THE TRUE KING OF DAHAAR

by Tara Pammi

  Clutching Zohra’s hands in hers, Nikhat smiled. “Of course, Princess Zohra. I—”

  “Really, Nikhat. Can I just be Zohra with you?”

  Smiling at her assertiveness, Nikhat nodded.

  “That’s great.” She walked around her office and Nikhat had a feeling the princess was nowhere near done. Turning around, she studied Nikhat, her sharp gaze lingering over the dark shadows under her eyes. “You have no idea how thrilled I am that I don’t have to be the queen. I know that Ayaan will still be extremely busy, but at least—”

  Nikhat froze. “But…the coronation, it was supposed to be in a fortnight. Is it being postponed?”

  Her gaze steady, Zohra shook her head. And Nikhat realized what Zohra was saying, what she had come to tell Nikhat. Blood rushed from her head, and spots danced in front of her eyes. The truth slammed into her from every side, she swayed where she stood. “He…” Ya Allah, it hurt to even speak his name. “He…is to be king?”

  Reaching for her, Zohra steadied Nikhat. “Yes. They are making a statement tomorrow. The aides are all running around like crazy. Can you imagine? They have just over a week to find him—”

  “A wife,” Nikhat said, the word burning on her lips.

  A prince needed a wife to be king.

  Her mind whirled, the walls of the office she had cherished so much closing in on her. She couldn’t continue to live in Dahaar and see the news of him with his wife, one who would give him sons, some unknown woman taking everything Nikhat wanted.

  It was unbearable.

  “If you are thinking of just running away again, believe me, Nikhat, it won’t help.”

  Nikhat turned around, astonished at how well Zohra could read her mind. “What do I do, Zohra? I broke my own heart last time. I…I can’t give him what he needs.”

  “I don’t believe the man I’ve come to know the last few weeks, everything I’ve learned about what he has been through, he…gives his heart lightly, nor will he resent you for what you can’t change. You reached through to him when not even his parents and brother could, Nikhat. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

  “You know?”

  Her hands resting on her belly, Zohra nodded. “Ayaan told me after I pestered him about you and Azeez.

  “I can’t imagine what you must have felt when you learned about your condition. I can’t imagine feeling like I couldn’t be everything Ayaan needed me to be. But how it will dictate your life, that’s up to you.”

  There was no sympathy or comfort in Zohra’s voice. Only cold hard facts. Maybe if she had had a friend like this before, maybe if she had confided in someone…Nikhat smiled through the sheen of tears gathering in her eyes, appreciating Zohra’s coming all the way. “Thank you, Zohra.”

  “I do feel safe in your hands. But I didn’t come for you. I came for him.”

  “For Azeez?”

  “I understand now why it killed Ayaan to see Azeez like that, why he was prepared to do anything for his brother.

  “Because Azeez would too.

  “He agreed to everything Ayaan set in front of him, he even agreed to bear your presence, despite his pride, so that I would feel better, didn’t he? I don’t like the look that has come back into his eyes. He is my brother, too, now, and my king. He has my loyalty, and my love.

  “But if you go near him, make sure you know your mind, Nikhat. Because it’s not his acceptance you’re craving, is it?”

  With that parting shot, Zohra left, leaving Nikhat reeling under the weight of her words. No one had ever spoken to her like that, ever cut through the pain she had surrounded herself with, so effectively.

  For the rest of the afternoon, Nikhat went through her duties like an automaton. She visited a couple of patients in their homes, went through the inventory and finally went home.

  Her sisters’ laughter and conversation surrounded her with its usual warmth yet she felt as if she was removed from it all, a deep freeze surrounding her heart.

  A strange sort of fever gripped her, and yet fear held her back. She went in search of her father, the only choice left to her slowly gaining power inside her head. And with that came anger, too, and the strength to speak her mind.

  She found him standing on the balcony, looking out into the streets of Dahaara.

  He turned as she approached, frowning. “Nikhat? Is something wrong?”

  She glared at him, the haunting desperation in her finding a target. Years of pain coated her cutting words, the freedom of finally making a decision lending her the strength to lash out. “You knew he’s going to be king. And yet you didn’t say a word. Are you so ashamed of me? Do I mean nothing to you?”

  His mouth compressed, he blanched and she thought he would walk away without a word. But she wouldn’t let him.

  Instead, he covered her hand with his. And tears gathered in her throat. “I have never wanted this grief for you, Nikhat.”

  “No, all you wanted was for me to be average and traditional, but I’m not, Father.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” He sighed deeply, something stark in his gaze. “I never quite learned how to protect you.”

  Her gaze flew to him. “What are you talking about?”

  “I know you blame me for your mother’s death. But I never wanted a son at the cost of her life, Nikhat. She did. She was obsessed with it, weaved dreams about what I wanted.”

  Just as Nikhat had done. She sagged against the wall. She always thought that it had been her father who had wanted a son. And yet thinking back, he had never actually said that. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  Her father stared ahead and she instantly realized he was not comfortable talking about this. And yet he was making the effort. “You were twelve when she died, Nikhat. You were already grieving, taking on so many duties around the house. And later, I didn’t want to taint your memory of her.

  “Why would I feel the need for a son when I had you, when in every way that mattered, you always helped me as much as you could?”

  Shock reverberating through her, Nikhat shook her head. Lies, they had to be lies. But having lived away for so long, she had forgotten what a rigid, traditional man her father was. Had she expected him to be different just as she was now?

  Clutching her hand tight between his, he met her gaze. And the pride and love she saw in those brown eyes that she had inherited, swept through her. “From the moment you were born, you were this bundle of wonder, Nikhat, unlike anything I had ever expected in a daughter.

  “Like every other man in Dahaar, I thought you had very less consequence for me. I loved you as I do every one of your sisters, but you…you were a revelation.

  “As you grew older, I had no idea what I would do with you, how to channel your intelligence, your thirst for more than I could provide. I was both afraid and so proud when King Malik commanded that you be educated by Princess Amira’s side.

  “I despaired of how I would protect you, your happiness from the world, from your own expectations…” He exhaled a long breath. “And from Prince Azeez.

  “As your father, that was my foremost duty to you, Nikhat. To protect you.

  “When you learned of your condition, I was terrified of what you would do.”

  “You knew?”

  “Of course I knew. I read every report, and it broke my heart. Once again, I was afraid of what kind of future you would have in Dahaar. But you shocked me with your strength. And suddenly, I saw that you had the perfect solution. You were destined for greater things, and Dahaar and I, we would do nothing but curtail you. Prince Azeez would bring nothing but pain to you.

  “So I insisted you not return. For your own good and for your sisters’.”

  He had given her so much thought and she…she had thought him hard-hearted, uncaring about anything but tradition. A
tear rolled down her cheek. It was apparently the day she had to walk through fire. “I had a good life in New York, Father. But I needed you and my sisters, too.”

  “Forgive me for not realizing that, Nikhat. When you came back and when I heard the rumors, I thought history was repeating itself. And your sisters, they are not like you.”

  Her heart bursting, Nikhat hugged him hard, even as she felt him stiffen against her. He was not used to such blatant gestures or displays of emotion. He had never been, would never be.

  And she had to accept him this way, accept that he had loved her in his own way, and had tried to protect her the only way he knew.

  This was why he hadn’t met her eyes since she had returned from the palace, why he had banned her sisters from voicing their incessant questions about the coronation.

  And that small fact gave her a fierce strength.

  She pulled back, her heart racing faster and faster. She smiled at him as he looked at her quietly. “I have to go to him, Father. I have to show him my heart. I have to hope that he will accept my love, see that I’m ready for him.”

  That old intractability swept into his gaze, but this time she saw it for his concern. His shoulders a tight line, he nodded. “Are you ready for the consequences, Nikhat?”

  Nikhat nodded, battling the fear that knotted her stomach.

  Had Azeez already made his decision that last night they had spent together? Was that why he had been so ferociously cruel with her? She hadn’t realized she had presented him with a choice, that she had only wanted him if he could be anyone but himself; but the king.

  Her love or his duty?

  And after everything he had gone through to find himself again…

  She had to believe that he still loved her. She couldn’t bear to think of a future without him now. And if he did love her…if she wanted to share her life with Azeez, she would have to face the fact every day that she might never have children. Everyone would question her eligibility, a whole nation would wonder about her inability to conceive.

  But he…he would never resent her. She had loved him before there had been guilt and shadows in his eyes and she loved the honorable man he was now. To imply that he didn’t feel the same for her was calling into question his very honor, his very nature, the very thing that made him Azeez Al Sharif.

  All along, she had thought she had accepted her condition, she had thought she had forged herself a life, went after her dreams despite it.

  But she had robbed herself of her biggest happiness, run far from the one man she had loved more than life itself. Her strength had been nothing but a mirage, an illusion.

  For the first time in her life, she felt as if she was ready to choose her own happiness, as if she was worthy of the man she loved.

  “I’ve always been his, Father.”

  * * *

  Ten more days.

  There were ten more days before his coronation and he didn’t know how long before he took a wife. He had met a couple of the “eligible candidates” this morning. He couldn’t remember their names, much less their faces.

  Nodding at his mother and her aides, he had said any one of them was acceptable to him. He knew, in the back of his mind, that he was being more than cruel to the woman in question. None of this was her fault. But seeing them was all he could manage before his gut churned with a vicious force.

  None of them was the woman he wanted with every breath in him.

  They knew what they were getting into, he reassured himself, walking back into his bedchamber and dismissing his three assistants and two aides with one command.

  His physiotherapist lingered, a flash of anxiety on the younger man’s face. Azeez signaled for him to leave, too, even knowing that he couldn’t afford to miss any sessions, not the night before the public statement was going to be made by his father.

  He walked to the middle of the room and tried to move his hip joint in the way Nikhat had taught him.

  But instead of that, all he could see was her face. Her lush mouth pinched, her heart in her eyes, breaking, shattering, her body gathered into a tight mass as if she braced herself against him, against his cruel words.

  The chasm of yearning in his gut, it felt as wide open as ever and just as painful. He heard the door open behind him and barked an order at whoever dared to come inside after he had banished them all.

  Silence met his command. And then he felt it. The way the hairs on his neck stood up, the hint of evening breeze that reached his nostrils coated with jasmine…

  There was no jasmine in the courtyards of the Dahaaran palace.

  He turned around just as she reached him. Her arms wound around her midriff, her face turned up toward him, she was warmth, she was light, she was the most beautiful, the most courageous woman he had ever seen in the world.

  And his heart hurt to look at her and not reach for her.

  He stepped back from her, ruthlessly cutting away the thread of hope that flagged within. “Who do I have to punish for letting you in here?”

  She didn’t answer. Only continued to stare at him—hungrily, greedily, as if she owned him. And she did, she had done for so many years.

  “Nikhat?”

  Blinking, she met his gaze. “Zohra.”

  “Ah…of course. I have never met a more stubborn woman, except perhaps you. I have no idea how Ayaan puts up with her.” He turned away from her, her wind-kissed hair, the dark shadows under her eyes, challenging his very will. “Why are you here, Nikhat?”

  “Will you forgive me, Azeez?”

  * * *

  Nikhat shivered, wondering if she’d died a thousand little deaths in the few seconds that Azeez took to respond. When he turned around, there was no softening of the hard planes of his face, no fire in his empty gaze. He looked tired, drawn, as if he was made of ice and cold rather than the heat and blaze of the desert.

  And she realized, she had done this to him.

  There was no power in it, only shame. She had truly not been worthy of him until now. She shoved away the clamor of fear that said she had lost him forever, that voice of despair that threatened to pull her under. If she lost him now…

  Reaching into the pocket of her coat, she pulled out the box Ayaan had handed her just a few minutes ago, before he had enfolded her in a hug that sent tears to her eyes. She wished she felt half his confidence.

  The long velvet case was soft in her hand. Her fingers shaking, it took her what felt like an eternity to open the jeweled clasp. He still didn’t say a word.

  But now, now Nikhat could feel the tension coil around them, as if someone had left a live wire around them, fizzing, crackling with expectations, and hope and love.

  Her jaw fell as she saw the two rubies—one big, sitting in a stark setting, and the relatively smaller one set in twinkling diamonds. She almost lost her nerve then. She looked up to see Azeez eye the rings, saw the moment realization dawned on him.

  His jaw tightened, but the fire in his eyes, she knew that fire. “Be very careful about what you’re going to say, ya habeebiti.” Instead of scaring her, however, the low warning note in his words stirred her, stroking her heart, her skin, the very core of her.

  Clasping his hands, she looked up at him. “I’m sorry for running away from your love. I’m sorry for not trusting you enough. I thought my condition made me unworthy of you, but it was my fear, my doubt of your love and my own.” She had to breathe to speak past the lump in her throat. “I know that you’ll protect me from the world, from everyone, even my own insecurities. And I need you, Azeez, I need the joy you bring to my life. I’m ready to be your wife, Azeez, I’m finally ready to be your queen.”

  The fingers that tilted her chin up were shaking, and when she met his gaze, the love that glimmered in those dark depths shook her from within. “It killed me to send
you away, Nikhat.” A shudder racked his powerful frame and she hugged him harder, tighter, realizing it was fear. “It wrecked me to tear out my own heart like that, habeeba. But you, your magnificent strength, your innate duty, you left me no choice. Realizing that I was in love with you again, whilst also realizing, in that same moment, the man I needed to be, it tore me apart. But I couldn’t ask you to bear this for me. Not when you made the choice once to walk away from this very fate.”

  “No. Not from you.” Pressing her cheek to his chest, she curled around him, feeling the hard muscles, learning him. He was her home, her everything. “I understand now, Azeez. And I’m so sorry I took so long to realize it. I wish—”

  Clasping her cheek, he pressed a fierce kiss to her mouth that shook her very soul. The scent and taste of him seeped into her, invigorating her, filling her with a dizzying joy that had her shivering.

  With a hard grip, he tugged her against him, until there was nothing to look at but his beautiful, proud face. “I’ve never doubted your strength, Nikhat. Your strength in the face of everything you went through, your sense of purpose in everything you have accomplished, it made me realize what I needed to do.

  “You showed me I couldn’t walk away from my destiny. And I’ve only ever wanted it with you by my side, habeeba.”

  Smiling through her tears, she plucked the ring out of the case and slid it onto his finger. They had been made for each other, they had both been through fire and emerged to find each other again. “You are the most honorable, most courageous man I’ve ever met and you are mine.”

  He clasped her cheek and kissed her, and Nikhat melted into his embrace. “Always,” he said, his gaze shining. He pushed the ruby ring onto her finger and kissed her hand, his heart, his love shining in his eyes. “You complete me, Nikhat. You always have. I don’t need an heir, I don’t need anything in the world, if you are by my side. Do you understand?”

  Nikhat nodded, her heart bursting to full with joy, and fierce determination.

  EPILOGUE

  Seven months later…