by Jay Quinn
Arriving back home to an enthusiastic greeting from Heidi, she found Kai sitting at the kitchen table in the midst of rich drifts of roasting pork and simmering black beans. A pan already holding a half-inch of oil for frying the plantains sat on the stove along with a pot of water waiting to be heated for the rice.
“Hey Mom,” Kai said as he stood to greet her.
Maura noted he’d shaved, showered and had on a fresh navy blue T-shirt and clean pair of khaki cargo shorts. As she gave him a brief hug, she caught the scent of cologne from his neck. In every way he knew how, he’d cleaned up, as if to show her he understood how important this dinner was to her. The Kai of the past might or might not have made the effort. He was normally unconcerned with superficial appearances. Maura gave him a smile and said, “Dinner smells delicious. How long has it been since you’ve cooked a meal?”
Kai shrugged and then stepped to the counter to retrieve the corkscrew and pick up a bottle of Rosemount Shiraz. He presented the label to her proudly before turning to open the bottle of red wine.
“Nice choice,” she commented. “When did you learn to appreciate wine?”
“Robin,” Kai replied as he uncorked the bottle. “Who called here today, by the way,” he added coolly.
“I was wondering when he would call. Your father gave him the number,” Maura explained.
“Fucking Dad,” Kai muttered. He set the bottle of wine on the counter by three wine glasses already retrieved from the cabinet over the dishwasher, ready for the night to begin. As he twisted the cork free of the cork screw, he said, “I really wish Dad hadn’t done that.”
“Why?” Maura asked carefully.
“Because now Robin can ambush me here at the house,” Kai said peevishly. “I’d a whole lot rather be the one who does the calling. He can call me on my cell phone and leave a message anytime he wants, but I don’t like having to talk to people just because they want to talk to me,” he explained irritably.
“Well, you have talked to Robin since you got here, haven’t you?” Maura asked calmly.
“I left him a message on his voice mail on Monday afternoon,” Kai told her. “I let him know I got here safe and sound, don’t worry. I just didn’t want to talk to him this afternoon, that’s all.”
Maura patted Heidi absently as the dog milled around her legs demanding attention. Deciding she didn’t want to pursue the subject of Robin just now, Maura instead turned her full attention to the dog, who danced under her hands. Finally she calmed the dog into sitting before she said, “Did you buy treats for Heidi?”
Kai walked past them both and gestured toward the cabinet between the stove and the refrigerator. Sitting there was the old Willow ware lidded dish that Maura had bought at a yard sale in Nags Head before Kai was born. From the advent of Buddy the lab, Maura had always kept it on the counter of her home filled with dog cookies. Kai had managed to find it where Maura had put it away after his Doberman died and he’d moved away. She was happy to see the old Blue Willow bowl again. It was a familiar presence that communicated much about the sense of continuity Kai valued.
Maura said, “It’s good to have this back out.” With that, she lifted the bowl’s lid and extracted a dog cookie for Heidi.
“I was happy I could find it,” Kai said gently. “It brings back a lot of memories.”
“Good ones, I hope,” Maura told him as he returned to the table and sat down.
Kai lit a cigarette and settled back into his chair contentedly, only giving her a smile in reply.
“I thought we agreed you’d smoke on the back porch after Monday,” Maura scolded him.
Kai looked at her unchagrined and said, “I totally forgot I’ll start that, I promise.”
“Matt doesn’t smoke,” Maura told him easily. “He’s not a Nazi about it, but it bothers him, okay?”
In reply, Kai leaned to reach the short space to the window nearest him in the bay, unlocked it and raised the lower window. Immediately, the southeast breeze flooded the small kitchen with fresh air. “I’ll try to respect that, Mom. It’s really not a big deal to go outside to the porch to smoke. At least I shouldn’t get wet if it’s raining.”
Maura granted him a tolerant nod and then sighed tiredly. “I’m going to get changed, and maybe then you’ll pour me a glass of that wine before Matt gets here,” she said.
Kai nodded and flicked his cigarette into the full ashtray in front of him. “No problem. I’ll join you. I’m feeling a little weird about meeting this guy.”
“Don’t,” Maura said quickly. “He’s not at all what you’d expect. He’s…”
“It’s okay, Mom. I’m not freaking or anything.” Kai replied quickly. “You know how I am about meeting strangers. I’m always wondering if I have this bright blinking light over my head flashing ‘Big bipolar, bisexual boy’. It’s my issue, not his. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, I’m just always wondering how I’ll come off. Okay?” Kai responded anxiously.
“There’s no sign I can see,” Maura teased.
“Exactly how much does your Matt know about me?” Kai asked cautiously.
“Bipolar, everything. Bisexual, nothing,” Maura told him. “I’ve been as scrupulous as I could be about protecting your privacy.”
“Okay, Mom.” Kai sounded relieved. “Thanks.”
“Just remember, it’s up to you to discuss what you think is relevant. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, even Robin. Got it?” Maura said firmly.
Kai nodded in reply before taking a long drag off his cigarette and dismissing her by turning to face the window.
Maura glanced at his hand holding the cigarette by the ashtray and noted he was trembling. The lithium from long ago had always made the trembling worse. Now, it was only a fine tremor, but Kai was anxious, she knew. Kai had always been agonizingly wary when meeting people for the first time. Without wanting to, he often came off as either aloof or downright cold as a result. She knew how hard this dinner was going to be for him, which was one reason she’d agreed to let him cook. It was a degree of control, demonstrable on his part, but anxiety-ridden all on its own.
Suddenly, Kai stubbed out his cigarette and asked her what time it was. Consulting the clock on the microwave oven mounted over the stove she told him it was not quite six-fifteen. Kai nodded, slid his chair back from the table, and stood, saying, “Excuse me, I need to run to the bathroom.”
“What? Are you going to take a tranquilizer?” Maura asked him bluntly as he passed her in the small kitchen.
Kai didn’t answer her as he made his way out of the kitchen. She turned to watch him as he passed the dining room table and turned past it to go towards his room. “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” Maura muttered to herself as she walked to her bedroom just off the kitchen.
Heidi followed her and immediately jumped on the bed and made herself comfortable as Maura closed her bedroom door and began to change into her nightly uniform. “Heidi, what are we going to do with your Daddy?” she queried the dog as she hung up her day clothes.
Heidi nonchalantly extended her rear leg en pointe and began to groom her hip and haunch. “You’re no help,” Maura commented as she slipped on her khaki shorts. When she had pulled her clean T-shirt over her head, she walked to the side of her bed and sat down to stroke the dog. Heidi responded with a wary sniff of her hand, which Maura stilled. Heidi, deciding she was okay, tentatively licked her hand gratefully before resuming her grooming.
Maura rubbed under the hound’s luxuriant ears for a moment before standing and making her way into her bath. Methodically, she washed her hands and face. She decided she looked presentable enough for a few quick strokes of her brush against her hair to complete her presentation of herself for dinner. After one final glance in the large mirror, she turned and switched off the bathroom’s light before walking back into her bedroom.
Heidi sat with her long chin drooping over the edge of the bed and watched her switch on the lamp beside the bed with a worried look. “Why is your bro
w all wrinkled, girl? Are you anxious too?” Maura asked the dog, who only continued her doleful watch as Maura moved away toward the door. “Cookie?” Maura asked, getting far more response. Heidi was off the bed and waiting at the door before Maura reached it herself.
Maura and Heidi returned to the kitchen to find Kai pouring the wine. As Maura got a cookie for the obedient dog, Kai extended her glass, waiting for her to take it. When she accepted it with a small nod of her head, Kai lifted his glass and said, “To new beginnings.”
Maura clinked the rim of her glass against the base of his and repeated, “To new beginnings.” They both sipped their wine and Maura was surprised by how good it was. “So, how’s Robin?” Maura asked easily as Kai sat down at the table once more.
Kai gave his mother a sharp look before defiantly lighting another cigarette. That accomplished, he twisted in his seat to empty the ashtray into the trash bin behind him. “Robin believes in happily-ever-afters,” he commented dryly.
“I take it you don’t,” Maura commented just as dryly as she sat down opposite her son.
“I’ve never had any proof they exist,” Kai replied sullenly.
Not wanting to encourage this line of reasoning, Maura skillfully redirected her question by asking, “Is he doing okay?”
“Mom, the only way Robin is going to be okay right now is if I tell him I’ve made up my mind to be gay and he’s the one I want to be with,” Kai told her candidly.
“And you haven’t decided that yet, right?” Maura asked casually.
“It’s a good thing he called after all,” Kai admitted grudgingly. “I forgot Heidi’s flea and tick medicine. He’s going to mail it to me here,” Kai answered, dodging her question entirely.
“Well, that’s good news,” Maura said as she sat down next to her son and rested her glass of wine on the table so she could pat the dog. “We don’t want a houseful of fleas, do we, girl?”
Kai sipped his wine and watched his mother and his dog approvingly. “She’s so good,” he commented. “She’s never had fleas or ticks, but she’s mostly been an indoor dog, except when I took her to the beach.” He sighed as he set his glass down beside his mother’s and reached to extend his hands toward the dog, “Why can’t people be as easy to love as dogs are?”
“Dogs don’t ask as much of you, that’s for sure,” Maura said as Heidi moved from under her hands to Kai with a panting smile on her face. “Not to probe you too deeply, Kai. But why are you so conflicted about Robin? If you love him, you shouldn’t push him away.”
Kai scratched under Heidi’s chin, and looked up at his mother’s face. “What do you want me to do? Ask him to move down here too?”
“It’s an option,” Maura offered. “Do you think he would?”
Kai rubbed the top of his dog’s head gently before shifting back to reach for his wineglass and snorted, “In a fucking heartbeat, he would.”
Maura watched as he sipped his wine thoughtfully. “He cares for you that much?”
Kai nodded and swirled the wine in his glass absently. He gave his mother an abrupt look before setting his wineglass down once more and then replied, “Yes. Without a doubt. And, to tell you the truth, we’ve talked about it. But Mom, I’ve still got to get myself together. I need to find some work. I need to get back on my meds to make sure I’m thinking straight.”
Maura nodded expectantly in reply. To her, nothing was more important than Kai getting back on his medication. From what she could tell, the painkillers had no visible effect on him. She hadn’t known what to expect when he’d admitted taking them, but to her observation, he wasn’t as nearly affected as he’d been when he was a pot smoker. Back then she could tell if he was high. From what she’d observed of him in only the few days he’d been home, she had no idea he was even taking anything, other than an odd sort of lassitude that came over him at times. That, in combination with his willingness to talk, was the only difference she saw in him.
Before Maura could respond, they heard a knock at the front door. Heidi gave a deep bark as she roused herself from the kitchen floor between Maura and Kai’s seats and ran toward the foyer. Both Maura and Kai pushed their chairs back from the table and stood. They eyed each other anxiously for a moment before Maura said, “I’ll get it. It’s Matt. You and I will finish this conversation later.”
Kai nodded as he stubbed out his cigarette and looked away. Maura realized she was so angry at him that she could shake him. In fact she wished she could shake him as she had when he was small and misbehaved. Back then she had always been so cautious not to take her anger or frustration out on him fearing she would hurt the little boy. Now, she looked at the man and wished she could shake him until his teeth rattled.
All the while, Heidi was barking from the foyer. Maura shook her head and turned to walk toward the door. As she did, another tentative knock sounded. As she struggled to compose herself, she shouted, “Hold on, I’m coming,” and stepped quickly from the kitchen to the foyer. She shushed Heidi and took a deep breath, hoping the rest of the evening wouldn’t be so difficult.
Maura managed to open the front door with a smile on her face and one hand holding Heidi’s collar as she fought against the restraint. She looked up into Matt’s amused smile and immediately felt better. If nothing else, his familiar lean form promised some stability and strength. He held up his arms in surrender, one hand clutching a CVS bag and the other a bottle of wine. “Does it bite?” He asked innocently.
Maura stepped back, pulling Heidi along with her, whimpering now in excitement over this new unfamiliar presence. “C’mon in,” Maura said. “She’s just excited you’re here. She doesn’t bite.”
Matt came inside, handed Maura the bottle of wine and closed the door behind him. Cautiously, he extended his hand toward the big dog, who reached Matt’s outstretched hand with her nose. Once Heidi had sniffed, Maura let go of her collar and reached up to give Matt a quick hug saying, “You’d better pet her or she’ll jump up. She’ll settle down once you’re in the house.”
Matt handed her his CVS bag and sank down on his haunches to take Heidi in hand. The dog responded by fluidly circling him in the small space of the foyer as he rubbed and patted whatever part of her was closest. “You’re a happy girl,” Matt said with a laugh.
As Heidi responded by licking his face, Maura curiously peeked into the CVS bag and found a new pack of razors, a can of shaving cream and antiperspirant. Matt stood as she closed the bag and said, “My supply here was running low, so I thought I’d restock.”
Happily, Maura stretched to give him a quick kiss before saying, “Well, you’ve met Kai’s better half, you should come to the kitchen and meet Kai.”
Matt followed her to the kitchen, noting she left the CVS bag on the dining room table as she passed. As Matt, Heidi, and Maura all entered the small kitchen, they found Kai peeling a plantain at the chopping board on the counter next to the stove. He ignored them until he had the fruit removed from its skin, and then he turned and smiled. Quickly, he placed the fruit on the cutting board and the peel on the counter before extending his hand for Matt to shake. I’m the prodigal son,” he said shyly.
Matt took his proffered hand, shook it firmly and said, “I’m the boyfriend.”
Everyone laughed as they let go of each other’s hands. Kai stepped to the edge of the table and quickly shifted his glass of wine and ashtray to the place at the table closest to the stove, and gestured for Matt to take his place. “Please sit down, Mr. Jenkins. Can I get you a glass of wine?”
Matt sank into his preferred seat, and looking up at Kai said, “Please call me Matt, and I’ll take that glass of wine with pleasure.”
“Okay, Matt,” Kai said as he reached for the bottle and the remaining glass. He poured Matt a half glass of wine and handed it to him before seating himself between his mother and her boyfriend. Maura, aware of the awkward seating arrangement, sat down in her own preferred spot and watched as Kai lifted his glass and said, “To new friends.”
Matt clinked his glass against Kai’s and then followed suit with Maura’s glass as well. “To new friends,” he echoed pleasantly before he took a sip of his wine and watched as Maura and Kai completed the toast. “Dinner smells great,” he commented warmly. “And I’m starved.”
“I hope it’ll be okay,” Kai said as he glanced over his shoulder at the stove. “It’ll still be about a half hour away. I need to cook the rice and fry the plantains.”
“No problem,” Matt responded. “I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait.”
“Kai’s a great cook,” Maura said quickly, betraying her anxiousness. “He’s been helping out in the kitchen since he was a little boy. By the time he was ten, he was a better cook than I was,” she admitted.
“I can burn a pot of water,” Matt countered. “If it wasn’t for your mother, I’d have starved in the past two years.”
“Mom’s a good cook,” Kai answered. “I had a good teacher.”
“I never thought I was teaching him,” Maura admitted. “It all just started as a way to spend time together after work and school. Before I knew it, Kai had picked up how to prepare whole meals, hadn’t you?”
Kai nodded and instinctively reached for his cigarettes. He had one extricated and on the way to his mouth, before he caught his mother’s eye and stopped. He looked Matt in the eye and said, “I’m sorry about the cigarettes in the house. Mom told me you don’t like smoke so much. But, if it’s okay with you, and you don’t mind, could I smoke in the house just for tonight? I’ve promised Mom I’ll start smoking outside.”