by Jo Davis
“Anna, I’m sorry,” Joaquin said.
Sloane nodded. “Me too. I apologize.”
She fell silent for a long moment, and Joaquin had a feeling neither he nor Sloane was going to like what she had to say next. He was right.
“I’m a person, not a toy for two little boys to fight over. I can’t handle this, not on top of having to sort out my feelings for both of you,” she said.
The statement fell between the three of them, painfully honest. A glance at Sloane revealed the man felt as miserable as he did, despite his bold declarations of a few moments ago. He wasn’t any more sure he’d win Anna than Joaquin was. And he felt as terrible as Joaquin did about letting things get out of hand.
“I need to think,” Anna went on. “And I can’t do that here. I’m going home to New York this morning. I’ll call a car service to pick me up.”
“Anna, please, won’t you reconsider?” He hated begging in front of the three other men, including his brother. But he had to try to change her mind.
Regret was etched on her face. “I have to do this. I need some space, plus I have a life and a business to get back to. I promise I’ll be in touch with both of you when I get my head on straight.”
He cleared his throat. He wasn’t going to allow himself to cry. “At least accept a ride home in my limo. It will be much more comfortable, and you’ll be able to stretch out and nap during the drive.”
“You know, I’ll take you up on that. Thanks.”
“The limo will be waiting out front.”
She started to walk out, and then turned back. “Just so you both know, I was going to leave anyway. The fight just made up my mind to leave a little sooner.”
Then she did walk out to go pack, and his heart cracked under the strain of his sadness. This was a disaster, and he wasn’t sure how he would recover if she never came back.
I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.
But his silent plea was in vain.
***
She hurt, down to her soul.
This wasn’t how she’d envisioned ending her stay with Joaquin. She never thought she’d see Gray again, and the events of the past couple of days were unreal. Both men coming to blows in Joaquin’s kitchen. Over me.
She really did need to think—she wasn’t lying about that. The only place to do that was home, surrounded by her things. Now more than ever, she needed her mother. She’d never been more glad in her life that the older woman would be waiting when she got home.
Packing didn’t take long, and when she was done she headed downstairs with her suitcase and bag. Joaquin met her on the stairs and insisted on taking the suitcase. The walk to the front door was sad, and she just wanted to get this part over with.
“I could ride with you—”
“Thanks, but no. I need to go home, alone.”
“I see.” It was clear he really didn’t. “I’ll wait to hear from you, then.”
“You will, I promise.”
Gray and Simon walked up just then, carrying their own bags. Their SUV was parked out front, behind the limo. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence before Gray stepped forward and enveloped her in a bear hug, which she returned.
“Take care, Anna,” he said hoarsely.
“I will, and I’ll call.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Letting him go, she went to Joaquin and hugged him as well, and was held tightly in his arms for a long moment. “Thank you for everything,” she said. “Really, the first part of my stay was wonderful.”
“I’m glad.” His voice wavered. “Keep in touch.”
“Promise.”
There was no more stalling. She walked out to the car, looked around one last time, waved to Gray, Joaquin, Simon, and Rio. Then she climbed in and Henry shut the door, came around, and started the limo. As he pulled away, she couldn’t resist looking back at the mansion fading in the distance.
She wondered whether she’d ever be back. And if she returned, if it would be as a friend or a lover. Anna simply didn’t know.
Because they were traveling to the same city, Gray’s SUV followed the limo all the way back to New York, and she found that to be an unexpected comfort. Maybe because of what she’d been through, she liked knowing Gray was there. He was literally a phone call away, even at home.
More like a few steps from the door of her apartment. With a start, she wondered if he still lived in her building, or if that ended when the case was over. She should have asked, but figured she’d find out soon enough.
Despite her fatigue, she couldn’t get her brain to stop whirling long enough to take a nap. So she gazed at the scenery until at last the limo pulled to a stop outside her building. Looking around, she noted the SUV was gone, and she felt a stab of disappointment. Perhaps Gray and Simon had to go back to FBI headquarters and write reports on everything that had happened. For some reason, not knowing bugged her.
Henry went up with her, carrying her suitcase, and waited as she unlocked the door. After placing the case just inside, he turned and gave her a small smile.
“Take care of yourself, Miss Claire. We’re going to miss having you around.”
“You too, Henry. I’m going to miss all of you, too, but I’ll see you again.” Maybe.
Impulsively, she gave him a hug, causing him to blush. That made her laugh as he bid her good-bye and left. Her humor lasted until she realized she was finally home. Alone, it seemed. A quick check showed the apartment was empty, her mother who’d been house-sitting off somewhere.
No, not completely alone. In her bedroom, on the center of the bed, a little silver ball of fluff stood and stretched. Then spotted her and gave a plaintive meow, as though scolding her for being gone.
“Sterling! Come here, kitty,” she crooned, sitting on the bed. “I’ve missed you.”
He hurried over, crawling into her lap, where she scooped him up and held him close, listening to him purr. She rubbed her face in his soft fur, soaking up his unconditional love, his sweetness—and the tears started. They wouldn’t be stopped, and she cried, so lost in misery that she didn’t hear her mother return.
“Anna, you’re home!” Margaret exclaimed in happiness from the doorway. “When did you get here? Wait, are you crying?”
Raising her head, she looked at her mother through watery eyes. “Oh, Mom.”
The older woman crossed the room quickly, putting an arm around her shoulders and simply letting her cry for the longest time without prying. It must have been some sort of record for her mother, who wasn’t exactly the most subtle or patient of people when she wanted answers.
She didn’t speak until Anna’s crying had been reduced to hiccups. Her voice was soft. “When you came home, I expected to see you tanned and relaxed, maybe with some new insight into what you want. Instead, I find my baby in pain, upset. Tell me what’s wrong.”
And it all came pouring out. Her mom had known about her meeting Joaquin in Aruba, and about her going home with him. But not about his dangerous world, the harrowing kidnapping.
Margaret was horrified. “You were abducted? And nobody called me?”
“To be honest, I’m sure they were only thinking of getting me away from Santos. And after it was over, I didn’t stay long. The two of them came to blows over me.”
“Oh, honey.”
The last part of the story was the worst—her confusion over which man she was truly in love with. Which one was right for her. And leaving to come home so she could think.
“Sweetie, have you considered that neither of these men is the one for you? They’ve done nothing but make you cry. How can that be a good thing?”
“I don’t have an answer for that yet.”
“Well, you know I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
“I know, Mom. And thanks.” She hugged her tightly again.
“Do you know if Gray still lives across the hall?”
“I don’t know, honey. If he does, I never see him.”
Anna didn’t try to find out, as tempted as she was to knock.
Margaret ended up staying a few more days, until Anna was feeling a lot steadier and ready to go back to work. Normally her mother staying so long would drive her crazy, but not this time. Anna was grateful for her mother’s love and her wisdom. She only wanted Anna to be happy, and said so repeatedly until the second she walked out the door.
Truly alone for the first time in weeks, she rattled around in her near-empty apartment. She went back to the restaurant, throwing herself into work. At home, she cuddled with her kitten and tried not to think of either of the men she’d loved.
Until the day there was a knock on her door, and she answered it.
***
The past few days—make that weeks—without Anna were the most miserable of his life.
Gray had tried to keep out of her way, and in his opinion he’d succeeded a little too well. He’d kept the apartment after the case with Anna’s restaurant was over, maybe not his smartest move. Unable to bear being across the hallway from her since her departure from Delacruz’s estate, he’d gone out of state to visit relatives.
But there were only so many to visit and not too many more days off he could take, and he had to go home. He was going to continue to stay away. To give her the space she needed. And then Simon cleared things right up in two sentences.
“Don’t be such a fucking moron. Do you think Delacruz is gonna wait forever before he makes his move?”
“No,” he admitted.
“Then go see her, dumbass. Fight for your woman.”
That was why he found himself standing outside her door, working up the courage to knock. What if she told him to go to hell? Or worse, what if she simply had realized she didn’t love him, that they weren’t right for each other?
But he’d never know unless he tried. Dammit, he couldn’t wait another second.
Raising his fist, he knocked. Waited. He almost turned and left, but refused to take the coward’s way out any longer. Then the door swung open and Anna stood there, pretty brown eyes brimming at the sight of him. Damn, not a good start.
“Shit, I didn’t come here to upset you. I can go.” He turned, and was surprised to feel her hand catch his arm.
“Please, don’t. Stay?”
Hope swelled and he nodded. “Sure.”
They went inside and he stood in the middle of her living room, drinking in the sight of her. He cleared his throat. “I tried to give you as much time as you needed, but I couldn’t wait anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’ve had plenty of time.”
He paused, pulse pounding. “You have?”
“Pretty much. Things are becoming clearer.” Stepping up, she cupped his face. “Kiss me?”
All too happy to oblige, he planted his mouth on hers. He delivered a kiss that conveyed all the pent-up longing and desire he’d been tormented by for far too long. Pulling her body close to his, he buried his hands in her hair. Let her feel his hard cock pressing into her belly as he ravaged her mouth. He left no question about what he wanted, and that it was so much more than sex with Anna.
“I’m so sorry about what happened at Joaquin’s,” he said with regret.
“I know, and it’s in the past. Take me to dinner?”
He smiled. “Don’t you know by now that I wouldn’t deny you anything?”
“Maybe you’d better show me,” she said, smiling back.
That was a sight for sore eyes—her face, bright and happy. Looking that way at him. “Where would you like to go?”
“Anywhere but my restaurant,” she said thoughtfully. “I spend way too much time there, and I need to learn to take more time away from the place.”
“Done. Italian? I know a great little place on Amsterdam Avenue.”
“Sounds fantastic. It’s a nice evening for a walk, don’t you think?”
“I agree. Ready to go, then?”
She frowned down at her jeans and picked at her blouse. “Do I need to change?”
“Naw, you look beautiful. This place isn’t fancy, but the food is authentic New York Italian. Family-owned. You’ll love it.”
She beamed at him. “I’m ready.”
They walked, and he could have crowed when she slipped her hand into his. The night was pleasant, not too cool, and he enjoyed listening to her chat about the restaurant.
“Is Ethan still as mean as ever?” he asked, referring to her head chef. Gray had had the terrible experience of working for the tyrant while undercover. He hoped never to repeat it.
She giggled. “He terrorizes the staff on a daily basis. But you know that his bark is much worse than his bite.”
“Can’t prove it by me. Considering a chunk of my ass is still missing from our last run-in, I’ll stay out of his line of sight, thanks.”
That made her laugh outright, and he told himself he needed to form a plan to make her do it all the time. He loved the sound of her happiness.
They arrived at the Italian place and he led her inside. The layout was basically a shotgun arrangement, the space the shape of a shoe box. The kitchen was in front of the customers when they walked in, open so patrons could watch the delicious dishes and pizzas being made from scratch. To the right was the seating, which was minimal. He managed to snag them a table, and they sat and took the menus that the waitress handed them.
“Gosh, it smells good in here,” she said, sniffing appreciatively. “I’ve seen the green awning over the entrance from the street, but I’ve never been in here before.”
“You’ll love the food.”
After agonizing over the menu for a few minutes, they decided to split a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, peppers, and onions. They chatted while they waited.
“Do you have any new cases to work now?” she asked.
“There’re always new cases. Old ones, too. The unsolved stuff that’s been around awhile, gathering dust. Now that Santos is in prison, Simon and I have to get back to work on a bunch of disappearances in the state. College kids reported missing, which isn’t usually a matter for the FBI. The first two were found murdered, though, and that was enough to warrant fears of a serial killer.”
Her eyes were wide. “That’s horrible. I hope you catch whoever is doing it.”
“Me too.”
“Do you have to travel much when you investigate a case?”
“Sometimes. It’s not uncommon, but it’s not too bad, either. Victims and witnesses can be all over the state and beyond. I have to go where they are.”
“Was training at Quantico as grueling as I’ve heard?”
He made a face. “Probably worse. I was damned glad to graduate.”
“Is there any division in the FBI you absolutely wouldn’t want to work?”
“Counterterrorism, and crimes against children. I can’t stomach either of those, and my hat’s off to the guys who can.”
She shivered. “I don’t blame you.”
He fell silent for a moment, hesitating. “Anna, can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“In the letter you left for me, you said you didn’t know whether you could handle my being an agent,” he said softly. “That you might not be able to take the thought of losing me. What’s changed? Can you handle it?”
She regarded him for a long moment, and his heart twisted in his chest. Her answer meant everything to them both, to their future.
“I can’t change who I am,” he went on, taking her hand across the table. “There will be late nights, or days at a time when I can’t come home or call right away. I might go undercover again for indefinite periods of time, and there’s always a chance I won’t come hom
e. Can you have faith in me? In us?”
She squeezed his hand, love shining in her brown eyes. “Yes, I can. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, or that I won’t be terrified not knowing sometimes where you are and what’s happening, but I love you. I’m not going to let my fear drive me away again.”
He swallowed, heart thumping. He had to ask. “What about Joaquin?”
“I have feelings for him,” she admitted. “But he’s not you. I was vulnerable when I met him, and I never gave you and me a chance. I’d like to change that.”
He blew out a breath and smiled, a huge burden lifted from his soul. “That’s all I can ask.”
Their pizza arrived, and as they ate Gray couldn’t help but be pleased that Anna was taking a real interest in his job. They’d never had a chance to discuss it openly and honestly, and it was like getting to know her all over again. With no subterfuge.
And falling for her all over again, too.
As they ate and chatted, from time to time his hand would cover hers. Their fingers would link, and he’d savor the connection between them. Her lips turned up in a secretive grin full of promises, and his heart raced a bit faster.
She’s so beautiful. I’m one lucky bastard, he thought as he admired the shape of her gorgeous face, the way her full lips devoured her meal. Her pink tongue darted out, and he imagined it licking his cock in much the same way. His pants grew tight and uncomfortable, and from the sultry looks she was sending him, she knew it.
The rest of their meal passed companionably, and the waitress came by to bring him the check and a small box for their two remaining slices of pizza. Once he’d paid and the food was boxed, they headed into the evening together.
He carried the pizza in one hand, holding her hand with the other. If there was a night in recent memory when he’d been this content, he couldn’t recall it.
She squeezed his hand and he glanced sideways at her, pulse picking up when she gave him another one of those smiles full of promise. There was nowhere he’d rather be than here, with this woman. Loving her, and ready to show her just how much.