I found it quite cathartic when any of the contestants were kicked off for various reasons. I simply imagined Aiden's face in place of the chef who had lost.
By the time Kelsey arrived home, I had had about three drinks. I must have had tear marks down my face as well as I slouched upon the couch turning my eyes towards her as she entered.
"How did it go?" she asked as she set down her bags.
"How do you think?" I said, raising a glass.
"Hm..." she speculated for a moment, tapping her fingers against her chin. "Well normally the early imbibing of beverages indicates a celebration."
I rolled my eyes and glared vicariously at her.
"On the other hand," she continued. "It could also mean that you’re drowning your sorrows."
"Bingo," I murmured.
She paused and looked me over perusing the situation.
"Okay," she said cheerily. "Here's what we are going to do. First, let's get some food into your body, and then some coffee, and then I want you to tell me all about it. Sound like a plan?" This last bit wasn’t a question.
I followed her with my eyes as she called the delivery place for a couple of large meatball subs and a bag of bread sticks. It sounded good despite myself. While she did that I tucked my feet underneath my legs and pulled the throw blanket over my shoulders.
Absently I picked up my phone, just to glance through it as she disappeared into the kitchen. It was then that I noticed I had three missed calls, all starting about half an hour after I had left the firm, and all from Aiden.
He hadn’t left any message.
If he wanted to talk to me he would have to try harder than that.
I had nothing to say to him, and I didn’t want to hear anything that he had to say. I punched my phone closed and curled back up on the couch to wait for the food.
An hour and a half later I felt considerably better, having eaten. I still felt hollow and defeated, but at least my head had cleared somewhat. I cupped my hands around the warm late day coffee cup that Kelsey had pressed onto me, letting the contents further calm my nerves.
"You’re going to be fine!" Kelsey insisted. "What you should do, is go into Entertainment Law. There's a huge market for it. You already live in the right area."
"Maybe," I said as I dipped a bread stick into the small cup of marinara. "But my expertise is in criminal law."
"Tell you what," she said. "Don't even worry about it tonight. I think we should do something that neither of us have done in a long time."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Let's get our cutest outfits on and let's go clubbing!"
"Are you even serious right now?" I said rolling my eyes. "Besides, you went clubbing just last week."
"When was the last time you've been?" she asked raising an eyebrow.
"That is entirely beside the point,” I declared. "It does not sound fun at all. Getting groped by a hundred drunken people while overly loud bass lines bring our hearing ability down a few notches? No thanks."
"Geez, Grandma,” she said rolling her eyes.
"Besides," I insisted. "I think it's supposed to rain tonight. I picked up my phone to glance at the weather app, only to find another missed call from Aiden from about ten minutes ago. "Wow, someone can't take a hint,” I mumbled.
"What's that?" she asked.
"I've had, like, five missed calls since I got home,” I said.
"Really?" she drew out the word and grinned, leaning forward as if to hear the rest of the details. "From whom might these calls be from?"
"Who," I said.
"What?"
"It should be, 'who might the calls be from'." I looked at her evenly as she rolled her eyes.
"Quit changing the subject," she said.
"Lawyer, remember?" I said. "At least that was the plan."
"Oh, come on!" she said in a tone that indicated she had finally had enough. "Get over yourself already!"
"Excuse me?"
"Do you think you’re the first person to get passed over for a job?" she said. "Wallow in it. Feel sad for a little while. Then get over it! Get out there and find another job. I'll bet the offers were lined up when you graduated law school, weren't they."
"Um... I guess so,” I said.
She was right.
They had been.
"And you got how many missed calls from Aiden?"
"Five," I said. "But how did you know they were from Aiden?"
"You just told me,” she said with a grin as she ducked the throw pillow I launched in her direction.
Out the window to the balcony I saw the clouds had piled up gray upon gray and small droplets of water began to pelt against the patio door.
"See?" I said, gesturing towards the window.
"They do have indoor clubs, you know,” she insisted.
Our conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. Kelsey gave me another raised eyebrow. I tilted my head to indicate that she answer it. She stood and walked over. When she opened the door I couldn’t see who it was, but I could guess based on the look on her face. She leaned her head back towards me.
"It's for you," she said in a sing song voice. I threw the blanket off and walked over to the door. She stepped aside and grabbed her car keys. "I'm heading out,” she chirped.
"Are you?" I said with a glare.
"Yep." She grinned at me as she sailed out the door. "Talk to you later!"
I would have to kill her when she got back.
Aiden stood in the thresh hold drenched from the down pour. His hair plastered against his forehead and the black tee shirt he had changed into clung to his body in a way most distracting, despite how angry at him I remained.
God, he looked amazing.
"Don't you have a job to tend to?" I said in my most condescending tone.
"Oh for god's sake, Blair,” he blurted. "I turned it down!"
I hadn’t expected this response.
"You what?" I asked.
"I turned down the job,” he repeated. "I didn't take it."
"What? Why?" I asked, confusion muddling my anger.
"Oh for... Can I come in?" he asked.
He had gotten my attention.
I stood aside and gestured for him to come inside. Without a word I slowly walked to the linen closet and got him a towel. He silently waited, his hair dripping in the entry way, until I handed him the towel.
I stood with my arms crossed as he toweled his hair.
Finally he stopped.
He kept his eyes down to the floor and didn’t speak for a few minutes. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, waiting to hear what he had to say, and still not sure if I cared.
"Look," he began. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I... The other night, Blair. I don't expect you to forgive me. I wouldn't forgive me for the things that I said."
"Then why did you say them?" I said, still glaring at him.
"I don't know how to tell you this, but... I wasn't entirely myself that night."
It took me a moment to understand his meaning.
"Were you... high?" I asked.
"You could say that,” he answered.
"Aiden," I said, gesturing wearily towards the couch. "Would you like a cup of coffee?" I asked though I kept my tone distant.
I didn’t want him to think this was friendly coffee.
"That would be nice,” he said. "I may have caught a chill out there in the damn rain."
"That would be a shame, now wouldn't it,” I said dripping with sarcasm.
"I deserved that," he called after me as I stepped into the kitchen.
I returned with a cup of coffee for him.
"Let's start from the beginning,” I said.
"Okay."
He sat down on the couch and I sat across from him in the chair.
"What happened the other night?" I asked. "What was the meeting about? Before you came over."
"Let’s just say the meeting contained a misunderstanding. It triggered a
n episode and I just went on an old fashioned bender. Made me paranoid. Of course I lashed out at you, because you’re the person I care about the most."
"Is that so…"
I wasn’t convinced and I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me by coming over.
"Yes, Blair,” he said softly. "That is so." Something about his voice when he spoke caught my attention. He had lost the confrontational defensive edge.
He glanced up from underneath his eye lashes, giving me a look that would have melted me up until the last night he was here. I leaned back and listened.
"I want you to know, I don't expect you to forgive me. Not in the slightest. But I just want you to know, I had to tell you in person that I didn't mean a word of what I said the other night. Not a single word."
My cool disposition was starting to crumble.
The last thing I wanted was for him to see me fall apart, but with the pain and anger rising up to the surface I feared that is exactly what was about to happen.
"Then why did you say it!" I said in a voice sharper than I intended.
He lowered his eyes and shifted in his seat, as an uncomfortable silence passed between us.
I stared him down hard, sending daggers through my eyes at him.
He kept his eyes averted, tapping his fingers alongside his coffee mug. He took a sip of the hot liquid and then set it down on the table.
For the first time in our lives I noticed the palpable difference between us.
Every other time, we had held on to the undercurrent of our friendship, something I had thought would always be there.
But this time it was gone.
I felt certain that he noticed it too, the way he couldn’t bring himself to look at me. Finally he spoke again.
"There's no excuse, Blair,” he began. "Try to understand. My mind wasn't in a good place. I wasn't right, but... I thought you had tried to hurt me and I wanted to hurt you back just as badly."
"But why did you think that I had told the firm anything?" I asked.
"I knew that you were the only one who knew."
"But... I hadn't even told Kelsey. I hadn't told anyone. How did the firm find out? Who told them?"
"I did,” he said with a sheepish look.
"What?"
This I had to hear.
"That meeting, it turns out they were vetting me for the part,” he said. "I didn't know it at the time, but... Part of their policy is to ask about any medications that I might be on. Of course I didn't recognize that's what was happening, so I jumped to the conclusion that they were asking about the Amphetamines. I thought you had ratted me out," he finished, letting his words fade into silence as he sat with his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging limp in front of him. "So I admitted to the addiction, and left the office. After I met up with my doctor friend, I spent the next couple of hours driving around trying to figure out how to confront you about it. Things got a little bit out of hand as you already know, and I’m so, so sorry."
"Wow,” I said.
I didn’t know how else to respond.
"The things you said really hurt me, you know."
I would never admit it, but I felt a little bit angry with myself for still feeling attracted to him, the way his wet hair had fallen over his forehead made him look even more pitiful than his words belied.
I really wanted to stay mad at him for a little while longer.
"I know,” he said simply.
He raked his hands through his hair sending it standing in all different directions. Without thinking I laughed and reached forward to smooth it down, before I realized what had happened. I pulled my hand back when he looked up at me, as if I had touched a hot stove.
For the briefest moment I had let the door open once more.
A tiny inkling of that familiarity had snuck through, just enough to make me want to find it again. He noticed the moment also, and reached out to take my hand before I had pulled it back all the way. I sat frozen, caught between my anger towards him and my desire to rush into his arms.
He kept his eyes fixed on me and laced his fingers through mine, carefully as if he didn’t want to disturb the delicate dynamic. I recognized a need in his eyes, different that I had seen before, not longing, not desire, but something more, something that I couldn’t yet define. I didn’t know what I feared the most. The look in his eyes or the thought that there might be a similar look in mine looking back at him.
"Dammit Blair," he said in a low voice, almost as if speaking to himself. "I love you. I don't want to mess this up."
"What?" I said unsure if I had heard correctly.
"I said I don't want to mess this up."
"No, before that."
"'Dammit Blair'?" he said. I noticed as he spoke a tiny crook of a smile appearing at the corner of his mouth.
"Aiden..,” I said giving him another glare.
With that he clasped my hand fully and pulled me around the coffee table and over next to him on the couch.
"I said, I love you, Blair." He hadn’t taken his eyes off of mine during the whole conversation. "Did you hear me that time? I love you, Blair Michaels."
Again I found myself unsure how to respond.
Of course this declaration didn’t change the hurt that I still felt, though it had diminished a great deal since he had arrived. But it did change the expectation of what I wanted from him. The man before me now, I knew without a shadow of a doubt was the same Aiden that I had grown up with, sweet, charming, sensitive.
Of course I loved him.
Despite this realization I wanted to stay mad at him, and part of me was still a little angry that he chose these words to break down my defenses, as if he knew they were the only words that could reach me. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly keeping my eyes steady on his.
"I love you too, Aiden Stephen Player,” I said with certainty.
"Middle name?" he said with a grin as he placed his hand behind my head and pulled me closer. "I must be in trouble,” he murmured.
"Have no doubt,” I responded before my lips succumbed to his. "You are."
We had a lot of things to work through, that much remained certain, but I had seen a darker side of him and knew that I could forgive him. He had also seen a side of me that I wasn’t proud of.
We lounged on the couch for a while, enjoying each other’s kisses, something I had thought I would never have again. Ever so slowly it began to come back. I knew this was a new beginning for both of us, but I still felt a little bit hesitant.
He held my face in his hands and took turns gazing into my eyes, almost as if seeking something there, permission or forgiveness I couldn’t tell. He kissed my face, from my lips to my eyelids and back again, around my forehead along the edge of my hair line. His fingers tangled into my hair as he held my close to him, and I nestled into his embrace placing my hands upon his chest.
The feel of his heartbeat under my palm had become the elixir to which I was helplessly drawn. My fingertips touched the flesh just at the neck line of his tee shirt, and I found myself compelled to trace along the edge of the fabric, up the side of his neck and around the curve of his ear.
He pulled in his breath as my hands moved across his flesh, making me feel a growing sense of power. My own body had begun to respond as well, all the previous anger melted away and transformed into desire for him despite myself.
I held back but my lips betrayed my need and I brought my teeth down in gentle pressure upon his lower lip. He drew back for a moment at the pain, but smiled and shook his head before he leaned in placing his mouth on the curve of my neck.
We spoke without words as our hands traveled over each other’s bodies.
I hadn’t yet decided if I wanted to invite him to my bedroom.
I knew I wanted to.
The question remained as to whether or not I should.
I considered the words of Kelsey and those of my mother, both who had encouraged me to enjoy life a little bit more. With my head lying against
the back of the couch, and his arm around my shoulders, I considered the surge of adrenaline that accompanied his touch, his hand at my waist, his lips on my skin.
I knew that I had a whole world of possibilities before me.
For now I didn’t have to worry about any of them. I had the love of my life wrapped in my arms. His fingertips had found the hem of my shirt. He slipped his hands underneath the fabric and traced the flesh of my stomach, sliding along the edge of my jeans. He noticed that I my breath caught at his touch, and he smiled at my reaction. I began to tug his tee shirt off over his head but stopped before I did so.
"Wait," I whispered, smoothing the fabric back down. "Come with me."
Taking his hand I pulled him from the couch and led him down the hallway and into my bedroom. It wasn’t as spacious as his, and perhaps not as modern. I noticed that he didn’t mind the layout as he hadn’t taken his eyes off of me yet.
I pulled him down onto the mattress, pushing aside the plush animals and tossing them to the floor. He pulled off his tee shirt, revealing the sexy swirls of tattoos on his arms and shoulders.
I pulled him down and threw him over, straddling his torso. There was something I had wanted to do since the first day I had seen him and today would be the day.
I pulled my tee shirt off and watched his eyes widen upon the realization that I hadn’t been wearing a bra. I smiled and leaned down to kiss his mouth once more, letting my nipples graze across his bare chest. His fingers clutched at my hips, curling around the belt loops of my jeans. I raised back just a little bit with a mischievous smile on my face, and whispered in his ear.
"Lay completely still,” I said.
He nodded but I could sense that his teeth were clenched together and his breath had grown ragged. I moved my lips from alongside his ear and traveled down the side of his neck, letting my breath be the only thing that made contact.
Until I reached the first curl of his tattooed skin.
I flickered my tongue along the ink markings, tasting the saltiness of him and the remnants of rain that had dried on his skin. With one palm remained planted on the center of his chest, I traveled along the length of his arm, tasting and kissing as I went. His body twitched at my touch, and he let out a small moan with each breath. His arm muscles tightened underneath my touch and I traveled back up the other side of the markings.
Tempted (A Player Brother Romance Book) (A Standalone Novel) (Player Brothers Book 1) Page 20