Stella Mia

by Rosanna Chiofalo

  My heart races as anger quickly fills it.

  “You want me to forget my family?”

  “No, Sarina, of course not! I want you to be happy, but I know you are still haunted by your father’s beatings, that you still feel guilty that you are not with your mother and siblings. I don’t blame you. It’s natural for you to feel that way. I just want you to give yourself a break, too. I can tell you feel as if you don’t deserve happiness because their lives are still so hard. But don’t you see? By your leaving, you can someday help your mother and siblings. And you have helped them. You’ve sent them money. And once we’re settled in Lipari, I will go back to Messina and ask the carabinieri to keep an eye on your family.”

  “That’s no guarantee, Carlo. The carabinieri are not always there in my family’s house. And when my father gets drunk or goes into one of his rages, he has little control over his actions. I’m grateful to you for wanting to talk to the carabinieri, but I am also realistic.”

  Tears fill my eyes, and now it’s my turn to look off.

  Carlo takes my chin in his hand and forces me to look at him.

  “I’m sorry, Sarina. I didn’t mean to upset you. Whatever you want, we’ll do. You do want to marry me though, right?”

  I wrap my arms around Carlo’s neck and place my head on his shoulders. “Yes. I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you. Can we just wait more than a month? At least a few months—until we are more settled in Lipari. I haven’t even found work yet.”

  Carlo strokes the back of my head. “I told you, Sarina, you don’t have to worry about finding work. I can provide for both of us.”

  I pull back and look at Carlo. “I know. But I really enjoyed working for your father in the hotel and making my way. Even when I was reading the tarot, it felt good to be able to take care of myself. I miss singing at the Villa Carlotta. For the first time in my life, I felt respected—people admired my singing and complimented me. It gave me a sense of purpose. I cannot be your wife and just tend to our home. I know that idea might seem unusual for many women today, but I don’t care.”

  “Va bene. I must admit you were radiant when you were singing. I think you are at your most beautiful when you sing. Your passion comes through. And as I have always said, I want you to be happy.”

  “Grazie, Carlo. I still don’t know what I did to have God send you to me.”

  “Let’s just be grateful we did find each other. Now, will you wear this ring? Unless you can’t even bear the thought of pretending we’re married.” Carlo smiles.

  “Yes, I’ll wear it. The ring looks brand-new. Where did you get it?”

  “I bought it at one of the shops today. Remember when you were trying on swimming suits I told you I was going to buy a newspaper? Well, I ran into a jewelry store. I knew it would take you some time to try on all of those suits I gave you.” Carlo gives me a mischievous grin.

  “So you had a plan all along. You can be quite deceptive.” I giggle and touch my nose to Carlo’s. He playfully rubs mine with his.

  “Actually, I want you to think of this as an engagement ring, but of course we won’t tell anyone that. We’ll let them think it’s your wedding ring. When we are ready to get married in church, I want to give you my mother’s wedding ring. I would have given you her ring now, but I forgot to take it when I left the Villa Carlotta.”

  “You’re too much, Carlo. But that’s why I love you.”

  Carlo kisses me longer this time.

  “So you won’t have a problem going along with my lie and letting everyone in Lipari think we are married?”

  “No. While I do not like lying, I know we must.”

  “Sarina, I hope you don’t think this is presumptuous of me, but would you mind if I slept with you in your bed tonight? I just want to hold you. Naturally, I want to wait for us to make love until it is our wedding night. Again, I plan on doing right by you, Sarina. You deserve only the best.”

  I move over so Carlo can get into my bed. The narrow twin-size mattress forces us to lie very close together. Our arms will be wrapped around each other throughout the night. I look at the ring Carlo gave me. It is beautiful in its simplicity. The ring’s braided shape makes me think of my cousin Agata’s braids. The ring feels odd around my finger. I’m sure I will become accustomed to it.

  Though I try to fall asleep, all I can think about is what my future with Carlo will be like. While everything I told him about wanting to wait to get married was the truth, I did not tell him everything. How could I tell him that when he brought up marriage, I felt anxious and as if I might suffocate? I do want to marry him. Then why do I feel such dread when I think about it? I know why. It’s because of my father. Deep down, I’m afraid that Carlo will change and become the monster my father is, though I know that’s highly unlikely. Still, the fear remains. I’m afraid the freedom I have had these past few months since I ran away from home will be taken from me once I become another man’s wife. Carlo has been wonderful. I know he is different from most men. Still, what will happen when we have children? I doubt he will be as tolerant of my wanting to work, let alone sing. But who am I fooling? How could I continue to work with children?

  I hear Carlo’s deep breathing, alerting me that he’s asleep. I gently lift his arm off me. My heart is pounding and, with his arm resting on my chest, it feels harder to breathe. Closing my eyes, I will myself to calm down. Soon, my breathing returns to normal. At least I have bought myself some time. Hopefully, my nerves will disappear in a few months when Carlo brings up the subject of our getting married again. I do love him so much. I cannot bear to hurt him and I won’t—even if it means sacrificing my own needs and happiness.

  16

  Lipari

  August 28, 1969

  Carlo and I have been in Lipari for a week. Of the Aeolian Islands, Lipari is the largest and most populated. As such, it offers the largest number of ferry and hydrofoil rides to the other islands, as well as the mainland, all year round. The marinas are almost always bustling with throngs of visitors.

  I haven’t seen much of Carlo these past few days, for he’s been busy training and working at his new job. Of course, he’s promised to make it up to me even though I told him that wasn’t necessary. While I miss him, I’ve also enjoyed being alone with my thoughts. I’ve mostly spent my time on the beach, but yesterday I visited a few hotels and restaurants to ask if they were interested in hiring me as an entertainer. I was told since summer was pretty much over no new employees would be hired until next season—just as Angela had warned me.

  Today, I am venturing to Lipari’s old town, which is built within ancient walls. During the mid-sixteenth century, the Spanish erected these walls in order to put an end to the many pirate raids. And they built the castle rock, or “the old castle,” as it’s also known. In order to enter the walls of the old town, visitors must go up a ramp in the Piazza Mazzini.

  Once I reach the top of the ramp, I see a ticket office for admission to the Museo Archeologico Eoliano, or the Archeological Museum of the Aeolian. Carlo encouraged me to visit the museum and told me it’s one of the most popular tourist destinations in Lipari.

  Once I’m inside the museum, I am immediately transported back to prehistoric times as I learn about the Aeolian Islands’ early inhabitants. I stop to admire ancient archeological finds such as theater masks, water jugs, and various other relics. I’m especially fascinated to see a few of the artifacts were found underwater. I move on to the volcano exhibits, which are even more interesting for me now that I have hiked to the top of Vulcano della Fossa and stared into its crater’s depths.

  My museum ticket also includes admission to the Parco Archeologico, which is an open-air archeological park. While the park features many impressive artifacts, the most striking are the ancient Greek sarcophagi, or stone coffins, which date back to the fifth through third century BC.

  The Cathedral of St. Bartholomew is next door to the Museo Archeologico Eoliano. My breath is taken away once
I step inside and see the magnificent Norman-Baroque architecture. I overhear a group of tourists talking and learn that St. Bartholomew is actually the patron saint of Lipari.

  I enter a pew and kneel. Making the sign of the cross, I pray to St. Bartholomew and ask him to protect Carlo and me in our new home here in Lipari. I also ask him to watch over Mama, Carlotta, Enzo, and Pietro and to reunite us someday. After my prayer, I sit on the bench and just let my eyes wander around the remarkable cathedral. I decide to leave once I feel my stomach grumbling.

  Carlo told me if I got hungry I could head over to the Marina Corta after taking in the sights of the old town. I descend the broad steps of the Via del Concordato, which are right in front of the Cathedral of St. Bartholomew, and cut through the ancient fortifications. The steps lead me to the Via Garibaldi, which wraps around the bottom of the castle rock between Piazza Mazzini and the Marina Corta.

  True to its name, the Marina Corta is a short, or small, harbor, unlike the Marina Lunga, or long harbor, which is the main port in Lipari. Fishing boats bob gently on the water along with a few other boats carrying tourists who are either lounging in the sun or taking in Lipari’s idyllic serenity. Cafés and trattorie surround the piazza. I can smell focaccia, which must have just been pulled from the oven. I let my nose follow the aroma, and soon I see a small establishment with the sign FOCACCE E PIZZETTE.

  Since I’ll be eating with Carlo later, I decide to just have a small snack to hold me over. I order a pizzetta with sausage at the counter and take it with me as I head over to the Marina Corta. Eating my pizzetta standing up, I notice a few street vendors along the port. They are selling the popular Sicilian souvenirs of terra-cotta vases, jugs, carafes, and various other trinkets. Maybe I’ll buy a few terra-cotta pieces to decorate our hotel room. While our lodgings at the hotel where Carlo works are temporary, it would be nice to add a personal touch.

  Before deciding which souvenirs I’ll purchase, I peruse all of the vendors’ tables to make sure I’m not missing any merchandise that is for sale. I wouldn’t want to immediately buy a souvenir only to see another that I like better. I examine a terra-cotta vase that is the size of my palm and is painted garishly with the colors of the Italian flag. Opting for an unadorned vase that is simpler in its terra-cotta form and looks more like an authentic ancient artifact, I ask the vendor to wrap it for me when I hear a woman call out, “Sarina?”

  Turning around, I’m shocked to see Maria standing behind a vendor’s table.

  “It is you!” Maria rushes over and embraces me.

  “What are you doing here, Maria? Is Lipari where you and your family are now staying?” I look around to see if any of the other gypsies are nearby, but none of them are in sight.

  “Si. But I’m sorry to say, Sarina, things have not been so good for us since we last saw each other.” Maria’s eyes fill with tears.

  “Is everyone all right? I came by the beach in Taormina, looking for you, but I was told you all left rather abruptly. I thought you were planning on staying in Taormina until the end of August?”

  “We were, but one of our clients contacted the carabinieri and told them that Gianni had swindled him out of all his money. Gianni was arrested, but the police had to let him go since they didn’t have any real proof. I think they arrested him more to scare him. So we decided to leave earlier. We were afraid that man would become angry if he saw the police had released Gianni and try to create some other trouble for us.”

  “But why are you selling souvenirs?”

  “The police have been trying to clear the gypsies out of Lipari. If we had known, we would never have come here. But we cannot afford to leave Lipari just yet. I used some of our savings to purchase a vendor’s permit and these souvenirs to sell. Gianni and the others are trying to be discreet by feeling people out on the beach and in town to see if they would be interested in private readings. But we have not been able to bring in as much money as when we are openly set up to do readings like we were on the beach in Taormina.”

  “I’m so sorry, Maria. I wish I could help you after all you and your family did for me.”

  “Thank you for the sentiment, Sarina, but it is all right. Seeing you again is enough.” Maria smiles.

  “How is Isabella?”

  “She’s fine. She loves going to the old town and exploring, pretending the castle is hers and that she’s a queen.”

  I laugh. “Yes, I remember when we first met she told me she was going to be a queen someday.”

  “Sarina, why don’t you come by where we’re staying tonight? I know Isabella would be thrilled to see you.”

  “Of course. Where are you staying?”

  “We have our tents set up on Spiaggia Bianca. Have you been there yet?”

  “Si. I know where it is.”

  “You still haven’t told me why you are here in Lipari. Did you come just for a day visit?”

  I shake my head. “I’m here with Carlo.”

  “Ahhh! I knew there was something between the two of you. I could see just by looking in your eyes how taken you were with him. That’s wonderful. When do you go back to Taormina?”

  “We moved here. My father learned I was at the Villa Carlotta. He brought me back home and beat me the worst he ever has. Carlo rescued me. We were planning on moving to Lipari even before my father found me. Carlo’s father, whom I worked for when I sang at the Villa Carlotta, suspected that we were seeing each other, and he didn’t approve. Carlo wanted to be free of his father, so he secured work at his friend’s hotel. He hopes to open his own someday.”

  “How wonderful! And what does his father think about Carlo’s abandoning him?”

  “He has no idea. Well, he must now since we’ve been gone for a week. But Carlo hasn’t contacted him yet to let him know we’re in Lipari. I’m beginning to think he won’t bother, Maria. I can’t help but feel terrible, like this rift between Carlo and his father is my fault.”

  Maria reaches out and touches my cheek. “It is not your fault. Carlo is a grown man and must forge his own way. If it’s anyone’s fault, it is his father’s. He cannot treat his son like a boy and interfere with his life and forbid him from seeing you. You both made the right decision. Forget about his father. Focus on Carlo and your new life together.”

  I nod my head. “I’ll try. Grazie, Maria. It is so good to see you, too. I’ve missed you.”

  A few tourists come by Maria’s table.

  “I should get going. Bring Carlo tonight. There will be singing and dancing. Everyone will be happy to see you and hear you sing again.”

  “Ciao, Maria.”

  Maria nods her head good-bye before turning her attention to her customers. I suddenly realize I haven’t paid for my souvenirs. The vendor has been staring at me and looks frustrated. I should buy the souvenirs from Maria since she needs the money and is like family to me. I put back the souvenirs I was going to buy from the first vendor and walk over to Maria’s table. The first vendor scowls when he sees me walk away. I wait until the tourists Maria is taking care of have made their purchases.

  “Did you forget to tell me something, Sarina?”

  “I was going to buy a few terra-cotta vases and pottery to decorate our hotel room. Since you are selling souvenirs now, I might as well help out a friend and buy them from you.”

  “You are too kind, my child.”

  I buy five different terra-cotta pieces, more than I was planning on, but it is my small way of helping Maria out.

  “I’ll see you tonight, Maria.”

  “Arrivederci, Sarina. I cannot wait. We’ll have fun just as we did in Taormina!”

  I wave. At least the gypsies and I will be reunited. If I can’t have my own family, they are the closest thing to family for me now—and of course Carlo. With that thought, I hurry back home. I cannot wait to tell Carlo that Maria is here.

  Villa Athena, where Carlo works and where we are now staying, rivals the Villa Carlotta in its grandeur. On our first day here, Michele
, Carlo’s friend and owner of the Villa Athena, gave us a tour. The hotel is named after Athena, the Greek goddess of war and wisdom and Zeus’s favorite daughter. The building is surrounded by Corinthian columns, which give it the appearance of an ancient Greek temple. Olive trees surround the property. Michele told me that Athena is often associated with olive trees, and so he thought it was fitting to plant them since she is his hotel’s namesake.

  I’m waiting in our hotel room for Carlo to finish his morning shift so we can have our midday meal together. In addition to Michele’s giving us a room as part of Carlo’s pay, he also invites us to eat with him and his family every day. Carlo and I have taken him up on the offer since we are trying to save money.

  Unlike our room at the hotel in Vulcano, our room in Lipari has a queen-size bed. But Carlo has remained true to his word and only holds me at night. Well, he kisses me too. I have heard him sigh deeply after he kisses me, and sometimes he moves to the far side of the bed. I think it’s becoming more difficult for him to keep his promise and not make love to me until our wedding night. I know I’ve been tempted.

  “Bellissima!” Carlo storms into the room, startling me.

  “You scared me!”

  “Mi dispiace, mia principessa!” Carlo lifts me in his arms and spins me around.

  “You have a lot of compliments for me today! Why are you in such a good mood?”

  “I have been in a good mood every day since you told me you will become my wife. And when does a day go by that I don’t tell you how beautiful you are or that you’re my princess? Eh?”

  “Oh, I’m sure there has been a day here and there when you’ve forgotten to call me beautiful or your princess.” I frown.

  “Stop teasing me!” Carlo lowers me to the ground. “Are you ready to eat?”

  “Yes, but I wanted to tell you first, you’ll never guess who I ran into today!”

  “My father?”

  “Of course not! Speaking of him, when are you going to call him? He must be worried about you.”