The Londum Omnibus Volume Two (The Londum Series Book 12)

by Tony Rattigan

  ‘I fear so, yes.’

  ‘Bugger!’ replied Jim. ‘Well, that explains why our wounds have healed, I suppose. I imagine you get a makeover when you come here. At least you get to spend the afterlife in one piece, which is nice of them. So I guess we’re both off to heaven then?’

  ‘I’m fairly certain that’s what will happen in my case but I can’t swear about you.’

  ‘Why you cheeky ... no, I suppose you’re right, I have done some bad things in my time. I just hope they’ll accept my defence that they were done for the best of reasons. Perhaps I can ...’ he tailed off. ‘What’s that over there?’

  Cobb looked at where Jim was pointing. Amidst all the white expanse of “nothingness” there was a familiar object in the distance.

  ‘It’s a table, I think,’ replied Cobb and walked towards it. Jim picked up the backpack and followed him.

  They arrived at a large, oak, dining-table surrounded by chairs, and two golden goblets, filled with some kind of liquid, resting upon it. Jim laid the bomb gently on the table. Cobb looked at the goblets suspiciously but Jim, being the more adventurous, dipped his finger in the liquid and tasted it.

  ‘This is gorgeous!’ he exclaimed. ‘You should really try it!’ and picking up the goblet, took a deep swig. Cobb cautiously picked up the goblet and smelt it before following Jim’s example.

  Cobb had to admit it tasted marvellous, a drink worthy of the Gods themselves. ‘It’s probably Ambrosia,’ he told Jim.

  ‘What, like the rice pudding?’

  ‘No, you idiot. Ambrosia, the nectar of the Gods, they named the rice pudding after it.’

  ‘Ah, I see. Sorry.’ They drank some more and then Jim asked. ‘So what happens now? Is this the “Welcome to Limbo” party?’

  Cobb was just about to answer him when there was a call of, ‘Hello, Cobb!’

  They both looked around and saw a bald man with a silver beard approaching them. He wore a toga and sandals and in his right hand he carried a staff with a hooked end like a shepherd’s staff.

  ‘Jim!’ Cobb muttered urgently, ‘I think we’re in very great danger. Leave the talking to me and just follow my lead.’

  Jim, who wasn’t by any means a stupid man, recognised the seriousness of Cobb’s request and trusting him implicitly, agreed.

  ‘Oh and one other thing,’ said Cobb. ‘Remember you once told me I couldn’t save everyone?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well watch me, I’m just about to.’

  The bald headed man arrived at the table and stood before them. He was shorter than Cobb and Jim and had to look up to them.

  ‘Hello, Cobb. Long time no see,’ he greeted them.

  ‘Hello, Jeremy,’ replied Cobb.

  ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?’

  ‘Of course, sorry. Jim, allow me to present The Creator, The Supreme Being in the Multiverse, known as The Great Maker, The Great Architect and a hundred other names. He made ... well, everything. His name is Jeremy.’ Jeremy made a slight bow.

  ‘I thought you’d be taller,’ said Jim.

  ‘I get that a lot,’ replied Jeremy.

  ‘So ... have you come to welcome us personally to heaven?’ asked Cobb.

  ‘Oh, you’re not going to heaven.’

  Jim and Cobb looked at each other, slightly alarmed.

  ‘You’re not going to the other place, either,’ Jeremy hastened to re-assure them. ‘You’re not dead, you see.’

  ‘Not dead?’ asked Cobb. ‘But what about our wounds? They’ve all been healed.’

  ‘No, no, dear fellow, not dead at all. I merely intercepted your jump home to bring you here, as I wanted to talk to you. You were both a bit banged up so I healed you. Can’t have you moaning in pain and bleeding all over the place while I’m trying to talk to you, you know. I wouldn’t get a sensible answer out of you.’

  Cobb gave a sigh of relief, so he and Jim weren’t dead! ‘So what do you want to talk to us about?’

  ‘Please, have a seat, make yourself comfortable,’ Jeremy invited them as he pulled out a chair for himself and sat down. Cobb chose the chair opposite Jeremy and Jim selected the one next to Cobb.

  Cobb and Jim sat down at the table, facing Jeremy across the table and waited for him to speak. Jeremy looked down the table at the Sunburst bomb and with a wave of his hand consigned it to non-existence or another dimension perhaps. From Cobb and Jim’s point of view it just disappeared. ‘We don’t need that abomination,’ sneered Jeremy.

  Cobb and Jim looked at each other. Jim, with his experience of the military, knew their determination to always make somebody accountable for missing equipment, immediately covered his backside by saying, ‘Well, I never signed for it!’

  Jeremy cleared his throat to gain their attention. When they were looking at him again he told them, ‘As you know, Dark Matter is the most dangerous substance in the Multiverse. So I have an interest in where the Dark Matter you are holding, ends up.’

  Cobb reached into his pocket and taking the Dark Matter out, he placed it on the table between Jeremy and himself. It was a dull black and looked to Jim just like a piece of coal and he wasn’t quite sure what all the fuss was about. Cobb spun it in a circle and the three of them watched it silently until it came to a halt. ‘My people are expecting me to bring it back to them,’ he told Jeremy.

  ‘You saw what happens when mortals get their hands on it,’ Jeremy countered. ‘The Elves used it to make war, to dominate and destroy, why should I believe that your people would be any different? It would be better if I took charge of it.’

  Cobb thought for a moment, looked at Jim and then back at Jeremy. ‘I agree ...’

  Jeremy reached forward to take the lump of Dark Matter.

  ‘... But there’s a price,’ explained Cobb.

  Jeremy pulled his arm back and sat back in his chair.

  ‘I’m listening.’

  ‘Two more glasses of this wine.’ He turned to Jim and asked him, ‘Are you hungry?’

  ‘Yeah, I am a bit peckish.’

  ‘Bacon sandwich sound good?’

  ‘Oh yeah.’

  ‘Two glasses of wine and two bacon sandwiches, please,’ he told Jeremy.

  ‘Hot or cold? With lettuce and tomato?’ Jeremy asked him, sarcastically.

  Cobb looked at Jim, ‘Hot?’

  Jim nodded agreement.

  ‘Hot please,’ Cobb told Jeremy.

  Jeremy flicked his finger and two bacon sandwiches on plates and two more goblets of wine appeared before them. ‘Go ahead,’ he told them, ‘enjoy.’

  Cobb and Jim did as they were bid and tucked into their sandwiches, washed down with Ambrosia. Jeremy sat there patiently, watching them as they ate.

  ‘This is the second time you’ve used me do your dirty work, retrieving Dark Matter,’ said Cobb, between bites. ‘Why don’t you use Harlequin and his kind to do these errands for you?’

  ‘I’m the Creator. When you’re back in your world look around you, everything you see was made by me. Those “little toy men” of the Gods weren’t, therefore I don’t entirely trust them.’

  ‘Having met Harlequin and others, I think that is a very wise point of view.’

  Cobb and Jim finished eating and put their plates aside.

  ‘All done?’ Jeremy asked them.

  ‘Yes thanks,’ they agreed.

  ‘Well, that’s settled then,’ said Jeremy with a smile. He reached for the Dark Matter.

  Cobb leaned forward and put his hand over it. ‘As I understand it, as long as I hold this I am the most powerful being in the Multiverse. Possibly even more powerful than you.’

  ‘Possibly,’ agreed Jeremy. ‘But it’s dangerous to you, if you don’t know how to use it properly, that is.’

  ‘And just think of the damage I could do to the Multiverse while I’m trying to learn. So I guess that puts me in a position where I can ask for anything in return for handing it over to you.’

  Jeremy sighed. �
��Of course I could just take it from you, you know.’

  ‘But you won’t because that would deny me my free will and you’re the one who is so insistent that we must have that at all costs. Sure, you could take it from me but where would all your fine principles and high ideals be then? You know that for everything you’ve said to mean anything, I have to give this to you voluntarily.’

  ‘Very well,’ Jeremy conceded. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I just want one other thing … the Elves killed a lot of innocent people on my world when they broke through from their dimension, because the Gods ... because you didn’t stop them.’

  ‘I merely provide the playing fields, Cobb. The games you play on them are beyond my control.’

  ‘But you can bend the rules; you did it before, when you saved Thornton Wells.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Jeremy carefully.

  ‘Okay, my final condition,’ said Cobb. He thought back angrily to Lt. North and his men and the crew of the Pegasus. ‘There are a lot of people on my world that are dead now that wouldn’t be if the Elves hadn’t waged war against us. I want you to make those dead people … not dead. You did it for Thornton Wells, I want you to do it for them.’

  ‘But he was only one man and he was dying, not dead You’re asking me to bring back hundreds, maybe thousands of people.’

  ‘Doesn’t matter, will you do it?’

  ‘Just your people? There were lots of Elves who died as well.’

  ‘Apart from starting a war with us, they tried to kill me personally and my friends. Sod ‘em! Let them make their own deals.’

  ‘But they don’t have your bargaining power,’ said Jeremy, inclining his head to indicate the Dark Matter.

  ‘Oh dear, what a pity, never mind. That’s their problem.’

  Jim watched in amazement as Cobb bargained with Jeremy. He had seen many sides to Cobb during the time he’d known him. An astute detective, a loyal friend, sometimes an affable drunk but he had never seen this streak of steel that ran through him. In addition to the return to life of his own race, he was casually dismissing the lives of thousands of Elves. Jim thought back to the rescue of the little girl, when Cobb had criticised him for killing the kidnapper. He realised that being involved in war, even on the periphery as they were, changes a man.

  ‘But Cobb,’ said Jim, ‘this isn’t like you. I’m meant to be the bad guy; you’re the one I look to as my moral compass.’

  ‘They don’t deserve to live. They murdered thousands of our people, not to mention the marines and the crew of the Pegasus. They even killed you. And you’d still be dead if he didn’t need this,’ holding up the Dark Matter.

  Jim leaned forward and put his hand on Cobb’s arm. ‘What would Adele say if she were here?’ he asked, gently.

  Cobb stared at Jim for a long moment and then turned back to Jeremy. ‘Okay then, you can bring the Elves back to life but only if you resurrect them back in their own dimension, and they’re never allowed to leave it again.’

  ‘Very well, it’s a deal,’ agreed Jeremy, and he waved his arm in a wide sweep, more aggressive than the one with which he conjured up the bacon sandwiches. ‘There, it’s done. When you return home, they’ll be waiting for you.’

  Cobb slid the Dark Matter across the table into Jeremy’s hands. ‘Speaking of which, may we go now?’ asked Cobb.

  Jeremy looked up from the Dark Matter that he was examining. ‘Certainly, have a good trip. Hope to see you again one day, Cobb. Nice to have met you, Mr. Darby.’ With that he waved his hand once more and they disappeared, on their trip home.

  ***

  Cobb and Jim appeared in the street outside Kendal Town Hall. They looked around them and were startled to see Lt. North and his men standing behind them. They greeted the marines vigorously, glad to see them alive.

  ‘What happened to us?’ asked Lt. North. ‘Are we in heaven? I distinctly remember blowing myself up and I was the last of my team, there were only you two left.’

  ‘No, no, you’re still here on Earth. Let’s just say we made a deal with “The Powers That Be”. In exchange for the Dark Matter everyone on our side who died has been bought back to life,’ Cobb told him.

  ‘And what about the Elves?’

  ‘I’ve no idea.’

  Jim looked around the crossroads. Discipline seemed to be a bit lax since his days in the army. Soldiers were openly drinking and many had unbuttoned their tunics. One of them had produced a fiddle and it looked like the beginnings of a knees-up. ‘Hey soldier,’ he called to one of them, ‘How goes the war?’

  ‘Haven’t you heard? It’s over. We beat the Elves. King Arthur rode out on his horse and defeated them single-handedly, they say.’

  ‘That’s good news. Where are we by the way?’

  ‘Kendal, in Cumbria. What’s the matter with you? Don’t even know where you are? Sounds like you’ve been celebrating longer than the rest of us. Civilians!’

  ‘If he only knew,’ sighed Jim. He looked at Cobb and they shook hands.

  ‘The war’s over,’ said Cobb.’

  ‘But why are we here? In Kendal I mean?’

  ‘Beats me.’

  Jim looked up at the Town Hall. ‘It all seems to be happening in there so why don’t we go in? Maybe we can find out what’s going on.’

  The six of them headed into the Town Hall only to be stopped by someone in a uniform. He grabbed Cobb by the arm and said, ‘Why don’t you have a drink, friend?’ offering a bottle. Then he dropped the bottle and gasped, ‘It’s you, Cobb! I remember you from Buck House. You’re alive! And your friend. Quick, come with me.’ He dragged him off to the Situation Room and presented him to Colonel Frost, who took one look at him and yelled for the king.

  The room fell silent and fell back leaving a passage between King Victor and Cobb’s group. The king walked up to them and shook Cobb by the hand. ‘Mr. Cobb and Mr. Darby, welcome back, good to see you. And who are these gentlemen?’

  ‘This is the team of marines that accompanied us on the mission. Allow me to present Lt. North, Sgt. Forbes, Sgt. Barnes and Sgt. Willoughby.’ They stood to attention.

  ‘Welcome gentlemen, welcome to you all and we owe you a great debt of thanks. Oh wait! Mr. Cobb, I have a surprise for you. Miss Curran!’

  Adele, who had been in the corner with Arthur, had not really been able to see what the fuss was about and wasn’t aware that Cobb and Jim had entered the room, she only came forward in response to the king’s summons.

  ‘Cobb!’ she yelled and ran into his arms. Blow protocol, it may not be “proper” to hug in front of the king, but she was going to do it anyway. ‘I thought I’d never see you again.’

  ‘I was beginning to have doubts about it myself at one point.’

  She released him and turned to the room to see King Arthur standing there watching them, with a slight grin on his face.

  ‘Well, Lady Melina, art thou going to introduce me to thy betrothed?’

  ‘King Arthur, allow me to present Rufus Cobb who, along with Your Majesty, also saved the day today.’

  Cobb bowed to Arthur but in view of what Cobb and his team had accomplished that day, Arthur returned the bow as if he were an equal. Some people in the room gasped at this display of respect to a subordinate.

  ‘It pleases me to know thee, Rufus Cobb. The Lady Melina has spoken highly of thee. It gladdens me to meet another who wouldst risk his all for Albion. King Victor, these men deserve reward for their service.’

  Both Cobb and Jim started denying any necessity for reward but eventually they gave in. After all, they’d earned one.

  King Victor stepped forward. ‘Lt. North, you and your men will each be rewarded with the Victor Cross, the highest award for gallantry in the British Forces. As well as which you will all receive commissions or promotions in your service and a pension of £20,000 per annum each, to begin immediately.

  ‘Mr Cobb, Mr. Darby, you will each receive a knighthood and an annual pension of £20,000 from a grate
ful nation. King Arthur, would you do me the honour of loaning me Excalibur for this ceremony? I think the circumstances merit a special sword for the occasion.’

  Arthur gladly surrendered his famous sword for the investiture.

  ‘Gentlemen, please kneel,’ Victor told them. Using Excalibur he tapped both of them on each shoulder and then uttered the words, ‘I dub you both, Knight Commanders of the Order of the British Empire. Arise, Sir Rufus Cobb. Arise, Sir James Darby.’

  They both accepted the honour and got to their feet.

  Victor returned the sword to Arthur. ‘Tell me gentlemen; is there anything else a grateful nation can do for you?’

  ‘Well ...’ said Cobb. ‘Is there any way that our names can be kept out of this and not revealed to the public?’

  ‘Yes, I’d like that too,’ agreed Jim. ‘Both Cobb and I have occupations where it were best that our names and faces were not known to all and sundry.’

  ‘I’m not quite sure exactly what your occupation is, Sir James, but if that is your wish then I will grant it. But what are we to do? The country will want to know who to thank for their salvation, they will need heroes to celebrate. What do we tell them?’

  Cobb waved his arm in the direction of the marines. ‘Lt. North and his men seem perfect candidates for that role. They were after all part of the mission and they make a good advertisement for the armed forces. There are your heroes, Your Majesty.’

  ‘Splendid idea, Sir Rufus. We will do as you suggest.’

  Harlequin stepped forwards and offered his congratulations. He held out his hand which Jim took readily but Cobb only grudgingly.

  ‘Well done boys, I knew you could do it. I’ve always had complete faith in Cobb here, he never lets me down,’ Harlequin told them.

  Cobb ignored him but Jim said, ‘That’s very flattering. It would have been useful though if you’d given us more information about exactly what we would be facing over there.’

  ‘Well, I didn’t want to make it too easy for you. It takes all the fun out of it, doesn’t it?’

  Jim turned to Cobb and said, ‘You know you’re right, he is a bastard, isn’t he?’

  ‘That’s what I keep telling everyone but no one listens. They all just see his good side.’