Katie’s War

by Michael Todd

  The tall steeple of the church was covered in snow, and the bells tolled loudly. A priest dressed in long white robes stood on the steps right outside the doors of the church. He held his head high and stretched his arms across the front of the building. Below him were thirty or so gang members holding weapons of all kinds.

  The leader of the gang stood up front. “Let us in, old man. I know you got lots of golden goods in there. Come on, it’s Christmas. What kind of church would you be if you didn’t hand over the good stuff to the downtrodden in your community?”

  The gangbangers laughed as the priest gritted his teeth. “You choose to be downtrodden. Your self-inflicted sin is not the responsibility of the church. You want true gold and riches, ask for the Lord’s forgiveness, and he will give you something even greater.”

  The leader of the gang chuckled, looking back at his guys. “What’s that? A Lamborghini?”

  The priest narrowed his eyes. “Everlasting life. A life of charity and goodwill. A place among the people in heaven and forgiveness for all of the sins you are currently holding as trophies in this life. There has to be one among you who thirsts for this type of love?”

  The gang leader turned, putting out his hands to the guys, making fun of the priest. “Oh, my beautiful boys, is there one among you who thirsts for this kind of love?”

  One of the guys shouted, “Yeah, the love of a nice warm pussy!”

  They all laughed and the leader turned back, taking a step forward and dropping his smile. “Move aside, old man, and we might let you live through this.”

  The priest shook his head, backing against the doors. “You will not set foot on this holy ground today!”

  The gang leader slammed his bat into the palm of his hand. “Or what? You going to call Saint Peter?”

  Everyone laughed but stopped abruptly at the sound of Pandora’s voice. The whole group whirled and looked up. Pandora and Katie hovered there, their eyes glowing bright blue and their wings spread wide, flapping lightly.

  Pandora smiled sarcastically. “No, not Saint Peter. I’ll personally put my holy foot up your ass and tickle your tonsils with my toes.”

  Katie nodded, glancing at Pandora and then gazing back down at the group. “I’ll just cut your dicks off. Nice and simple.”

  The group shuddered and wavered for a moment before taking off in all directions. The leader ran too, tripping over the curb and rolling across the street. He whimpered as he pulled himself back up, watching over his shoulder as Katie and Pandora landed on the steps of the church.

  Their wings disappeared as the priest smiled and opened the doors of the church. The “sisters” walked inside hand in hand, and the doors closed tightly behind them.

  Angie walked through the doors of the Boston Convention Center and looked at the people milling around. In front of her was a large illuminated E-sports sign. She stomped her boots on the floormat and put down her hood. The snow fluttered around her, and there were tracks of it leading all over the place. New York was cold, but Boston took it to a whole other level.

  Angie pulled out her pass and showed it to the guards as she followed the signs toward the room she was supposed to go to. There were mostly men and young boys at the convention, not as many girls as the one in New York. Angie didn’t care, though. She was used to it. She was just there to game.

  When she found her location, she walked inside and scanned the room. There was a check-in table with a line that stretched to the door. She got in line behind a thirty-something guy in a Halo T-shirt with a lopsided fedora on his head. He turned around and smiled at Angie, offering an awkward bow.

  Angie chuckled and curtsied. “Hey.”

  He rolled his shoulders. “It’s not often a guy gets in line to play a match and finds himself in front of such a beautiful woman.”

  Angie laughed awkwardly. “Thanks. You here for the DOTA 2 playoffs?”

  He stood a little taller. “Yeah. We won our round yesterday. I don’t know if you know anything about this computer gaming stuff, but DOTA can be pretty tough.”

  Angie lifted her eyebrows, realizing she was about to get mansplained. Instead of stopping him though, she let him continue, not wanting to prove she knew how to play.

  He put his hands out, palms up. “As you can see, I have mastered the finger-smashing. I have the calluses built up just right. For someone like you, I would just stick to the console games. The gaming keyboards can be incredibly confusing. You have to remember all the multiple add-on buttons and give your hands some memory about where to push without thinking. Every move in the game is vital, especially when you get to a boss. You make one wrong move and boom—suddenly you’re starting over and your team is kicking you to the curb.”

  Angie nodded, looking around for her team. The guy continued, not even noticing he didn’t have her attention anymore. “I’m sure whoever you’re holding the spot for could tell you. This game is not for the faint of heart. I started when I was young. You know, lifetime gamer.”

  Angie smiled uncomfortably. “That’s cool.”

  The line moved forward. “Say, you wouldn’t want to maybe stand by my side and be a cheerleader, would you?”

  Angie spotted her team, the guys from the last convention. “Um, nope. There’s my team. I guess we already registered. Good luck!”

  Angie ran off and sat down with her team, chuckling to herself about the man’s surprised look. They talked about their team tactics and introduced the new guy, the one taking Juntto’s spot. About thirty minutes later, they were called up for their turn at the round. They were almost to the top spot, and they really wanted to take home the title.

  As they approached, the guy with the fedora looked over, finding himself their opponent. Angie waved to him. “Don’t break your calluses, bro.”

  He looked at her, confused, and sat down at the computers with his team. A crowd began to gather around the two, the same people who had rooted for them the day before, and more since it was one of the final rounds. Angie’s team put on their focus and began talking through their headsets as they set out in the game. The team moved and shifted, putting out spells to kill each of the bosses. They were always one step ahead of the other team.

  In the final few moments of the game, Angie’s team blasted through to the end, taking down the other team and finding the final hidden secret of the level. The team jumped to their feet, putting their arms up in the air and hugging Angie tightly.

  The guy in the fedora stood up, throwing his “special gamer gloves” on the floor and walking toward the team. “You only won because this slut played me. She acted like she was interested and got all my secrets.”

  Angie put her hand to her chin. “If you weren’t so busy mansplaining the game to me, you might have come up with some sort of strategy. Apparently, being a lifetime gamer has made you wander around the levels like a complete moron.”

  The guy took off his hat and narrowed his eyes. “Bitches like you don’t deserve the trophy. This is a man’s game. Go back to the kitchen, honey, or go suck a dick.”

  Angie flipped him off. “You might want to do the same.”

  He gritted his teeth and opened his mouth, but quickly shut it as Juntto appeared behind Angie. His mouth dropped open, and he put his hands up. “I, uh... I’m sorry. Congratulations on your win. Good luck.”

  Angie raised an eyebrow as fedora guy took off through the crowd. She quickly turned around as the crowd surrounded them, and Juntto shifted into his normal shape out of other people’s view. Angie chuckled and shook her head. “I think he peed himself.”

  Juntto took her in his arms and gave her a deep kiss. “I want you to be yourself. I want you to be the woman you are, the woman I fell in love with.”

  He hugged her tightly and leaned forward, whispering in her ear, “In whatever you do, you are my warrior! You are my champion!”

  25

  The base was quiet. On the outside, a single string of lights hung from the edge of the roof along the
front. It was a last-minute addition by Stephanie and a few helpful and fearless soldiers. Although the outside was quiet, the inside was lively. Everyone had been invited to the team’s Christmas Eve party, which included a fifteen-foot-tall tree in the corner of the dining room. All along the red-cloth-draped dining table were candles and foods of all kinds. From ham and turkey to lasagna and cannolis, the house had managed to cover as many major ethnic groups as possible.

  White lights draped almost every surface, creating a constellation of stars like flickering candlelight. Holiday tunes pumped from the stereo by the television, not excluding the team’s favorite, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Juntto lumbered through the room, jiggling his bowl of jelly after changing from a frost giant to a looming white-bearded Santa. Angie walked behind him in a short-skirted version of Mrs. Claus, a branch of mistletoe hanging from her red hat. She took advantage of it every chance she got, pulling on Santa’s beard and laying one on him.

  Pandora and Katie both were happy to see that Juntto and Angie were back to their old selves again—a statement they never thought they would make, considering the sex that had just about driven them out of New York last time.

  Pandora skipped around in a short puffed-out skirt with suspenders that draped over her huge tits. She wore a tight white tank underneath, with black boots and stockings that came up to her thighs. The toe of her boots curled up, and she wore pointed rubber ears. Sean put his hand up, giving her a high five. “Sexy elf, you want to go for a ride in my sleigh?”

  Pandora slapped his hand and laughed loudly, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m an elf. I’m always sexy, so that is a redundant adjective. As far as your sleigh is concerned, it depends on what you got pulling it.”

  She winked and strutted off, her ass cheeks bouncing under her skirt. Eddie slapped the back of Sean’s neck. He just shook his head, blowing out a big puff of air. “That woman is one sexy motherfucker. I just have to say that. I thought her not being a demon would take the edge off, but those blue eyes? Boy, do I wish I could run after that tail! I would chase it all night.”

  Katie chuckled as she lit one of the candles on the mantle. “And never catch it.”

  Timothy hung an ornament on the tree and stood back, taking note of his work. “Okay, now all we need is a topper.”

  He looked over his shoulder and whistled at Katie. “Hey, sweet cheeks, why don’t you climb on up there and be the angel who tops our tree?”

  Katie rolled her eyes. “No, thank you.”

  She chuckled to herself, feeling her phone vibrating in her back pocket. She lifted up her long ugly Christmas sweater with its giant Santa head and the words Ho, Ho, Ho embroidered right above her crotch. She looked down and smiled at the general’s name on the screen. “Merry Christmas, General! You’re missing out on all the festivities here in the desert. We even got Pandora whipping the elves into shape.”

  The general’s laughter didn’t seem to be genuine, putting concern into Katie’s chest. She glanced at Pandora and nodded toward the door. The two snuck out in the hallway, and Katie put the phone on speaker. Pandora leaned forward. “Merry Christmas, General. Don’t tell me you’re working?”

  The general sighed. “Always working. And Merry Christmas to the two of you as well. I have a gift for you.”

  Pandora clapped her hands. “Is it the twelve inches I’ve wanted all year? I’ve been a good girl...like five percent of the time.”

  The general cleared his throat. “Uh, you might find that where I’m sending you. There’s an incursion in Cincinnati.”

  Katie glanced at Pandora. “We’ll be there in two seconds.”

  She hung up and stuck the phone back in her pocket. “Time to rock and roll, Christmas style.”

  Pandora pouted, walking back into the party. “Bah humbug.”

  Katie chuckled and went to her room to change. As she rounded the corner into her bedroom, Gabriel appeared in front of her. She jumped, putting her hand to her chest. “Good lord, you could give a girl a warning first.”

  Gabriel smiled. “That’s why I’m here.”

  Katie wrinkled her nose. “Great. Hit me with it. I have an incursion to get to.”

  Gabriel’s feet hit the floor. “There are many rooms in my Father’s house, but not all of them are fit for children of the Earth.”

  Katie lifted her eyebrow. “What the hell does that mean?”

  Gabriel shook his head, rubbing his face. “You’re opening too many portals. Give it a rest.”

  Katie chuckled. “Finally, a straight answer from you! And as far as that goes, I’ll stop as soon as you guys start helping a little more—maybe give me a teleportation beam. Otherwise, I’m here to save Earth, and shortcuts are all I have sometimes. I’m sorry if it bothers you. I’m rolling through the deep here, but planes and choppers don’t do it when I need to get to Cincinnati in two seconds flat. You can either choose saving lives or not upsetting the cat people.”

  Gabriel blinked at her. “This is all I have to report to you. Do with it what you will. Just be careful. Hell isn’t the only bad dimension out there.”

  Katie nodded. “Merry Christmas, Gabriel. Tell the number two, Happy Birthday.”

  Gabriel groaned. “Yes. Merry Christmas.”

  Katie chuckled as he disappeared. She pulled out her fighting gear and glanced around one last time, making sure he hadn’t reappeared. Getting naked in front of an angel other than Pandora wasn’t on her to-do list. She got dressed quickly, opting for her normal arsenal plus Tom and Harry. She pulled them out and kissed each barrel. “Time to bring some Christmas cheer to all the bad demons out there.”

  Pandora stood next to the stereo, shaking her ass to Jingle Bell Rock. Sean and Eddie watched from the side, their mouths hanging open. As Brock walked past, he pushed Sean’s mouth closed. “You might get a feather lodged in there.”

  Pandora slanted a glance at him. “If he’s lucky.”

  Brock chuckled, shaking his head. He looked up as Katie walked into the room, dressed in her battle gear. Everybody at the party stopped and turned toward her. Katie chuckled, motioning to Pandora. “Hey guys, little change of plans for me. There is an incursion in Cincinnati, so duty unfortunately calls. The demons apparently don’t rest for holidays.”

  Angie sighed and reached up, grabbing Juntto around the neck and pulling him toward her. She kissed him hard and deep. “One for the road.”

  Juntto smirked and pinched her ass. “Wait up for me, Mrs. Claus. I’ll be in the mood for some milk and cookies.”

  Pandora giggled, looking at Sean and winking as she pranced across the room to give Stephanie a high five. “Time to kick some ass, Jingle Slay style.”

  Katie chuckled, shaking her head as Brock walked up with a box in his hands. “I got you a present.”

  Katie’s cheeks went red. “I got you one too, but let’s not exchange them now when I have to leave. Besides, mine will take some time to unwrap.”

  Brock wiggled his eyebrows and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her in close. He laid one on her, Katie’s whole body going limp in his arms. She pulled back to the sound of everyone cheering behind her. “Wow.”

  Brock chuckled. “That was my line. Or it usually is when you make the first move.”

  Katie giggled. “Which is pretty much always.”

  Calvin and his wife, Korbin and Stephanie, and the rest of the team stood in the back with Timothy holding a star high in the air. Katie took a deep breath, grateful for her friends and family, especially on nights like Christmas Eve.

  She looked at Santa and the elf, shaking her head. “Are you two really fighting like that?”

  Pandora put up her finger. “Hold on. You’re right.” She shoved her hand down the front of her shirt and pulled out a candy cane, tossing it to Sean. “That would have gotten uncomfortable after a while.”

  Katie rolled her eyes and opened the portal. She looked at the others as they stepped through. “Don’t watch A Christmas Story without me!�
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  Beelzebub sat at the large dining table in Baal’s home. He picked up one of the miniature roasted piglets and flicked the shaved candy canes off it. He looked at the food on the table, all Christmas-themed. “Why do you celebrate the holiday of our biggest nemesis?”

  Baal looked over from the fireplace, sipping his eggnog. “I don’t. I just like the food, that’s all. I picked up some secrets from my time on Earth.”

  Beelzebub tossed the piglet on his plate and leaned back in his chair, frustration running through him. “You are too calm. Everything is falling down around us.”

  Baal walked over to the table and put his glass down. He put his hands on the back of the chair and stared at Beelzebub. “Fine. You want to know what I’m thinking? How stupid could you possibly have been? I was working my ass off over here, trying to plan an attack while you were over there playing fucking politics. I wanted to believe that you knew what you were doing, but politics?! How dumb was that? How could either of us think that would work?”

  Beelzebub frowned, sinking lower in his seat. “It seemed like it was going perfectly, and you can’t just blame me. You knew the plan, and you celebrated just as hard when we were going through the fucking motions. We had the perfect demon for it, too. We had him right where we wanted him.”

  Baal let go of the chair and pulled it out, plopping down in it. He swirled his finger around in the brain gravy and shrugged. “Belphegor was a great pawn—I have to give it to you—but now he’ll take ages to crawl his way up from the bowels of hell. And we can’t even go down there and help him. Lucifer would find out for sure.”

  Beelzebub shook his head. “It’s hopeless. We are doomed for dismemberment.”

  Baal sat up and put a smile on his face. Beelzebub looked up and did a double-take. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Sure, dismembering others is fun, but when it’s your own ass on the line, you’ll feel differently. Trust me.”