Miss Independent, Volumes 1 - 4

by Kiki Leach

  "But I didn't let you in on it when it happened--"

  "No." He poked out his mouth and ran his tongue back and forth across his teeth in an attempt to keep his cool. "No, you didn't, Nik. But there's not much we can do about it anymore now, is there?" He jumped up from the couch and roamed into the kitchen. Flicking on the light, he went over to the fridge and pulled out a beer.

  Nikki got up from the table and walked in behind him. "There's a lot more we can do," she told him. "A hell of a lot more."

  "Like what?" he snapped. He turned to her and shrugged his shoulders. "Like what?"

  "Like talk about it which is something that you've refused to since that night your wife stuck her nose in where it didn't belong!"

  "Had she never said anything, you would've continued to keep me in the dark about all of this shit!" he shot back.

  "I would've told you--!"

  "When?!"

  She fell back and dropped her hands. "When the time was right which sure as hell wasn't then."

  "And you think the right time is now--"

  "Yes." She sucked in a large gulp of air and swallowed it back. "You need to know and understand the full reason why I felt the abortion was necessary--"

  "I'm not really in the mood to hear this shit, Nik," he said. He popped the cap on the beer, grabbed it tight by the neck and guzzled back until it was nearly gone.

  "I'm sorry, but I don't really care all that much because I'm finally in the mood for you to hear it."

  Oscar leaned back on the counter and after quickly finishing off his beer, he turned his eyes down to the floor and folded his arms. Nikki moved directly in front of his face and stared up at him. Even if he refused to look at her eyes, unless he moved from where he stood, he was still forced to at least look at some part of her.

  "My career has always been important to me. Always. Before you, and before this, I dreamed from the time I even knew what it meant to have dreams and fulfill them of being on stage and owning every single part of it. I dreamed of Tony's, and Emmy's, and Oscar's. I dreamed of people like Al Pacino calling my name for best lead actress in some film that past winners would've turned their noses up at due to the pay not being up to their standards."

  She dropped her head and smiled.

  "Every night before I closed my eyes to fall asleep," she continued, "I prayed for those moments. Even if they didn't come when I wanted, I knew that they would come some day. I knew that no matter what anyone ever said, it would happen for me. It had to because the struggle was too damn real for it not to." She turned her eyes back up to him and stared long and hard at his face; he did all he could to keep from doing the same. "Everything changed for me when I met you. I still knew who I wanted to be, what I wanted to be and what I felt I was meant to do. But so much of me that never wanted a life outside of being an actress started to flip on its head. Suddenly I was falling for this unattainable man who was encouraging me with every word that came out of his mouth, to follow through on what I wanted. And along the way, I was starting to picture this life with you, one I never really wanted with anyone before, and it scared the absolute hell out of me."

  "Why?" he asked.

  "Aside from you being married?" she responded. He arched his brows and reluctantly nodded in agreement. "It scared me because I had had my life so figured out and then you came in and screwed all of that up. When I found out I was pregnant, I panicked. I thought everything I had worked so hard for would no longer matter because no one was looking to hire a pregnant woman as a lead actress in a film."

  "You aborted our child in the hopes that you could land a lead role for a film that never even existed?"

  "I had the abortion because I thought that having a baby would ruin my chances of fulfilling a lifelong dream long before you ever entered the picture. Was it shortsighted? Yes. Was I being selfish? Hell yes. Should I have told you about it? More than likely, yeah. Would you have asked me to keep it if I did?"

  Oscar cut his eyes from her and turned his head. "You already know the answer to that, Nik."

  "Maybe I do and that's the problem." She wrapped an arm around herself and pressed her hand against her mouth. "But at the end of the day, my choice didn't ruin your life."

  Oscar turned back to her and frowned. "How the hell can you actually stand there and say that?"

  "Because it's the truth. And to be perfectly honest, it's not as if my pregnancy during that time was some kind of one stop shop."

  "Meaning what?" he asked her.

  "Meaning that just because I didn't choose to have a child then doesn't mean I never will again. Your choice to stay with me despite everything that's happened over the last few months tells me that this is real, it always has been." She stepped into his space and placed her hands on his chest. His entire body went stiff and he dropped his arms. "Lo que tenemos es vale la pena luchar."

  Oscar looked down at her hands and gradually lifted his hands to place on top of hers. She swallowed hard while trying as best as she could to choke back the impending sobs. It was the first time since learning the truth of what she had done that he had touched her without flinching.

  "If I didn't think the same, I would've never brought you back here from the bar that night after everything went down." Oscar stared at their hands together and grinded his teeth. "I want you to be successful. I want every dream you've ever had to come true in the exact way that you want it. But I also want you to be my wife, and the mother of my children."

  "Your divorce from Melanie isn't even final yet," she said, her voice shaking as the truth of what was happening began to smack her in the face.

  "It will be soon enough." He leaned away from the counter and tightened his hands around hers. "I'm not asking you to make a choice, Nik. I know what you want and I've never stood in the way of that and never will. But I need you to know that as much as I love you, and want you... as much as I'm willing to fight to keep what we have, I'm also not willing to compromise on the kind of life I think I deserve with you. The question you really need to ask yourself is if despite everything you've said tonight, are you're willing or unwilling to keep doing the same."

  They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like forever before Oscar gently lowered her hands and shuffled around her. She turned on her heel, watching as he exited the kitchen and as soon as he was out of sight, she collapsed against the counter and held her chest. Closing her eyes and breathing in and out, she realized in that moment more than any other that choosing the life he wanted with her, meant possibly losing the one she had long ago convinced herself she needed in order to survive.

  Part Four

  Adrian sat back looking at the glow of the tree in the corner of his apartment while counting down the hours past Christmas and into the new year. And although he hadn't planned to spend either occasion alone and in Queens yet again, he wasn't exactly counting on spending it with Vanessa's father either.

  When Terrence stepped into the living room from the kitchen and handed him a beer, Adrian looked up at him and nodded with a 'thank you' while skeptically taking it from his hand. They hadn't been on the best of terms since Terrence learned the truth about Adrian's past involvement with his daughter, but after weeks of absolute silence from both, it seemed as if things were beginning to come around. Even if that 'coming around' was only temporary.

  Terrence took a seat on the opposide side of the room and stared up at the tree. "How'd you manage to find this at the last minute?"

  He shrugged. "They were practically giving them away at that lot a few blocks down. I saw Maurice and Vanessa's stepdad eyeing it before going in another direction."

  He glared. "Did they see you?"

  "No. But they weren't exactly looking for me either." He drank back some of his beer and rested his hand over his stomach.

  "Maurice is who you said she's with now?" asked Terrence. "Maurice Livingston?"

  He bobbed his head. "Yeah."

  He snorted. "I knew him as a kid and never saw him
as the settling down type. But I guess Vanessa was always different. He used to come around a lot from what I remember--"

  "He's been in love with her for years. At least that's what Vanessa told me when we were together."

  "Hm." Terrence flared his nostrils and leaned back. "Has V been here before? To the apartment?"

  Adrian glanced over at him and swallowed hard. "When she first learned I was back, she came here to tell me to back off. I wanted her to see otherwise, and to give us another chance. At least I did until I got a good dose of--"

  "Sheila?" he blurted.

  "I was going to say reality."

  "Sheila was your reality," he replied. "That girl was your wake-up call. And mine." He got up and headed back into the kitchen, grabbing a beer for himself.

  Adrian bent forward and wrapped his fingers around the bottle. "I never meant to keep you in the dark for as long as I did about V--"

  "You just never meant to bring me into the light about it." He rested against the counter and grinned. "I guess if I never confronted you with Sheila that night, a lot of things would've remained in the dark."

  Adrian swallowed back more of his beer and grimaced. "I still can't believe she lied to me about V being pregnant and having that miscarriage."

  "What would you have done differently if you knew the truth?"

  Adrian thought for a long while before shaking his head. "I don't know. Maybe if she had told me she was pregnant, I would've come back--"

  "And it would've felt like an obligation to her. Which if I still know my daughter, is not something she would've wanted."

  "V wouldn't have been an obligation."

  "She would've," said Terrence. "And that baby would've been a burden to you no matter how you feel about it now. Look how fast you fell out of love with her the minute Sheila walked into your life. What you had with Vanessa might've been right for the time. Though had I known about it after moving in here, I probably would've spent more time kicking your ass than trying to counsel you on how to get her back. But it's not right for now."

  "Maybe Sheila's not right for me either. Maybe coming back here wasn't right."

  "Or maybe you should stop pissing on yourself and man up," replied Terrence. Adrian looked up at him and knit his brows. "You've got opportunity after opportunity to be with the person who actually makes you happy. A woman who actually gives you a reason for waking up every day and seeing the world as a hell of a lot better than what it is. And if you want, you can pump her full of kids just like you, instead of sitting here, wasting time and bitching over shit you can't change. The woman I loved found better in somebody else. If she saw me now, she probably wouldn't even give me a second glance, let alone spit on my ass if I was on fire. You don't wanna sit here ten to fifteen years later looking just like me."

  Adrian's eyes traveled down to the gut poking through Terrence's shirt. No, he sure in hell didn't want to look like Terrence in any way, shape or form now or ever.

  "Even if I try to talk to her now," he started, "it doesn't change the fact that she's still pissed at me for not telling her about you. And it means that eventually, Vanessa's going to have to find out that you're back."

  "She'll find out," Terrence told him. "But not from you or Sheila."

  He went over to the door and slipped on a pair of shoes near the couch. He grabbed a coat from the closet nearby and threw on his hat and gloves.

  Adrian jumped up. "Where the hell are you going in a blizzard and at this time of night?"

  "To handle something that should've been taken care of years ago."

  He turned for the door, but Adrian raced forward and grabbed his arm back, stopping him. "You can't go to V about this now," he said.

  "I never said I was going to Vanessa." Terrence ripped his arm from Adrian's grip and quickly headed out the door.

  Part Five

  Adrian hustled back into the apartment and after grabbing his cell from his bedroom, instantly dialed Sheila's number. After a few short rings, it quickly went to voicemail. He immediately hung up and dialed again, and when it clicked on, he spoke first.

  "I didn't think you'd answer." He paused, waiting a few seconds for her to reply. "Sheila?"

  On the other end stood Nathan, holding the phone up to his ear and staring back at Sheila as she remained asleep in bed. She was still fully dressed, as was he, but that small detail wasn't something he thought Adrian needed to be made fully aware of. At least not yet.

  "Sheila's um... otherwise occupied in bed," Nathan replied.

  Adrian pulled the phone back and stared at the name of the number he had dialed. Realizing he had made no mistake, he placed the phone back to his ear and sucked in a shaky breath to keep from completely losing his shit. "What the hell are you doing answering Sheila's phone?"

  "I'm in her room," he said. "She's asleep. The phone ringing was bound to disturb her so I answered." He rested a hand on his waist and smirked. "Isn't this how we first came into contact? You calling her on the phone in the middle of the night and pretending to check up on her or some shit? Is that why you're calling now? To make sure she's alright? 'Cause if you are, I can tell you that she's just fine here with me. And she'll continue to be fine here with me, in case you were wondering."

  "I wasn't," Adrian growled into the speaker.

  Nathan chuckled under his breath. "Well in that case, um..." He turned back to Sheila again. "I'll let her know that you called and if she wants to call you back, she will."

  Before Adrian could say another word to him in response, Nathan hung up and instantly erased his number. Adrian chucked the phone across the room in a fit, fearing he had actually lost her and to the one man he knew didn't deserve yet another chance.

  Seconds later, Nathan's own phone began to vibrate inside the pocket of his jacket. When he pulled it out and looked at the number, his eyes grew wide and he gulped.

  "Shit." It was Melanie. He swiped his hand back and forth across his forehead as tiny beads of sweat formed on his skin, and rushed out into the hallway to answer it. He took in one long, deep breath, then pushed the green button and spoke as low as he could. "Yeah?"

  Melanie perked up the second she heard his voice. "Hi," she replied. She moved out of her living room and peeked her head around the stairs to make sure her girls were still sleeping soundlessly in their beds. "I'm actually kind of surprised you answered, but is now a bad time to talk?"

  "Um..." Nathan became fidgety and wiped a sweaty palm up and down the side of his jacket. "I'm sort of in the middle of something, but what do you need?"

  "You asked me this afternoon while we were..." She paused and lowered her head as her cheeks turned a bright cherry color. She drew her finger back and forth across her bottom lip and smiled. "In the back room if I was going to the Christmas party at Vanessa's, but you never told me if you had planned to show up too."

  "We sort of got preoccupied, but um..." He cleared his throat and swallowed back the lump. "It wouldn't have mattered much anyway, since you know I'm not invited."

  "I know, but you seem to always have a way of showing up in places that you shouldn't, even if it's at the right time. Like when you brought me home from the bar that night and we..." She cracked a smile and bit back a laugh. "Got to know each other better."

  Nathan remained silent on the other end and clinched his fist.

  When she didn't receive the response she wanted from him, Melanie stood straight and forced herself to get straight to the point.

  "Listen, I was calling to let you know that my plans for that night have sort of changed and I was hoping to maybe snag an invite to her party with your help."

  "I told you I'm not invited."

  "You weren't actually invited to Nikki's play either, but you made it your mission to show up with Vanessa, and you did. Not to mention, you told me later that night that you're on better terms now."

  "Yeah, and if I wanna keep the shit between us peachy fucking keen then I've gotta play by her rules. Look, I like you al
ot and Christmas is V's favorite time of year, but I don't know how jolly she'll be in seeing you at her house and around Mo."

  "She won't think twice about me being there if I show up on your arm instead."

  Nathan started squirming inside his suit and lowered the phone momentarily to allow himself some time to think.

  When he heard her calling for him in almost a panic, he raised the phone back up to his ear and groaned.

  "What happened to you spending Christmas with Oscar and your kids?" he asked while trying to keep his growing aggravation in check.

  "Right before I called you, his parent's called me. They want to take the kids to Disneyworld for Christmas, and I was thinking that it might actually be for the best, considering. The press from that night is only now starting to die down and there's only so much I can do to keep my kids from hearing about their daddy being caught on tape peforming oral on his girlfriend in front of a crowd of people inside of a bar." She sighed heavily. "Not to mention, I really think that the last thing we all need is for him to come over and play house for a few hours only to go back to her later that night."

  "Melanie, if he's not spending time with you and your kids, then chances are he's spending it with Nikki and I can guarantee you that she'll be at V's for dinner that night."

  Melanie flexed the muscles in her neck and grit her teeth. "I'm aware of that, but if she can remain civil about the whole thing for at least one night, then so can I."

  "Nikki's not the one I'm worried about remaining civil if V finds out about everything that happened after she left," he replied.

  Melanie dropped her shoulders and leaned back against the wall. "Nathan, I can't be alone on Christmas. I won't have my kids, I won't have my husband... I'd ask you to come over and be with me here, but--"

  "I don't think that's such a good idea."

  Her head dropped and she gnawed on the inside of her lip. "I figured you might say something that which is why I didn't ask. I just... could really use a friend right now and at the moment, you're pretty much all I've got. I can barely even get Sheila on the phone these days."