blessed that I found it.
Most of the world is still asleep at this hour on a Saturday. It’s my favorite time to run and let go of my stress. It’s always been my time. My brain shuts off and I concentrate on the sound of my breathing. It is my sanctuary when life gets hard.