Race to His Heart

by Sara Noble

  “Well, good.” Dr. Weinstein flipped open Connor’s chart that had lay hidden behind the protection of his arms. “I’m sure you would like to know what I found from viewing your test results.”

  Connor nodded and his eyes were fully alert as he waited for the official prognosis.

  The doctor took a deep breath, preparing to rattle off a whole list of details for Connor to take in. “Your results show that there doesn’t appear to be any permanent nerve damage. The numbness you feel is due to loss of sensation. We’re pretty convinced that you will still have the ability to move your limbs once your body recovers from the initial shock of the accident. You are, no doubt, in very serious pain. You have broken bones and severe contusions and lacerations. It’s going to take a while before you’ll even want to try to get up. So don’t get discouraged immediately. Give yourself time and you will start to see a difference.”

  “So, nothing serious?” Connor asked with a hint of relief in his tone.

  “Not that we can tell right now,” Dr. Weinstein answered happily. He had smiled for the first time since Connor had met him.

  The Grays had looked pleased. Jim hugged Connor around the shoulders and then turned to shake Dr. Weinstein’s hand. Patty followed with the same.

  “Will I need therapy?” Connor asked in the middle of the celebration.

  “Oh, certainly; at least at first you will. The length of therapy will determine how long it takes for you to fully recover.”

  Connor seemed satisfied with his prognosis. The tension drained from his face and he began to breathe evenly. He looked from Maddie to his parents and then back again. They all grinned at him while he silently celebrated to himself. He was fortunate; others who were involved in the accident were not so lucky. There was no need to throw a party and brag about it.

  “Thank you, doctor,” Connor said. The proud doctor patted the patient on the shoulder and turned to leave the room.

  “I’ll follow up with you in a few hours. Take it easy, speed racer.”

  Everyone chuckled, except Connor. He looked like someone had kicked him in the groin.

  Patty frowned. “Oh, honey. Don’t worry; you’ll be up and around before you know it. Take this well needed break from work. I’m sure Lucas won’t cut you loose after all that has happened.”

  Connor sighed. “Yeah, I know. I just don’t know what to do with myself until next season.”

  “You want to continue racing, Connor?” Maddie asked incredulously. She had been quiet for a while and her sweet voice surprised Connor. A look of confusion flushed her face.

  “Well, yeah. That’s my job. I’m not gonna let a little wreck end my career.”

  “I just didn’t think you would ever want to, you know, go back to that kind of danger. You could have died, Connor,” said Maddie.

  “But I didn’t. I’m gonna be all right, you’ll see.”

  “Connor,” Patty said gently. “Don’t worry about that right now.” She glanced at Maddie who looked awfully worried about Connor’s quick decision to get back into the driver’s seat.

  Connor sighed. “I know. I’ve got bigger problems right now, I guess.”

  Everyone’s eyes got wide. They knew he was speaking of the problem with Makaela. He didn’t know that Maddie had explained Makaela’s absence to them all while he was napping. She had no choice; they were ridden with questions as they saw Makaela tear out of the building during their breakfast out on the second floor terrace.

  Connor also didn’t know that Maddie had enjoyed telling his family that Makaela was gone. She especially relished the fact that the wedding was called off and that Makaela had screwed up so bad that no one would want her around ever again. In fact, it was almost certain that the press would have a field day when they would get wind of her sickening betrayal to Connor; especially since it involved Austin Smuthers, who was in a medically induced coma so he could heal from his serious wounds.

  “What problem would that be, son?” Patty asked. She was waiting for his explanation of events.

  “Makaela,” Connor muttered. “Will you make sure she gets her stuff out of my house as soon as possible. I don’t want to go home and have to see her there.”

  Patty nodded. “Don’t worry, it will be taken care of today.” She accepted his request and didn’t push for more explaining on his part. He was happy that he didn’t need to recap the humiliation that Makaela had put him through.

  “Thanks,” Connor answered quickly. “Okay, now I would like to talk to Maddie again, alone.” He stared at his family and they complied. His mother and father shuffled out without another word.

  “Can you close the door?” he asked Maddie.

  “I’m sorry Connor, I just thought you were done with all of this,” she stated as she shut the door and turned back to him.

  Connor was taken aback. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. It then seemed that Maddie wasn’t going to support his decision to pick up right where he left off with his career. He knew deep down inside that it wasn’t over, not for a minute.

  “That’s not what I want to talk about, Maddie.”

  Maddie sat down in the chair beside his bed, taking his hand again and gazing into his eyes. She let her other hand gently sweep over his bruised cheekbones and forehead. Her lovely lashes fluttered as she looked at him and the simple movement took him back to the moment he fell in love with her.

  “What do you want to talk about?” Maddie whispered as she continued to stroke his skin and then his hair.

  “Us.”

  Connor watched her with as much yearning as she radiated from her eyes. The unyielding pain that shot through his body like lightning soon began to slightly subside, and he knew it was because of the happiness he felt again. He felt almost good enough to pull her into the bed next to him so he could feel her warmth against his skin.

  Maddie smiled. He loved her lips.

  “I wanted to finish our conversation from earlier.”

  “Yes?” Her fingers stopped moving against his skin and she straightened her back.

  “I know you see me now, laying in this bed with broken bones and ripped up skin. I must look like a monster."

  “You look wonderful,” Maddie simply stated and then let him continue.

  Connor smiled. “Really, I’m a mess. The pain is excruciating. But it’s nothing compared to the pain I felt when I had called you that night to…break up.”

  Maddie’s sweet face faded into a somber expression. He could see in her eyes that she remembered all too well the emotional beating that he had put in her through. She shut her eyes and shook her head.

  “I don’t want to remember that,” Maddie said. She inhaled deeply to hold back the tears.

  “I know and I don’t want you to have to ever think about that again. I was a fool to let all those people control me. I guess I have to admit that I was weak and unsure of my future. I wanted to do what was right and I was coerced into thinking I was acting appropriately. I was wrong to think you would easily get over it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we love each other, and you can’t just get over losing who you really love. The pain just doesn’t go away.”

  Connor’s voice was waning; his chest worked in overtime as he struggled to catch his breath. Maddie put her finger to his lips to quiet him. A single tear dripped from her left eye.

  They sat in silence for a long moment. Connor closed his eyes and pretended to drift away. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to be normal. He wanted to go back to being on top of the world.

  Maddie’s angelic voice penetrated the air. “I hurt for a long time, Connor. I hurt now, seeing you in this condition. But I was depressed and alone and I thought I would never see a happy day ever again. I was at my lowest point during those weeks following our break up. My mother had to pick me up from the bottom of a cold shower one night. I was so disoriented that I didn’t realize what was physically happening to me. It was like I was locked in this pathetic dungeon an
d you had stolen the key. I eventually got to the point where I was able to walk with the living again. But I swore to myself that I would never be the same, not until I had you back.”

  Connor began to cry. The tears flowed from him so effortlessly and it surprised him how he could show so much emotion. He reached up and wiped them away with his bandaged wrist.

  “I’m so sorry, Maddie.” His face grew warm with remorse. He hated hearing her blatantly raw words, but that was what he needed to hear. They had to break through this difficult time so they could rebuild.

  “Me, too,” she whimpered under her breath.

  “I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again. Why should I deserve another chance to be with you? I was the one who screwed up.”

  “But I love you enough to forgive you.”

  “Can you forgive and forget? I don’t want you to have to think about that horrible time in our lives ever again. I don’t want you to look at my face and remember the pain I put you through. I don’t want you to freak out every time your phone rings and you see my number on the screen, thinking it’s me calling to break up with you again.”

  “That won’t happen. I trust you. I know this has been a horrible path we’ve been on the last few months, but it led us here. I know it’s only going to be better for now on.”

  “I swear to you, Maddie, I will never do that to you again. I can prove it to you this time. I will do whatever it takes to keep you in my life. There’s something so deep in my soul that tells me that you are it. You are my purpose for living.”

  “Soul mates,” Maddie said softly.

  “More than that. I feel like you are a part of me. Without you I will never be whole.”

  Maddie sniffed. “I feel the same way. The connection is just too strong to be anything else.”

  An important question swept through Connor’s mind. “I want to keep racing, Maddie. I know it’s important for you to finish school and I want to be there to support you all the way. But can you also support me and my decision to stay with my team?”

  The atmosphere suddenly changed. Connor realized that Maddie didn’t look so sure of reconnecting anymore. She looked thrown off balance.

  “Connor, I don’t know. Seeing you in that wreck, as it was happening, was just too much for me. And then the anxiety of waiting to find out if you were okay was hard, as well. I can’t go through that again. I guess, I just thought that you wouldn’t want to race anymore after what had happened. The drama with Smuthers and the media...I thought you'd want to take a break. I didn’t expect for you to want to jump right back into it.”

  “Do you hate the idea so much that you are willing to walk away? The risk of me getting hurt again isn’t worth salvaging what we once had, what we feel for each other?”

  “I would never ask you to quit just for me. But I want you to think about the quality of your life once you start racing again, all of the traveling and the interviews. You’ll be bouncing around all over the country while I’m finishing up school. As much as I want to be with you, I can’t wait in the shadows and worry about you wrecking again. It’s too stressful.”

  So that’s what Connor did; he sat and thought for a while. Maddie did same, as she stared out the window and into the hundreds of trees that lined the horizon. Connor didn’t understand what was happening. A little earlier he was sure that they were on the way to rekindling their romance, but now their future together seemed hazy. He knew what she wanted; without using the exact words she was asking him to give up his career for the sake of their relationship. He knew she was afraid of him leaving her again, whether it was because of his hectic schedule or because of a fatal accident.

  Connor sighed as a signal that he was ready to speak again.

  “I feel that no matter which direction I decide to take I will be missing out on something important to me. If I choose to continue racing, then I will be miserable because I’d be without you. If I choose you, then I lose the one thing that I’m really good at. Why can’t I have both?”

  Maddie looked at Connor and said, “I want to be with you, I really do. I’ve wanted nothing more for the last few months. But what is it going to cost us?”

  Connor winced from the worsening pain. It ricocheted from every joint in his body. He clenched his eyes closed and felt around for the call button on the side of his bed. Maddie leaned back so he could have a moment to calm himself.

  “We don’t have to talk about this now, Connor,” she said quietly while he remained still, eyes shut.

  “I just need some more meds and then I’ll be fine.”

  A few minutes later his IV bag was refilled and he was on his way back to sleep. The nurse had upped his dosage and they had expected the strength of the medicine to knock him out for a good part of the day. Maddie hovered in the corner while the nurse adjusted his pillows and tucked his legs in snug under the sheets. Connor watched her as she paced back and forth with her eyes pointed at the ground. He knew she was trying to hide her emotions. She looked tired and frail, with uncertainty written all over her face. He was scared that he would wake up later and she would be gone.

  “Maddie,” Connor whispered. He lay his head on his pillow and let his eyelids drop down.

  She approached and took his hand. “Yes, Connor?”

  “Please don’t leave while I’m asleep.”

  “I won’t. I’ll be here.”

  He yawned softly as he fought off the fatigue. “I know you’re tired, but please stay.”

  “I will.”

  “I love you, Maddie,” Connor said before he surrendered to the much-needed rest.

  Tears streamed down Maddie’s face. She only squeezed his hand in response. Then she let go and quietly stepped out of his room.

  Chapter 20: Maddie

  “There’s a new article out about you,” Maddie said while she sipped her coffee early that winter morning. The steam rose and circled her nose; she inhaled and savored the scent of one of her favorite indulgences.

  “Oh, really? What does it say?” Connor asked. He snuck up behind her and started to massage her bare shoulders. Maddie could feel little goose bumps poke through when his frigid fingers made contact with her skin.

  “Geez, Connor!” Maddie yelped. “Did you not wear gloves when you went out to get the firewood?” She jerked her body forward and threw an afghan over her shoulders.

  “Sorry, babe.” Connor rubbed his hands together to generate some heat. He peered down at the laptop that sat on his coffee table. The crackling flames had begun to creep higher up the new log he had just tossed into the fireplace in the center of the living room.

  Maddie watched Connor’s expression as he read a bloggers post about his recent decision to quit professional racing. His eyebrows rose and then fell several times while he read.

  “What do you think?” Maddie asked when he glanced back up at her.

  Connor shrugged. “They can say whatever. They don’t know the real reason I quit. It definitely wasn’t because I was humiliated over the whole ordeal with Makaela and Austin.”

  Maddie had pleasing thoughts to herself. She knew Connor quit because he wanted to start a stress-free life with her. He wanted to go to school and learn a new skill. He wanted to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life. She knew he was happy; she could see it in his face and feel it when they touched.

  “Forget about those guys,” Maddie said, referring to all who had tried to rattle his chain. The press had wanted to interview him after his announcement last week, but he declined. In turn, they spread the rumors that he was shamed and didn’t want to explain how he was played by his ex-fiancée.

  Connor was brave, though, and let the insults roll off his back and down the gutter. He closed the laptop and slid onto the couch next to Maddie. He snuggled up beneath her afghan and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. She loved it when his breath tickled her behind the ears.

  “What do you want to do today?” Connor asked as they cuddled i
n front of the fire. “We could take the snowmobile out, if you want.”

  Maddie glanced out the giant window on the south side of the house. It was a sunny day and the fresh powder that had fallen the night before glistened in the light.

  “Yeah, we could do that. Or we could go back to bed,” she said coyly. Their eyes met and then Connor moved in to kiss her warm lips.

  “Mmmm,” he purred. “You taste like coffee. I think I will take you back to bed and sample some more.”

  Maddie giggled loudly and let Connor scoop her up off the couch and carry her to the master bedroom. She was so happy he had his strength back, though she was worried about him throwing out his back. The accident had left that part of his body quite vulnerable.

  After spending another steamy morning in bed, the couple decided to venture out into town for a little Christmas shopping. In Connor’s town, the town of Mooresville, North Carolina, it had snowed early for the season. The freshly dusted scenery only added to the excitement of the approaching holiday. Maddie noticed she had never been in such a mood for shopping and celebrating.

  The little shopping district down town boasted festively decorated storefronts and sidewalks. Traditional Christmas music played throughout the sound system wired into the tall outdoor lamps that lined the frosted streets. It was mid afternoon and brisk; Maddie had wrapped herself snuggly with the pale colored scarf Connor had gotten her for her birthday only a few weeks before, in November. She held on tight to his hand and smiled as they strolled the main street together. Connor nodded and waved to many people, almost all of them Maddie had never seen or met before, and they stopped a couple of times so he could chat with a few admiring fans. She respected the way he still turned on his polite charm, even though he had resigned from racing and from his insane life in the limelight. It was definitely one of his best qualities, she decided, and only made her fall in love with him more.

  That evening, while the two sat at a small dining table beside the fireplace, Connor lifted his champagne glass to offer a toast. Maddie’s eyes twinkled as she listened to his little speech before they enjoyed their meal.