Through With Love

by Tymber Dalton

  Tim squeezed his shoulders, hard, hoping his words were making it through the cloud of panic swirling in Paul’s eyes. He looked young enough it would be plausible.

  He finally nodded and turned, running to go do it.

  Ten minutes later, and the ambulance was rolling out, Paul riding with them. They’d restarted Kent’s heart with the defibrillator and were transporting him to Proctor-Collins Medical Center.

  Tim grabbed his things and felt really fucking weird locking the house with Kent’s keys.

  The argument…it felt a lifetime away now.

  And hadn’t he started it, anyway?

  Instead of just asking Kent for clarification, he’d jumped all over him?

  Fuck.

  If Kent died and those were the last words he’d ever said to the man, he’d never forgive himself.

  * * * *

  Paul had no clue what to do except answer questions as best he could and try to remember he was pretending to be Kent’s son.

  Once admissions paperwork was handled as much as he could, along with the insurance card and other ID from Kent’s wallet, Paul was relegated to the waiting room where he huddled in a corner chair and wished Tim would hurry up and get there.

  This felt…surreal. They’d had a great damn weekend, and then…

  What the fuck?

  Tim finally arrived and sat next to him, but Paul didn’t really have much to say to him. “They took him back to the cath lab.”

  When Tim draped an arm around his shoulders, Paul didn’t lean in, at first. Finally, it all hit him at once and he started crying, crumpling against him.

  “Why were you screaming at each other?”

  “I don’t know.” But now Tim’s voice sounded…flat. Dead. “I thought he was trying to let us down easy.”

  “You didn’t let him talk and started yelling at him, then he was yelling at you.”

  “I know.”

  “I heard him talking to one guy last week. Kent told him he had a newbie he wanted to introduce to him because he thought they’d hit it off. Did it ever fucking occur to you that maybe he was playing matchmaker for them? Like he did for Boyd and Caleb?”

  * * * *

  Tim winced, not just at Paul’s words, but the wounded tone he said them in.

  No, that thought hadn’t crossed his mind.

  Even though, now that he thought about it, it seemed like he remembered Kent saying something about that to someone else.

  “He didn’t say he wanted to be exclusive with us,” Tim muttered, keeping his voice down.

  “He didn’t say he wanted to fuck someone else, either,” Paul whispered.

  It was nearly nine that night when a doctor came out to update them. Tim took the lead, lying for Paul, reinforcing Paul was Kent’s son.

  Kent was going to live, but he was in recovery now after having two stents placed, and he’d be moved to the CCU once he was awake.

  “Can we see him?” Paul asked.

  “You’re his son?” the doctor asked.

  “Yes,” Tim said. “I’m his son-in-law.”

  “They allow one visitor at a time in there, but it won’t be until after he’s in there and settled. A nurse will come out and get you. Just wait here. I’ll tell them you’re out here.”

  They settled in again to wait, Tim running out to get them food and coffee. It was nearly eleven before a nurse emerged to get Paul.

  “We both can’t see him?”

  “No, the bed areas are small. Only one visitor at a time. And he’s asleep right now, anyway.”

  Tim was going to tell him it was okay, that he’d wait out there, when Paul turned to him. “Maybe you should go back to Dad’s house,” he softly said.

  “What?”

  “You need to get some sleep. I’ll stay here with him tonight.”

  With the nurse standing right there and waiting, it wasn’t like he could hash it out with Paul. “You sure?”

  Paul hugged him. “Text me in the morning. I’ll call you if there’s any change. I think I need to talk to him first.”

  “But—”

  “Please?”

  It went against his instincts, but he knew he had to let Paul do this. “Okay. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  He didn’t release Paul yet, pressing his lips to his ear. “Don’t tell them Dad loves to fuck you or we’ll end up in trouble.”

  But it worked—it finally drew the ghost of a smile from him.

  As he drove back to Kent’s he tried to shove down his emotions.

  Including guilt that he hoped it wasn’t their fight that had triggered Kent’s heart attack.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Kent wasn’t sure where the fuck he was or what the hell had happened when he forced his eyes open. His chest felt like a fucking elephant had tap-danced on him. And what the hell was on his face and arms?

  He started to reach for the annoying thing under his nose when a hand closed over his. “No, Sir,” Paul softly said. “You need to leave that there.”

  He finally managed to make Paul’s features swim into focus. The things on his arms were IVs, and it seemed to be a…hospital room?

  “What happened? Where am I?”

  “Proctor-Collins. You’re in their cardiac care unit.”

  “What?”

  “You had a heart attack and they did surgery on you last night. They placed a couple of stents.”

  “What?”

  Paul brought Kent’s hand to his cheek and kissed it, pressing it against the rough stubble on his flesh. “After the fight, you’d left the kitchen and headed to the bedroom. We were getting ready to leave and heard a noise, and you wouldn’t answer me. I went looking for you and found you on the floor in your bedroom. Daddy started CPR and I called 911 and let them in.”

  This was…

  Fuck.

  The things he’d said to them all flooded back into his brain, filling him with shame, regret.

  This was too much to process at once. “Where is he?”

  “I made him go back to your place a couple of hours ago to get some sleep. He was about ready to collapse. It’s almost three Monday morning.”

  Holy…

  “Monday?”

  “Yes, Sir.” You’ve been out of it. You came to in recovery, but then fell asleep again.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “We told the staff I’m your son and Daddy’s your son-in-law, and they believed us. That’s why they let me stay with you.”

  Kent started to laugh but that hurt like holy fuck, making him wince. “Shit.”

  “You’ve got two cracked ribs from the CPR. Sorry.”

  He squeezed Paul’s hand. “Don’t tell them how close we really are, or they’ll sick DCF on me for fucking you.”

  Paul smiled. “Daddy already made that joke.”

  He stared up at Paul, at his sweet green eyes. “I’m sorry I was an asshole. I’m sorry I said those things. I love you guys. Of course you have every right to tell me—”

  “Shh.” Paul squeezed his hand. “If you’re such a fucking drama queen that you’d resort to having a heart attack to make us take pity on you, maybe we can sit down and talk and work this out.” His lips quirked in a smile. “Especially since we love you.”

  “You…you love me?”

  “Yeah. Why do you think Tim went off when he thought you were setting up new fucks?”

  “I love you guys, too. I wasn’t doing that.”

  “Then why the big deal about newbies?”

  “I’ve got them fixed up with other guys already.”

  “You weren’t going to fuck them?”

  “I wasn’t going to fuck anyone next weekend. I didn’t want to. I know I won’t need anyone else but you two.”

  “We don’t want anyone but you, either.”

  “I’m tired of being alone. You guys ruined me, spoiled me. Please? I was scared of how much I’m in love with you both. I didn’t want to be the one left out and alone. I thought I needed a wee
kend away from you to try to get my head on straight.”

  Paul glanced around, apparently wanting to make sure they were truly alone, before he leaned in closer. But the “boy” was gone. This was man-to-man, the Paul who Kent had first met years ago and gotten to know as a fantastic businessman and friend.

  “I don’t want to get my heart broken, and neither does Tim. But he’s got some triggers of his own. And…I’m not getting any younger. I’ve gotten the fucking around out of my system. It’s not the sex so much as it is the play that I need and want. Between the monster, and Tim, and toys, yeah, I’m good. But are you really ready to settle down with only two guys?”

  “I’ve spent my whole life keeping people at arms-length and I’m tired of it. I want snuggle nights. I want to be able to relax and know I’m not expected to act a certain way. Sure, the parties are fun, but ever since the three of us started playing, I realized they were only a temporary fix. Self-medication.”

  Paul’s gaze studied him for several long minutes, enough for Kent to become aware of the beeps and noises of the machines monitoring his condition.

  “We don’t mind if you want to hold the parties. But like you let Boyd and Caleb come and watch and not have to…mingle, would you be okay if the three of us did that, too? It’s fun to watch guys fucking around, yeah. But I don’t want to have to worry if you’re scoping out the next twink you want to ruin, and neither does Tim.

  “We need to know we’re enough for you. This is our marriage we’re talking about. We love each other, and we love you, asshole. We want you to be a part of that with us. I’m tired of living with the anxiety about whether or not this test result will be the one that comes back pos, no matter how careful we thought we’d been. The benefits no longer outweigh the risks, for us. But if this is going to work, we need to know you’re in it the way we are.”

  Kent nodded. “Yeah.” He smiled. “Can I make you wear a sexy male stripper waiter G-string or something for the parties?”

  Paul rolled his eyes, but he leaned in and kissed him. “I could probably be persuaded to do that…Sir.”

  “Is Tim okay?”

  “He’s really upset. That’s the other reason I sent him back to your place. I knew he needed to mentally decompress for a little while. He was really hoping you were going to want to be with us permanently. Take up the slack where he wasn’t comfortable with it. He could be my Daddy and your boy, and you could be my Sir, and I could enjoy being a toy for both of you. You shot him down after he opened his heart and bared his soul to you. It really hurt him.”

  Fuck.

  “I was an idiot. I was scared, because I’ve never let myself fall for anyone before, and here I am in love with both of you with no guarantees you wouldn’t one day get sick of me and walk away and find someone younger or better-looking.”

  “We would never play you, Kent. We’d never walk away from you. We’re in love with you, asshole.”

  “I know that now.”

  “We just want to hear you tell us how you feel.”

  “I don’t want to lose you guys.”

  Paul studied him for a moment. “You done being through with love?”

  “Yeah.” His voice choked. He felt…exhausted, and in pain, but he needed to say it. “I love you. Both of you. Please don’t leave me.”

  Paul lowered the bed’s side rail so he could lean in and nuzzle his head against Kent’s. “We’re not going anywhere. I promise. But you have to open up to us, stubborn.”

  * * * *

  Tim awakened alone in Kent’s bed a little after daybreak. Despite the fight and the aftermath, he couldn’t bring himself not to sleep there, holding the man’s pillow against him.

  Fuck.

  Did their fight cause his heart attack? What if they’d left and he’d died, and the last words he’d ever said to him had been in anger?

  What if Kent had died without knowing how much they loved him?

  What if they hadn’t been there to call 911, for him to do CPR and keep him alive?

  What if, what if, what if…

  He crawled into the shower and stood leaning against the wall, crying it out. Now he remembered why he preferred strings-free swinging to…this.

  To the emotions and entanglements and heartache that came with adding someone else to an already perfect mix.

  Once he was out of the shower and had made coffee, he texted Paul.

  How is he doing?

  He was a little surprised when his phone rang seconds later, Paul’s number.

  Tim answered it. “Hey.”

  “If you don’t bring me coffee, I’m gonna climb out of this goddamned bed and fuck someone’s shit up. These cunts in the CCU said I’m not allowed to have any, and this fucking boy of ours is refusing to go get me any.”

  Tim choked back the laughing sob as he processed it was Kent’s voice, not Paul’s. “Don’t get your son in trouble. We don’t need an incest investigation on top of everything else.”

  Kent’s pained laugh was a damned good thing to hear. “So I heard. Listen, before I fuck this shit up again, I love you. I wasn’t going to fuck those guys, I swear. I love you, and I love Paul, and I’m just a scared asshole who was afraid to admit it. I’m sorry.”

  Tim leaned against the counter, rubbing at his eyes. “I love you, too.”

  “I’m not too proud to beg right now. Can you two take a couple of days off and stay with me, please? I think we have a lot to talk about. And someone’s gonna have to save me from myself. There’s apparently a shitload of things I’m going to have to do when I’m discharged, and this fucking boy of yours is bound and determined I’m going to do them.”

  “You mean that boy of ours.”

  He’d swear Kent sniffled back tears. “Yeah. This boy of ours.”

  Tim took a deep breath. “I know what it’s like to get burned, man. I know it fucking hurts, and I know it’s fucking scary. I swear we’ll never play you. We’ll always be honest with you. But we need something in return from you. We need to know we’re enough for you.”

  “Paul and I already talked. I think maybe I’m getting too old for this bullshit. I don’t want to look like one of those guys always chasing his youth, you know? No reason we can’t hold parties, but I’m fine limiting my activities to just the three of us.”

  Tim let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “That’d be great,” he said. “The parties are fun. I need to know there won’t be a shiny new object that grabs your interest.”

  “Just you two. If you can put up with me.”

  “When are they turning your cranky ass loose, anyway?”

  “I tried to get them to discharge me today, but they said they want me in an extra day or two since I got pounded on and zapped. Thanks for the cracked ribs.”

  “Um, you were dying.”

  “I know. That wasn’t sarcasm. I meant I’d rather have cracked ribs than be dead. See? I’m shitty at talking without coffee in me. I’m thinking about getting one of those auto defibrillator things for here at the house. Hey—”

  It sounded like the phone was wrestled from him.

  Paul came on the line. “See? He’s not dying. You can relax.”

  “Did you take the phone away from him?”

  “Yeah, another doctor just came in. I’ll see you when you get here. Please bring me breakfast. If I leave him, he’ll end up in the psych ward. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” The call ended.

  This time, it was relieved tears he had to wipe away.

  * * * *

  Tim hit a fast-food restaurant on the way in to the hospital. Paul had to come out to the waiting room to meet up with him, and after they ate Tim went back to see Kent.

  Kent’s features looked pinched with pain, but he opened his eyes when he heard Tim arrive. “Hey.” He reached out a hand for him to draw him close.

  Tim leaned in and kissed him, not giving a shit who saw. “I love you, asshole.”

  Kent smiled. “Love yo
u, too.” His smile faded. “No, I wasn’t going to fuck them.”

  “Then why did you want us to stay home?”

  “Because I was in love with you guys and it scared the fuck out of me. I thought it was only a matter of time before you guys moved on. I wanted to start the process on my terms. I was going to pair them up with other guys and then when everyone left, I was going to spend Sunday alone. I swear. That’s it.”

  Tim settled into a chair at Kent’s bedside. “Just because Paul and I are married doesn’t mean there’s not room for you. But I need to know you’re not going to go behind our backs. If we’re going to do this, I need to trust you. I need you to tell me what’s in your head.”

  “Snakes, man.” He smiled. “Head full of snakes.”

  Tim laughed. “I mean it.”

  Kent’s smile faded. “Last time I let myself love someone, he made an asshole out of me and I couldn’t trust again.”

  “When was that?”

  “College.”

  “Uh, thirty fucking years ago. My whole fucking life.”

  “Hey, no dad jokes.”

  “I’m serious.” He squeezed Kent’s hand. “We’re here, aren’t we? We could have locked up the house for you and left our number for them to call after the paramedics hauled you off to the hospital. But we’re here. Give me something to shut up my own ghosts. Please?”

  Kent stared up into his eyes. “I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else since we started really being together. And I don’t mean just in bed, either. I like hanging out with you two, watching TV. You’re both smart and fun to talk with, and I like being in business with you. I want to be a part of all of that with both of you. I won’t lie to you or cheat on you, I promise.”

  Tim shoved the remaining fragments of his pain and anger out of his mind and locked the door behind it. He leaned in and kissed him. “That’s all I needed to hear.”

  “Thanks for not letting me die.”

  “Sorry I nearly killed you.”

  “You didn’t. I’ve been having chest pains for months, but thought it was just angina. Doctors said this has been coming on for a while now. Guess I got some clogged arteries. My dad died of a heart attack. Runs in my family.” He rolled his eyes. “And now our boy is saying he’s going to put me on a healthy fucking diet, if you can believe that shit. I think he means it, too.”