Finally sleep found me. Just before I drifted off one last comfort drifted across my mind. We had never had sex in this bed. I was glad that we hadn’t, or else I would never again be able to lie in it, much less sleep. I knew that I wanted nothing more to do with him ever again.
When I arrived the next morning nothing seemed to be amiss between the senior partners and Aiden. They exchanged pleasant small talk just as always. I glanced between them, trying to keep my confusion at bay.
The way he had laid into me the night before had led me the conclusion that Aiden's job was at stake beyond even the scope of just losing the full time job. Before I had much time to ruminate on it the bailiff came and collected us to go to the court room. I silently resolved to just get through the case, hear the verdict and get on with my life.
I thought briefly about my mother and felt saddened as she had remained best friends with Aiden's mother over all these years. I had no doubt that they would continue to remain so even if he and I were no longer speaking. They had years of practice after all while both of us were in school. She would be disappointed, no doubt, but ultimately this was my life, my decision and she would have to live with any decision that I made regarding my love life.
We arrived in the courtroom. Aiden would take the majority of the closing arguments, since I had opened. I refused to look at or speak to Aiden unless absolutely necessary. I could still catch moments in which Mr. Mahoney or Ms. Klein was looking us over, appraising our behavior.
Everything was already in place at this point, I decided. All I had to do was finish out the trial, and then one of us would be offered the full time job. After that I wouldn't have to see him anymore. I could move on and mend my heart and return to the days where Aiden remained a memory of someone I had once known a long time ago.
I felt as if the case had gone on for months, but it had only been a few weeks in actual court. Much had happened within that time. The one thing that I could count on with Aiden was that he remained just as professional as I. It seemed that we both had that in common throughout.
He nailed the closing arguments, bringing the attention of the jury back to the facts as we had presented them. That regardless of what the police had discovered upon arriving, the evidence filled in the gaps of assumption to show what really happened.
Under any other circumstances I would have been proud and congratulatory. But all I could see as he delivered his words, was a conniving manipulator. I wanted nothing more than the case to end. Much of the anger had dissipated, and all that remained was the deep cutting hurt and sadness.
The arguments came to a close, and the jury was ushered out for deliberation. Neither of us said anything to one another. I positioning my face to show professional distance. I had trained myself to avoid looking in his eyes as I believed this might have been too much for me.
Instead, I looked directly into the center of his forehead only when absolutely necessary. We had the option to stay during deliberation and none of us thought it would take very long. I wandered around the courtroom trying to find a way to pass the time.
The sadness threatened to overtake me at times, but I managed to keep myself distant enough as to keep that from happening.
Ms. Klein passed me in the hallway. I felt that I no longer had anything to hide. My anger kept me focused on the one thing I had left, the full time position. At this point I figured they had enough to have made a decision.
Another wave of hollow sadness came over me when I realized that I didn’t have Aiden to turn to, whether I won the job or not, he was gone. Still I veered back and forth between seething anger and mournful loss. He was the one who had hurt me and yet I wanted to find comfort. With him gone I had nowhere to find that comfort.
"Blair," Aiden's voice called me from down the hall four hours later. I stiffened at the sound of his voice. "The jury is back,” he said in a clipped voice.
No doubt one of the partners had sent him after me. He avoided my eyes just as much as I did his but held the door for me as I entered the courtroom. He followed a few feet behind me until we reached the defendants table.
Mahoney sat next to Ms. Klein with Darius Shaw between them and us. I tried to read the faces of the senior partners, but I suspected they had done this a time or two. They had small relaxed smiles, showing neither confidence nor retreat. I needed to learn how to implement that face.
Mr. Shaw kept his eyes down, but I could see his jaw muscles working as the jury slowly shuffled in each taking their seats. I watched their faces but they all proved just as unreadable as the lawyers. I wanted to stand up and scream just to relieve some of the tension in the room.
I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as the bailiff walked over to the foreman, a timid looking man with thinning hair and wire rimmed glasses. The juror stood and handed the slip of paper to the bailiff, who then walked across the courtroom once more to hand the paper to the judge. The judge put on his reading glasses.
The silence felt deafening.
It seemed as if every person in the audience had held their breath to hear the verdict. As the seconds ticked by I felt as if I was going to explode. The judge unfolded the paper and read over it before speaking. I dropped my eyes and closed my eyes unable to bear it any longer as he read the words.
"The members of the jury had come to a unanimous agreement, and based upon the evidence presented in this courtroom on the crime of first degree murder, they find the defendant Darius Shaw, not guilty."
Palpable relief swept over the room. I exhaled, nearly light headed, unaware that I had been holding my breath so long. The Shaw family behind us began to cry and exclaim with joy to have their brother, son, and father back. We stood and exchanged hugs and congratulatory handshakes. Mr. Shaw wiped tears out of his eyes as he reached to put his arms around Aiden and then me.
'Thank you!" he said. "Thank you, thank you!" He continued to repeat the words as he embraced each of us, also taking a moment to point towards the ceiling while whispering the same words.
I watched him step through the barrier into the awaiting arms of his family, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his little girl rushing to him as he crouched down to catch her up in his arms. That little girl had already lost her mother, and her tiny hands clasped together around his neck secure in the knowledge that she would not also lose her father.
I relished in the victory of the moment, keenly aware of the frayed edges, the reality of facing the next steps in the process. The partners had already told us that we would have a meeting either today or tomorrow depending on how long the jury took to deliberate. It was late afternoon now which led me to surmise the meeting would be the next day.
The other partners would be there also, some of whom we had only met in passing. I knew that one of them would be retiring soon which is what would open the spot for either myself or Aiden, depending on what they decided. Now that the case was over, I had no choice but to face the music.
After the emotions of the trial began to dissipate I couldn’t help but feel the ever present sadness creeping back into my psyche. Aiden had always been a friend, even when we had lost touch, he was kind of always there, through conversations with my mother and updates in passing. I had always felt that if we had ever reconnected that we had the type of friendship that would simply pick up where we had left off, and for a while that is what I thought had happened.
I stood in the court room and watched Aiden interact with the Shaw family as they each took turns to thank him. The crush of reality began to settle upon me, and I knew I had to get out of there before I embarrassed myself or anyone around me.
I wanted to burst into tears if anything just to get the release of emotion out of the way.
The cloak of loneliness wrapped around me despite the press of people and voices. I turned and focused on gathering my belongings to leave the court room. I had begun to feel that my entire life were falling apart. The case was over so I had nothing to distract me. If the choice
of the partners settled on Aiden then I knew I would have nothing left. I felt as if my entire life were falling apart.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mr. Mahoney approach with Aiden in tow.
"I wanted to congratulate you both on a job well done," he said once he had both us in proximity. "The other partners and I couldn’t have expected a better team than the two of you proved to be. It has been a real pleasure to watch the two of you work."
"Thank you, sir,” I said.
I glanced towards Aiden but he avoided my eyes, keeping his face turned firmly towards Mr. Mahoney.
The eternal suck up, I thought to myself.
There were still elements of the past few days that didn’t make sense to me, and I wondered if the partners had any idea the dynamic that existed between the two of us all while working on the case. Ms. Klein had hinted that they had, but I remained uncertain.
Perhaps she had kept it to herself.
I hoped.
I turned back to focus on Mr. Mahoney's words.
"No doubt you both need a break. We would like for the two of you to come to the office after a thirty minute recess,” he said. "The other members of the board will also be present."
This late in the day?
My heart began to thump harder.
This was it.
"We'll be there," Aiden said with a confident smile.
I also tried to smile, but it felt false stretched across my face.
This was it!
My mind could think of nothing else but the moment that loomed before me. I didn’t know how I could survive another half an hour of not knowing.
As soon as Mr. Mahoney left, Aiden turned away from me without a word.
I couldn’t stand it.
I would have felt better if he had even said something snarky or hateful, but the infernal silence felt like a dagger in my heart. I left the courtroom, debating on whether or not to grab some lunch before heading over.
In the end I drove around the block, killing time and feeling as if my mind would burst. With ten minutes to spare I stepped onto the elevator that led up to the pale waiting room into which I had stepped so many weeks ago.
Aiden had already arrived and had his back to the elevator doors when I stepped out. He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking out the window to the far right of the room, his reflection in the full length window glanced towards me but then quickly went back to examining the sky line.
Across from me sat Willa, silent and watchful behind the huge desk. I smiled and nodded to her and made my way to the furthest couch as far away from Aiden as I could be without leaving the room altogether.
I picked up a magazine and stared at the pages, flipping through without seeing any of it. The seconds ticked by, with Aiden and I continuing to ignore one another. I didn’t know if the partners were in the office or if they would arrive via the elevator.
Aiden walked over and sat across from me picking up a magazine. He mirrored my movements across the great glass table between us and looked at me until I looked up at him.
My wordless glare told him everything he needed to know before I shifted and became engrossed in my magazine once more, plainly ignoring him.
The recipe for easy breakfast muffins had never seemed so interesting. The only sound in the room was that of Willa's fingers tapping away at her keyboard. Emails, perhaps. Data entry. No doubt something vitally important to the running of the firm.
At exactly three minutes to the hour Mr. Mahoney entered the waiting room from the back office. Aiden turned towards him and stood to greet him, smoothing out the fabric of his jacket. I stood and put the magazine down on the table.
Both Aiden and I took an expectant step towards him, expecting him to lead us back to the office. To our surprise he raised his hands and offered an obsequious smile.
I was unsure what to do next.
"We appreciate your patience. If the two of you will bear with us just a few moments longer," he said. "The board would like to meet with each of you one at a time. Aiden, we will be seeing you in just a few moments. Ms. Michaels, if you care to follow me."
He gestured for me to join him down the hallway.
I did my best to keep my posture and face in a professional manner as I followed him. The plush softness of the carpet threatened to swallow me whole with each step I took. I had never notice the length of the building of before.
My stomach had turned into knots and I felt as if I might throw up at any moment.
I was glad that I hadn’t eaten after all.
The look on his face had revealed nothing when he had come to gather me from the waiting room. We arrived at the office door and he opened it, inviting me to step in. The other members of the board sat around the conference table on the other side of the office. I stepped inside and they all stood for introductions. Ms. Klein introduced me as Mr. Mahoney took his place at the head of the table.
"Everyone this is Blair Michaels," Ms. Klein said. She gestured to each member in turn, two that I had only seen in passing. "This is Jack Warren, our newest partner."
"How do you do," I said, shaking the hand of the silver haired gentlemen with his hand extended.
Ms. Klein continued, "And this is Frederick Klein, one of the founding members of the firm and my brother. He will be retiring at the end of this month."
"And not a moment too soon!" he bellowed as he shook my hand.
"It's an honor to meet you sir," I said, hoping that my voice sounded more confident than I felt.
"If you would have a seat Ms. Michaels."
Mr. Mahoney gestured to the empty chair across from the partners. I did so, but couldn’t help but to feel like someone on the receiving end of an interrogation.
They all faced me with calm resting faces that I couldn’t read in the slightest bit. I stilled my hands from shaking by folding my fingers together and placing them on my lap under the table. I concentrated on keeping my features subdued but attentive.
Mr. Mahoney continued, "First we would like to tell you how difficult the decision has been. Both you and Mr. Player have done an exceptional job."
"There was some discussion," Ms. Klein interjected. “Of finding a way to retain both of you since you both worked so well together. Up until the final decision we remained torn. Truly."
"In the end we decided that the original agreement would work best after all,” Mr. Mahoney continued. “It is unfortunate, but we only have so many resources. Please believe that we deliberated long and hard over the decision, but we wanted to let you know that we have decided to ask Aiden Player to assume the full time position."
I felt certain that I was going to be sick.
And I didn’t give a fuck if they had to see it.
"We also want to tell you that you will receive the highest of reference from each of us upon your next job application, and if there is anything that any of us can do to assist you, please do not hesitate to ask. We all have confidence that you won’t have difficulty finding work."
I took a moment before speaking. I could hear Mahoney's speaking, but the words had begun to swirl together.
Finally I found my voice. "I understand," I said speaking in a calm and confident tone, unlike my inner emotions. "Thank you for everything. This has been an amazing experience, and I have learned more than I could have imagined. Thank you all for the opportunity, and it was more than an honor to meet you all. I can assure you that Aiden will make a wonderful lawyer. I think you have made the right choice.”
I managed to get through it sounding sincere, though I wasn’t certain that I meant the statement about Aiden in the same way in which they heard it.
"Thank you, as well,” Ms. Klein said in response. "Please stop and see Willa on your way out to pick up a company card for references."
"Of course," I said.
They all stood which I took as an indication that our part of the conversation to be over. I shook each of their hands, trying not to rush. All I wanted to d
o at that point is to get out of the room before I embarrassed myself entirely.
I made it out of the office and into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind me. As soon as I was out of sight from the partners I let the smile slip from my face. I felt the anger and shame rush the blood into my cheeks. My hands shook as I reached for my car keys.
I needed to get out of there as soon as possible, and it occurred to me that I would have to walk past Aiden to do so.
I steeled myself, firming my jaw and steadying my gaze as I headed down the hallway.
He had remained seated in the waiting room, and sat with his ankle crossed over his knee. He glanced up as I waltzed into the room without pause. Before I slipped my sunglasses I glared at him with all the fury that I could find letting it spill out of my eyes without restraint.
"Congratulations," I said, spitting the word like a curse, heading straight for the staircase so as to avoid having to wait for the elevator.
I didn’t see his face as I left, nor did I want to.
He had been a dick to me.
Now he’s getting the job.
Fuck me.
I made it to my car, but I had to wait about fifteen minutes before I had pulled myself together enough to drive safely.
I got home and instantly threw off my clothes, letting them land in the corner of my room. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go ahead and put on my pajamas and crawl into bed, even though it was only six in the afternoon, or close to it, or if I wanted to eat the entire contents of the refrigerator.
I thought about calling my mother, but I wanted to revile in my misery for a little while longer. I did find myself relieved when I arrived and Kelsey wasn’t home.
One thing was certain.
I didn’t want company.
Not yet.
What I settled on was to change into a tee shirt and jeans, pour myself a drink, and curl up on the couch. I turned on the television and binged watched some cooking show in which contestants had to win against each other. The judges could randomly change any ingredient during the process of the preparation. Sounds fair, I thought as one chef's chicken Marsala had to incorporate canned peas.
Tempted (A Player Brother Romance Book) (A Standalone Novel) (Player Brothers Book 1) Page 19