Bossing My Friend

by Suzanne Hart

  “Hope you’re hungry!” I exclaimed, forcing myself to be cheerful. Elsie didn’t say much. She just lingered in the kitchen, trying to keep her eyes averted from me.

  The table was set for two and I brought the steaks out for both of us.

  “Sit, sit!” I insisted and went back to the counter to bring the salad bowl.

  Elsie sat down across from me. I knew she was glum. Just like I’d predicted…having sex again would change everything. She wasn’t just angry with me anymore, she was also sad. I should have resisted.

  “How’s work?” I changed the subject when I sat down. Talking about our relationship…about what happened, would only make things worse. I knew that. I wanted to avoid it.

  She looked up at me, and there was an ache in her eyes.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and convince you to come work for me anymore,” I confessed.

  I’d changed my mind. This morning I’d woken up determined to recruit Elsie to my team. A few hours later, while I watched her undressing herself—I knew that couldn’t happen.

  If she worked for me, this would happen again. As long as Elsie was around me, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off her. It was over. This had to end here.

  She shifted in her chair now and pierced a piece of tomato with her fork.

  “I thought it was going well…I mean, I had a whole presentation lined up for a meeting yesterday,” she finally said.

  “And?”

  “And I botched it up. I wasn’t prepared for it. My mind was…occupied,” she said and looked at me with guilt.

  “What was the presentation for?” I asked.

  “We need funding for the wells we want to build. I was meeting with potential benefactors for donations, but my presentation was crap. We’ll have to start all over again. Look for new people.” Elsie was speaking in a low, soft voice, more to herself than to me.

  “I’m sorry, Elsie, if it was my fault in any way,” I told her.

  She looked up at me and shook her head.

  “No, it was my fault, if anyone’s. I allowed myself to get distracted by you,” she said.

  I tried to eat, but I wasn’t hungry anymore. I was hurting her once again. I shouldn’t have invited her to Vermont. That day after the park, I should have simply walked away and never got in touch with her again.

  Elsie looked up at me abruptly and put down her cutlery.

  “Why did you invite me here?” she asked, like she had read my thoughts.

  I didn’t know how to answer that question.

  “I know I shouldn’t have,” I said, and she nodded her head, with her lips pressed sourly together.

  “I thought that maybe when you said you wanted to talk…that we spend some time together…I was hoping you wanted to make amends. But all you really wanted was an opportunity to have sex again. One last time. Like a keepsake,” Elsie’s voice was strangely calm, even though her words were anything but.

  I shook my head.

  “You asked me to!” I snapped.

  “I know I did. I know what I said. But I thought it would mean something to you…I didn’t realize that sex with me would be just a basic human necessity. Isn’t that how you put it?” her voice sizzled as she spoke now.

  I knew this would happen. I knew it would hurt her. Still, I’d done it. I should have resisted and said no. I should have put a stop to it when I could.

  “What was it supposed to mean, Elsie?” I growled. My eyes were growing heavy with frustration. Elsie breathed heavily as she stared at me.

  “Something! Anything more than just a common activity! It wasn’t common to me, Jared!” She stood up from her chair with a jerk, making her plate and cutlery clatter. “You have been nothing but selfish and arrogant all our lives. Our friendship was always just about you, Jared, and this still is. It’s always about what you want. And my eyes are open now. You were never going to be there for me. It wasn’t strange that you disappeared. You were always going to disappear. It was just a matter of time.”

  I remained sitting. I didn’t know what to do or say that would appease her. She was right on all counts.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow morning. I have no choice but to spend the night here. I really don’t want you to get in touch with me again. This time, it’s my decision,” Elsie hissed. When I looked at her I saw pure anger in her eyes.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t,” I replied.

  She scoffed and whipped around, striding out of the room. I heard a door open and then bang shut. She’d found the spare room and locked herself in it.

  I sighed heavily and continued eating my steak.

  I definitely deserved that. I deserved every word of it. Once she was gone tomorrow, hopefully things could go back to normal again. Ralph would just have to find someone else to recruit.

  Elsie

  I was sad. The last time I was this sad was ten years ago. And it was the same person’s fault.

  I spent the rest of the night in the spare bedroom and didn’t come out till daybreak the next day. I was hoping to leave the cabin while Jared was still asleep. I didn’t want to see him again. But he caught me leaving. He was already up when I stepped out of the cabin.

  Jared was sitting on the front porch with a mug of coffee in his hand. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him. He’d taken me by surprise.

  He was in a pair of pajama pants and an old t-shirt. I could see his biceps bulging, the stretch of the material over his wide chest and shoulders. His usually neatly styled hair was rumpled and messy. His gray eyes looked tired and his stubble had gotten thicker.

  “There’s coffee for you in the kitchen if you want it,” he told me as I stood some distance from him. I was at the top of the steps, just a few feet away from the rented car. So close to freedom.

  This would have been a whole lot easier if I could have escaped without seeing him again.

  “I’m fine, thanks,” I said curtly and looked down at my feet.

  “Take care of yourself, Elsie,” he told me in a deep, calm voice. That sadness fell like a rock over me again. Even just hearing his voice had that effect on me. I knew I was leaving behind a part of me in Vermont. One I would never get back.

  All these years of waiting and wondering and hoping…it was all squashed. Now I knew that Jared had never wanted me. I meant nothing to him. I wished he’d never come back into my life.

  I would have been much happier just day-dreaming about him instead.

  “You too,” I said meekly.

  I turned and bounded down the steps. I threw my bag in the car and got in. As I rolled down my windows, I saw Jared stand up from his chair. He placed his mug on the ledge and watched me intently.

  I stared at him for a few moments before I started the car. That image of Jared on his cabin porch would always stay with me. He looked handsome in the morning sunlight, surrounded by the wilderness. He looked peaceful and calm.

  I wasn’t lying when I told him I was proud of him. He’d achieved great things in his life. He’d gone against all the odds life handed to him and made something of himself. I couldn’t just stop loving him. But I would have to get over it and move on.

  I started the car and reversed out of the driveway. In the rearview mirror, I could see him looking at the car as I drove away. Out of his sight, I allowed myself to cry. I would never see him again.

  Jared Morin was the love of my life and I was driving away from him. He hadn’t even tried to stop me. This was the end of our story.

  It was Monday morning, and I walked into the office dejectedly. I didn’t want to be back. I was beginning to hate Chicago. All these years that I’d lived here and enjoyed my time in this city—had gone to waste.

  Jared was here. I imagined him in every street corner. I couldn’t even be in my own apartment without thinking about that night he was there. Chicago was ruined for me. And it was all Jared’s fault.

  “Elsie!” My co-worker, Dane, jumped out of his chair when I entered our office. He loo
ked exceptionally sunny for a Monday morning, I thought.

  “Hey, Dane, how’s it going,” I remarked listlessly, as I walked past him.

  “Elsie, wait up! Congratulations!” Dane was following me, and I stopped in my tracks.

  “Elsie, oh my God! This is such great news!” Melissa had joined us, and some others were leaving their chairs to come over too.

  I was staring at them with my brows crossed, totally confused.

  “What news? Why are you congratulating me?” I asked, staring at their excited faces.

  “For the donation! You did it! We knew something was up with you and Jared Morin,” Melissa said.

  “Yeah. Is that why you didn’t care about the presentation on Friday?” Ethel, another co-worker, added. When I heard his name, my body seemed to tumble forward. I felt like I was going to faint.

  “What are you guys talking about?” my voice had grown weak. I could barely keep standing.

  “Was it supposed to be a surprise? Didn’t he tell you?” Dane asked.

  “He’s donated two million dollars towards the Wells Project,” Melissa declared and clapped her hands.

  “Two million…” My voice faded under the round of cheers and claps that erupted around me. How? Why? What!

  “How did you convince him to do that?” Ethel asked.

  “Did you pitch him for two on purpose? We were preparing the presentation for one million for the others,” Dane continued.

  I couldn’t listen to this anymore.

  “I need some air. Sorry, guys, I need to go…” I ran away, bolted straight out of the office.

  Outside, on the busy Chicago streets again, I allowed myself to be absorbed by the crowds that were sucking me in.

  Jared did that? He just sent us money? Why would he…what kind of an apology was this?

  I didn’t know if I was happy or angry or even more sad. I didn’t want his money. I would have found someone else to donate it to us! I wanted him. I wanted him to acknowledge me as a friend…as someone more than a friend. That’s what I wanted from him!

  I didn’t go back to the office that day. I didn’t feel like I could be with my co-workers, around their positive energy.

  I needed to be by myself, I was nursing a broken heart. How was I ever going to be whole again?

  Jared

  Six weeks later

  Priscilla Nugent was sitting across from my desk. Her hair was neatly held back in a professional, slick bun. Her dress was tight and her legs were long and carefully crossed over.

  She was the fourth candidate I was personally interviewing for the position. Elsie was supposed to have this job.

  Priscilla was perfectly competent for the position. She was an industry veteran, according to Ralph. He had headhunted her out of an environmental firm in New York. She’d been living in Argentina for two years. Which meant that she would be perfect for our South American expansions.

  I stared at her while she listed out her achievements in a confidently professional voice. It was like white noise in my ears. I wasn’t paying attention to a word she was saying.

  I was thinking. Two months ago, I would have either hired or fucked her. Right there in my office. I could tell from the way she blushed red when I looked at her that she was thinking the same thing. It had happened before. Several times, in fact.

  These kinds of meetings went in one of those two ways. Either we clicked professionally or sexually. I just made sure never to let those two things cross over. Today, however, things were different.

  Even a beautiful blond stunner like Priscilla Nugent stirred nothing in me. I didn’t care for her professional achievements. Neither did I care about the ample breasts she sported under that tight gray dress. I cared about nothing.

  “Mr. Morin?” Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts. How long had I been out of it?

  “Sorry, what did you just say?” I asked.

  Priscilla looked confused, but she pasted a wide smile on her face immediately.

  “I was just wondering if you had any questions for me. I would be happy to answer them for you,” she replied.

  I clenched my jaw and tried to think. What could I ask her to make her believe that I was listening to her? Nothing came to mind. I hadn’t even looked at her CV. I didn’t know any noteworthy details about her.

  I sat back in my chair and weaved my fingers together.

  “No questions. Thank you, Ms. Nugent,” I said firmly.

  Priscilla seemed confused again.

  “Mr. Morin…I’m sure we will have a lot to discuss. I’ll be happy to do so,” she said, but I didn’t reply. Priscilla shifted in her seat.

  “Maybe not now. Later, perhaps? I’m in town for a few more days. Maybe we can discuss this over some drinks?” she asked, and a suggestive smile was curling her lips.

  “Ms. Nugent,” I said and leaned over the desk, “the position is now closed. There must have been some logistical miscommunication within my staff. This meeting shouldn’t have been arranged.”

  Her mouth fell open in shock. She was holding herself up, but I could see that she was annoyed.

  “I’m…” she began to say but I cut her off.

  “I apologize for wasting your time,” I said abruptly and stood up from my chair. She stood up slowly and hesitated before shaking my hand.

  “I flew all the way from New York for this!” There was a controlled anger in her voice.

  “I will be happy to reimburse you for your trouble,” I said and walked to the door and held it open.

  Priscilla gulped, but she had her pride. I kept my eyes averted from her as she slowly walked out.

  Once she was gone, I charged to my desk and picked up my phone.

  “Ralph, get in here!” I barked.

  Ralph was in my office within minutes.

  “Mr. Morin, Sir, what happened? Ms. Nugent has been kicking up a storm outside. She claims you told her the position is closed?” Ralph was confused, but he was hiding his frustration well.

  I glared at him. I was angry — not with him, but he was the only person I could take it out on now.

  “The position is closed,” I growled.

  Ralph crossed his brows. He was trying to keep a straight face as he stood before me.

  “What do you mean, Sir? Have we found someone for the job?” he asked.

  “No, because the job doesn’t exist anymore,” I told him. I was trying to control my rage, trying to keep my cool.

  “I don’t understand, Sir.” Ralph shook his head.

  “I’m closing down our expansion plans in South America. You don’t need to recruit a team for me,” I replied.

  “The whole operation?” Ralph was aghast.

  “Leave me alone. Now!” I roared and jumped out of my chair. I wasn’t about to give him an explanation. I didn’t have to explain myself to anybody. I’d earned that right!

  Ralph gulped and then turned on his heels and rushed out of my office. When he was gone, I walked to the window and stared out. I was breathing hard. I could feel anger bubbling under my skin.

  In the past six weeks, since the last time I saw Elsie, I’d gone from feeling frustration to sadness, and now anger. I was angry without her. I was angry with myself. I’d messed everything up. I’d hurt her again.

  I shouldn’t have gone to Chicago. I shouldn’t have tried to seek her out and recruit her. She was doing fine without me this past decade. I was doing fine without her too.

  Now, nothing seemed normal. I couldn’t go to sleep without thinking about her. I couldn’t work without my mind wandering. I couldn’t even look at another woman without comparing her to Elsie.

  It had been six weeks, and I still wasn’t over it. How long was this feeling going to last? This feeling of emptiness?

  Whatever Elsie was doing, my only hope was that she was happy. I would never be happy without her, but at least she might have a shot at it.

  Elsie

  I had the pregnancy test in hand. I’d seen the results,
but I was still in disbelief. In fact, my bathroom had another six pregnancy tests scattered around. I wanted to be absolutely sure, and now I was. Still, I couldn’t believe it.

  Mechanically, I washed my hands, dried them with a towel, and when I was about to leave the bathroom, I stopped. I’d caught sight of myself in the mirror and I stopped to look.

  What did I look like? Long straight hair, too-pale skin, regular blue eyes with dark circles. I didn’t see the face of a mother. I saw the face of an overworked professional, one who wasn’t ready to be a mother.

  My life was limited to my work. With the money that Jared had donated, the project of building wells in North Africa was in full swing. I wanted to return the money. I didn’t want him thinking that he owed me anything.

  But in order to return that money, I would have to get in touch with him. I didn’t want to do that. I knew it would physically hurt me to hear his voice again. I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

  Besides, the charity was benefiting hugely from the donation. We were over-budget for the project now and it was for a great cause. How could I possibly take it away?

  So, we went ahead with it. I was due to leave for Tunisia in two weeks. I had been looking forward to that. Time away from the States might be just the kind of distraction I needed from Jared, I believed.

  And now, I was pregnant.

  With his baby.

  Wherever I went, I would be carrying a piece of him. It would be impossible to forget about him. I didn’t know if I could even travel to Tunisia in this condition.

  I turned away from the mirror. I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t know if I would make a good mother.

  For years, I craved a family. Even though I immersed myself in work, I knew that having a child — building a family — was truly the thing I wanted.

  Despite being hopelessly in love with Jared still, I dated other people often. I was on the hunt for the right man, who would make me forget about Jared. Make me believe in real romance and true love. No such man had come along, and the hopes of building a family was nonexistent too.