The things he said were only the shock of learning he’s lost a leg, she told herself. Once he’s had a chance to think more about it, he’ll realize we can work through this together. That’s what people who love each other do.
***
As Ella Yoder stood in front of her brother’s plain wooden coffin, a sense of determination welled in her soul. In a short time, family and friends would arrive for Raymond’s funeral. Later this afternoon, they would go to the Lehmans’ for Timothy’s funeral. Ella would need to remain strong. She’d have to look out for her younger siblings and take care of her mother’s needs. Mama had taken the news of Raymond’s death hard. She’d barely been able to cope since then.
Ella was glad the injuries she had sustained weren’t serious. Her concussion had been mild, and the cuts and bruises on her legs and arms would heal quickly. She wasn’t sure how quickly Mama would heal, however. Truth be told, Mama might never get over losing her firstborn son.
Ella heard someone approaching, and she whirled around.
“People are beginning to arrive,” Papa said. “Loraine’s here with her family. She wants to speak with you.”
“Oh, okay.” Ella stepped into the living room where Loraine stood with her parents, Amos and Priscilla.
“How’s Wayne doing?” Ella asked, giving Loraine a hug.
“As well as can be expected.”
“How long will he be in the hospital?”
“I don’t know. I’ve hired a driver to take me to see him later today. I should know more then.”
“I’m sure it’s hard for Wayne not to be at his friends’ funerals today.”
“Jah.”
“Losing a leg must be hard for him, too.”
Tears pooled in Loraine’s eyes. “He doesn’t want to get married. He thinks he’ll be a burden on me.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Mom doesn’t want me to marry Wayne, either. She as much as said so this morning.” Her chin trembled. “Wayne’s mamm is against us getting married, too. I think she’s been against it from the very beginning. I just didn’t realize it until the night of the accident.”
“What are you going to do? I mean, if Wayne wants to call of the wedding, and your mamm and Wayne’s mamm think you shouldn’t get married—”
“I don’t care what they think. I love Wayne, and I promised to marry him.” Loraine lifted her chin a notch. “I’m going to keep that promise, no matter what anyone says.”
“But if he won’t marry you...”
“He will. He’s just confused and hurting right now.” Loraine slipped her arm around Ella’s shoulder. “Enough about me. How are you feeling this morning? Does your head still hurt?”
Ella touched her forehead. “It feels better than it did a few days ago. I’m worried about Mama, though. She’s having a hard time dealing with Raymond’s death.”
“I’m sure it’s hard for all of you.”
“Jah.” Ella glanced toward the door. “Oh, there’s Katie and her family. I wonder how she’s holding up.”
Loraine could tell Ella was doing her best to put on a brave front. Worrying about others seemed to be how she’d chosen to deal with her pain. Ella had always been a nurturing person, even when they were young girls. Loraine thought about the time her kitten had drowned in the creek. Ella had been so sympathetic that she’d given up her own kitten so Loraine wouldn’t cry.
“Let’s go talk to Katie before the service begins.” Ella linked arms with Loraine and led her across the room.
***
“How are you feeling, Mr. Lambright? Is the pain medicine working for you?”
Wayne grunted as a youthful-looking nurse with short brown hair stuck a thermometer under his tongue. How was he supposed to answer her question with something foreign in his mouth?
When she removed the thermometer, she asked again, “Is the pain medicine working for you?”
“It helps some, but it makes me real sleepy.”
“That’s to be expected.” She slipped the blood pressure cuff around his arm. “Are you in pain right now?”
He shook his head.
When she removed the cuff, she listened to his heart and checked the bandages on the stub of his leg. “The doctor will be in later to examine your leg. Is there anything I can get for you?”
A new leg would be nice. “No, I’m fine.”
“Would you like the TV turned on?”
“No, thanks. I have no interest in watching that.”
“Oh, that’s right. You Amish don’t have TVs in your homes, do you?”
“No, and even if we did, I wouldn’t be interested in watching it. I have better things to do with my time. At least I used to,” he added bitterly.
The nurse quirked an eyebrow and placed the call button close to his hand. “Let us know if you need anything,” she said before leaving the room.
Wayne reached for the Bible on the nightstand by his bed. Chaplain Taylor had left it there when he’d dropped by Wayne’s room the other day.
Wayne opened it randomly, and his gaze came to rest on John 11:43–44: “And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice,Lazarus, come forth. And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.”
The page blurred, and Wayne blinked several times, hoping to keep the tears he felt pushing against his eyelids from falling onto his face. Today, two of my good friends will be buried. Tomorrow is Paul’s funeral. If Jesus were here, He could bring all three of them back to life. He did it for Lazarus; He could do it for my friends.
Wayne’s stomach twisted as his thoughts raced on. I wish it had been me who’d been killed in the accident. It would have been better than living with only one leg. I can’t marry Loraine. I won’t be able to farm anymore, and I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else.
Wayne thought about the excitement he’d felt when he’d climbed into that van with Loraine and the others. The memory of how happy he and Loraine had been that afternoon shot through him like a knife. He was no longer a happy, excited, soon-to-be groom. He was an ugly half-man with a missing limb.
A huge knot formed in his throat as helpless fury swept over him. He grabbed his water glass and hurled it across the room, wincing when it smashed against the wall and broke. Nothing would ever be the same for him. Nothing!
CHAPTER 5
A feeling of heaviness settled on Loraine’s chest as she looked out the front window of her father’s buggy. A slow parade of black buggies inched their way up the hill toward the cemetery. Two funerals in one day; it was too much to bear. First Raymond’s service this morning, and now they were about to bury Timothy.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Paul’s funeral would be tomorrow, and many of the Amish from her community would attend his contemporary service as well. Paul and his wife, Rachel, had moved to Goshen five years ago, and he’d begun driving for the Amish soon after that. They were a middle-aged, childless couple, with no family living in the area. Loraine figured now that Paul was gone, Rachel would probably move back to Pennsylvania, where two of her sisters lived.
“We’re here,” Dad said as he guided their horse and buggy into the grassy area outside the cemetery.
When Loraine and her family climbed down from the buggy, her gaze came to rest on the open-bed hearse holding Timothy’s coffin. Her heart pounded as the oilcloth cover was lifted and the coffin was carried to the gravesite. The mourners followed solemnly behind.
Once the coffin was set in place, the bishop read a hymn: “Ah, good night to those I love so; Good night to my heart’s desire; Good night to those hearts full of woe; Out of love they weep distressed. Tho’ I from you pass away; In the grave you lay my clay; I will rise again securely, Greet you in eternity.”
Loraine glanced at Timothy’s parents, Calvin and Ruby. Calvin’s shoulders shook as he struggled with his emotions, and Ruby, sobbing uncontrollably, had to be held up by
her husband and oldest son, William.
A group of men sang a song while the grave was filled in by the pallbearers. Loraine’s gaze went to Katie, leaning on her mother’s shoulder. The poor girl’s face looked drawn, and dark circles under her eyes underscored her exhaustion. She probably hadn’t slept much since the day of the accident. Katie’s vacant stare sent chills up Loraine’s spine. It wasn’t a look of acceptance; it was a look of defeat.
When the song ended, the bishop asked the congregation to silently pray the Lord’s Prayer. As the others moved away from the gravesite, Katie remained near Timothy’s grave, rocking back and forth on her heels. Finally, Katie’s father led her away.
As Loraine walked back to her father’s buggy, she lifted her tearful gaze to the cloudless sky. Help Katie and all of us who are hurting today. I thank You, Lord, that Wayne’s still alive. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.
***
When Ella entered the Lehmans’ house, where the second meal of the day would soon be served, she spotted Katie in one corner of the living room, standing in front of the window with a vacant stare.
Ella stepped up to her cousin and clasped her hand. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Katie blinked several times, as though waking up from a dream. “Umkummes waar net not wendich,” she said, as tears coursed down her cheeks.
Ella nodded. “I know his death was unnecessary, but—”
“It’s my fault he’s dead. I shouldn’t have made such a fuss over that bee. If I’d kept quiet, Timothy would still be alive.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You were afraid of being stung.” Ella slipped her arm around Katie’s trembling shoulders. “Blaming won’t bring my bruder or your beau back. We need to somehow move on with our lives and believe that God has taken our loved ones home to be with Him.”
Katie’s chin quivered. “Do we really know that? I mean, how can we know what was in their hearts the moment they died?”
Ella swallowed around the lump pushing against her throat. She missed Raymond so much. If she had the power to bring him back, she surely would. But heaven was a much better place. “We know that they lived like Christians and had acknowledged Jesus as their Savior when they joined the church.” She squeezed Katie’s fingers. “We have to believe that they’re in heaven.”
Katie pursed her lips and resumed staring out the window.
Ella gave Katie a hug and moved away. She’d been putting up a brave front all day and needed some time to be alone.
***
“Are you all right?” Loraine asked when she stepped onto the porch and found Ella sitting on the porch swing, massaging her forehead.
“I have a headache. I think it’s from holding back the tears.”
“You shouldn’t hold them back. It’s okay to show your emotions, you know.” Loraine took a seat beside Ella.
“I need to be strong for my mamm. If I give in to my tears, I’m afraid she’ll fall apart.” Ella rested her hand on Loraine’s arm. “Will you be going to see Wayne soon?”
“Jah. Would you like to go along? It might do you some good to get away from here for a while.”
“I can’t. My family will be going home soon, and I need to stay close to Mama for the rest of the day. It wouldn’t be right for me to desert her when she’s grieving so hard.”
“I understand.”
“I spoke with Jolene’s parents earlier. They said once Jolene’s well enough to leave the hospital, she’ll be going to Pennsylvania to stay with her aunt who teaches sign language.”
Loraine nodded. “I heard that, too. Not being able to hear will be a challenge for Jolene. She’ll be able to cope better if she’s given the necessary skills.”
“Jah.”
“My ride should be here soon, so I’d better say good-bye to Timothy’s family.”
“When you see Wayne and Jolene, give them my love and let them both know that they’re in my thoughts and prayers.”
“I will.” Loraine gave Ella a hug and went back inside.
She’d just told Timothy’s folks good-bye, when Ada stepped up to her.
“I’d rather you not go to the hospital today.”
“How come?”
“It upsets Wayne too much when he sees you.”
Loraine’s fingers curled into the palms of her hands until they dug into her flesh. “Wayne’s upset about losing his leg. I don’t think seeing me upsets him.”
“Jah, it does. One of the nurses told me that he sinks into depression after your visits.”
“Maybe that’s because he misses my daughter so much,” Loraine’s father said, stepping between them.
Loraine smiled inwardly. Danki, Dad. Thanks for sticking up for me.
Ada’s face colored a deep crimson. “My son’s in a lot of pain right now—physically and emotionally.” She looked at Loraine and squinted. “I think it would be best if you give him some time to deal with things on his own, don’t you?”
Loraine shook her head. “I—I can’t do that. He needs me!” She rushed out of the house before Ada could reply. She was Wayne’s fiancée, and she would see him today no matter what his mother said!
CHAPTER 6
With a multitude of swirling emotions swimming in her head, Loraine entered Jolene’s hospital room. She and Jolene had been close since they were little girls, just as they had been with Ella and Katie. Loraine hated to see Jolene leave, yet she knew going to Pennsylvania would probably be a good thing. She just hoped Jolene wouldn’t decide to stay there permanently—she would miss her too much.
Jolene offered Loraine a feeble smile, and motioned her over to the bed.
Loraine took a seat and reached for the notebook and pen on the nightstand by the bed. “How are you feeling?” she wrote. “Are you in much pain?” She handed the notebook to Jolene.
“The pain’s lessened some because the swelling’s going down. I’m still taking pain medication, though,” Jolene said in a voice louder than usual.
Loraine smiled and patted Jolene’s hand. She knew her cousin had spoken loudly because she couldn’t hear her own voice. Many elderly people who were hard of hearing did the same thing.
“I’m glad the pain isn’t so bad anymore,” Loraine wrote on the notepad.
“My balance is really off, though,” Jolene said. “I have to hang on to things when I get out of bed and walk.”
“I’m sure that will get better in time,” Loraine wrote.
Jolene’s eyes quickly filled with tears. “The hardest part of losing my hearing is knowing I won’t be able to teach school anymore. I’ll miss my scholars so much. They sent me a card they’d all signed, and I cried the whole time I read it.” Her voice broke on a sob, and she swiped at the wetness on her cheeks.
Loraine took the notebook again. “Maybe after you learn to read lips and talk with your hands, you’ll be able to teach deaf students the way your aunt does.”
“I can’t think about that right now.” Jolene sniffed. “All I’m able to do is take one day at a time.”
Loraine handed Jolene a tissue. “That’s all any of us should do,” she wrote on the tablet.
Jolene nodded and blew her nose. “How’s Wayne doing? Did you just come from seeing him?”
“I haven’t been there yet,” she wrote. “I’ll go to his room after I’m done visiting with you.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be at Timothy’s and Raymond’s funerals today. How’d things go?”
Tears clouded Loraine’s vision so she could barely see what she wrote. “Ruby’s taking Timothy’s death pretty hard, and Katie’s dealing with it by shutting everyone out. Ella’s trying to be strong for everyone in her family—especially her mamm, who’s grieving very hard for Raymond.”
“It must be terrible for all of them. I can’t imagine how my family would feel if my bruder had been killed.” Jolene yawned, and her eyes fluttered shut. “Forgive my rudeness. I guess the pain medicine’s catching up to me.”
“Tha
t’s okay. I’ll head over to Wayne’s room now and let you sleep,” Loraine wrote.
“Come back soon.”
Loraine nodded and squeezed Jolene’s fingers, and then she rose from the chair and slipped quietly from the room. It grieved her to think that Jolene would never hear again. No more listening to warbling birds, bubbling brooks, buzzing bees, the clippety-clop of horses’ hooves, or the gentle whispering of tree branches blowing in the wind.
God, grant my deaf cousin a sense of peace, and keep her safe when she travels to Pennsylvania, Loraine prayed.
When she approached Wayne’s room, she paused outside the door and whispered another prayer. “Dear Lord, give me the right words today, and help Wayne to be more receptive than the last time I was here.”
***
Wayne had been trying with little success to read a magazine, when he heard someone step into his room. He turned his head toward the door, and the rhythm of his heartbeat picked up speed. It was Loraine.
“How are you doing?” she asked, approaching his bed.
“About the same.”
She pulled out the chair by the side of his bed and sat down. “I thought you might like to know how the funerals went today.”
He nodded and set the magazine aside.
Tears clung to her lashes as she looked at him. “Timothy’s and Raymond’s families are deeply grieved, as is Katie. It was a sad time for all.”
“Figured it would be.” He winced and looked away.
“Are you in great pain?”
He shook his head. “The medicine they give me takes care of that fairly well, but I’m sure I’ll have even more struggles once I’m home and the phantom pains begin.”
“What’s phantom pain?”
“I’ve been told that it feels as if the missing limb is still there. The doctor said it might feel like someone’s twisting my foot up to my knees, even though there’s no leg there.”
Loraine grimaced. “That sounds baremlich! Isn’t there something that can be done about it?”
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