Soup...Er...Myrtle!: A Myrtle Crumb Mystery (Myrtle Crumb Mystery Series)

by Gayle Trent

  “Just me, as far as I know. The rest of us M.E.L.O.N.S. appreciate what you’re doing.”

  While the coffee was pouring into the pot, I got the cookies and warmed them for a few seconds in the microwave.

  “Thank you, Myrtle. I didn’t have any of that soup today. None of the flavors particularly appealed to me, and I was afraid they’d give me indigestion. Nearly everything does nowadays, but I like it to be worth it. Besides, I didn’t want to leave my post while I was gathering intel.”

  Melvia was really taking this detective business to heart. Good for her. If she turned out to be any good at it, maybe I could use her on future cases.

  “What did you learn?” I asked.

  She took out a small notepad. “Frank keeps some mighty detailed records. He writes down the full names, addresses, and phone numbers of the people who come in and shop at the food bank.”

  “Really?” I put the cookies on the table and got us each a cup of coffee.

  “That’s not all,” she said. “He writes down what they get.”

  I sat down at the table with Melvia. “You guess that’s how he keeps inventory?”

  She shrugged. “He’s got an inventory log where he writes down all donations and all giveaways. He said he keeps track of what folks get so he can let them know when it’s in stock.”

  “If that’s what he’s doing, that’s awfully nice,” I said. “But all that personal information….”

  “Is just what an identity thief would need,” Melvia finished.

  I nodded. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll bring in a donation to the food bank tomorrow and help you out in there for a little bit.”

  Melvia grinned and raised her cup. “The more the merrier.”

  Chapter Seven

  After Melvia left, I made some brownies to have with the pizza Coop was bringing that evening. I’d just finished mixing up some German chocolate frosting for them when Faye called.

  “Hey, Mother. How’d it go at the soup kitchen today?”

  “All right,” I said. “Heather wore the coat you gave her, and it looked really nice on her. More important, it was warm.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad I could help her out.” She paused for a second, like she was mulling over what she wanted to say.

  “What is it?” I asked. “Is something wrong?”

  “No…just…how’s the investigation coming along?”

  I didn’t answer. Faye had never been one to go along with my detective work, so her knowing I was involved in an investigation had me spooked.

  “Crimson told me,” she continued. “She thought that since I work at the bank, I might know something about identity theft. I looked Opal Grady and Harry Loomis up in our database, and their credit has been ruined.”

  I sighed. “Are you mad at me?”

  “No,” Faye said. “I’m sorry you weren’t comfortable enough to bring it to my attention yourself. I want you to feel like you can count on me.”

  “Well, Melvia worked in the food bank today, and she found some interesting records,” I said. “I’m planning on gathering up a bagful of canned goods and volunteering to help out there tomorrow morning.”

  “What kind of records did she find?” she asked.

  I told her what Melvia had said about Frank’s detailed records. Then I took a deep breath. “There’s something else you should know…but I’d kinda rather you keep it from Sunny until we know for sure what the circumstances are…. Opal told me about how Heather had asked her all sorts of personal questions. Now, Opal didn’t think it was at all suspicious. She thought it was nice that Heather took an interest in her.”

  “Oh, Mother, are you saying you think Heather is the identity thief?”

  “I’m trying my best not to rush to judgment,” I said. “But Opal also told me that she believes Heather’s husband left town to evade the police. That makes me think they could both be a little shady. But I’ll see what kind of feeling I get from the people at the food bank tomorrow.”

  “Would you mind if I tag along?” she asked. “I’m off tomorrow since I had to work this past Saturday, and I really would like to help you figure this mess out.”

  “Really? That would be great!”

  “You don’t have to sound so surprised,” said Faye.

  “I can’t help it,” I said. “I am surprised.”

  “I simply can’t stand seeing good, hard-working people getting swindled. What time should I pick you up in the morning?”

  I told her nine-thirty, we said our goodbyes, and then we hung up.

  So Faye was going sleuthing with me. Good! It’d be nice to let her see my detective skills in action. I had a hard time keeping the grin off my face as I iced my brownies.

  Sunny called not long after I’d talked with Faye.

  “Mimi, are you mad at me?” she asked, her voice practically a whisper.

  “Why, no! Why in the world would I ever be mad at you?” I asked.

  “Because I told Mom about your investigation. I didn’t mean to tell her. I just was thinking about it, and I started asking her questions about identity thieves, and she wondered why I was asking about that.”

  “Well, I’m glad you told her,” I said. “Did she tell you she’s coming with me to the food bank tomorrow?”

  “Yeah. You reckon she really wants to help or that she’s just trying to keep an eye on you so you don’t get into too much trouble?”

  I laughed. “Sweetie, I’m not planning on getting into any trouble. And I do believe she wants to help.”

  “I wish I could go,” Sunny said. “I tried to talk Mom into letting me stay home from school, but she won’t do it.”

  “No, that would probably look way too suspicious.”

  “Oh, yeah…. I hadn’t thought of that. You’re smart, Mimi.”

  “Yep. That’s why they pay me the big bucks,” I said. “Or why somebody should pay me anyhow.”

  “Thanks for not being mad at me,” she said.

  “Never. You’re my sunshine.”

  * * *

  Before Cooper came over, I fed Matlock and then went upstairs to take a bath and redo my makeup. I put on a pair of jeans and a red shaker-knit sweater and thick red socks. I didn’t want to put any shoes back on, so I didn’t. I wanted to be able to tuck my feet up under me while we were sitting on the couch. I figured Coop had been coming around long enough for me to let my hair down a little. Heck, he could even take his shoes off if he wanted to…although I’d never put him on the spot by suggesting it.

  When I finished getting ready and went downstairs, Matlock was standing by the kitchen door. I let him out into the backyard. Minutes later, Coop rang the front doorbell.

  I went and opened the door and gave Cooper a kiss on the cheek.

  “Don’t you look pretty as a picture in that red?” he asked.

  “Thank you! Don’t that pizza smell good?” I grinned. “That old thin soup I had for lunch didn’t go very far.”

  He laughed. “My ham sandwich didn’t either.” He followed me into the kitchen where he spotted the brownies in the middle of the table. “Oh, boy! Let’s just start with those!”

  “Whatever you want to do,” I told him.

  I got out dinner plates, dessert plates, forks, and napkins and put them on the table. “What would you like to drink?”

  “If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like a glass of water with the pizza and some coffee to go with those brownies,” he said.

  “That won’t be any trouble at all. I can brew the coffee while we’re eating the pizza.”

  “You wouldn’t happen to have any decaf, would you?”

  “I sure would,” I said, with a smile. I fixed the coffee pot and got us each a glass of water before sitting down at the table with Cooper. He was already putting slices of pizza on our plates.

  “You’ll never guess who’s decided to help me out on this case,” I said.

  “Who?”

  “Faye.”

 
His eyebrows shot up. “You’re kidding! What made you decide to bring her in on it?”

  “I didn’t. Apparently, Sunny thought that since Faye works in the bank, she might be able to tell us something about identity thieves,” I said. “When Faye got to wondering what was with all the questions, Sunny told her about the investigation. Poor little thing thought I’d be mad at her, but I’m glad Faye’s getting on board with this. She’s going with me to the food bank tomorrow.”

  “Well, let me know what y’all turn up,” he said.

  “Speaking of turning up stuff,” I said, as I cut into my slice of pizza. “What did you find out about Craig Flint?”

  Cooper’s face hardened. “He don’t appear to be worth much. There’s a warrant out for him in the state of Virginia for petty larceny; and when I asked some of my officers about him, I found out that there were some drug charges that they couldn’t make stick.”

  “So Heather’s husband is a druggie and a thief…as well as a deadbeat dad.”

  “Looks like it.” He took a sip of his water. “I’ve checked in Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina trying to find him. I’m waiting to hear back from authorities in those states.”

  “You think he’ll turn up?” I asked.

  “I hope so. For his daughters’ sakes, if nothing else. The man needs to be a daddy to them. But if he won’t do that, he at least needs to help support them.”

  “I agree.” I sighed. “Do you think he and Heather could’ve been doing this identity theft racket together, and he left and….”

  “Don’t go jumping to conclusions,” Cooper said softly. “We can’t rule out Heather—or her husband either, for that matter—as suspects in this case, but we have no evidence against them or anyone else yet.”

  “Well, I plan to get that evidence,” I said. “I just hope like the dickens that Heather’s not involved. What will happen to those little girls if both their parents are locked up?”

  * * *

  I hurried outside carrying my canned goods and a container of brownies when I heard Faye’s car pull up the next morning. Even though she was doing better with Matlock, I know she’s not crazy about being around dogs; and I wanted to show her that since she’d been trying to meet me halfway, I could cover the rest of the distance.

  She got out of the car and came to take my arm.

  “What’re you doing?” I jerked my arm away from her.

  “The walk looks slick. I was afraid you’d fall.”

  I huffed. “I hope Tansie wasn’t looking out her window and saw you trying to help me to the car like I’m some frail old woman.”

  “Mother, you’re not twenty-five,” she said.

  “Neither are you. I appreciate the thought, but I make it to my car all by myself every day.”

  With a growl of frustration, Faye got back in the car and slammed the door. When I got in, she told me that if I’d rather fall and break a hip—it’s always a hip with her—than to have Tansie Miller see that my daughter cares about me, so be it. I could just fall next time for all she cared.

  I put my bag of canned goods into the back floor. “I brought some German chocolate brownies for you and Sunny, if you’ll have them.”

  “Buckle your seatbelt.” She shook her hair out of her eyes as she looked into the rearview mirror and backed out of the driveway. “Of course, I’ll have them. I’m irritated with you…but not enough to turn down your homemade brownies. Besides, I imagine I’ll be old and vain one of these days myself.”

  I knew she was baiting me, and I managed to stay off the hook. “They’re good…the brownies. I had one for breakfast. But I’m sending the rest for you and Sunny. I’d eat them all if I didn’t.”

  Faye glanced at the clear plastic box I held on my lap. “That doesn’t look like a full batch of brownies to me. Either you ate more than one, or you shared with the sheriff.”

  “As a matter of fact, Sheriff Norville did drop by yesterday evening with a pizza. And, yes, I gave him some of the brownies to take home. He enjoys my cooking.”

  “And what else did you do?” Faye asked. “Besides eat pizza and brownies, I mean.”

  “I don’t ask you what you do on your dates,” I pointed out. “Not that you’ve had one in a while. But, if you must know, we watched an Andy Griffith Show marathon. He stayed until almost eleven.”

  “Mother!” Faye placed a gloved hand over her breast. “You entertained a gentleman caller in your home until eleven o’clock, and you’re concerned about Tansie seeing me help you to the car?” She giggled. “I could’ve belly danced on the porch in harem pants and a halter top, and she’d still only be interested in what you and the sheriff were doing so late.”

  “Well, don’t you dare tell her,” I said. “And you might want to give that belly dancing thing some more thought…although somewhere other than on my front porch. Try the mall maybe. You could make a few bucks and possibly hook your own gentleman caller.”

  We both laughed. I did, especially, because I liked getting the last word.

  * * *

  We got to the food bank and soup kitchen and carried our bags of canned goods inside.

  “Well, what have we here?” Doris asked, rushing over to help us with the bags.

  “We’ve brought some things for the food bank,” I said. “Melvia said she worked in there yesterday, and I realized all of us M.E.L.O.N.S. have been concentrating on the soup kitchen and neglecting the food bank. So Faye and I thought we’d help out in there today.”

  “Well…thank you,” Doris said. “There’s not that much to do in there. Frank has his own little system that he doesn’t want anyone messing with, and I generally leave him to it. But y’all are more than welcome to work at the food bank if you want to.” She smiled. “If you get bored, though, keep in mind that we’re right across the hall.”

  “We will,” I said.

  Faye and I followed Doris—who was carrying my bag—into the food bank section of the building.

  “Frank, darling, look!” Doris called. “I’ve brought you two more assistants and a couple of bags of food!”

  “Two more?” Frank scowled at us. “The one I’ve got now is more than I need.”

  Melvia turned from the shelf she was stocking. “Morning, Faye! Morning, Myrtle!”

  “Good morning, Melvia,” I said.

  “Hi,” said Faye.

  “I told them that if they get bored, they can come on back over to the soup kitchen,” Doris said to Frank.

  “Then let’s hope they all get bored and be quick about it. I don’t need a bunch of hens clucking around here all day.” The way Frank had his bushy eyebrows drawn together over his too-large nose made me certain that he wasn’t joking.

  Still, Doris laughed like a hyena. “He’s like that Don Rickles fellow!”

  Could be. I never got the impression that Don Rickles was joking either.

  After putting my bag on the table in front of Frank and instructing Faye to do the same with hers, Doris waggled her fingers at us and told us “toodle-loo!”

  I figured if Frank was gonna bite anybody’s head off, it might as well be mine…and it had better not be Faye’s. So I asked, “Where do we start, Frank?”

  “As you unpack these bags, write down every single item for me on this pad.” He opened a drawer and took out a yellow legal pad and a black ink pen. He drew three columns on the pad and labeled them Item, Size, and Location before sliding the pad and pen across the table toward Faye.

  I wondered if she looked more trustworthy or capable than I did. I pushed that thought aside to revisit later as Frank explained the Location column to us.

  “As you can see, the shelves are labeled,” he said. “For instance, you can see that canned tuna is located on Shelf B, Row 1.”

  “Yes, I see that,” Faye said. “And we simply shelve like items together.”

  “Right. Whatever you mess up, I’ll fix it tomorrow.” He stood and retrieved his coat and scarf from a peg near the d
oor.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “Home,” he said. “With all of you here, there’s no need for me to be.” He put on his coat, wrapped the scarf around his neck, and went out the backdoor.

  “Well, I guess that’s that,” Melvia said, walking over to us as Faye and I shrugged out of our coats. She lowered her voice. “Nice of him to leave. Now we can snoop.”

  Chapter Eight

  First things first—we put our canned goods on the shelves and logged them in accordance with Frank’s system. If he came back, he’d see that everything was in order.

  Then we got down to the business of snooping. The ledger Melvia had seen yesterday was in the same drawer that had held the yellow legal pad. Melvia said Frank had got it out when someone came in for supplies and that she’d scanned it over his shoulder.

  Faye went to the table, opened the drawer, and took out the thin, black ledger. She placed it on the middle of the table, and we all gathered around to look at it.

  The names were in alphabetical order, of course. I wouldn’t have expected anything less of the super-organized Frank. We quickly found Heather Flint, Opal Grady, and Harry Loomis.

  “But that’s not unusual,” I said. “We know all three of these people come to the soup kitchen and that two of them have had their identities stolen. We need to see if any of these other people are victims.”

  “Including Heather,” Faye said.

  I raised my eyes to hers. “That’s right. If Heather’s identity has been stolen, then she isn’t the thief.”

  Faye nodded. “I’ll run her name when I get back to work tomorrow. And I’ll check several of these others too.” She started to write on a blank page of the legal pad.

  “No!” Melvia snatched the legal pad out of Faye’s hand. “You can’t write on that! It’s theirs.” She lowered her voice. “All they have to do is rub over the indentations with pencil lead, and they’ll know exactly what you wrote down.”

  “She’s right.” I’d seen the same television shows Melvia had. I got my new pink spiral notebook with the silver Eiffel Tower on the cover out of my pocketbook and handed it to Faye. “Write in that.”