by Kim Lawrence
While I was there I came across some of your worknot the photographs which people pay you to take, not that they are not very competent.
Erin knew he was talking about the boxes stacked from floor to ceiling in a cupboard.
Theyre just for me. Ive been snapping things since I was in my teens. I know its digital age and everything, but I
It is a criminal waste to hide away such works of art in a cupboard, he reproached her. They are quite remarkable, Erin.
You think so? His admiration gave her a warm feeling.
I do and I am not the only one. I was aware that Heyers have an upcoming exhibition at the end of the year showcasing new female talent right across the art spectrum. I took a selection of your work.
I would never have had the guts to do that.
I would never have had the talent to compose a picture that sets it apart. That makes it the one that people look at in a room of twenty others. And please resist the temptation to say something self-deprecating and humble, he continued. You are good and it isnt just my opinion. You heard what the man saidthey are very excited. They clearly think that you are going to be the star of the show.
Erin regarded him with a shaken fascination. You really did that? For me? She couldnt recall another time in her life when anyone had shown such faith in her ability, or for that matter as much interest!
At home her habit of walking around with a camera slung around her neck had been considered mildly eccentric. Her decision to make it her living had not gone down well at all. Her parents had not given up hope she would one day get a proper job.
One more suited to a woman.
All I did was show it to the right people. He dismissed his contribution with a shrug. Your work deserves to be seen, he said as he walked over to the chessboard that had been set out on a table.
And dont forget as agent I get ten per cent of everything you make so it is in my best interests to make sure you become a success.
You really think people will buy my pictures? The idea still seemed vaguely surreal to Erin.
In their hordes, I shouldnt wonder. He paused. I was speaking to your doctor earlier
Her hand went to her stomach. What about? Theres nothing wrong, is there?
Quite the opposite. Hes extremely pleased with your progress and he sees no reason for us to delay our flight to Italy. We could go directly there tomorrow after they discharge you.
She swallowed. I didnt expect that, she admitted.
Well, the alternative would seem to be for you to stay with your mother and I somehow cant see her in the role of nurse.
I dont need a nurse.
No, but you need someone who will restrain your impulses to overexert yourself. I was thinking when we interview for the nanny maybe it would be an idea to make some enquiries about a maternity nurse at the same time. I understand that they move in for the last weeks of the pregnancy, as well, obviously, as afterwards.
Will she have the baby for me, too?
Baffled by the sarcasm in her voice and the annoyance in the eyes raised to his, Francesco shook his head. Is there a problem?
When did I say I wanted a nanny?
Well, obviously I assumed
She lifted her chin. Well, you assumed wrong. I dont want a nanny and as for a maternity nurseits a stupid idea.
Youre being totally irrational.
If you even whisper the word hormone Ill strangle you, she promised. There is nothing irrational about not wanting to farm your kid off to someone else.
A nanny isnt there to replace you, shes there to free up your time so that you can do other things.
Whatlike pander to your needs? Millions of other women cope without a nanny and so will I.
What if youre too exhausted by being awake nights to enjoy your baby? He read the total intransigence in her face and threw up his hands in a very Latin gesture of exasperation. Youll change your mind in the end.
She swallowed her irritation at the smug prediction. She didnt want to argue. A few days ago she had feared she was going to lose their babyit seemed ridiculous to be squabbling now about something that, in the great scheme of things, was not terribly important.
Maybe youre rightmaybe I will change my mind, she said, thinking, In a pigs eye! While she was prepared to stand her ground there was no point being confrontational now.
Francesco, not knowing that her maybe was of the when-hell-freezes-over variety, nodded his head in approval. Well, its early days.
Yes, it is, she agreed.
My parents are very anxious to finally meet you.
How is your mother?
She spends a lot of time at Rafes grave. Its hard, he admitted, to know whether that is a good thing or not.
The flowers she sent were beautiful and the phone call was very sweet. She must be anxious to see you.
She looked at her belly. It was difficult to imagine that one day her baby would grow up and leave her.
Over the moon since she heard the news about the baby. As for seeing me, I think there is a little of the double-edged sword about that.
Erin gave a baffled frown. How do you mean?
She cannot see me without being reminded of Rafe.
Just as he was every time he caught sight of himself in a mirror! Not that Erin imagined for a second that he needed any reminder. She suspected that he would feel the loss of his twin for the rest of his life.
Its strange. If Rafe hadnt died, you wouldnt be sitting here with me now. And she looked down and gently massaged the gentle mound of her belly, which over the past week had become too pronounced to be hidden by loose clothes, there would be no baby.
We might have met anyway, he suggested.
Possibly, she conceded. But wed never have married. The circumstances would have been different.
You would have been different, she thought, looking at him. You wouldnt have had a gaping big hole to fill.
A bit like that filmhave you seen it? I forget the name. Its all about one pivotal decision. You take one path and its happy ever after. You take the other and She mimed a slashing motion across her throat.
As happy-ever-after paths did not usually include divorce and emergency surgery, Francesco assumed she considered she thought she had taken the latter.
Well, we are not living in a film, cara . We are living in the real world, a world where you are married to me, and I am the father of your child.
The severity of his clipped delivery caused her smooth brow to furrow in bewilderment.
So you will just have to put your personal feelings about me to one side.
This suggestion drew a shaky laugh from her. God, but I wish it was that easy. That easy to stop loving him so much it hurt.
When Erin glanced up from her brooding contemplation of her interlocked fingers she was startled by the suppressed pain in his face.
She didnt have the faintest idea what she could have done or said to put it there, though she had no doubt if it hadnt been for her invalid status he would have quickly told her!
Francesco stayed for a little longer and explained about the travel arrangements for the following day, but the easy intimacy of earlier had vanished.
When he left he didnt kiss her.
For the first time she was actually grateful that she was on bedrest because it meant that there was no chance of her acting on her compulsion to run after him. An act she would undoubtedly have regretted later.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
E RIN woke, her body bathed in sweat.
She lay there waiting for her heart rate to slow, the images from the repetitive nightmare still vivid in her mind. She turned her head and glanced at the clock. It was just after one.
With a groan she lifted herself on her elbow and punched the pillow.
Clutching it to her chest, she turned over. Itll be better when Im out of here, she told herself.
Hospital beds are notoriously uncomfortable.
A small fractured cry left her lips as the shadowy f
igure in the chair rose.
What are you doing here? Its the middle of the night. Erin experienced the confusing rush of emotions that she always did when she saw him.
If a nurse came to take her pulse at that moment Erin knew her chances of going home the next day would be nil! It was far more likely that she would find herself rushed to Intensive Care and put on life support!
His long lashes fell in a screen against the angle of his cheekbones as he stretched and dragged both hands through his hair. I was passing.
He did not mention that he had been passing last night, too. What the night staff made of a man who came to watch his wife sleep he could not imagine!
Passing? She reached for the light cord above her head and blinked as the beam of the reading lamp fell directly on her face.
I didnt mean to wake you.
Look, I know what this is about.
Francesco went very still, colour seeping into his face consolidating into two dark bands of colour along the slashing angle of his cheekbones.
Frowning, she absently toyed with the shoestring strap of her nightgown and gave a shamed sigh.
Im not stupid, Francesco. I mean, youve been haunting the place. Its obvious you think that Im going to do something stupid the moment your back is turned. Though quite what you think Im going to do in a hospital bed, I dont know.
But dont worry, Ive learnt my lesson. From now on, she promised him, curving a protective hand over her stomach, I will always put the baby first. I will treat every stair with caution.
She saw some of the tension slip from his shoulders and assumed that she had succeeded in reassuring him.
Have you finished?
I dont blame you for thinking me an unfit motherI do myself.
Francesco cursed softly in his own tongue.
Startled by the outrage in his expression, Erin sat passively as he strode across the room and framed her heart-shaped face between his big hands.
Her skin prickled with heat at his touch.
He studied her upturned features, the pallor only relieved by a light flush across the crests of her smooth cheekbones.
Francesco found himself longing to erase the haunted shadows from her lovely eyes. You are not an unfit mother!
Francesco closed his eyes and cursed. What happened was not your fault. The sooner the better you are out of this place. Part of the problem is you have far too much time to think.
You make it sound like thinking is a bad thing.
Perhaps there was something in what he said? It was difficult to keep things in proportion when you woke in the middle of the night sure that your baby was dead.
You were the one who said that I needed someone to restrain my impulses! she reminded him.
Francesco, who couldnt recall saying anything similar, dredged his memory. What I actually said was restrain your impulses to overexert yourself, which was my way of saying you needed looking after without you going feral on me, which you are prone to do at the merest hint that you might not be totally self-sufficient.
He traced the curve of her cheek with his thumb.
You have to let go of your fear, he said softly. If our baby had died it would have been a tragedy, but he didnt and it wasnt.
But you blame me
I blame me! he blurted out.
A look of total bewilderment crossed her face. You? she echoed. Why should you feel blame?
Why? He stared down at her incredulously. How can you ask that? If I had not put you in a position where you felt you had to run away from me the accident would never have happened. If you or the baby had been harmed it would have been my fault.
Thats the craziest logic Ive ever heard. It was an accident. I tripped She suddenly laughed as the irony hit. My God, Ive been lying here thinking youre blaming me and youve been blaming yourselfYou know, its actually quite funny when you think about it.
Francescos expression did not suggest he saw the funny side. I dont seem to be able to stop the people I care for getting hurt.
People? Things suddenly slipped into place. So that was it!
I fell, Francesco. You didnt push me, the same way you didnt make Rafe take his life.
Erin heard the sibilant hiss of his sharp intake of breath. His head came up and his dark eyes locked with hers.
Some things in life even you dont have any control over, she told him softly. I know thats pretty hard for a control freak like yourself to accept, she teased gently, but
You think you know me so well.
The smile faded from her face. Sometimes I dont think I know you at all, she admitted huskily as she looked at the enigma who was her husband.
Im an open book.
This claim made Erin laugh. Youre the most complicated, contradictory man Ive ever met.
After twenty years of marriage youll find me boring and predictable.
Do you think well still be together in twenty years?
Her unthinking exclamation shattered the intimacy of the moment. You are thinking in the short term?
Well, it seems a good idea to take things one day at a time.
His expression was remote and forbidding; it was clear her response was not one he liked. Francesco picked up his jacket from the back of a chair and nodded in her general direction.
You need your sleep.
She was suddenly loath to see him walk out of the door. What if he never comes back? The irrational thought just popped into her head and she said the first thing that came into her headunfortunately it concerned milky drinks.
I could ask the nurse to get us a drink of cocoa, or something else if you prefer.
Cocoa?
The mortified colour rushed to her cheeks.
She had never felt more ridiculous in her life. Francesco could hardly be unfamiliar with women who offered him inducements to stay around, but she would have bet none of them had ever tried to entice him with a cup of cocoa!
Good night, Erin.
Erin had arrived at the hospital in an ambulance. She left in a helicopter.
They flew straight to the airport where they waited in the VIP lounge.
Erin did not have much time to avail herself of the facilities before it was time for them to board the Romanelli private jet.
It all felt surreal to Erin. She suspected she ought to be feeling more outrage at the extravagance. She actually had a sneaking suspicion it would be disturbingly easy to get used to this sort of luxury.
I feel like royalty or a Hollywood star or something, she said, pushing her leather seat into full recline position and spinning around.
Francesco watched her with an indulgent smile. Youll make yourself dizzy.
Erin, who was already dizzy, stopped spinning. It occurred to her that he must be contrasting her childish antic unfavourably with those of his worldly friends.
I wonder if Ill ever be able to do a convincing sophisticated?
If by sophisticated you mean artificial, I sincerely hope not.
She leaned forward and planted her elbows on the table that was between them. I suppose I mean elegant.
Elegance is good, but then so is spontaneity and enthusiasm.
She levelled a finger at her chest. Me?
Definitely you.
Id prefer to look like Audrey Hepburn.
Francesco laughed.
It probably makes me very shallow, but having sampled it Ive decided this is the only way to travel, she confessed guiltily.
Have I saidyou look very beautiful today?
She slid a not quite steady hand down the bodice of her sleeveless dress. The deceptively modest rounded neckline was cut low enough to reveal the upper curves of her breasts, which was probably why it had sat in her wardrobe unworn. The bias-cut skirt of soft voile fitted nicely over her small bump and flared around her calves clinging to her legs as she moved.
The duck-blue colour did good things for her eyes and made her skin look translucently pale. Against the bare skin of her shoulders her hair stood out like
a flame. The effect was dramatic and feminine.
It isnt what I would have chosen, she admitted.
But she hadnt chosen it, Francesco had. Considering the things that were packed in her case, she wondered if he had even looked at the list she had given him!
Wearing this dress was like hanging a sign around her neck saying Im available, with a subheading of Take me please!
You are inclined to hide your light, cara. What do they say? If you have it, flaunt it?
I just dont think that it is necessary to wave it in their faces and jump up and down saying look at me, as well.
At that moment the young attendant, casually dressed, like the rest of the crew, in jeans and a shirt, made her fortuitous arrival.
Erin declined food but said she would love a cup of tea. Francesco overruled her with a display of high-handedness that was typical of him and said she would have something light, scrambled egg with a little smoked salmon perhaps?
Despite Erins insistence that she couldnt eat a thing, the light dish was actually so delicious she polished off the lot and had a second cup of tea.
They were half an hour into their journey, and Francesco, who had been to talk to the pilot, had again taken the seat opposite her when she finally mentioned the previous night.
At the risk of breaking the mood, about last night Erin skimmed a slightly nervous look at him through the filigree mesh of her lashes.
You discovered I have no liking for cocoa.
I didnt want you to go.
It was an admission a short time ago she would not have made, but some time over the past days her defences had lowered. It was about trust. Without even realising what was happening she had started to trust himtrust her own judgement. Startled by this discovery, she felt her throat thicken with emotional tears.
Francesco, who had stilled at the husky admission, released a long sibilant sigh. I didnt particularly want to go myself.
Her startled eyes flew to his. You didnt?
He shook his head. But you were exhausted and
I dont like falling asleep. Since the accident I have been having these nightmaresI wake up convinced that the baby has died.
Francesco gave a horrified exclamation in Italian. Out of his seat in a heartbeat, he dropped on his knees beside her seat and took her small hands between his. Your hands are cold, he said, drawing them to his mouth and kissing each palm before enfolding them once more in his warm strong grip. Why didnt you say something about the nightmares? he reproached thickly.