by Lisa Kleypas
There was a spark of challenge in her eyes and disdain in her expression. Did she know when she looked at a man like that, it made him want to tame her? If the two of them had been alone together that very minute, he might have shown her a remedy for her haughtiness.
Knowing herself to be the object of such an overt inspection made Addie indignant and strangely warm. She forced herself to stare right back at him, her eyes dark and velvety above her pinkening cheeks. A lock of hair, the glistening color of brown sugar, blew across her face, and slowly she reached up to pull it aside. It was a purely feminine gesture, unconsciously alluring. And Ben was aware of that, as he was aware of everything about her. Every move she made set something alight in him, like flame and dry tinder. It filled him with powerful consternation.
Women had never been a mystery to him. He was the kind of man who instinctively understood a woman's needs, and he'd always made good use of that knowledge. An impudent girl just out of her teens shouldn't be able to have this effect on him. But Adeline was a mystery, and he was drawn to her even as he resented her hold on him.
"I'll see you later," he said abruptly. "Behave yourselves."
"We'll try," Addie replied, her voice withering, and she and Ben exchanged an unsmiling glance before he touched his hat and rode off.
"He's quite a man," Caroline murmured, watching Ben's departure with admiring eyes. "If I weren't married, I just might have given the women of Falls County a run for their money."
"I don't think he'd want a respectable woman."
"I've heard he visits a woman in Blue Ridge pretty regular."
“ A lonesome widow?" Addie asked sarcastically.
"I don't know. That's a good question. Do you suppose-"
"I don't care to suppose anything about him. We've got better things to talk about. "
They changed the subject and began to discuss other things, and their animated conversation lasted throughout the day. They had a pleasant time in town, shopping and talking to people they passed on the sidewalk. After her initial shyness, Addie discovered she and Caroline had a similar sense of humor, as well as a similar way of looking at things. It became much easier to think of Caroline as her sister.
They could talk comfortably about almost anything, even the most private matters. With each minute they spent together, Addie felt herself confiding more and more. When they arrived back at the ranch, they were still deep in conversation, and they decided to sit in the front-porch swing, unwilling to go inside just yet.
"I don't see Ben anywhere around here," Caroline said, her eyes twinkling. "Guess it's safe to stay around you a little longer."
"What do you mean?" Addie rested her feet on the porch while the swing rocked and creaked gently.
"Only that my nerves are frazzled whenever you're near each other."
"Why?"
"Why? Because I'm always ready for an explosion between you and Ben. You were terribly rude to him this momin', Adeline. And the way he looked at you why, I'm surprised your hat didn't catch on fire!"
Addie laughed. "He was just trying to intimidate me by glaring."
"No, that wasn't glaring." Cautiously Caroline glanced around and lowered her voice. "That was looking. Peter used to look at me like that before we were married. Believe me, there's no doubt about it. Ben's taken with you."
"Don't be silly. I'll admit he likes to argue with me, but-"
"He'd like to do more than argue with you. I tell you, Adeline, if you tried bein' nice to him once in a while, you'd have him eatin' out of your hand."
"I don't want him eating out of my hand. I don't want him anywhere near me. "
"This isn't the first time I've noticed him lookin' at you like that, either. I've seen it before today."
Addie's nonchalance dissolved rapidly. "You have?"
"Mmmn-hmmn."
Suddenly Addie was intensely curious. Underneath his sarcasm and coolness, did Ben really harbor some kind of romantic interest in her? The thought should have appalled her, but somehow she was foolishly pleased by it. She was embarrassed to hear her own sheepish snicker.
"When?"
"I can't believe you haven't noticed! During dinner the other night, I asked him to pass the salt, and he was so busy watchin' you I got the pepper instead. I didn't say anything, of course-just took it like it was what I asked for-"
"Watching me? What was I doing?"
"Just talkin'. He pays attention whenever you start talkin'. And he listens to everything you say. Peter was trying to ask him some questions, and Ben just kept turnin' his head to listen to you, and finally Peter gave up. If you sweet-talked Ben a little, Adeline, you'd have him on the hook, and you could reel him in just as easy as-"
"Why would I want to reel him in? I've got Jeff Johnson. I thought you all wanted me to marry him."
"Wellll… you and Jeff make a good pair," Caroline conceded. "I've always thought so. But between the two of 'em, I'd choose Ben Hunter in a minute."
"Choose him for what? To be my beau? That's a ridiculous idea. And even if I didn't think so, Ben would laugh his head off at the notion. You heard Mama the other morning. Ben's a loner. He wouldn't want a relationship with a respectable woman."
"I don't know 'bout that. Mama likes to exaggerate sometimes. She's just tryin' to steer you clear of Ben because she doesn't want you to wind up married to that kind of man. She thinks he's too much like Daddy."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Mama told me once that even though she loved Daddy, it would've been easier if she'd married one of the beaus she'd had back east and stayed there. She's never really liked livin' out here, y'know. She won't ever feel like she really belongs. She comes from different stock. "
"Daddy said something like that to me the other day," Addie said absently.
"Daddy's a strong-willed man. I guess Mama never realized how much, until it was too late. She always thought she could kind of bend him to her way of thinkin'. But she never could. So she wanted it to be easier for us than it was for her, which is why she encouraged me to marry Peter. And for the same reason, Mama's tryin' to marry you off to Jeff. They're both nice men, but kind of… soft. Do you know what I mean?"
"Soft? But Caro… you love Peter, don't you?" Caroline hesitated almost imperceptibly. "Of course I do. He's a good man, a good husband and father. He's steady and loyal, and sweet-natured. But there's no vinegar between us."
Despite the serious nature of the conversation, Addie couldn't help smiling. "Vinegar?"
"You know that trick Mama taught us, about putting a little vinegar in when you're making pecan pie, to keep it from bein' too candy-sweet? That's what I'm talkin' about. Adeline, this is private talk, just between two sisters. I just don't want you to make a mistake. The kind of mistake that I… " She stopped and shrugged helplessly.
"I'm listening," Addie said, afraid Caroline wouldn't finish what she was trying to say. And she wanted very much to know what it was. She and Leah had never had this kind of talk. Leah had never known much about marriage, and Addie hadn't been especially interested in the subject until now.
"Well, I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I'm very happy, Adeline. Very happy. I'm just sayin' you need to be careful when you choose the man you're going to be with for the rest of your life. Don't pick someone you can manage too easy. You especially you-need a little vinegar in your marriage. "
"Are you saying you don't think I should marry Jeff'?"
Caroline sighed and laughed a little. "You're so direct sometimes! Just as blunt as Daddy. No, I'm not sayin' anything about Jeff in particular. I'm telling you to marry someone who makes your heart pitter-patter. Mama and Daddy always taught us marriage is somethin' you have to calculate and plan. I… sometimes I wish I hadn't taken it to heart quite so well. No woman should be cheated of marryin' the man she loves, Adeline. There's no compensation for it later, no matter what they tell you."
"Caro, you look so sad."
"Sometimes I am, when I thi
nk about the mistakes I've made."
"Was there ever someone you… still think about?"
"Maybe there was. A long time ago."
"And you felt special about him?"
"Oh, yes. I felt special about him." Caroline smiled remin-iscently, all at once looking younger and terribly wistful. "He and I were at each other all the time, like cats and dogs. Like you and Ben. Seeing you two reminds me a little of what it was like. He was Daddy's trail boss. He was the kind of man that Daddy and Ben are. Very charming, but he liked to get his own way. Very stubborn. I thought I hated him at first. I felt so nervous around him. He always thought he knew everything." She slipped one foot out of her shoe and wiggled her toes with a sigh. "Lord, my feet are tired. "
"What happened between the two of you? You have to tell me the rest," Addie said eagerly, intrigued by the thought that Caroline, with her wholesome face and picture-perfect manners, had been romantically involved with Russell's trail boss. What an odd pair they must have made!
"You can't talk about this to anyone else, ever. You have to promise. "
"I swear I won't. On the Bible. On anything you want me to."
"All right," Caroline interrupted, smiling slightly.
"The rest of the family knows about it-exceptin' Cade-so you'd most likely hear about it sooner or later."
"I didn't know you'd ever been interested in anyone but Peter."
"I met Peter durin' my two years at the academy in Virginia. He was going to military school, and we noticed each other at a dance. He looked very good in a uniform-what man doesn't? We struck up an acquaintance, and began to write each other, and he took me to meet his parents durin' one of our last vacations. He was so kind and sweet-natured, and everything just fell into place. We got engaged. Then I came home for a spell, and that was when I met Raif Colton. You were just a little girl. Do you remember him?"
"A little," Addie lied. "I guess I was too young to notice much about him."
"As soon as we met each other, Raif set his sights on me-wouldn't leave me alone-which made me furious and sent Mama into a tailspin." Caroline shook her head and made a wistful sound. "Raif was so… so… I can't describe him. I felt like a different woman around him. I'd always been the quiet one. Russell Warner's oldest daughter, so well-behaved, so proper. No man had ever tried anything with me-y'know? But Raif cornered me in the house one day when no one was around, and…' Caroline looked at Addie's expectant face and blushed hotly. "He let me know flow he felt about me. He was so tender, and frightening, and exciting. And after everything was said and done, I knew he loved me. But I was all set on marryin' Peter-the smart thing to do, the sensible thing. Mama knew about Raif, and she did everything in her power to keep us apart. All summer Peter and I stayed engaged, and plans for the wedding were made, and Raif did his best to convince me to marry him instead. "
"Did you love him?"
"I loved both of them. I loved Peter with my mind. I was safe with him. But I loved Raif with my heart. I loved his passion, his wildness. It was impossible to choose."
"But you ended up marrying Peter."
"Yes. I was afraid to take a chance on Raif'."
"What happened to him?"
"After the marriage, he stayed on at the ranch for several months. I begged him to leave, but he wouldn't give up, even after he found out I was going to have a baby. It was hell-you can't know… Lord, you can't imagine. I had no peace, not for one minute. I found out the difference between loving a man with your mind and your heart. I came to realize the mistake I'd made, and I wanted to die of misery. I made a decision, that I'd run away with Raif. Nothin' was as important as he was, not money, family, honor. Not even Peter. We were goin' to leave together, after he came back from drivin' a thousand head of cattle up to Dodge. But one night on the trail, the longhorns got spooked. Crazy animals-they'll stampede at anything, even a sneeze. And Raif was killed."
Addie was flooded with sympathy. "Caro… I'm sorry…"
"That was ten years ago. Enough time has passed by to make it tolerable. I couldn't bear it at first. But I had Peter, and I've always loved him in a certain way. That gave me enough strength to live through the grief. I'm married to a special man."
"I think you're special," Addie said softly, and meant it.
"Me? Why?"
"Because of the way you've survived."
"Oh, there's no trick in that. You might be surprised by the things a person's able to survive through. There's always somethin' to hold on to. There's always someone that needs you, somethin' that needs your attention. It takes your mind off feelin' sorry for yourself. "
"But it makes me afraid of loving someone, the thought that I'might lose him."
"You can't let yourself worry 'bout that. It's better to have love for a little while than not at all, isn't it?"
Addie laughed huskily. "I guess. I'm not sure." Caroline regarded her for a long moment. "Right now I like you more than I ever have, Adeline. For a little while I thought Daddy had finally done itspoiled you rotten to the core. But he hasn't. You're a sweet girl. "
"Thank you, " Addie said, her eyes suddenly bright. For the first time she felt as if the two of them were family. She realized that she did care about Caroline. She felt a bond between them, of trust and affection, so strong that it seemed it had always been there. She felt as if they were sisters. It had happened all at once, like the flip of a coin. How short a distance it was from indifference to love.
Caroline leaned closer. "I'll tell you somethin' only Mama and Peter know," she whispered.
"You don't have to tell me any of your secrets."
"I want to. I want you to remember what I've told you. Don't ever be afraid of lovin' someone, or you'll make the mistake I did. I don't let myself think of the might've-beens. It would hurt too much. But I have something very special to remember Raif by. More than memories. The greatest treasure he could've given me."
Addie went very still. "Leah?" she asked inaudibly, her mouth barely framing the name.
Caroline nodded and smiled tremulously. "You've been so sweet to her lately, spendin' time with her. You have a special feelin' for her, don't you?"
"Yes. Oh, yes, I do." Addie leaned over and hugged her tightly.
"Before I was married to Peter, Raif and I had a few days together," Caroline whispered. "He never knew it was his baby. I promised Peter I wouldn't tell him. But just lookin' at her reminds me how much Raif loved me. Every woman should be loved like that, Adeline, at least once. "
"Sometimes I wish for that," Addie said humbly, while she burned inside with longing and hope, and relentless doubt. Involuntarily she thought of Ben, his sensual smile and threatening charm. "And sometimes I want to be unattached forever." Like Leah had been. Leah had had a fulfilling life in spite of being unmarried… she'd been happy… hadn't she?
Not always, a small voice whispered inside. Leah had worried that Addie would turn out to be a spinster too. And she had been so wistful sometimes. There had been many lonely, quiet hours for her. Yes, there had been a part of Leah that must have wished for a husband and a real family.
"Unattached forever?" Caroline repeated. "I wouldn't want that for you, Adeline. Think of all you'd miss out on."
"But what if I fell in love with the wrong man?"
"Wrong by whose reckonin'? Mama's? You'd most likely be best off with the kind of man she doesn't want for you. Someone like… well, like Ben."
"Why do you mention him?" Addie asked, suddenly irritated. "What do you see in him that I don't? If you're hoping that something will develop between Ben and me, you're going to be disappointed. I just plain don't trust him. How do you and everyone else know that he won't go bad? How do we know he won't turn mean, or turn on Daddy, or something else just as awful? He's attractive on the surface, but inside… why, there's no telling what he's really like."
"Is that what you think about him?" Caroline looked surprised. "Well, I s'pose he might be different on the inside than he seems. I just a
lways took him at face value. But I'll tell you somethin'. The only way to find out what he's really like is to get closer to him." She peered at Addie quizzically. "There a chance you might be interested in him?"
"Maybe," Addie admitted reluctantly. She thought of Russell, and her mouth tightened. "For certain reasons."
"Then take a chance on him! Spend some time with him! You might be surprised how much you and Ben have in common. He'd be so nice to you, if you'd just let him. I'm sure of it. "
As Addie thought over the idea, she began to see the sense of it. Spend some time with Ben, get to know him, try to gain his friendship. If she could make him like her, that would make him a little vulnerable to her, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it be easier to outsmart him if he trusted her? It made no sense to make him think of her as an enemy. Then he would always be on his guard when she was near. And she was the only thing that was going to stand between him and his plan to kill Russell. But how plausible was her attempt to befriend him going to seem?
"He wouldn't be nice to me," she said doubtfully.
"He'd only laugh at me if he thought I was interested."
Caroline smiled with satisfaction. "Now, that's one thing you'll never get me to believe."
Addie received her first opportunity to be nice to Ben much sooner than she'd expected. Late in the afternoon he and two line riders were entangled in the first serious confrontation between Double Bar and Sunrise men. Ben came to the main house with a battered face and a tersely worded report for Russell. Russell's roar could be heard across three counties. The fight between the cowboys had been about his "bob-wahhr" fence, and he was livid at the suggestion that he didn't have the right to fence in his own land. Why, how was he going to keep control over his cattle and stop them from drifting where they shouldn't? How could he protect his property from thieves and rustlers?
"Now, Russ, hold on," came Ben's voice from behind the door as he and Russell talked in the office. The rest of the family stood in the hallway and eavesdropped unabashedly. "I know how you feel, but you can't blame them for being angry when one of their horses was killed by that damn fence. The animal was cut to pieces. It was the worst godawful mess I've seen in a long time."