by Jay Quinn
Matt met his eyes with a kind look and said, “You shouldn’t have to ask permission to smoke in your own home. It’s not a problem.”
Kai nodded gratefully and lit his cigarette, then said, “But I understand this is kinda your home too, so I just want you to know I’m not an assho… , a jerk.”
“I appreciate that, Kai. But I certainly don’t think you’re an asshole because you smoke. Have you thought about quitting?” Matt asked gently. “It’s not so much rude as it’s not good for you.”
Kai sighed and examined his cigarette thoughtfully. “I know, I know,” he said resignedly. “But I love it so much. Because I’m crazy I guess.”
“You’re not crazy,” Maura corrected him automatically.
“Mom told me she’d explained to you about me being bipolar,” Kai told Matt, ignoring his mother. “Well, my psychiatrist says we’re the hardest type of patient to get to quit. Smoking does something good to our brain chemistry. It increases the dopamine or something. I know that’s not a great excuse, but it’s the best one I have for not quitting,” Kai told Matt honestly.
Matt nodded understandingly and said, “You’ll quit when you’re ready. I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Kai gave him a grateful smile and proceeded to take a deep drag off his cigarette, then exhaled it pointedly overhead so as not to blow smoke in Matt’s direction.
“Just remember, you promised outside from now on,” Maura told him quietly. “So, how was your day?” she asked Matt directly.
“Not so terrible,” Matt replied agreeably. “No worse than usual, in any event. How about yours?”
“Long,” Maura replied without hesitation. “I felt like I was in a pinball machine. But, I’m home now and whatever’s not done will be waiting for me tomorrow.”
“How about you, Kai?” Matt asked curiously. “Have you started looking for any work? Your Mom tells me you have a whole marketing plan and presentation piece to go along with it. I’d like to see it when you get a chance.”
Kai gave him a sheepish glance and then admitted, “I haven’t started looking yet. I worked today on the layout of my brochure. I plan to go to Kinko’s in the next couple of days and get some printed out and bound. Otherwise, I’d show you the piece right now. Of course, maybe you could look at it on my laptop before I do and give me some input. Having a degree in graphic design, I think I might have gone a little overboard.”
“I’d be happy to do that for you,” Matt offered. “But as a leave-behind, I think having as many pictures of your work as you can afford to show is a good idea.”
“That’s what I think,” Maura interjected. “Maybe you could take a look at Kai’s work after dinner,” she suggested lightly.
“Aw, Mom,” Kai chided her. “Give the guy a break. Maybe Matt can take a look at it tomorrow night. I should be finished tweaking it by then.”
“Whatever’s good for you,” Matt replied and gave Maura the ghost of a wink. “I’d rather you got dinner ready just now.”
“Right,” Kai said and stubbed out his cigarette. He took a quick sip of wine and stood. “I’ll get the show on the road and you guys talk.” With that, he stood, went to the sink and washed his hands before resuming the task of preparing the plantains for cooking.
Maura smiled inwardly. So far, things seemed to feel natural and right. As a result of either the wine, or the relative ease with which the evening seemed to be going, she relaxed and listened as Matt and Kai resumed their friendly banter while Kai started the rice and fried the plantains. Kai, she noted, seemed self-assured and remarkably open to conversation. Matt responded with intelligent, but not probing questions, and offered more information about himself. To Maura it seemed like an elaborate game of staking out territory, some to be shared and others to be held inviolate. However, both her adult son and her boyfriend seemed to be getting on well.
The tenor of conversation remained gracious throughout the meal, which was delicious. Kai had really outdone himself. Maura and Matt ate heartily, but Maura noticed Kai only ate sparingly from his own plate and didn’t reach for seconds of anything. All the while, Heidi lay in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room area of the great room beyond. Kai had trained her well. She never came to the table to beg once, but when Kai stood with the remains of his dinner on his plate, Heidi stood as well. Taking her bowl from the floor behind Matt’s seat, Kai placed it on the counter and scraped his leftovers into her bowl. The big dog watched his movements with great concentration until he returned the bowl to its spot on the floor when she skipped to it and noisily began to eat.
“Do you always feed her table scraps?” Matt asked as he carefully pushed himself away from the kitchen table and crossed his leg to let his right ankle rest over his left knee.
Taking Matt’s plate to the sink, Kai said, “Yes and no. She has her own dog food which she gets twice a day. But on special occasions, or if there’s anything left from dinner, she gets that as well. Robin says I deliberately…” Kai caught himself and turned abruptly and began rinsing the Matt’s plate under the tap.
“Robin says what?” Maura urged him.
“He says I make a point of saving half my meals for Heidi,” Kai said from the sink without turning around.
“And who’s Robin?” Matt asked innocently.
Kai and his mother both began to speak at once. Both realized what they were doing and stopped talking within a syllable of each other.
Matt looked from Maura to Kai questioningly until Kai finally spoke saying, “Robin is my housemate on the beach back on the Outer Banks.”
“Kai and Robin have been living together for the past year,” Maura elaborated.
Matt raised his eyebrows at her questioningly as Kai turned back to the table and took her plate. “That’s right, Mother,” he replied stiffly without looking at Matt. “Would you guys like some coffee?” he asked in an obvious attempt to change the conversation.
“None for me,” Matt answered heartily. “I usually only drink coffee in the mornings.”
“Nor me,” Maura declined.
“Blame it on my fucked up brain chemistry,” Kai said. “But it calms me down rather than giving me any kind of caffeine buzz. I’m going to make a little pot. If you guys change your minds, you’re welcome to share.”
“Since you cooked, why don’t you let your mother and me load the dishwasher,” Matt offered.
Matt looked at him gratefully and said, “I think I’ll take you up on that.” As he began to prepare the coffee, he looked at his mother questioningly once more.
“I think I will have a cup, if you’re going to make some anyway,” Maura told him.
Kai nodded and gave her a ghost of a smile to show her he wasn’t angry with her about discussing Robin.
Matt watched Kai move around, combining the leftover black beans with the rice into a single bowl and covering it along with the remains of the pork roast as the coffee brewed. What was left of the plantains, he tossed to Heidi who deftly caught the three pieces one after the other. Once the coffee had brewed, Kai moved in the lengthening stillness in the room, rattling his and his mother’s coffee mugs as he set them on the counter and poured their coffee. The spoon’s tiny ringing complaint against the sides of the mugs as he stirred in the sweetener and cream were the only sounds in the room. At last, Kai brought the mugs of steaming coffee to the table. Before he could sit down, Matt asked, “Is there any more wine left in that bottle, Kai?”
Kai stepped back to the counter and held the bottle up to the light revealing perhaps a third of the wine left. Once more he stepped to the table and poured the remainder of the bottle into Matt’s glass before placing the bottle back on the counter and sitting down.
Matt took a sip of his wine and nodded once in appreciation before saying, “I take it when your mother said you were living with Robin, that you were involved on a deeper level than just as roommates.”
Kai gave him a hard, sharp look, but instead of answering right away, he defiantly lit a cig
arette. After he got it lit, he took a sip of his coffee, then replied, “The answer to your question is kind of complicated. I did have a sexual relationship with Robin, if that’s what you’re asking. But I don’t consider myself to be exclusively gay. That’s a good part of the reason I left the beach and came home. I need to sort out exactly how much I can commit to Robin, knowing he’s prepared to commit completely to me.”
Matt again merely nodded before he took another sip of his wine and then said, “That is complicated. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, but I’m a fairly direct man and I like to know what’s going on.” He stopped and put his hand on Kai’s wrist, gripped it gently once, then took his hand away. “You know, I’m in love with your mother. Because of that, I also wanted to know more about what was going on with you and your sudden reappearance. I hope you understand. I don’t mean to pry but I find I have.”
Kai chuckled slightly and said, “It’s no worse than I deserve. At least the subject isn’t hanging there in the air like a big balloon.”
“I want you to know I don’t have a problem with it,” Matt said quickly. “It really is none of my business.”
“You’re right. It isn’t,” Kai said bluntly. “But I made it your business when I came home the way I did. I’ll be perfectly honest with you. I have no idea what in the hell I’m going to do about Robin. I just know I’m going to concentrate on not disturbing your life with my Mom any more than I have.”
“I appreciate that,” Matt said evenly. “For my part, I want to be honest with you and say I intend to respect your place in your Mom’s home. No matter what, everybody deserves the right to be able to go home if they can.”
Kai gave Matt a smile and said, “Thanks. Now if you two don’t mind, I’m going to take my coffee and my dog and head back to my room. I’ve got a call I promised to return.” With that, he stood, took his coffee and headed toward the opposite side of the house with Heidi following along happily behind him.
Maura listened for the sound of his door closing and when she heard it, she finally felt like something held tight inside her relaxed and let go. She reached across the table to Matt, who extended his hand to take hers. For a moment they both just looked at each other, then they smiled with relief. Maura shook her head and said, “Whew. I wish I could tell you it’s not always going to be this intense, but Kai is…”
“Pretty intense.” Matt finished for her. “Poor guy. Hell of a night for him. Meeting me, getting outed about his boyfriend. Pissing out territory. I’m just glad we don’t do this every Wednesday night,” he finished, giving her hand a final squeeze and letting it go.
Maura took a sip of her coffee and said, “The thing about Robin, well, Kai and Robin… that really doesn’t bother you?”
Matt glanced at her and gave her an exasperated look. “Of course not. What have I ever done to give you the idea I was so narrow minded?”
“Nothing really” Maura said. “But then again, the subject of gay people has never really come up. I mean, I know gay people, but you and I…”
“I know gay people too,” Matt interrupted her. “I have two gay guys and a lesbian who work for me, but they’re not exactly family, or even close friends for that matter.”
“Well, I’m used to it. Kai has been sexually active since he was fifteen, and he’s never stated a preference of girls over boys or vice-versa,” Maura admitted. “As a matter of fact, there was also a girlfriend, who’s now out of the picture, who he was seeing while he was living with Robin.”
“Damn,” Matt sighed. “I don’t know if he’s a lucky little shit or really fucked up. In any event, I can’t handle more than one woman at a time. I can’t imagine a girlfriend and a boyfriend simultaneously.”
“I think Kai has grown to the point that he can’t either,” Maura confided. “This Robin is someone special. I can tell. Kai’s never been so emotionally involved in any of his relationships before. In fact, he even admitted he loved Robin.”
“So what’s the problem?” Matt asked genuinely.
“Kai doesn’t like to be thought of as being gay. For some reason, he has a real problem with that,” Maura told him.
“Do you have a problem with it?” Matt asked her carefully.
“Not at all,” Mura answered promptly. “I just want him to be happy. If he can get past this hang up about being seen to be gay I’m all for Robin, or any guy, if he’s in love.”
“Well, working in the world Kai does, being known as gay can have its drawbacks,” Matt told her honestly. “Construction sites aren’t the most accepting of places.”
“I can imagine,” Maura told him. “But by the time it gets to the point where Kai would come in, the house is basically done. How much does he actually interact with a framing crew or roofers?”
“Down here, none. Unless he speaks Spanish,” Matt told her. “That’s not it though. It’s the culture. Guys who wear tool belts for a living don’t usually have much to do with gay people. At least, not that they know of.”
“Where he’s been working, it’s a much smaller world too,” Maura admitted. “His dad has been banging nails since he graduated from high school. They all know each other up there. But, for what it’s worth, he got involved with Robin up there so…”
“Don’t worry about it, Maura. He’ll figure it out one way or another,” Matt assured her. “If he is crazy, he’s crazy like a fox.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Maura said as she stood, leaving most of her coffee unfinished. “You want to give me a hand with these dishes?”
“Of course,” Matt said and stood as well. “If we work together we’ll be done in ten minutes. Kai’s already done half of it.”
Working as a team, Matt and Maura made short work of the kitchen chores. At last, when the table and counters had been wiped down and the dishwasher turned on, Maura glanced at the clock on the microwave and noted it was nearly nine-thirty. “Would you like to watch TV for awhile?” she asked Matt tentatively. In truth, what she wanted more than anything else was to go to bed. Her day had been tiring and her evening riddled with minefields.
Matt carefully folded the damp dish towel he held in his hand and laid it next to the chopping block on the counter. He looked at Maura with his own weariness evident on his face. “To tell you the truth, what I really want to do is brush my teeth and go to bed,” he told her honestly.
“You read my mmd,” Maura confessed. “Why don’t you go ahead and get in our bathroom. I’m going to knock on Kai’s door to let him know we’re off to sleep.”
Matt nodded and moved past her, lightly kissing the side of her neck as her passed. “Please bring in my CVS bag when you come in,” he reminded her as he passed into the bedroom door.
“Sure thing,” Maura said. Then she gave the kitchen a final glance and switched off all the lights except for the one over the stove. As she made her way past the dining room table, she lifted Matt’s bag of grooming products and carried it with her down the small hall to Kai’s closed door. From the other side she heard murmuring. She lifted her hand to knock on the door and was answered by Heidi’s bark, plus she distinctly heard Kai tell Robin to hold on.
In a moment, Kai opened his door with his cell phone in one hand and the other gripping Heidi’s collar. “What’s up?” he asked her brightly.
“I just wanted to say good night,” Maura told him. “Matt and I are turning in. Do you want me to turn off the lights in the great room?”
“No, I’ll do it a little later,” Kai told her. “I’ll need to take Heidi out before we go to bed.”
In the background from Kai’s room, Maura could hear the jazz station playing on the radio by his bed. The room reeked of cigarette smoke, dog, and Kai’s own scent. It seemed almost like the nights she had come to say good night in many years past. In its way this comforted her. She reached up and stroked his smooth face as she said, “Sleep well. Don’t worry about us, we’ll both be sawing logs within a half hour or so. You won’t disturb us.”
/> Kai allowed his cheek to be stroked and gave her a small smile. He said, “Your Matt is a pretty good guy. Tonight wasn’t so bad was it?”
“I’ll let him know you approve,” Maura said lightly, then added, “Tonight was fine. And it’ll get easier, I promise.”
“Good night then,” Kai told her glancing at his cell phone idling in his hand.
Maura nodded and turned as Kai closed his door once more. She heard him apologize for the interruption during his call, then he was silent once more as Robin responded. Maura hoped his call was going well, but she knew there was little she could do about it. As she made her way back to her room, she looked forward to letting it all go and surrendering to sleep. For the past few days, the only time she’d truly had to herself was spent in sleep. When she was awake she had work, Matt, and Kai to worry about.
When she entered her room, she found Matt already in bed, the covers pulled up to his bare chest and his eyes closed. She shut the door behind her as quietly as she could, but when she turned she found Matt looking at her with a tired smile. “Everything okay?” he asked with concern.
“Kai thinks you’re a pretty good guy,” she told him as she ducked into the bathroom to place Matt’s bag on the vanity. That done, she walked back into the bedroom and pulled her T-shirt over her head as she walked into her closet. “And I think you’re fantastic on an international scale,” she added as she unbuttoned her shorts and eased them over her hips to let them fall.
“Well, thanks,” Matt answered sleepily. “You’re world class yourself.”
Maura unhooked her bra and removed it before slipping another outsized T-shirt over her head. A men’s extra large and sporting a logo from a fishing pier up on the Outer Banks, it was special in its own way. It had been Rhett’s at one time. It was a keepsake of a night stolen together not ten years ago. Though they had formally divorced, she and Kai’s father had continued to sleep together on her infrequent trips up to the Kill Devil Hills over the years. Matt of course knew nothing of the T-shirt’s provenance. Maura hadn’t appropriated any of his T-shirts to wear as night dresses. She had outgrown the habit after Rhett, but this particular T-shirt was her favorite sleep garment still, after so many years.