Max comes to the house every day after work to check in on me and that’s why I go buy food every day. I feed him, that way he knows I’ve fed myself and he’s happy! Well, kind of anyway. I’ve also spoken to Tonya on the phone, about work and Dan but Max is the only person I’ve seen in the flesh. Besides the guys in the supermarket anyway but, by the end of the week I’ve decided enough is enough and I need to get my arse back on track. I love Dan, I will always be in love with Dan but I have a job and bills to pay. Even though I’ve still been working every day, I need to get back in to the land of the living.
So, when Ally calls later in the afternoon on Saturday and Max has just left after another therapy session, I answer the call. I can’t say I’m surprised by the shocked stammering in response to my hello!
“Hey Ally, how are you?”
“Oh, um hi Mia, how are you?”
“Hi Ally,” I laugh. “I’ve been better I guess but I’m ok. I’m sorry I haven’t been answering your calls but I really just needed some time to myself. You know, to get things sorted out.”
“I completely understand. I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to answer the phone and well, now I’m not sure what I want to say.” She lets out a nervous laugh and I laugh with her.
“Why don’t you come over for a coffee and we’ll have a chat? I could really do with your help.”
“Well that’s the thing. I’m already at your front door.” I hang up and go let her in. When I open the door, Ally leaps at me and hugs me tight. I laugh as I drag her inside so that I can close the door.
“Ally, you can let go, I’m ok!”
“Are you sure? Alex and I have been worried sick! I know you don’t feel like talking to your Neanderthal brother right now, but he’s been so worried about you honey. I have too. I knew, I mean I have been able to see for a long time that you two had feelings for each other. Maybe I should have tried to ease Alex in to it, get him used to the idea. I really didn’t think he would react like that though. I knew he wouldn’t be happy to find out that you guys had been sneaking around but I didn’t think he’d go nuclear on everyone. I understood why you wanted to keep it for just the two of you for a while, which is why I gave you guys space.”
When Ally finally takes a breath, we sit down on the couch and I say, “Ally, this isn’t your fault. Not even a little bit. I’m grateful that you didn’t tell Alex, even though he’s your fiancé and keeping secrets from him must have killed you, but it’s not something I should have expected you to do. I shouldn’t have expected Dan to do it either.” I take a deep breath and continue, “Ally, it’s my own fault, no-one else’s. Alex needs to think about how he reacted and the things he said but really, this is all on me. I asked everyone to do what I wanted them to do and even though at the time, I thought it was the right thing, I can see now that I was wrong. I’ve hurt so many people, myself included.”
Ally sighs and shakes her head, “I don’t think you can or should take the entire weight of the situation on your shoulders alone, Mia. We all played a part in this drama and I just hope we can fix it.”
“Ally, this isn’t for you to fix. Alex, well needs to talk to me and to Dan for that matter, he has fences to mend. As for Dan, I think I’ve managed to push him away forever.”
“But you love him, don’t you Mia?”
“I will always love my brother, Ally, but he really needs to take a step back and I really need to grow up and take a step back from him too. You guys are getting married and going to start a family of your own, you don’t need me hanging around and relying on you anymore. Alex has done his time and like all good big brothers and parents for that matter, it’s time for him to let me go a bit.”
“That’s not who I meant Mia Reynolds and you damned well know it!” The look she gives me, makes me feel like a little kid in trouble with her teacher! “I meant Dan. You love him, don’t you?”
“I love that man more than I ever thought possible Ally, but I can't take his friendship and business partnership away from him. I will find a way to live without him before I take all that he’s built away from him. I’m not the only one who needs Alex.”
“Don’t you think that Dan deserves to have a say in that decision as well? I mean he’s an adult too you know.”
“I know that too Ally, but he was willing to give me up so that I could ‘keep’ my brother and family. Men aren’t the only ones who can be noble and give things up you know. I love him enough to let him go, so that he can have the life he wants as well.”
“Did you ever think that perhaps, together, you could fight for the life you both want? If you didn’t both decide to be the sacrificial lamb, perhaps you could have made that life together.”
After catching up for a little bit more, Ally says she has to go. She needs to get back to the bakery before it closes to see what’s been selling and what she needs to get ready for Monday morning. I walk her to the door and she turns to give me another bear hug.
“Will you please check your messages? You can delete mine, truly, we discussed everything today.” She says with a laugh. “I think you might find some of them interesting.” With that and a kiss on my cheek, my soon to be gorgeous sister in law is gone. I close the door and sit back down on my couch and start scrolling through my phone.
When I read through all of Alex’s messages, I start to cry. I thought that I had run dry but apparently I’m not as dehydrated as I thought. Once I’ve finally read the last one, I swear there were atleast 50 of the bastards, I send him one back;
*Hey Alex. Can you come over tomorrow morning for a chat? Please?*
His response is immediate;
*I’ll be there by 10am sunshine xx*
Chapter Sixteen
MIA
The next day Alex is at my front door dead on 10am with an apple and cinnamon muffin and a coffee from Ally’s café. It smells divine!
“That smells like perfection Alex, why don’t you come on in?” I can't stay mad at him but I will make him grovel for a while. I know he had my best interests at heart and I also know it has got to be hard for him to let go of the ‘looking after’ instincts that our early years have embedded in him but, I really need him to understand that he doesn’t get to make my decisions for me. Even though to a degree, I guess I’ve let him make this one for me too. I mainly made those choices for Dan though and after Ally’s visit, I’m beginning to think about that too. I kinda did to him what Alex has been doing to me.
I shake my head and follow Alex over to the kitchen table, where I snaffle a coffee and a still warm muffin! Apple cinnamon …. Mmmmmm!
“And a good morning to you too Sunshine!” He says with a grin but I can see the sadness in his eyes.
“Good morning Alex. How are you?” I ask, feeling awkwardly polite. We’ve never been like this with each other, it’s always been so easy.
“Look, Alex …..”
“Listen, Mia…” We both start to speak at the same time. We both stop and look at each other.
“Mia, can I go first, please?” I nod at him and take a bite of my muffin, so he continues. “Mia, I’m sorry.” I go to speak but he holds up his hand. “No, please, let me get this out. I love you Mia. Since Mum and Dad died, well I’ve always tried to look after you. I’ve tried to be a parent and a brother. I’ve let you lean on me and I’ve always picked you up when you’ve fallen. I want you to know, that will never change, I will always be here for you. Ally and I have had, ohhh I don’t know, too many chats to think about, since we saw you and Dan in that restaurant.” He takes a swig of coffee and looks me in the eyes, “Ally reminded me that you’re not a child anymore, you’re and I’m quoting ‘a grown arsed woman who can make her own choices and decisions’. Now, in my heart I know and understand all of that, but I also struggle with that. I’ve looked out for you for so long that it’s hard to take a step back and see things differently. What I’m trying to say Mia, is that I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for what I said and my behaviour that
night. I was a shitty brother.”
“Thank you for apologising, Alex.”
“Are you really letting me off the hook that easily?”
“I’m not letting you off easily Alex. I understand why you behaved the way you did but that behaviour stops now. You are about to be married and you will be starting your own family with Ally. You should be concentrating on them and not your little sister, who by the way isn’t a baby anymore. I have let you take care of me and I’ve relied on you but we’ll stop it all now.” A hesitant smile makes it way on to his face. “Alex, I love you, I always will but you can't dictate who I do and don’t date or who I do or don’t love. That’s just not fair. I didn’t do that to you with Ally. Well ok maybe for a few seconds but she's awesome and is perfect for you, I would never do anything to break you guys up.”
“So, you’re in love with Dan huh?”
I roll my eyes at him and shake my head. “That’s the information you’ve chosen to take out of what I just said, nothing else?”
“No, Sunshine.” He sighs, “I heard everything you said and it all leads us to the fact that you’re in love with him. If that’s true, you should be fight for him, go after him and make him believe you.
“I thought he wasn’t a good guy, that I could do better and that he couldn’t possibly like me for too long, never the less love me?”
“I was wrong Mia. If you love Dan even half as much as I love Ally, you need to tell him. You need to make him see it. I almost lost Ally and I don’t want to think about life without her. Dan’s a great guy and I was an arsehole. I think we can all agree on that one huh?” He says it with such a goofy grin that I can't help but laugh. “Honestly Mia, if you love him enough to give him up, then surely you love him enough to try and get him back, forever?”
“Do you think he can forgive me? I don’t know if I could or would. I’ve hurt him Alex. Enough that he ran out of town as fast as he could. He didn’t even let anyone know where he was going or when he’d be back.”
“He loves you Mia. He wouldn’t have left that night in such an angry state if he didn’t. I mean he was pissed off at me but there was a passion in there that can only be love. That being said though, I don’t think he’ll make the choice to come to you, so if you want him you’re going to have go and get him back, Sunshine.” Alex looks me dead in the eyes and reaches out for my hands, “Do you love him Mia? You need to fight for him if you do, because you’re the one who pretty much told him to walk out that door. He didn’t make that choice, you didn’t give him the option.”
I look at my brother and I see love and affection there but I also see regret for the first time. I also see how much he wants this for me.
“I just want you to be happy Mia and if Dan is the guy to do that, then go for it. I was a dick and I should never have said those things about him. He’s right, I was right there beside him until I found the woman I wanted to stay with forever. I think you’re his forever and I think I’ve known it for years.” I can't help but I gasp and pull my hands away from his. “What I mean to say is, that you two have always spent time together without me and I would have to be blind to have not notice how close you two were but I always assumed it was like us spending time together. I realise now that couldn’t have been further from the truth.”
He gets up and pulls me into a tight bear hug. Like the ones he always gave me when we were kids and I’d hurt myself. “I love you Alex.”
“I love you too Mia. Now go and work out how you’re going to get your man back.”
With that slice of wisdom, my brother leaves me to ponder everything he said. I realised years ago that I was in love with Dan but I didn’t think he saw me as anything except Alex’s little sister and by proxy, his little sister. Then again, I also thought that we had managed to keep our extra time together quiet and that Alex wasn’t aware of atleast 90 percent of it. Guess he’s just proven me wrong.
My next question is how do I get someone back when no one knows where the hell he is?
DAN
I’ve decided to go home. I’ll talk to Alex and give him notice. Then, I’m going to make it on my own and maybe get a labouring job just to supplement my income for a while. While I realise that it may seem ridiculous to leave one very stable job and go find work on another crew, I believe that it would be better for all involved.
It’ll help my sanity, that’s for sure!
It’s time to head home and face the music, specially seeing as I’ve made my decision. I call my buddy and let him now I’ve locked the shack up, clean and ready for its next visitors. I thank him for letting me stay because it’s really been a lifesaver and given me the space and time I needed to think.
I hit the road towards home and even though my heart doesn’t feel lighter, my head does and that’s a bonus. I try not to think about the conversation that’s coming my way. I want to get home, settle in and then I’ll go see Alex early tomorrow. I nod, another decision made.
Out on the highway, I watch the road disappear while my music plays loudly. Until the phone rings through the car and I hit the answer button on the steering wheel. It’s not until I say hello, that I realise I should have looked at the screen in my dashboard to see who was calling!
“Hey Dan. I was ummmmm …. I was wondering when you were heading back in to town? I need to talk to you about a few things and I really want to do it face to face.”
“Hey Alex. I’m thinking about heading back tomorrow. Maybe.” I don’t want him to know that I’ll be home earlier than that. I don’t want him to warn Mia and I don’t him waiting for me at my house. “We can settle all work details then if you like?”
“What? What do you mean settle work details? I mean, yeah we need to talk over a few things about your upcoming projects but that’s not what I meant.”
“Can we talk about this when I get back? I’ll message you when I get back ok?”
“You are coming back right? And staying here, this is still home, yeah?”
“Look, can we talk about this when I get back? I’m a little busy right now.” Just then, a car goes flying passed me and a couple of girls are laughing and singing loudly out the windows. I forgot that I’d rolled my window down and laugh at their antics. If only I could be that carefree. One day. Then I hear Alex growl.
“Right Dan, you’re busy huh? Didn’t take you long to get over my sister and move on hey?”
“I’m not talking to you about this right now Alex. I’ll call you when I get back in to town.” With that, I hang up. I know I didn’t tell him where I’ve been, who I was with or even that I was driving but there he goes making assumptions again. The music blares back on and I just let it wash over me and concentrate on driving. I may not be looking forward to getting back in to town but I sure as fuck want to be alive and in one piece when I get there!
When I pull in to the outskirts of town its dark and the lights are on in the few houses I can see. Lucky for me, my place is on the inner outskirts, if you get what I mean. I’m not close to town and I don’t have to drive through it to get home from this direction. It feels like a godsend tonight. I pull up the driveway and wait for the garage door to open. I drive up but don’t close the door, instead I jump out of the truck and start to unload my stuff.
Just as I finish unloading and turn to close the door to walk into the house, I hear an engine rumble. There are no houses that close to mine that would mean I’d hear a car unless it was coming here, but I don’t want to see anyone tonight. Specially not the person who this particular truck belongs to. I don’t even have to turn around to know who just turned off their car and is now walking up my driveway.
“I thought you weren’t going to be home until tomorrow or the next day Dan?”
“I didn’t realise you we were stalking me ALEX.”
“I’m not, but I have been coming by after work to make sure the house and your workshop is still in one piece. I know it would kill you if anything was damaged.”
“Huh! Wel
l thanks friend, you’ve done your duty, but I’m home now and I can look after my own house and workshop.” It’s nice to know he’ll check in on my stuff to make sure none of its trashed, but my feelings aren’t even a consideration after I’ve walked away from his sister. It’s not like that could be causing me any pain at all. I thought this would be easier now that I’d made my decision but it’s really not. I haven’t turned around to face him, I’m not sure I can. I start to walk inside and as I get close to the door into the house from the garage, I reach out to press the button that closes the door that would leave Alex out in the dark, he speaks again;
“Dan. Can I come in? I need to talk to you and I never thought I’d have to ask to be invited in.”
“I never thought you would need to ask me that either but here we are. I’m tired Alex, can't this wait until tomorrow?”
“Yes, it can but I don’t want to wait until then now that we’re both here.”
“Oh yeah and Alex always gets what he wants, right?” I mumble to myself and then to him I say, “Whatever Alex, just make it quick.”
Chapter Seventeen
DAN
I drop my bag of clothes in the laundry as I walk passed it and move onto the kitchen to sit at the table. If Alex wants to talk to me now and not wait until the morning after I’ve slept, then he can follow my grumpy arse and deal with it.
I look up when Alex puts a six pack of beer on the table that I didn’t even realised he’d been carrying. He takes out two cans, cracks them open and places one down in front of me as he sits his arse down in the chair opposite me. There we sit, waiting to see who is going to speak first. It sure as fuck is not going to be me, I didn’t get the chance a week ago and I’m not particularly interested in what he has to say now. Unless, something is wrong with Mia. That thought makes me sit up straighter.
“Mia’s fine, Dan.” Alex says, I don’t think I said that out loud, how the hell could he possibly know what I was thinking? “I know because I saw the change in your body language. One minute you didn’t want me here and then the next minute you we were sitting up and interested in my existence. It wasn’t hard to guess.” I nod and take a drink from the beer.
Sneaking Around (Sneaky Love Book 2) Page 9