A Song of Snow and Ashes

by S.J. Drew

He decided not to tell Alain that the Order was also working for him. "I don't think I could work anywhere else. Think what would've happened if I joined the guard and went into work with my eyes like this."

  "Yeah. It would've been bad. But if you aren't joinin' the guard, then why've you been learnin' to fight?"

  "What do you know about that?" he demanded, surprised. "You've been spyin' on me? Don't you trust me?"

  "Not spyin', just keepin' an eye on you, little brother. I trust you fine; I don't trust your friends at the Temple. You've been trainin' up with old Clancy. Pretty good too. Don't know when you go so strong though."

  "The equinox, I'd guess."

  "Oh. That's interestin'. But yeah, I've been wonderin' what you've been up to. I was also wonderin' where you got the money to pay for his trainin' and your tutorin', but I guess the Order's been payin' your way."

  "Tutorin'? You know about that too? Gods, I thought you were goin' to leave me alone. Let me live my life."

  "I haven't said anythin' until now, have I? Anyway, findin' out about the tutorin' was an accident. Kennet said somethin' about his sister pickin' up some extra work." He sighed. "I thought you were trainin' to join the guard and were just goin' to surprise me. I was wrong. So why are you learnin' to fight? And why is the Order payin' for it?"

  "I need to know how to fight. The Order is payin' because they want me to learn to fight."

  "Why?" Alain pressed, suspicious.

  "Haven't you been payin' attention?" he roared. "I'm the Avatar of Darkness. Do you think anyone good wants me around? And there's an Avatar of Light wanderin' around there somewhere. Do you think she's goin' to let me live? I'm supposed to fight the LightBearer, and before the next autumn equinox. When who I am and what I am gets out, people are goin' to be comin' for me. And I don't want to die." He put his head in his hands.

  "Donnan," Alain started after a few moments, his brow furrowed in thought, "if you win this fight for Dark One, what happens then?"

  "I gain the powers of the LightBearer, the ability to control ground and fire. There won't be anyone who would keep from doin' what I wanted then. Not a mage, not a cleric, not anybody," he answered dully. His voice became softer. "The Dark One says if I win, I start a reign of Darkness upon the world."

  "I was afraid of that," he replied, nodding slightly. "Well, damn. I don't know what to say. I mean, I don't want the Dark One to win. But I'd guess you don't have a choice now."

  "No kiddin'."

  "And I don't want to see my little brother turn into a killer."

  "What makes you think I would?" he snapped, angrily. He looked up sharply, but there was only sympathy in Alain's face.

  "How else are you supposed to win, except to kill the only person who could stop you? This LightBearer. Isn't that how it works?"

  "So I'm told," he agreed.

  "Yeah, that's what I thought. Even if you don't want to, the Order's goin' to be pushin' you. Maybe the god too." He sighed. "But I don't want you to get killed either. What a mess."

  "You're tellin' me." There was a moment of silence. "So now what do we do?"

  "I've got no idea. I just don't know what to make of it all right now. I mean, damn. It's a lot to think about. And I don't think I want to think about it. You're my little brother. You're not evil."

  "Darkness isn't evil either, Alain."

  "Well, it isn't good. It isn't right. It isn't fair of the gods to do this to you. Either of you. I mean, damn. Givin' humans the power of gods? Just givin' 'em a little power is what started the Mage Era and the Mage Wars. This is no good at all." He sighed. "But I know why you've been so anxious and secretive lately. Keepin' that sort of thing all bottled up, and no one but the Order to go to? I'm sorry if I've been hard on you. I was worried. And with good reason, too."

  Donnan was amazed anew at the keenness of his brother's insight. "I couldn't tell you, though. I didn't want to scare you."

  "No, no, I understand. Honestly, I'm not sure what I want to do, though. I mean, you're my brother, and I love you, but you're goin' to have to do what you're goin' to have to do. You're already involved in stuff that isn't exactly legal, but if you get into a fight here, and the guards are called out, well, damn. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want them to hurt you, but I don't want you to hurt them."

  "What're you sayin'?" he growled, angry at his brother for being so understanding, yet still so frightened.

  "I'm sayin' that maybe it'll be best if I'm not around you so much anymore. The less I know about what you're doin', maybe the better off I'll be."

  "Oh, Alain, don't be like that," he snapped. "I'm not that different. I'm not some evil monster. I saved the city once already from a big storm."

  "Well, I'm not sayin' you're a monster or anythin'. What if you get stronger, though? What if the Darkness inside you gets stronger? You're connected to a god, the Dark God. What's that doin' to you inside?"

  "Dammit, Alain, don't you think I've asked myself these same questions?" he snapped, now irritated this his brother had so shrewdly guessed his own doubts. "I don't know what's happenin' inside my soul. I'm afraid I'll turn all Dark. I'm afraid of becomin' that monster and hurtin' people. But I can't ignore this power. It won't let me. I can feel it right now, pushin' to get out. You think you're scared? Gods, you don't know nothin' about bein' scared."

  "That's not true, and you know it," he retorted. "Right now I'm scared for you, for me, and for everyone else. And I'm angry too. Why did the gods do this? Why did they have to pick you? And why isn't the Order of Light tellin' anyone? Holy gods, what a blazing mess." Alain put his head in his hands, thinking hard.

  He just stared at his brother in an icy silence. Unreasonable anger and annoyance swelled inside him, and the Dark power started to push harder to be used.

  A sudden crash of thunder broke the quiet tension.

  "Light One have mercy," Alain exclaimed.

  The shutters were now rattling like mad in a howling wind.

  Donnan got up, opened a shutter just a crack, and looked outside.

  A storm seemed to have come out of no where, and stinging snow whirled to the ground. Visibility was low, but bright lightning ripped through the heavy clouds.

  "Thunder snow," Alain remarked over his shoulder. "I've never seen that before." He glanced at his brother. "Are you-are you doin' this?"

  "I didn't mean to," he replied, extending his awareness to control the violent weather. "I can fix it. I think. Just give me a minute or two." He closed his eyes and concentrated, and within fifteen minutes, he had calmed the storm down to just a heavy snowfall. He turned to find Alain was sitting at the kitchen table, watching him. "Well?" he prompted.

  "I've got some thinkin' to do, little brother. Right now, I'm goin' to try to go to bed, but I've got some thinkin' to do when I get up."

  "And when will you be done thinkin'?" he asked harshly.

  "Dinner time will do. I may change my mind, but I don't think I should think too long."

  "Fine. I'll be around for dinner."

  "You goin' to the Temple today?"

  "They'll be expectin' me."

  Alain sighed. "Alright. Whatever I figure out, whatever happens, you're still my little brother, and I still love you. Take care of yourself, alright? Do what you've got to do to protect yourself, 'cause I don't think I can protect you anymore."

  "I don't need you to protect me."

  "It never hurts to have someone watchin' your back. I'm goin' to bed now. I'll see you when I wake up."

  "Remember, you promised not to tell."

  "Yeah, I know. I don't like it, but I made a promise. I keep my promises." With that, he went into the bedroom.

  Donnan stared at the dregs of his tea cup, feeling quite wretched. He had no fighting practice or tutoring, so after about an hour he made his way to the temple, keeping his hood up more to hide his eyes than fend off the c
old weather.

  He entered through a side entrance, as usual, and went to find Blake. "Well," he thought, trying to distract himself, "I always wondered what the Dark clergy did on the solstice. Guess I get to find out."

  Blake's room was empty, so he went to his own guest quarters, and found the acolyte playing cards there.

  "What're you doin' in my room?" Donnan demanded.

  He jumped. "Waitin' for you, of course. It's the winter solstice, and Dwyer's got a special ceremony planned because of you."

  "I want no part of it," he replied irritably.

  "I didn't say you were part of it." He peered at his friend. "Gods, what in darkness is wrong with your eyes?"

  "It's the solstice, of course."

  "Hey, sorry I asked. You're touchy today. What's wrong?"

  "What's wrong is that my brother asked the same question you did," he answered, sitting heavily onto the bed.

  "Oh, damn. And what did you tell him?" Blake asked, cleaning his glasses.

  "About the Avatars. What I know about it. Nothin' about you guys, or what you're up to."

  There was a few moments of thoughtful silence before Blake replaced his glasses and spoke again. "How'd he take it?"

  "He's scared. I don't know what's next. He wants to talk before he goes to work."

  "You don't have to go, if you don't want to."

  "Sure I do. I need to know how he reacts. Then I'll know how other people will react when they find out."

  "Oh, I see. You figure that you can use Alain's reaction to gage how the rest of the ordinary people will react to findin' out you're the Dark Avatar. Of course, since Alain's your