Max laughs so loudly that everyone else in the café looks at him, including the staff, while I try to calm the idiot down. I know that story has to be crap but I don’t get what so funny about it! “What’s so funny Max?”
“Oh. My. God. Mia. I. Can’t. Catch. My. Breath. Hang. On. A. Minute.” He says through gasps and I just shake my head at him. I don’t get it but I can’t wait for him to explain why this situation is so hilarious! Finally he’s, breathing more normal!
“So, what’s so hysterical Max? Do tell!” This sets him on another chuckle but atleast he’s not hyperventilating this time.
“Oh Mia, I was checking to see if you were still listening to me and well that’s what you picked to comment on! I could have told you I blew up a space station and you wouldn’t have noticed, but giving a blowjob to a giraffe, that you hear!” He goes off into another damned chuckle fest and again I’m left shaking my head! I know don’t what his problem is today but the man needs help. I mean blowing an animal? That’s a serious issue, right?
“You’re the one blowing animals you pervert, yet I’m the funny one today!?”
“Mia, darling, what’s wrong? You look miserable. Is that beautiful man of yours not looking after you? Is he hurting you Mia, because, you know, I can sick Alex on to him if you need me to. I wouldn’t hurt a fly but I can see that hunk of a brother of yours causing a LOT of damage! Just saying.”
“No Max. DAN, isn’t hurting me and I don’t need you to call up the big bad bear of an overprotecting brother of mine either. Thanks for the offer though, I appreciate it.”
“I’ve got ya back girl, anytime.” he says with a smirk. I’m guessing it’s only if Alex is the muscle! “So, then tell me what is going on? You haven’t been quite yourself the last couple of weeks, I’ve put it down to your blossoming relationship but you look so sad today. Please tell me what’s going on.” He gives me the puppy dog eyes that he knows I can’t resist and I take a deep breathe. I don’t know where to start or what to say. My thoughts are a jumbled mess.
“It’s Dan. I can feel him slipping away from me. I don’t want to lose him but, well…”
“You haven’t told Alex about the two of you yet have you?” I shake my head while looking deep in to my coffee. If I look up at his face, I know I’ll start crying and I don’t want to. “What’s stopping you Mia? What are you afraid of?”
I shrug my shoulders but I still can’t look at him. I don’t want to admit it to him or anyone else for that matter, what the problem is.
“Come on darlin’, a problem shared is a problem halved, you know all that bullshit. Just spill it so I can help you. I don’t like to see you this damned sad! I’m being selfish, I need you to tell me what’s wrong so that I can feel better.” he says with a smirk and a glint in his eyes. I know that’s not the truth but he’s making me feel just guilty enough to tell him some of the issue, which was his aim.
“OK, Max.” Shit where do I start? “I’m in love with Dan.” Holy shit, I can’t believe I admitted that out loud, to anyone!
“No shit Sherlock! I don’t know what rock you’ve been living under but that right there, is not a shock to me darlin’.”
I can’t help the laugh that slips out, only Max could manage to make me laugh while I’m feeling so shitty. No, Dan does it too!
“Yeah, well. He’s sick of ‘sneaking around’. I don’t see it as sneaking around, we’re not hiding away anywhere. We go out on dates, restaurants and movies, all of that, but because I want to keep this to ourselves and enjoy our bubble for a while and not announce it like a formality to my brother, he thinks. I don’t know what the fuck he thinks, but I know his patience is wearing thin. I don’t want to tell Alex because Dan is getting edgy about it, I want to tell him when I’m ready, damn it!” After I get all that out and take a deep breathe, I finally look Max in the eyes. I can see understanding and sympathy there but I can also see that he’s about to say something I’m not going to like.
“You know I love you with all of my heart, right?” When I nod, he continues, “but have you thought about how hard all of this must be on Dan? Alex is his best friend and business partner. Now I know that Dan could get by on his wood crafting and he doesn’t really need his job with Alex, per se, but have you ever considered that he wants to work with Alex?”
I nod again because I do, I’ve thought of all of this. “Yes Max, I do understand all of that. He’s not just my brother’s right hand man, he’s his partner and best friend. They’ve known each other forever and consider each other a brother. Can’t you see my dilemma?” I rest my head in my hands and shake it. “Max, I don’t want to lose either of them but I don’t want to cause a rift between them either. I know Dan will give me up before he’ll let a rift form between Alex and me. I know without a doubt, that I would choose Dan over my brother. I’m not saying I would stop talking to my brother but I wouldn’t, I can’t, give up Dan. I know with all of my heart though, that he would walk away from everything, so that I wouldn’t lose my only family.”
“You need to talk to Dan to understand what he’s thinking but just imagine how he feels? I bet he feels like he’s lying to his brother, even by omission, it’s still a lie Mia. You need to talk to Alex, too. They’re both involved in this and one of them isn’t even aware of it!. In saying that, you can’t let either one of them steamroll you in to anything that makes your heart sad, darlin’.”
“Yeah. I know. But HOW do I do that Max? That’s the million dollar question, right there.”
DAN
For the past couple of weeks, Mia and I have been keeping up with the dates, catch ups, texts and dinners together but my heart just isn’t in it. Don’t get me wrong, if any other guy was to come up to her and hit on her, I’d be hitting on him, in a very different way. I know how I feel about her, I know I don’t want to lose her but I just can’t get passed her not wanting to tell Alex about us.
I’m avoiding the man as much as I possibly can, I know he feels it. He knows there’s something going on but he doesn’t know what it is. It’s killing me, I feel like I can’t have them both and by choosing love, I lose a brother but if I choose my brother, I lose love. I don’t really want to give up either one but, I feel like there’s going to be a sacrifice. I won’t let Mia give up her only relative for me, not happening. So I feel like I have to take a step back. Force some distance, so that I can think more clearly and see things from a different perspective. I can’t come up with an answer that keeps us all happy, not with everyone so close.
So, after making my decision, I message Mia to see if we can meet up for dinner and talk. I don’t want to use the words, ‘we need to talk’, because those send a chill up my spine but we do need to talk a few things through. We’ve been skirting around this elephant because we know we’re not going to like the other persons answers but I’m done. No more waiting, this gets settled tonight.
*Sure Dan. You want to meet me at the Italian place close to my place?*
*Sounds good. Will you be able to get there by 6pm or do you want to meet later?*
*No, 6pm sounds good. I’ll see you there xx*
This is not going to be a fun evening. I’m totally dreading this conversation but I just can’t do this any longer. I need some answers and the only way I’m going to get them, is to fucking get it over and done with.
Chapter Thirteen
MIA
I knew this was coming but still, I’m nervous as hell, sitting at a table for two, in the back of the Italian restaurant near my place, waiting. Waiting for Dan and the other shoe to drop. I know I’m going to have to make a choice tonight and I know where my heart will lead me.
I pick up my glass of wine, shoot me I needed something to dull the senses and take a sip. Ok a gulp, I take a fucking gulp. Just as I put it back down on the table, I feel a hand rest on my shoulder and I know, without even looking up, it’s Dan. There’s just that spark that zings between us now, ever since we became more than friends. He bends down
and plants a kiss on my cheek. Before he stands up, he whispers in my ear, “You look beautiful tonight sweet cheeks but you always look good enough to eat.” That’s enough to send shivers down my spine. He lets go to sit on the opposite side of the table, then reaches across and takes my hand. I’m glad I’m not the only who needs to be touched. He always manages to anchor me.
“Hi.” I say but it’s barely above a whisper. I don’t even know if he heard me.
“Hey babe. How was your day?”
I’m not sure how to answer that because it wasn’t a great day and it was made even worse with the knowledge that this dinner was happening, tonight.
“Umm, well not great but thanks for asking.”
Before he can ask me why, the waiter comes over to run us through the specials and ask what we’d like to order. After we’ve ordered our meals and some drinks, more drinks in my case, the waiter leaves and Dan reaches out for my hand once again. He’s rubbing his thumb up and down the back of my hand and it soothes everything in me. I can’t let him go!
“Why didn’t you have a good day sweet cheeks, did something happen at work?”
Ohhhh if only that was the reason!
“No, work’s good. How about you, how’s work?” With just that one question I feel the tension build between us. Luckily for me, the waiter chooses that moment to bring us our drinks and then almost right away, is back with our meals. If he senses anything is wrong, he doesn’t say a word. I guess he’s probably used to awkward silences between diners. I just wish it wasn’t us!
DAN
I hate that everything about us is awkward tonight but, I think we both know that this has to happen tonight. It’s make or break for us, well it is for me anyway. I don’t like feeling like a dirty little secret. While I understand why she feels the way she does, I won’t allow myself to continue being put in this situation. She’s had time and plenty of it, to get her head around telling Alex. I’m worried that she’ll never be fucking ready though and that just about kills me.
We’ve both almost finished our meal, mostly in silence, when I hear someone clearing their throat. I don’t think too much about it, until I hear it again a second and then a third time. I look up and there stands Alex! Ally is right beside him, looking like she wants to apologise for them being here and interrupting us but in reality, I feel like I should be the one apologising. Well, I guess we’ll be sorting this all out a lot sooner than any of us expected.
“Good evening Allycat, Alex. How are you tonight?”
“WHAT are you doing, Dan?” I don’t think this discussion should be had in public.
“Well, ALEX, I’m enjoying a meal with Mia here, but I’m sure you can see that with your own two eyes, dude.”
“Oh I can see that, dude, but why are you touching my sister? It looks like you’re on a date and I don’t like it!”
“Alex, why don’t we leave them to their dinner. We can discuss this another time, when we’re not in public, in a nice restaurant that I want to be able to come back to. Please?”
“I appreciate you trying to keep the peace Allycat but right now seems to be as good a time as any to discuss this. Wouldn’t you agree, Mia?” I look across the table and Mia looks like she’s going to be sick. “Let me pay our bill and we can talk outside or at the house.”
“The house! The house! Is he calling your place, the house now? How long has this been going on Mia?”
I can hear Alex quite clearly from across the room as I pay for our meals. I know he’s pissed, but I refuse to get in to this here.
I walk back over to the table and hold my hand out to help Mia up from her chair and into her coat. Grabbing Mia’s hand, I lead her out of the restaurant, if Alex wants to talk, he can fucking follow us. Neither of us checks to see if they’re there, but I can hear Ally talking and Alex’s deeper voice answering her.
He doesn’t worry me. What does worry me, is the fact that Mia hasn’t said a fucking word or looked at me since they showed up. The only saving grace right now, is that she hasn’t dropped my hand and I’ll take what I can get. I squeeze her hand, hoping that one movement can convey all of my feelings for her! That I can reassure her and let her know that everything will be OK!
If only I believed that myself because, in my gut, I have a feeling that after the smoke clears tonight, I’m the one who is going to have lost. My brother, my best friend and my love.
MIA
Shit! Shit! FUCK! I can’t believe it! Of all the places in this town to go and eat, my brother chooses the same one as us tonight! I guess it was inevitable but fuck! Why tonight? Of all nights!? Dan and I could have had the conversation we needed to and then involved him! But no! Just like always, my brother has impeccable timing. Atleast he’s never caught us together naked! Thank fuck for small mercies! Ok, nothing about Dan is small but you get what I mean!
Dan squeezes my hand, I squeeze his back because I appreciate the thought but my mind just can’t relax and my stomach is churning.
As we approach my house, Alex’s voice gets louder and Ally’s chimes in between his outbursts, she’s trying to calm him down but it’s not working. Not even close! And this would be why I kept putting off telling him!
I finally put the key in the lock and look up in to Dan’s eyes. Pleading with him, asking him if he understands now? He just gives me a sad smile and pushes my front door open to allow me to walk past him and inside. He holds the door open for Ally and Alex, he gets a growl for his trouble but he just shakes his head. I can’t believe how calm he is, well he appears to be anyway. I’m a nervous fucking wreck. I have a feeling that by the end of the night, I will have lost someone I love.
I walk in to the kitchen without looking to see if anyone follows me, I don’t give a fuck who else is here. I flip on the coffee maker and grab out some mugs, spoons and sugar. I turn to the fridge to grab the milk, only for it to be taken out of my hand by Dan. I know it’s him before I even see him because that spark never fucking fails. I lean back and close my eyes to drink it in. I have the sense that I’m going to have to live without it after tonight. He’s going to sacrifice us for my family, I know it and he knows it.
“How long does it fucking take to make coffee in there, dude? Stop fucking touching my sister and get your arse out here, arsehole. Pixie won’t let me come in there and drag you out!” Alex booms, which isn’t necessary seeing as the house isn’t that big!
Dan presses a kiss to my neck and I shudder, but then he pulls away from my body and I miss him already. I sigh and move over to the bench to help him make the drinks. We’re both quiet and it feels like someone just died.
We join Ally and Alex in the other room and put down the hot drinks. I don’t look at any of them, I’m tired and we haven’t even started anything yet. I don’t want to see any of their faces. What I want to do is run to my room, bury myself under the covers and never come out! I don’t like confrontations; never have, even before my parents were killed. Alex normally calmly discusses things with me because he knows how much I hate it. Which proves just how angry he is right now and I don’t want to face it. I know that I’m pissing Dan off, but I’m just me.
“So, which one of you is going to be answering my questions, huh? Mia? Mia, look at me!” he growls at me and I feel Dan stiffen next to me, so I put my hand on his thigh and I hear a growl from Alex, again!
I glare at my brother and I see him soften slightly, until Dan rests his hand on mine, effectively trapping my hand on his leg. “Alex, I’m an adult. You don’t get a say in what I do or don’t do with my life or who I’m seeing. I don’t understand what you’re so angry about, it’s not like you don’t know Dan, we’ve both known him for years.”
“Exactly my point Mia, I know Dan! I’m very aware of how well I know Dan, Mia! I know all too well how he behaves with women and that’s why I’m fucking angry. I’m upset that you’ve managed to get yourself into this, well whatever the fuck this is!”
“That’s not fair Alex…” I say
, just as Ally yells, “Alex!!”
“Stop it, Alex” Dan’s voice is low and commanding. “Don’t talk to Mia like that and don’t make me out to be something I’m not, like you weren’t right there beside me before you met Allycat. You weren’t an angel before you met her you know. I really don’t think you have any fucking right to judge me!”
“Fuck you Dan! I know exactly who and what you are because I was right there beside you. Mia is my sister, she’s your fucking sister, atleast that’s what you used to tell me! What the fuck, have you just been biding your time? Waiting until I’m not paying close enough attention to just slide on in and take a stab at her? Really Dan, is that what you were doing?”
I can feel Dan tense up beside me and I don’t want him to answer, because I get the feeling that their friendship will end right here and now if he does.
I jump to my feet and yell at Alex, “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU ALEX! I can’t BELIEVE you just said that. That you could accuse Dan of just waiting until you were preoccupied with Ally, and let’s face it, if I was Ally right now, I’d be SO fucking mad at you for describing me that way, to pounce in on your naïve stupid little sister! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU, suggest that I’m THAT person. THAT WOMAN! Fuck you Alex! How dare you insinuate that I’m nothing but an airhead who can’t make her own decisions.” I need to take a breath and that’s when I realise that Dan is standing right next to me, with his hand resting on my back. “And you know what Alex!? You want to know something? DAN didn’t make the first move! We’ve been friends, close friends, having dinners, outings and chats for years. As long as you two have but I changed. I changed Alex, I wanted MORE and I made a move on HIM! It wasn’t him and he resisted. He didn’t want to ruin his friendship, his brother meant more to him than me. I pushed him to his limits and he gave in. I’m not saying he was innocent, OBVIOUSLY there was an attraction there from his side too for him to give in to you know?” I take another deep breath, “ You know what Alex? It shouldn’t even matter to you. You KNOW he’s a good guy. You KNOW he won’t hurt me on purpose and you KNOW I wouldn’t do this on a whim. FUCK Alex! You know BOTH of us well enough to know that we wouldn’t be walking in to this lightly.”
Sneaking Around (Sneaky Love Book 2) Page 7