I shake my head, I’m not done but I need another breath and a drink! Then I continue because no-one else speaks, I think they’re in shock!
“You want to know something else, ALEX?! It was ME who decided to keep this quiet, not Dan. He wanted to be upfront and honest from the beginning. I knew you would behave like this, I knew you would make it seem like a dirty thing or the wrong thing. But it’s not, it’s not Alex.” I shake my head again and both Alex and Dan go to speak but I hold up my hand.
“No. No-one else gets to speak. I’m done. Dan and I were going to talk about telling you tonight, about us. I knew he wasn’t comfortable sneaking around behind your back because he respects you and I knew I wasn’t ready to tell you yet. I didn’t want this,” as I wave my hand between the four of us, ”to happen and I knew it would. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me Alex, I know you sacrificed a lot when we were younger and you still feel like you have to look after me. But the truth is, you’re not my father, you’re my brother and while I’d love to have your approval, I don’t need it to live my life MY way.”
I step away from Dan and Ally moves towards me but I hold up my hand once again. “Please don’t Ally. I know this is difficult and uncomfortable for everyone but I don’t need to be placated.” I sigh. “I’m not a fragile child. I know Dan doesn’t know that I realised what his plans were tonight, especially after your arrival at the restaurant.” I finally look over to Dan and he looks sad, almost resigned to his fate. “I know you were going to walk away. Leave me and your partnership with my brother, so that I could keep the only family I have left but you’re my family too. So I can’t let you do that either. It’s over Dan, it never even really began and we both know it. All because I couldn’t find the time to tell Alex. So, I’m done. No-one needs to lose anyone and life can go back to what it was before.” I can see in Dan’s eyes that he doesn’t want this but I can’t think of any other way to keep both men in my life.
“Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone. Please, leave me in peace. NOW!”
Alex starts to move towards me, “Don’t Alex. Just don’t, please, I don’t want to be near you right now and before you move any closer, I’d rather you didn’t try to hug me either Ally. I just want you all to leave.” I turn to Dan, “That means you too. I need to be alone. If you touch me, I won’t be able to do this. I can’t and won’t be the reason this group of crazies we all call family breaks apart.”
Dan takes a deep breath and pushes past my brother, HIS brother and slams out the front door as he leaves. Ally looks at me sadly and grabs Alex’s hand to lead him out the door but he resists. Until I shake my head and turn my back to him.
It’s not until I hear the door shut, quietly behind them that I realise I’ve been crying. The tears have been flowing down my cheeks and making my top damp. I walk like a zombie to my bedroom, strip down to my underwear and crawl under my covers. I lie there, with my head on his pillow and breathe him in. I lay there, holding that pillow like it’s my lifeline and cry myself to sleep.
I just let the best thing that’s ever happened to me, the man I love, walk out the door. I let him think that whatever it was between us was nothing and that I could replace him.
I can’t! Maybe, eventually, I can settle for someone who loves me enough for both of us.
Chapter Fourteen
DAN
I push past Alex without looking at him or Ally. I just can’t. I slam the door behind me and walk to my car, where I sit in disbelief. I knew Alex would be annoyed but angry? I didn’t see that coming and the things he said to me. Is this all our years of friendship have meant to him?
I slam my fists in to the steering wheel, until I feel a shadow fall over the windscreen. I don’t look up, I start my car and take off. I don’t know where I’m going, all I know is I don’t want to be around any of them right now and I need to blow off some steam.
So, I drive. I drive endlessly. I know my phone is going off its nut but I’m not answering it or even looking at it.
She knew. Mia knew I was prepared to give us up so that her relationship with Alex wasn’t damaged and she beat me to the fucking punch. She sacrificed us in order to keep us all together but I don’t think I can go back to how it was before. Now I know how it feels to love and be with Mia.
I hated seeing her so upset. She was crying from the minute we walked in the house and she didn’t even realise it. When Alex started throwing accusations at me, I felt a change in her. I knew shit was about to fly but I didn’t think it would end up like this. I just wanted to hold her and make her feel better. To wipe away her tears and tell her I love her. Yeah I love her, there’s nothing else to call it.
I realise that I’ve somehow made it to my place, so I turn off the car and walk inside. That’s when I make my decision and start packing a few things. I don’t change my clothes, just pack a few essentials. I need to get away. Away from Mia. I need some space to think.
I grab my duffle bag and start to walk back out to my car, making a call before I get moving, hoping like hell it goes to message bank and I don’t have to talk to him. Then, I’m gone. Not sure where but as long as it’s not here, I’m good.
He obviously doesn’t want to speak to me either and I go straight to message bank and that’s where I leave what I have to say. Not much.
MIA
My alarm goes off the next morning for work and I decide I’m not going. I need a mental health day and I’m taking it. Or two! So I message Tonya and ask if there’s anything she actually needs me in the office for today. Her reply is heaven to my aching soul.
*Good morning Tonya, is it ok with you if I work from home today? Or did you need me in the office for something?*
*Good morning Mia. Its fine with me if you work from home today, we don’t have any meetings scheduled.*
*Thanks Boss. I should be in tomorrow*
*I hope everything is OK? You seemed a little on edge yesterday*
*It will be, thanks.*
*Let’s call it a mental health day and leave it at that?*
*Thanks. See you tomorrow*
With work sorted, I roll over and bury myself back in to my bed and my Dan pillow.
I can see all the missed calls and messages on my phone but I don’t want to look at them right now. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to wallow and sleep the day away in my bed. ALONE!
It feels like I just dropped off to sleep when, I’m awake because there’s a banging. Damn it someone’s at my front door. I don’t move. I don’t want to see anyone, not even Dan but it’s not Dan.
“Come on Mia open up, I know you’re in there beautiful girl.” More banging, the relentless banging! I thought it might have been in my head but nope, it’s Max banging on my damn front door!
“I’m not letting you in Max.” I yell, well I hope I yell. I might not have been loud enough for him to hear me. I still have my face snuggled into my Dan pillow.
“I know you’re in there and I’m letting myself in with the key you gave me. I do hope you’re decent my girl!”
I groan. I gave Max the key just in case I lost or forgot mine. I sort of do that on a regular basis and I lock myself out, so I figured if he had my spare, I’d be good. I’m really regretting that decision today.
“Leave me alone Max. Don’t come in here, I don’t want to see anyone. Not even you.”
“Ohhhhh gorgeous girl, you always want to see me!” He says but I don’t answer, he’s wrong and I don’t care. “Holy Zeus girl, all I can see is your hair. Please tell me you’re under there somewhere?”
“Fuck off Max, I’m not in the mood.”
“Ohhhhhh Mia darlin’, you may not be in the mood but you are getting out of that bed! I will not stand for this any longer.”
I sit up and look at him, “YOU won’t allow this. YOU don’t even know what THIS is Max, so fuck off and leave me alone!”
“I know you’re upset, so I’m going to let that nasty talk slide, but you w
ill get out of this bed darlin’ and come talk to me. Please put on some clothes first though.”
When I look down at my body, I realise I’m still in my underwear but I don’t really care.
“Why Max? Is my body doing something for ya huh? Are you liking my underwear a little too
much, hmmmmmm?”
“For the love of all that is holy, you think that’s why I want you to get on some clothes? Darlin’ you need clothes because I don’t think you want to talk to me in your underwear. No, you’re not tempting me to the other side, even if I can appreciate the female form, I’m not attracted to you, no.” He shakes his head at me.
I get my arse out of the bed because now that he’s woken me up, I need to pee! When I walk back in to my room, I see that it’s empty and I can hear Max making coffee and doing something. I know, without a doubt, that if I don’t go out there and talk to him, he won’t leave me alone. So, as much as I’d rather crawl back in to my cozy bed, I pull a shirt on and walk out to the kitchen. Better to just get it over with and then send him on his way.
I sit down at my dining table without a word and let him serve me. Coffee, cake and cookies.
“Why are you here Max? I have a day off work. I told Tonya I was working from home, that doesn’t require a house call from you.” I don’t understand why he’s here, it’s not like I’ve never worked from home before. I’ve done it so many times, I’m surprised they keep a desk for me at all! He doesn’t answer me, just wanders off and when he returns, he’s got my phone with him. I’m sure I had that buried under the covers of my bed somewhere. I know I did in fact because I didn’t want to hear it anymore. “Yes Max, it’s my phone. My phone called you and asked you to come over for a play date did it?” I ask the question but it holds no fucking humour.
“Yes and no darlin’. No-one has been able to get a hold of you since last night and people are worried. Namely your gorgeous brother and beautiful soon to be sister in law. They’ve been calling and have even come by but you haven’t answered anything.” I look at him and shrug my shoulders. I told them I didn’t want to talk to anyone, it’s not my fault they didn’t take the hint. “Beautiful Ally came in to work earlier and asked to see you. I mentioned you were working from home today and her entire body sagged.”
How is this my fault? “And I should care why, Max? I took a day off work. Hundreds if not thousands of others do it every day, why I am suddenly everyone’s concern?”
“Mia, Ally’s worried about you. She’s worried about Alex and Dan too.” I can’t help it, my body shakes just hearing both their names. “Have you checked any of the messages on your phone Mia?”
“No, Max, I haven’t. I can’t say I’m too interested in what anyone has to say. I’m tired Max, can you go now? Please.”
“No, sorry darlin’, I’m not going anywhere. You’ve been holed up in this house and that bed all day. You need to check your phone and I’m going to sit here while you do. I’m not leaving until you do, so I suggest you get to it.”
I get up from the table, grab a cold drink from the fridge and sit back down. “Fine! But once I’ve checked my phone, you’re leaving and you can tell Tonya I’m working from home again tomorrow too.”
He doesn’t say another word, just nods towards my phone. I pick up the god awful thing and growl at him.
When I look down at my unlocked phone, I see just how many missed messages and calls there are. I open up my messages app and see too many unread from Alex and Ally, I really don’t want to deal with them today, so without reading a single message from either of them, I send them a message:
*I’m fine I just need some space. Just give me a couple of days, please*
And that’s those two done. When I look further down the list I see some unread messages from Max and Tonya, I’ll check those in a minute, because it’s the name with just one unread notification next to it that I need to read:
*Hey there sweet cheeks. I want you to know, I heard everything you said last night. I wasn’t expecting Alex to react quite like he did, I get it now. I’ve left town for a while. A couple of days, a week, I don’t know just yet. I need space but I want you to know, my feelings for you, they haven’t changed. I just need to get my head sorted, I need to see if I can go back to being friends*
Then I cry and Max holds me until I can’t cry anymore and I’m just shaking. I don’t know how long we sit like that and I don’t care. I realise though, that I’ve lost the best thing that has ever happened to me and there’s only one person I blame.
Myself!
Chapter Fifteen
DAN
As I drove out of town the other day, I called an old friend and asked if I could stay at his beach shack for a few days. He said I could stay for as long as I wanted, now here I am, walking along the beach in a thick jumper, jeans and a beanie but bare feet. I love the feeling of the wet sand on my feet.
I’ve spent my days chopping wood so I have heat and hot water, reading, cooking and walking along the beach. The only thing I’m missing is the dog meandering alongside me. I try not to think about how much nicer it would be to have Mia here with me but it’s hard. I miss her more every day.
My nights are filled with Mia. Dreams that feel so real I expect her to be lying next to me when I wake up. Only to realise that side of the bed is empty and so am I!
My dreams aren’t all roses and sunshine but a lot of them are hot and steamy! Sometimes I’m balls deep in her sweet, wet, hot pussy and driving into her until neither one of us can breathe!
Other times, Mia’s on her knees, sucking my cock until I can’t see straight and I wake up with my cock wrapped up in my hand and waiting for relief. Those times I have to make myself come!
Then there are the dreams where I’m, on my knees, at the side my bed, with her legs slung over my shoulders and I’m French kissing her pussy until she comes all over my face!
Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is Mia, Mia dressed, Mia naked, Mia coming because I’m bringing her to the edge and then helping her over it!
Then, when I can’t sleep, I’ve been wandering up and down the beach or doing the menial, physical activities I need to do daily and I’ve been thinking. Thinking about how this situation can work between all of us and I just can’t get it to where everyone can be happy with the results.
I don’t want to lose Mia but I don’t want to lose my friendship with Alex either. I don’t want Mia to lose her only family, her brother but I can’t see Alex being happy with us being together after the other night. I can’t see myself going back home and being happy to work with Alex again after the things he said. I sure as hell can’t see myself going back home and being around Mia but keeping it to a friendship.
Maybe it’s time for me to move on. I love my house and the business and clientele that I’ve built up. Perhaps I can just keep afloat for a while doing my woodwork. I can leave Alex to his construction business and I can have my business. It was always my aim anyway. If I split away from Alex and don’t have to deal with him every day, then maybe I can stop thinking about Mia because I won’t have a reminder around me all the time.
If I can put some distance between the three of us, maybe we can heal the friendships we had and move on. Live without the woman I know I’m in love with. Do I think I should be fighting harder for her? Yes! If I love her this much, I should fight but I also love her enough to let her go. She needs Alex in her life, and even if she loves me, she doesn’t need me to survive. No matter how much I’d like to think she does.
When I get back to the shack and check my phone, I see that I’ve got a few missed calls from Alex but I can’t bring myself to call him back. When I left town, I called my foreman and made sure he knew I was heading out of town for a while and that he should talk to Alex if he had any questions. He could be calling me about work but I can’t bring myself to give a shit. I’ll call him back later, after I’ve had a few beers with my dinner.
A little bit of Dutch courage never
hurt anyone!
MIA
Max ordered in dinner after I’d wiped myself out crying and refused to leave until he knew that I’d eaten and had a shower. After he left, I walked in to my room to find something to sleep in and found an old shirt of Dan’s. I decided that I’d have one more night of torture and then I’d give it back but the memories that one shirt brings are painful and the dreams!
Those dreams, fuck, they’re hot! Sex in the shower, with Dan pounding my pussy from behind while biting my shoulder! That one doesn’t leave me feeling clean and rinsed, I can tell you!
My legs wrapped around his waist, with my back against the door and his growling release in my ear.
The worst by far though, is the dream where it’s slow and sweet. While he whispers in my ear how he feels and that I’m the only one for him. Those are the ones I hate the most because I’d wake up crying in happiness and then my tears would be filled with sadness at the emptiness of my bed, my heart and my life, without him.
I slept in that shirt for the rest of the week, I shouldn’t have but I did it anyway. I worked from home that week too, Tonya said I needed to take the time to recoup and we didn’t have any pressing matters to deal with, so I did just that. I did leave the house every day, I forced myself go out to get food, otherwise I knew I would stay holed up in the house. I took that time to just wander and take in some sights too.
Ally and Alex kept calling and I kept not answering. I send them a text after they call to let them know I’m ok but I still need time. I know that won’t keep them at bay forever but all I really want is some time. A few days, just to get my head back to where it was, ‘before Dan’. Or as I’ve come to call it, B.D and A.D.
I don’t know when or if Dan is coming home and neither do I expect him to tell me.
Sneaking Around (Sneaky Love Book 2) Page 8