“Just pain medicine, and that might need to be adjusted. I’ll be going home in a few days.” He sighed. “I guess that’s when the challenges will really begin.”
“So soon? I thought they might keep you longer—until you could be fitted for a prosthesis.”
“If I decide to wear one, that’ll come later. I’ll have to use a wheelchair for now.” He stared out the window, wishing she would stop asking questions and quit looking at him with such sympathy. It made him feel like even less of a man than he already did.
“Have you been to see Jolene?” Wayne asked, needing a change of subject.
“Jah. I went there before coming here.”
“How’s she doing?”
“As well as can be expected. She’ll be getting out of the hospital soon. Then she’ll be going to stay with her aunt in Pennsylvania who teaches the deaf.” Loraine’s eyebrows pulled together as she frowned. “So many changes for so many of our friends, and all because of one terrible, senseless accident.”
He leaned into the pillow and groaned. “What’s done is done. We’re not God. We can’t change the past.”
Several minutes ticked by, then she reached for Wayne’s hand. “When we get married and start our own family, I hope we can teach them to appreciate each other and make good decisions.”
He pulled his hand away as he shook his head. “There will be no family for us because I can’t marry you, Loraine.”
“Why not?”
“I told you before.” He grunted and motioned to his leg. “With only one good leg, how do you expect me to farm?”
“Well, maybe after you get a prosthesis—”
“If I can’t farm, I can’t earn a living!”
“There are other things you can do, Wayne.”
He slowly shook his head. “I’ve never wanted to do anything but farm, and I won’t burden my wife with having to care for an ugly, crippled, half-man.”
“You’re not ugly or half a man.” She shook her head. “And you won’t be a burden. Once you adjust to an artificial leg, you’ll be able to do many things on your own.”
“I won’t hold you to your promise to marry me,” he mumbled. He folded his arms and stared at the wall. “We’re not getting married, so you’re free to move on with your life.”
“I don’t want to move on with my life. Not without you, Wayne.” A hint of sweet-smelling soap wafted to meet Wayne’s nose as she stood and leaned close to him.
“I’ve made up my mind; we’re not getting married,” he said determinedly.
Her eyes filled with tears. “You can’t mean that.”
“Jah, I do.”
“Has your mother been talking to you about us? Has she said something to turn you away from me?”
Wayne shook his head. “Mom has nothing to do with this. I make my own decisions.”
She clasped his arm. “Don’t shut me out of your life, Wayne. You need me now, even if you don’t realize it, and I want us to get through this together.”
“Well, I don’t.” He motioned to the door. “Please don’t come back here to see me again. It’s over between us.”
Loraine sat several seconds, staring at him as though in disbelief. Then, with a childlike cry, she rushed to the door. She stood there a few seconds with her back to him, then turned and said, “I’m not giving up on us. We belong together!”
As the door closed behind Loraine, Wayne squeezed his eyes shut. Oh, dear Lord, have I done the right thing? The thought of living without Loraine was unbearable. It wouldn’t be any life at all. Yet he couldn’t ask her to marry him the way he was now. He had to remain firm in his decision.
CHAPTER 7
As Loraine stumbled down the hospital corridor, her breath burned in her lungs. She needed a place to be alone so she could gain control of her emotions before she went out to her driver’s car.
She spotted a women’s restroom and slipped inside. Good, no one was there. She leaned against one of the stalls, fighting back tears of confusion and frustration. She couldn’t believe Wayne didn’t want to marry her anymore. Didn’t he realize she still loved him and wanted to be his wife? It didn’t matter that he only had one leg. It didn’t matter whether he farmed or not. They could work things out if he’d only give them a chance.
As Loraine’s fears took hold, she burst into sobs and continued to sob until she could barely breathe. She went to the sink and splashed cold water on her face, and then she patted it dry with a paper towel.
I’ve got to get a hold of myself before I get into Marge Nelson’s van. If I let her see me like this, she’ll ask questions I’d rather not answer right now.
Once Loraine had composed herself, she left the restroom and headed outside. When she reached the parking lot and climbed into the front seat of Marge’s van, tears welled in her eyes, despite her resolve not to break down.
Marge, who’d been reading a book, buckled her seatbelt and turned to look at Loraine. “You seem upset. Is Wayne doing all right?”
Loraine shook her head. “He’s very depressed and not thinking clearly right now.” The tension in her throat rendered her words to a whisper, and a sense of helplessness crept through her body. If only she could make things better for Wayne. If only...
“Losing a leg has to be a terrible trauma.” Marge turned on the ignition. “All that pain medication he’s taking has probably made his brain fuzzy, too.”
Loraine nodded. Maybe that was all it was. Once Wayne didn’t have to be on so much medication for the pain, he would see things clearly again.
***
As Priscilla sat at her kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea, her gaze came to rest on the quilting rack she kept in the sunroom next to the kitchen. Several months ago, she’d started making a quilt with the double-wedding-ring pattern to give to Loraine and Wayne when they got married. It wasn’t quite finished, but she figured she had plenty of time, since the wedding would have to be postponed until Wayne was feeling better.
Priscilla’s forehead creased as worry set in. How will things be for my daughter after she marries Wayne? Will he be able to support her? Loraine would probably have to keep working at the hardware store, but her salary alone wouldn’t provide enough for them to live on.
She drank the last of her tea and set the cup aside, then turned in her chair and reached for the notepad on the counter. She needed to stop worrying and make out her grocery list before she went shopping in Shipshewana tomorrow morning.
Rice, pickles, potatoes, coffee, tea, laundry soap ... Her list was quickly growing.
Let’s see now. What else do I need?
Bam! The back door slammed shut, and Priscilla set the notepad aside.
“Oh, good, I’m glad you’re home,” she said when Loraine entered the room. “I was just making out the grocery list and wondered if there was anything you’d like me to include.”
“No, not really.” Loraine draped her jacket over the back of a chair and sat down with a grunt. Her face looked pale and drawn. Her eyes were red and rimmed with tears. Alarm rose in Priscilla’s chest.
“Daughter, what’s wrong? Has something happened to make you feel umgerennt?”
“Jah, I’m feeling very upset. Wayne called off the wedding.” Loraine caught her trembling lips between her teeth. “He—he thinks his life is over because he’s lost his leg. He thinks he’s only half a man.”
“Is it because he won’t be able to farm? Is that what’s bothering him?”
“Partly.”
“Is he afraid he won’t be able to support you?”
“Jah, that too.”
“Maybe it would be best if you didn’t get married.”
Loraine’s eyes widened. “You can’t mean that, Mom.”
“I’m just trying to help you see the facts as they are.” Priscilla’s face grew warm as she fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth. She hoped she could say what was on her heart in a way that wouldn’t upset Loraine any further. “If Wayne thinks you shouldn’t
be married, then maybe you ought to respect his decision. He might know what’s best for both of you.”
“Wayne’s not thinking straight! He’s verhuddelt about things.” Loraine’s hand shook as she swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. “He needs time to get used to the idea of having only one leg. I’m certain that after a time of healing, Wayne will change his mind about marrying me.”
Priscilla reached over and took Loraine’s hand. “I’m sure Wayne is feeling confused right now, but I want you to give serious thought to what I’m about to say.”
“What is it?”
“Being married to a man with a handicap such as Wayne’s could put additional strain on your marriage. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life taking care of him and dealing with his melancholy moods?”
“He’s only lost a leg, Mom. It’s not like he’s a helpless invalid, and I’m sure in time his moods will improve.”
“I hope so, but there will still be some limitations as to what he can do.”
“Some time ago, I read an article in the paper about a man who’d lost both of his legs, but thanks to a pair of artificial legs, he’s actually running in races. And then there’s a swimmer who—”
“I know there are many who have overcome great odds,” Priscilla interrupted. “But even if Wayne does rise above his circumstances, he’s got a long road ahead of him—both physically and emotionally.”
Loraine’s chair scraped across the linoleum as she pushed away from the table. “I know you mean well, but I promised to marry Wayne, and I intend to keep that promise. I don’t care what sacrifices I might have to make, either.” She moved toward the door. “I’d rather not talk about this anymore.”
“I think we should talk about it. It’s obvious that you’re not thinking straight.”
“Jah, I am.” Loraine grabbed her jacket and outer bonnet. “I’m going for a ride!”
“But you just got home.”
“I need to be alone for a while.”
As the door banged shut behind Loraine, Priscilla made a decision. She would do everything in her power to make sure her daughter didn’t make the biggest mistake of her life.
***
Loraine headed for the barn to get her horse and shivered as a cluster of heavy, dark clouds moved across the sky. It looked like it might rain. “Well, let it pour,” she mumbled when she reached Trixie’s stall. “It can’t dampen my spirits any more than they already are.”
Memories of Wayne and all the good times they’d had in the past tugged at her heart. A sense of despair crept in, pushing through the tiny cracks of hope she’d been trying to conjure up. What if she couldn’t get Wayne to change his mind about marrying her? How could she go to their biweekly church services and other community gatherings and not burst into tears every time she saw him?
In order to calm herself, Loraine let her mind wander back in time. Back to the night when Wayne asked her to marry him...
“Would you mind if we take a little detour before I take you home?” Wayne asked when they left the Essenhaus Restaurant parking lot.
Loraine looked up at him with curiosity. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” He tweaked her nose. “You’ll see soon enough.”
She smiled. “Okay.”
Half an hour later, Wayne pulled his horse and buggy into a grassy spot near the pond on the other side of his folks’ property.
“How’d you like to live right here?” he asked, turning to face her.
She tipped her head in question.
“Wouldn’t you like our home to be built so it overlooked the pond?”
“Our home?”
A wide smile spread across Wayne’s face.
Loraine moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue.
“Are—are you asking me to marry you?”
He nodded and slipped his arm across her shoulders. “I love you, Loraine. If you’re willing to be my wife, I’d like to build our home right here.”
Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “I’m more than willing, Wayne.”
“Are you sure? I mean, if you still have feelings for—”
She shook her head vigorously. “It’s you I love; no one else.”
“I’m real glad to hear it. Can we be married this fall?”
“Do you think you’ll have the house done by then? Since you’re in the middle of spring planting, there won’t be much time to build a house.”
“That’s true, but I’m sure we can live with my folks until the house is done. Would you be okay with that idea?”
“I—I guess so.” The idea of living in the same house with Wayne’s mother, who could sometimes be rather picky, didn’t set too well with Loraine, but she was sure it wouldn’t be for long.
Wayne pulled Loraine into his arms, and she melted into his embrace. She could hardly wait to become Mrs. Wayne Lambright.
A raw ache settled in the pit of Loraine’s stomach, as her thoughts returned to the present. Would she and Wayne ever get married? Would they live together in the half-finished home he’d begun near the pond?
To dampen her spirits even further, the sky let loose. Rain pelted the front of her buggy. Her hands tingled as she gripped the reins and reminded herself to calm down. She needed to focus on the road ahead and make sure the horse obeyed her commands.
I hope Ella’s at home; I really need to talk to her. I’m sure she’ll be more supportive and understanding than Mom.
***
Ella had just taken a batch of cinnamon rolls from the oven when she heard the whinny of a horse and the rumble of buggy wheels. She glanced out the window and noticed that it was raining heavily, so she hurried to the door and waited as Loraine climbed down from her buggy.
“Wie geht’s?” Ella asked when Loraine stepped onto the porch a few minutes later.
“I’ve been better.” Loraine removed her rain-soaked jacket, gave it a good shake, and entered the house. “Are you alone? I really need to talk.”
“My mamm’s not feeling well today, so I insisted she go to her room and rest.” Ella motioned to the kitchen. “I just took some cinnamon rolls from the oven, so I’ll fix us a cup of hot tea and we can have a snack while we visit.”
“I’ll pass on the cinnamon rolls, but a cup of tea sounds good.” The chair creaked as Loraine slid it away from the table. She dropped into it with a sigh. “I went to the hospital to see Wayne this morning.”
Ella poured tea into a cup and handed it to Loraine. “How’s he doing?”
“Not so well. Besides the fact that he’s still very depressed and is in a lot of pain, he called off our wedding.”
Ella nearly dropped the teapot. “You’re kidding!”
“No, I’m not. He also asked me not to visit him at the hospital again.”
Ella took a seat beside Loraine. “Wayne’s still in shock from losing his leg. I’m sure he’ll change his mind once he’s come to grips with his loss.”
“I’ve been telling myself that, but it’s getting harder and harder to have hope—especially when my own mudder isn’t supportive.”
“What do you mean?”
Loraine picked up a spoon and swirled it around in her tea, as she explained how her mother thought being married to a man with a handicap would be a burden. “Mom thinks Wayne did the right thing by breaking our engagement. How can it be wrong for two people who love each other to be together?” Her chin quivered. “At least, I think Wayne still loves me.”
“Of course he does. He’s just verhuddelt right now, that’s all.” Ella patted Loraine’s arm in a motherly fashion. “You and Wayne are meant to be together.”
“I think so, too.” Loraine sniffed. “What would I do without you?”
Ella smiled. “That’s what friends and family are for—to offer love and encouragement in the dark times, and to laugh and play together during the good times.”
They sat quietly drinking their tea. The only sound in the room was the hiss
and crackle of the log Ella had put on the fire a short time ago.
Finally, Loraine pushed her chair away from the table and stood. “I think I’ll drive over to Aunt JoAnn and Uncle Jeremy’s place and see how Katie’s doing.”
“I’d like to visit Katie, too,” Ella said. “Would you mind if I tag along?”
“Of course not. We can go in my buggy, and I’ll bring you back here on my way home.”
Ella stood. “I’d better check on Mama first, and let her know where I’m going.”
“Better take your umbrella,” Loraine said as she peered out the kitchen window. “It’s still raining pretty hard.”
“Okay.” As Ella left the room, she glanced over her shoulder. Loraine remained at the window with her nose pressed up to the glass.
I wish I could make things better for Loraine, Ella thought. I wish I could think of some way to help ease her pain.
CHAPTER 8
“We need to be careful today not to say anything that might upset Wayne,” Crist said to Ada as they walked down the hospital corridor toward Wayne’s room.
She halted and smacked one hand against her hip. “Are you insinuating that I upset our son the last time we came to see him?”
“I’m not insinuating anything.” Crist shrugged. “As you well know, ever since the accident, Wayne gets easily upset. If either of us says the wrong thing, it might set him off.”
“Well, no need to worry; I won’t say anything to upset our son.” Ada hurried down the hall. She couldn’t believe the accusation she’d heard in Crist’s voice. Why, he’d talked to her as if she were the reason Wayne had become upset on their last visit! Didn’t Crist realize the reason for Wayne’s sour disposition was because he’d lost his leg?
I’ve never been anything but supportive and helpful.
With her head held high and a smile on her face, Ada stepped into Wayne’s room.
***
When the door to Wayne’s room swooshed open, he rolled onto his side and opened his eyes.
“How are you feeling today?” Mom asked, stepping up to his bed. Pop was right behind her.
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