Promises, Promises

by Baker, Janice

  Realizing that this was a bad punishment, my body tensed. HE hadn’t allowed me to come and it would be a full night of HIM using me for his pleasure only. Taking me to the brink and never letting me come.

  And then, I heard it. Soft laughter from a corner. I wanted so badly to lift my blindfold, but knew that would increase my bad punishment. The laughter seemed like HIS, but that was impossible because HE was on the bed with me. Someone else was in the room? Who? Why? Why would HE want anyone else in the room? Quickly I was moved off the bed and into those dreaded chains.

  “No,” I cried almost as a whisper for fear of greater punishment. “Please No.” The paddle was brought out. I heard its familiar sound as HE tapped it against HIS thigh.

  “Did you enjoy that?” HE asked and I could hear HIS smirk in HIS voice.

  “I… yes, yes, I did.” I replied slowly and almost in a whisper.

  “I’m sure you did. Did that feel like LOVE to you?” HE stressed “love” as if it were a disgusting word.

  “I…I…guess it did. I don’t know. I’ve never felt love, so I…don’t know.” I didn’t know where this was going and was terrified to find out.

  “Do you know why you are being punished?” HE asked softly.

  “No, I have no idea why.” I replied again in a whisper.

  “Do you not remember your workouts with Mark?” HE whispered into my ear.

  “Umm, yes… yes.” I stammered.

  “And do you remember what you discussed and talked about with Mark?” HE asked almost whispering in my other ear, kissing me lightly on my neck. HIS kiss felt so good on me and after not being allowed to come, I wanted more and was panting, silently begging for more.

  And then I had a small indication of what this punishment was all about. The previous week I had been a bit more talkative with Mark than usual. I had told him how much I wished HE would show me that perhaps HE might actually love me. I had explained to Mark without going into much detail, how HE had seemed to be drifting away from me. I had left out the part about punishments. Had I been too chatty with Mark? Was what I said really that wrong? For two years, I have longed for HIM to give me just a little more feeling. In the beginning HE had swept me off my feet with sweet kisses during our dates, expensive gifts, trips, seduction of my virginity, that I had thought HE wanted me. But obviously, HE really just wanted me to be there for HIS sexual use and to accompany HIM to business affairs.

  Why was HE asking? What had I said?

  As if reading my thoughts, HE started to explain softly. “I had told you in the beginning I was incapable of love. And I had meant it. Why did you think you could change me? You knew I had other submissives and none of them could make me love them. What made you think you could?” HE stopped briefly to run HIS hands along my body softly. “You know very well the life I lead and my NEEDS.” HE had exaggerated that word. “I have never lied to you about my specifications. Have I?” HE asked.

  “No, you haven’t.” I whispered feeling completely defeated.

  “Then why did you feel the need to express to Mark your feelings for me? I had thought that you realized that everyone who works for me knows of my…” HE paused, “NEEDS” again exaggerating the word. HE sighed. “Mark entertains in my same lifestyle and felt compelled to relay the information.” HE paused and I felt my tears falling and hoped the blindfold would catch them before they slid down my cheek. HE then continued, “Did you know that some of my submissives have gone to be with Mark when I’m finished with them?”

  Shocked at the information just given to me I whispered, “No.”

  HE continued to speak softly to me, “When I found out about your childhood during our dates, I knew you would be able to become a perfect submissive for me. I thought we had an understanding. I never lied to you. You had never been told you were loved by anyone and understood I would never tell you that. Am I correct?”

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I began to sob uncontrollably.

  “Am. I. Correct?” HE enunciated each word slightly louder, bringing me from my self-pity.

  “Yes.” I whispered.

  “Feeling like a lesson, Isabella?” HIS voice was angry, taunting me. “Love is irrational. You are much like your mother. I’m sure she kept hoping to find that type of feeling, but never found it in all the men she fucked. You are just like your mother. You can keep hoping, but it won’t come.”

  I couldn’t say anything at that point. I was, I was just like my mother. I was with HIM for no other reason than the sex and in return HE paid me with trips to Paris, Lake Como, expensive clothes and jewelry. I tried my whole life not to be like her and in the end, I was exactly like her. I felt disgusted with myself.

  “Love is something we will never have. You and I are so similar. We have very similar upbringings, but at least I learned my lesson early on. You, you have this lesson to learn the hard way. I hope you realize that I am doing this for your own good.” And HE struck me with the paddle. Each one hitting my buttocks worse than the last. Usually HE would rub over me to ease some of the pain, but not this time.

  After what seemed like eternity, he took me down from the chains and put me face down on the bed and began to fuck me hard from behind. It felt so good and I was so ready for HIM from what HE did to me on the bed earlier. It was HIM, wasn’t it? HIS cock felt so good in me, thrusting harder and harder and I had a flicker of hope he would let me come this time to end my torment. As I waited for my command, HE grabbed my hips harder and I felt HIS hot rush of come spew inside me. HE withdrew and climbed off the bed. I heard HIM pull his pants back on and zip HIS pants.

  And with that HE took my blindfold off and let me see what had really happened. It had been Mark on the bed with me earlier. HIS lesson hit me vehemently that anything intimate would never come from HIM. HE stated, “You thought what Mark was doing to you felt like he was loving you, but it was just another fuck to him…and now you understand it was the same to you.” I couldn’t move. I felt so defeated.

  “You’ll never have what you think of as love. You’ll always just be another fuck for someone. Lesson learned, Isabella?” HE sneered.

  I stood up and looked at Mark, who had the most disgusting smirk on his face. I ran out of HIS bedroom horrified at what just happened. I locked my door and ran to the bathroom and vomited anything that might have been in my stomach. I heaved sobs and felt like I passed out. I awoke on the cold bathroom floor and climbed into bed. I heard the front door open and close with words exchanged. Knocks on my door kept occurring, but I refused to answer.

  I’ve never felt so alone in my life. Alone in the penthouse surrounded by beautiful clothes and…things...I realized how alone I was. Now I had no hope of ever being loved. Now I would just be a whore like my mother.

  I was done telling Z what happened, in a slightly more condensed version, and couldn’t look at him. I was so ashamed. So disgusted with myself. Tears fell endlessly it seemed and I had no hope of controlling them.

  I heard Z stand up. He paced several times and then BAM! – he punched the wall screaming “FUCK,” making me jump. He continued to swear obscenities, threw papers off his desk, destroying anything he could find.

  That was it. I knew it. He would never ever look at me the same. He would never want me again. I would never be loved. Just like HE had promised. This was my actual lesson. Nothing was worse than having to retell that to Z. I love him so much, but this was it.

  I stood and ran to the door and opened it, grabbing my purse that was near, running as fast as I could. I couldn’t bear to look at him. I didn’t want to see the hatred, disgust or even worse – pity in his eyes. I knew it would come to an end. Nothing in my life ever was good and this proved it. It just proved it.

  I ran to the street seeing a cab. I jumped in and decided to try to go as far away as I could.

  Chapter 27

  Z

  I had punched the wall and destroyed anything in my office trying to erase the horrible vision of what McKnig
ht had done to my Izzy. Somewhere in the middle of my rage I heard the door open. I was seconds too late as I tried to chase after her. She was too fast. I had just made it to the street when I watched her about two blocks down get into a cab. I ran as hard as I could to catch it, but it sped off just as I was near.

  Think. Where the fuck would she go? She had no other friends. Where would she go? Mark? Sandy? Brad? Would she go back to McKnight? No, I couldn’t believe that she would after that story. But then again, it was two years they were together. Did she want to go back to that? I couldn’t help the mix of emotions running through me. Jealously, hatred for him, pity for her, sadness of her recounting never being able to be loved by anyone.

  Why didn’t I tell her? Why? I LOVE YOU….it was so easy for me to tell her now in my head. I said it into her mouth while we made the most incredible passionate love during that storm. I didn’t have the courage to even say it to her face. I was still struck by fear of her past and what she wasn’t telling me yet. I should have just said it out loud. Fuck. And now she was God knows where. I ran down to the townhouse hoping Mel might have a clue.

  I was breathless as I ran into the kitchen, where they all sat at the island, waiting for us to come back. Mel looked at me and then behind me looking for Izzy. “Where is she?” She asked with a look of panic.

  “I don’t fucking know. She told me everything and then I couldn’t contain my anger. I went crazy punching the wall and throwing things and turned around as she was running out the door. I couldn’t catch her. She grabbed a cab and now I can’t figure out where she would have gone.” I was shaking now. Where the hell was she? What was she thinking? I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of being without her. “Mel, where the hell would she go?” I yelled, but pleaded with her hoping she would have a clue.

  “I…I don’t know.” She searched space with her eyes, trying to think of something. “The trail?” She asked hopeful.

  “No, it’s too late for that. She wouldn’t go there this late and she was in a fucking cab.” I spat out, but felt guilty for being rough with her. “FUCK!” I screamed out as I pulled out my phone and began calling her number frantically. It went straight to voice mail.

  “Z, we’ll find her. It’ll be okay.” Flynn said trying to calm me down. Mel picked up her cell.

  “NO! IT’S NOT GOING TO BE OKAY!” I screamed out. They didn’t know the whole story, how bad he really fucked with her head. I felt like she just left me forever. “Mel, is she, do you think she would try to hurt herself?” I had no idea what frame of mind she might be in. She wouldn’t take her life, would she? I was starting to panic.

  “No, I really don’t think so. I mean after all she’s been through…” Mel was starting to look as panicked as I was. “I’m calling her, but there’s no answer.”

  “What about where you went? The ocean? She loved it there. She couldn’t stop talking about how much fun you guys had there.” Flynn said with hope in his voice. Yeah. The inn. I picked up the phone to call and see if she checked in there. The lady at the front desk said no one with her description, nor this late, had come. I gave her my name and number and begged her to call me if Izzy showed up at any point in time.

  I texted Izzy and called her over and over again. No response. Her phone went straight to voicemail. I texted over and over again:

  Please come home. I promise, I’m not mad. Please…X

  I’m sorry for my reaction.

  Baby please come home. PLEASE X

  I wrote countless other things. Nothing. No response. I thought for sure if I added in my “promise” that I would get her normal response of ‘promises, promises.’ Flynn handed me a glass of Jack. I drank it down as fast as I could, feeling the burn, hoping for the burn to punish me for not being caring and loving with her when she needed it. Instead I acted like an asshole and went crazy.

  My glass was refilled just as soon as I set it down. I put my head down trying to think of where she would have gone. I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

  “Where are you going?” Mel screamed running after me.

  “To look for Izzy,” I spat back. I spun back around adding, “Call me if she comes back here!”

  I stopped at my house and ran inside, hoping, but knowing she wouldn’t be there. I drove the streets on my bike searching for any sign of her. I checked everywhere she might have gone. I even drove out to the park where were we loved to hike, which was closed. The sun was coming up and still no sign of her. I drove back to my house hoping she was sitting on the steps. Nothing. I checked inside. Nothing. I called Mel, but she told me she wasn’t in her room and hadn’t been back. I drove out to the Inn, but she hadn’t checked in there. I drove around the area and went to the restaurant we went to, hoping she might be sitting there staring out to the ocean. But she wasn’t there. I texted and called her a thousand more times during my drive at every stop I made. Where the fuck was she?

  I wasn’t panicked anymore. I was terrified. Did she just leave me? Is she with him? Is it over? I drove back to my house and called Mel again telling her if she comes to call me. I grabbed another drink of Jack. I needed to feel numb. The pain of the thought of Izzy leaving me hurt so fucking bad. After the third drink, I broke down crying as the realization that she wasn’t coming back set in.

  The day passed by slowly, torturing me with every passing second that I hadn’t heard from her. Night came and I still sat at the table, waiting, hoping and staring at my phone. Texting and calling her just about every second.

  I had to get up to plug my phone in before the battery died. I couldn’t have that. What if she tried to call me? She’s not calling me, I told myself.

  A knock at the door made me jump up. Izzy! I ran do the door and flung it open. It was Mel and Flynn. They knew from my disappointment that Izzy hadn’t been here. Mel swallowed hard with tears in her eyes. “What did she say to you? What happened that would make her run?” I shook my head. I couldn’t retell that story. I ran to the bathroom and puked just thinking about it.

  ******

  Three days. Three fucking, long days. The three longest days of my entire fucking life passed slowly by. I drove around looking for her. I even went down to the trail and waited for Mark to see if he knew where she was. He looked surprised at first, but then had a smug look on his face. He hadn’t seen her. It took everything I had not to beat the piss out of him just because I had so much frustration in me. I called her endlessly. I texted her nonstop. Not a single response from her. No call. Nothing.

  I stopped by the bar, last ditch hope that she might be there. She wasn’t. I walked into my office, looked at my desk and felt sick remembering how I took her so forcefully. Why had I done that? I told her I had to claim her...as if she were an object. An object instead of the woman I’m in love with. I felt sick thinking of how I ‘claimed’ her and then what she told me McKnight had done to her. How he made her feel like a cheap whore and I had probably made her feel the same in the manner I had screwed her on my desk.

  I looked around my office wondering why no one had bothered to clean it for me, like whoever had done in the past, when I flaked out after Fucking Whore cheated on me. They didn’t even prep the alcohol order for the week.

  Mark walked in just as I was glancing around.

  “Hey Boss. How ya hanging in there?” He asked, concern clearly marked over his face. I could tell he already knew what happened. That Izzy left me.

  “Yeah, not so great.” I looked away knowing I still had tears trying to well up in my eyes. I was able to swipe them away quickly. “How come you or Sandy didn’t get a chance to get the alcohol order ready for me to sign off on?” I asked trying to change the subject, trying to at least escape the thought of Izzy leaving me for a second or so.

  “Um, Sandy and I weren’t the ones doing that Boss. Izzy started doing that almost from day one. She also worked on the books for you.” He looked at me curiously. “Sandy and I thought you knew that. Thought you told her to since she has
that accounting degree and all. Not to mention she was practically a manager at that bar she worked at in college. She knew how to do all that.”

  Fuck. How stupid am I? I didn’t see all that she had done for me...all this time. She took the time when I was falling apart to help me out, to take care of things that needed to get done during a tough time. And here I couldn’t even give her that sympathetic ear she needed to get through retelling what horrible shit she went through. I shook my head and tried to hold it together.

  Mark put his hand on my shoulder. “Sorry Boss, you’ll find her. It’ll be okay. She really loves you. She’ll come back.” He gave me a final pat as he walked out my office door to the bar.

  I went back home, my last hope that she might turn up at some point. Today was the third day I was without Izzy. I decided not to drive around anymore and stay at the house hoping she would come here. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep. I kept staring at the phone. “CALL ME!” I screamed at my phone crying. Why won’t she just call me? Just call me just to talk? I just want to know she’s okay. “FUCK,” I screamed out to no one.

  My phone rang and I jumped, grabbing it, hoping it was Izzy. I glanced at the caller ID. Matt. My stomach dropped. She wasn’t calling. Who was I kidding? I answered hoping for inspiration from my big brother.

  “I heard you’re all out of sorts.” Matt said sadly.

  “She left me.” I started crying. “She left me, Matt.”

  “Oh man…” Matt sighed. “Z, I’m sorry. Look, I’ve got a business dinner in town tonight. I’ll come over after and we’ll…we’ll go out or something. It’s gonna to be alright Z, really, you’ll get through this,” he said hopeful.