More Than Forever

by Jay McLean

  Silence.

  Then his sharp intake of breath fills my ears. He slowly comes to a stand and raises a hand. I flinch and shut my eyes tight, waiting for the impact of his fist on my face.

  It never comes.

  When I open my eyes, his smile is tight.

  "Shake his hand," Lucy whispers.

  My gaze moves to his outstretched, waiting, hand. I stand and shake it.

  "I'm Tom," he says, and then turns to Lucy. "Could you give us a minute?"

  "Dad!" Lucy whines.

  "It's okay, Luce," I assure, releasing his hand.

  He waits until she's out of the room before speaking. "Lucy describes you as fierce."

  I grimace. "Because I punched you? I'm sorry about that."

  "No," he says shaking his head. "She says you're fierce in the way you care about her. And the way you protect her."

  "I guess." I shrug.

  He lets out a heavy breath. "She's right. It's not hard to see that. It's also not hard to see that the boys like having you around. To be honest, Cameron, I'm not really happy that she has a boyfriend. And I'm not happy that said boyfriend has such a big presence in her life. But I'm not going to stop it. It's not to say that I don't like you, I just don't like it. But I'll tolerate it. That's all I can offer for now."

  I jerk my head in a nod. "And that's all I can ask for, sir."

  ***

  She walks ahead of me, through the woods behind her house, laughing the entire time. "You should have seen your face!"

  "Dude, your dad's huge. A hurricane couldn't move him. I got scared. I'm allowed."

  She stops in her tracks and faces me. "Did you have that speech prepared?"

  "What speech?"

  "Everything you just said back there."

  I shrug. "It wasn't a speech, I was just talking."

  Taking my hand, she walks us past the woods and to a clearing that opens up to a lake. My eyes soak in the scenery. "Holy shit, this is on your property?"

  "Yup." She tugs on my hands to get my attention. "Thank you, Cam."

  "What for?"

  "For saying what you did. For knowing that he needed help and giving him that piece of mind. He has enough to worry about at the moment, and you, saying what you said, it gives him one less thing to worry about. He appreciates that... even if he never tells you."

  I move in to kiss her but she steps back, then slowly starts to lift her dress.

  My eyes go wide.

  I'm about to have sex.

  She's wearing a bikini.

  Holy shit.

  She shoves my chest. Hard. "Quit staring!"

  But I can't. My mouth's dry. I try to swallow. I fail.

  She laughs.

  My breathing stops.

  My dick—I have no idea what the hell it's doing.

  She walks to the end of the dock and dives in. "Coming?"

  Yeah. In my shorts. Right now.

  I'm ruined.

  Ruined.

  CHAPTER NINE

  -CAMERON-

  It took me two weeks to convince Lucy to sit with us at lunch, and another week for her to be comfortable with it.

  Her dad came up with a few more rules after he had some time to think about it. He asked for my phone number, which I was more than happy to supply. Schoolwork came first, which was fine, because she ended up helping me study anyway. And the main ones; doors to remain open if we were in a room together, and never, under any circumstance, ever, am I allowed to step foot on the stairs leading to the bedrooms. Ever. For that last one, he made a point of showing me his shotgun. It was meant to be a threat, but when I asked him if he could teach me how to use it, his eyes lit up.

  A scrunched up napkin smacks my forehead, pulling me out of my thoughts. My gaze lifts to Logan sitting opposite me. His brows are furrowed as he jerks his head toward Lucy sitting next to me. I turn my attention to her; she's focused on her e-reader, her eyes wildly moving from side to side. She uses a fork to pick at her fruit salad, but she doesn't eat it. Actually, she hasn't eaten anything on her tray.

  I switch back to Logan. "What's with her?" he mouths.

  I shake my head, telling him to leave it alone. Then her cackle of laughter interrupts us. She laughs so hard her eyes start watering.

  The sound of it's so infectious I find myself smiling down at her. "What happened?"

  "The guy..." She stops to take a breath. "In this book..." We all wait for her to calm down. "Came in his pants while they were dry humping!"

  "How awkward," Jake states.

  Logan watches her with amusement in his eyes. "What the hell do you read, girl?"

  She shakes her head and wipes her eyes. "Oh man, that was good."

  -LUCY-

  "I have to talk to you about something," he says.

  My body immediately tenses. I try to hide my reaction and finish watering the plants on the porch.

  He takes a seat on the steps and motions for me to sit next to him. "I don't know how to bring it up and I'm scared that it's going to upset you."

  I turn to him now, trying to mask my emotions.

  I knew it was coming.

  Setting the watering can down by my feet, I take the few steps to get to him. I hesitate a moment, not sure that I'm physically capable of taking the blow he's about to deliver. I find the strength I need before sitting down and taking his hand. "It's okay, Cameron. I understand." I turn my body toward him. "I mean I was expecting it to happen, I just didn't want it to happen so soon."

  He looks down at me, his frown consuming his entire face. "So you know what I want to talk about?"

  I nod slowly, knowing things were too good to be true. I had to be grateful it lasted as long as it did. "Yes," I answer. "And it's fine. You don't need to spare my feelings. I'm just thankful you came into my life."

  He opens his mouth to speak but I interrupt him. "You don't have to tell me, but do you think I could have done anything different? Could I have been better somehow?"

  He rears back, his brows bunching. "What are you talking about, Luce?"

  "Maybe I kiss wrong or something. Is that it? Or, is it because you wanna kiss other girls? Please don't tell me you've already kissed other girls." I feel the bile rise to my throat, but I push it down.

  "Lucy—"

  "I know that your friends are like that. I hear the stories, you know—that they go out and make out with random girls, or whatever. Was she just a random girl? I don't know what would hurt more. No—don't tell me. Ple—"

  "Lucy—"

  "Oh man. I was prepared to be hurt." I suck in a breath and press a hand to my heart. "I didn't think it would hurt this much."

  "LUCY, stop!" His voice is loud. Commanding. His hand rises and wipes at my cheeks. Tears. I was crying. I was so overwhelmed with the pain of heartbreak that I didn't realize I was crying. "Baby." His eyes roam my face. "What are you talking about?"

  "You." I push his hand away and ignore the look of hurt that washes over him. "You kissing other girls."

  He shakes his head slowly. "Lucy, I'm not kissing other girls."

  "But you want to, right?"

  He fights to contain his smirk. "What the hell is going on in that head of yours?"

  "You! You're in my head," I whine. "You used to make out with girls all the time. I know I wasn't your first kiss, and you told my dad that you've never had a girlfriend before so I know that they didn't mean anything to you and now you're sitting on my porch steps and you want to break up—"

  "Whoa." He covers my mouth with his hand. All signs of his previous smirk completely gone. "Stop." His breaths are heavier now, matching mine. He slowly removes his hand, cautious of whether I plan to keep talking. "Babe," he sighs. And I start crying again. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him. Then he starts laughing.

  He's laughing at me crying.

  I try to stand so I can kick him in the head and run inside, but he holds on to me tighter. "You're crazy," he states.

  I pull aw
ay; using strength I didn't know existed. "I hate you!"

  He laughs harder, wrapping both arms around me this time.

  I should have stood up when I had the chance and kicked him twice. "Stop it, Luce. How the hell could you possibly think I'd be with anyone else but you?" He grasps my shoulders and holds me away from him so he can look me in the eyes. "I'm crazy about you. How can you not see that? How can anybody that sees me with you not see that? Yes, there have been other girls. And yes, they didn't mean anything to me. But you do, Luce. You mean the world to me."

  Breathe.

  He leans in carefully, as if hesitating. And then he kisses me. Slowly. Softly. And with each second his mouth is on mine, he repairs my broken heart. When he pulls back, his eyes penetrate mine. "Better?" he whispers.

  "Yes."

  "Good." He smiles and kisses me again, quicker this time. "Are you going to let me speak now?"

  I can't help the laugh that escapes. "Yes."

  "Okay." He pauses a moment, preparing his next words. "That night you thought Lachlan was sick... and I walked in—"

  "No," I interrupt. I look away from him, too embarrassed by what he saw. "If you're asking if I'm still doing it, the answer is no."

  "Good. That's good."

  Moments of silence pass, neither knowing what to say next.

  "Can I ask you something else?"

  I can hear the wariness in his voice and it makes me nervous, but I suck it up because he's earned the right to all the answers. "You can ask me anything."

  "Why did you do it?"

  "Do what?" I say, even though I know exactly what he's asking.

  "Make yourself throw up like that? Is it because you think you're fat—because I can tell you now—"

  "No." I turn to him so we're face to face. He likes that—likes to be able to see my face. He says it's because he likes to read me. "When Mom started to get sick, things got hard for me."

  "It's okay," he says quickly, "you don't need to talk about it. I'm sorry for asking."

  Inhaling a shaky breath, I move closer and let him hold me. "Things got hard. It's like every day passed and I was barely living through it. The sun rose and all I felt was emptiness. It was the same. Every single day she was dying. And every day I was watching. Waiting. And it never seemed to end. I felt like it was happening to me. Her death felt like it was mine. And sometimes I'd cry for hours. Sometimes it would be silent, and other times I cried so hard it made me throw up. The first time I did it, it wasn't intentional. And then it started to happen more, and I started to feel something. Looking back, I don't even know what it was. But it made me feel... alive? And I needed that. At that time, I needed to feel something different. Something that didn't make me feel like I was living in an eternal loop surrounded by death."

  "I'm so sorry, Luce." His voice breaks, and I know without having to look at him that he's holding back tears. I know because regardless of what I thought was happening only minutes ago, I know how he feels about me. I know the fierce protectiveness he has for me. "What changed?"

  I look up at him now, his eyes are glazed, watching me with an intensity that makes my heart hammer against my chest. The ache is still there, but it's not heartbreak. It's something else. Something that kids at fifteen shouldn't be feeling. "What made you stop?" he asks.

  I don't hesitate. I don't skip a beat. "You, Cameron. You changed. You came into my life and you healed me. You made me feel alive again."

  I tell him the truth, and with that, I give him my heart. Forever.

  CHAPTER TEN

  -CAMERON-

  She stands in front of her locker and chews the last of her apple, making sure that I see it. She's been doing that a lot since the conversation we had on her porch a few weeks ago. It's kind of cute—the way she wants to assure me that I have nothing to worry about. She could be two hundred and fifty pounds and I'd still worry about her.

  She hands me the core to put in the trash, then reaches into her locker and picks up a note. She unfolds it and reads it slowly, about as slow as the smile that pulls on her lips.

  "What is it?" I ask, trying to keep my curiosity in check. There's a note in her locker... and whatever it says is making her smile. Someone else is making her smile.

  She puts the note back and shrugs. "Nothing."

  "I call bullshit, Luce. What is it?"

  Her eyes roll as she reaches back in, grabbing the piece of paper and slapping it against my chest.

  Thanks for being an awesome lab partner. You make learning fun. Adam.

  I scrunch up the note and toss it in the trash. "You make learning fun?" I scoff. "What a douche thing to say."

  "It's nice," she says, her voice laced with sympathy. "Leave it alone."

  "You think it's nice?" I laugh once. "You're being naive, Luce. He wants in your pants."

  Her jaw drops.

  I roll my eyes.

  She narrows hers.

  "Whatever. Some other guy's leaving notes in your locker and making you smile. I'm supposed to be okay with that?" I slam my palm against a locker and walk away. She shouts my name, but I ignore it. Maybe she thinks I'm being a dick but I don't. I have every right to be pissed.

  "Cameron!" She pulls on my arm, stopping me from going any further.

  "What!" I turn around, prepared for an argument, but she's smiling. I'm pissed and she's smiling at me.

  She yanks on my hand and leads me out of the hallway and through the exit so we're alone. Throwing her hand out, palm up, she says, "Phone."

  "What?"

  "Give me your phone."

  I do what she says. Logan was right, in the couple of months we've been dating, she's made quick work of owning my balls.

  She taps the phone a couple times and then hands it back to me. "That's my locker combination," she says. "You can go in there and check it whenever you want. I have nothing to hide from you, Cameron."

  My shoulders slump. I hadn't realized how tense I was until now. "Which Adam is it, Lucy? Masters or Deluca?"

  Her lips thin to a line.

  I try to get past her but she rests her palms flat on my chest and pushes until I'm against the wall—her tiny frame presses into my front, blocking me from going anywhere. "Stop it," she says, her eyes dancing with amusement.

  "This shit's not funny. Tell me or I'll punch them both."

  She laughs at that, and for a split second I want to, too. I sound like an asshole. I am an asshole. I put a hand on her waist, the other in her hair, pulling her closer to me. "I don't like it," I state, forcing myself to calm down. "You're mine, and assholes here need to know that."

  "Okay." She nods, reaching up and kissing me quickly. "Um..." She chews her lip and looks away, her cheeks redder than they were only moments ago.

  "What, Luce? What were you going to say?" I duck my head and block her vision, making sure she has no choice but to look at me.

  "The older girls, I see them wearing their boyfriend's jerseys... with their names on the back... you—I mean me—we... we could do that?"

  My eyes widen, and so does my pathetic grin. "You'd want to do that? You're not an object, I don't want you to think that I own you."

  She shrugs. "Why not? I'm yours."

  *

  I never did find out which Adam it was so I threaten to punch them both. Logan laughs, but I don't care. Lucy makes me punchy.

  -LUCY-

  I look down at the jerseys on top of my feet. They've just fallen out of my locker. There has to be over twenty of them. All with the name Gordon printed on the back.

  "I didn't know which one would go best with these short frilly skirts and cowboy boots you always wear, so I gave you choices." He kisses me once, tugging on my top, before leaning his shoulder on the locker next to mine. "Good morning."

  I try to contain my smile. "Morning." I pick a random one and shrug it on. "How do I look?"

  He stands frozen. Eyes wide, mouth open, frozen.

  "Cam?"

  He snaps out of his daz
e and looks around—the halls are empty. He knows I like to come to school early, so now he does, too. Apparently spending every second of our free time together wasn't enough. Not for us. We need the extra half hour.

  Taking my hand, he leads me to an empty classroom. He closes the door behind me and slowly maneuvers me against it. He leans in close, his breath brushing my cheek when he whispers in my ear, "You look..." He pulls back, unable to finish his sentence. His eyes roam me from head to toe. I can feel the heat take over my body. He moves in, placing his lips on mine, but he doesn't move them. It's like he's hesitating and I have no idea why. Finally, he opens his mouth, letting out a moan at the same time.

  And then he kisses me.

  Holy shit, does he kiss me.

  We've kissed before, more than a few times. Each kiss is better than the last. But they've always been just that. Kisses. This—this is driven by pure need. Pure want.

  He pauses, takes a breath, and whispers, "Shit." Then continues where he left off. I pull on his shirt, wanting him as close as possible. There's resistance. Why is he resisting? I release his shirt, grip his hips, and roughly pull him to me.

  He immediately stops kissing and lets his head fall on my shoulder. And I'm glad he does because my jaw's on the floor and I've lost the ability to move.

  "Luce," he whispers, stepping back.

  I try to swallow, but my eyes won't leave the huge bulge in his shorts.

  "It's not like I can help..." His words die in the air when he sees my hand rise.

  The rest of my body is frozen, but my hand won't stop reaching for him. My eyes are fixed. They can't look away.

  "Luce," he says again, almost like a warning.

  My hand flattens on his stomach as I take a step forward.

  I lift my head to see him watching me. Not my hand, but my face. His eyes bore into mine. His mouth's clamped shut and his jaw's tense.

  I move my hand lower.

  His eyes drift shut.

  Lower.

  He lets out a groan.