Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate, and Political Attacks

by Carrie Prejean

  Why did they do it?

  “It’s been a difficult time, but we want to show that there are a lot of different families,” Keith explained about his ad. “I was raised by a single mom, and I am dad to two children that are being raised by two moms.”

  Shanna chimed in: “I believe Prop 8 [led] a campaign of confusion and never made clear what was being asked of the people. I find most people have a problem with the word marriage. What I hope for is helping others understand ‘civil union’ and then one day helping people learn ‘marriage’ is something not God, not the state or country can solidify, but between two people who love each other. ” Then she added, “If Carrie is going to go out there with her message, then we have to go out there and make sure the voices of these girls are heard.”

  Apparently I was not the only one asking why I was “political”—and they were not. Nor was I the only person who wondered whether marriage is just about “two people who love each other.”

  Shanna expressed a typical liberal view of marriage as nothing more than making formal the love between two people. This struck me as shallow. Maggie Gallagher put it far better than I could in a piece in National Review.

  Same-sex unions are really not just like opposite-sex unions when marriage is in question. Celebrating all forms of adult romantic love equally is not a very good justification for redefining a fundamental institution whose public purposes reach far beyond the affirmation of romance.

  Cultures that can no longer perceive anything special about unions of husband and wife will succumb to those that do. The future belongs to civilizations that commit substantial energy to generativity. Gay marriage is a bright red decision line: Once our government is committed to the idea that two men in a loving union are a marriage, there will be no retreat from that idea in the public square. Marriage will mean adults in love, not children in need.

  It turns out that a lot of people were thinking the same way. A South Lake Tahoe fireman sent the following letter to Keith.

  Having enthusiastically watched many, many Miss USA and similar pageants over the years, we will from now on avoid any that you are associated with. You have shown astonishing lack of good judgment in your ridiculous comments about Carrie Prejean‘s answer, beliefs, and position about the gay marriage issue so stupidly raised by that irrelevant goofball, Perez Hilton.

  For your information, Mr. Keith, you are out of touch with the real world.

  Ms. Prejean’s position and beliefs are directly in line with those of a majority of Californians, as shown with Proposition 8.

  Further, she has every right to her own beliefs and position, and right to articulate them, just as you have your own demented beliefs.

  You owe an apology to Ms. Prejean, the Miss USA pageant, and to the citizens of California. We discussed this matter, and your lack of connect with reality, in our firehouse and 100 percent of the firemen and women are in complete agreement with this letter.

  Columnist Ann Coulter, with her usual flair, wrote of me:She didn’t even volunteer her “controversial” views on marriage. Rather, she was asked for her opinion on gay marriage and gave it—in an answer wrapped in so many layers of sugar it took ten minutes to get to the point . . . What a vicious hatemonger! Any second there I was expecting her to bust out a “by golly!” or an “oh my gosh!”

  Truth be told, I’m not a “gosh” kinda girl. But I am grateful that most people saw the moderation and desire not to offend in my answer.

  Here is a letter I received from California Congressman Duncan Hunter.

  I am writing to express my support for your strong public statement in favor of traditional marriage during the Miss USA pageant.

  As you have learned from your experience, standing firm in your beliefs can sometimes invite criticism from those who disagree with you. Please be assured that your unwavering commitment to your Christian beliefs is an inspiration to many. While the mainstream media makes it a common practice to discredit those who support traditional marriage, you have demonstrated how a person of character stands above the fray.

  You now have a great opportunity as you finish out your reign as Miss California to continue speaking out in favor of conservative values. Through your work with Best Buddies and the Special Olympics you will be able to reach millions and show them that caring and compassion are the central tenets of your Christian faith. This has been evident in your interviews with the media as you have shown no malice towards those individuals who have been so critical and callous towards you for expressing your beliefs and exercising your First Amendment rights.

  As you reflect on your experience, Mark 8:36 provides great solace: “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?” You have stood for what you believe in and you should be proud. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

  I was grateful to know that there were so many people—in fact, most Americans—who either agreed with me, or who (including many who are gay) were incensed at the way I was being punished for giving a candid answer to a controversial question. Little did I know that the attack machine was just beginning its assault.

  On May 1, 2009, Keith forwarded a message to his team and copied me. I got the same copied message from his boyfriend, Steven Kay, who wrote to Keith: “Sorry baby, a friend sent me this on Facebook. . . . ”

  It was a petition to “dethrone Miss California” for “using her crown in a new crusade against a minority group.” Because Miss California “must be of good health and moral character,” the petitioners concluded, “Prejean is no longer an appropriate representative of the people of California” or ambassador for the state. It was sent to a long list of people, from Paula Shugart to Pam Wilson to K2 Productions to studios throughout the San Fernando Valley and California.

  The real target was my morale. I instantly recognized this as trash talk, an attempt to “get inside my head.” They wanted me to shut up and disappear. They wanted to put tape over my mouth. They w ouldn’t succeed.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Calling Donald Trump

  I thought I had been through the worst.

  But it was really just the beginning. Little did I know that I would soon face multiple lines of attack on my character, not only from media figures, but from my own organization.

  The first line began when Keith and company continued to be as unhelpful as they could be on my scheduling. Ironically, they turned that around and portrayed me as a lazy prima donna who wouldn’t meet even the most basic obligations of being Miss California. I worked as hard as I could to operate within the system, but they were determined to ensure it didn’t work. The bottom line was that I wanted to be Miss California, I wanted to do what I thought that entailed, I wanted to represent my state in ways that helped other people, especially children, the sick, and those with disabilities. I thought Miss California should be an ambassaor of her state. But Keith and Shanna plainly no longer wanted me to be Miss California and were determined to undercut me at every turn. In retaliation for appearing with the National Organization for Marriage, for example, Keith put out a message intended to cut me to the quick.

  “We are deeply saddened that Carrie Prejean has forgotten her platform of the Special Olympics, her commitment to all Californians, and solidified her legacy as one that goes beyond the right to voice her beliefs and instead reveals her opportunistic agenda.”

  It hurt, because my involvement with working with developmentally disabled youth preceded my time as Miss California—in fact, I was always fighting to get Special Olympics on to the Miss California agenda. Keith often delayed my work with the Special Olympics, holding out for “more details.” Now they were accusing me of abandoning the one cause that is most dear to me. Besides, the Special Olympics had been my own platform, not an officially designated one. Contestants in the Miss America Pageant have platforms—but those in Miss USA do not. Obviously Keith knew that. Why was he speaking out about my supposed “platform” now?

  The tr
uth is, I had stayed true to the Special Olympics despite having to swim upstream against Keith’s organization that placed no value on my appearances at such events. Watching them twist my love of the Special Olympics against me was mind-boggling. Around this time, Keith leaked some of my emails to him to the media. Some of them, written on the go, under time pressure and often after Keith had done something to provoke me, played all too easily into the organization’s portrayal of me as hard to get along with; what was missing was the context—if I was occasionally sarcastic, it was because I was tired of Keith’s playing games, and I was determined to make appearances where I thought I could do some good.

  But there was an even larger context, of course: I was frustrated that my own organization—a beauty pageant no less—was using attack politics against their own beauty queen. It seemed unreal at the time. At some moments, it still does. I was asking for no special favors, and I was willing to play by the rules. But it was disconcerting, to say the least, to be Miss California and to be constantly, intentionally attacked, put down, and repudiated by the Miss California pageant, and all because I had, under direct questioning by a Hollywood sleaze merchant, given voice to the majority opinion of my fellow Californians. That was my “speech crime,” and it seemed the Miss California pageant was determined to try to humiliate me for it. The press conference I did with the National Organization for Marriage had only increased their venom.

  I checked with Charles LiMandri, who confirmed that Keith and his lawyer had agreed that I could make public appearances, specifically including the National Organization for Marriage press conference on April 30, in a private capacity as long as I did not use the Miss California USA title or wear my crown and sash. From the start, Keith and Company knew I was at the National Organization for Marriage press conference (where I was not, in fact, a spokesperson) —and approved it, but clearly Keith was suffering from a serious case of buyer’s remorse, which he took out on me by leaking information that he thought would be damaging and manufacturing charges that I missed events. He had wanted to own me because I represented “his brand.” Now when he found out he didn’t own me—and he no longer wanted me because of my suddenly “political” profile—he was doing everything he could to discredit me; and there were many in the press who were happy to play up his charges without investigating them.

  The allegation that I missed events was, in some ways, the most infuriating, given my long-standing frustration with the pageant on this very point. In essence, Keith used the Hollywood News Calendar that they sent me in order to make this accusation—the calendar sent, as usual, without asking me to do anything with it—and then accused me of missing all the events that were listed. By this sleight of hand, I was supposed to have missed thirty-two offers in one day, including, as my lawyer noted, “six events in a two and one-half hour period on May 19.” I would have to have been cloned to have appeared at them all. So it was all a set-up, driven by accusatory press releases from the Miss California organization and founded on nothing.

  On the other hand, requests for my time—one for an interview from an East Coast Christian radio station, another for an appearance from a Christian ministry headed by Stephen Baldwin—were flatly turned down by Keith. By this point I had become very frustrated, so I emailed Keith, asking him to forward all media requests to me. “Stop speaking for me,” I said. “I have my own voice.”

  I made sure to let the world know that I was not sitting off on a beach somewhere, sipping piña coladas. Later, I told Matt Lauer, from the beginning, even prior to the Miss USA Pageant, I had taken it upon myself to book appropriate events. I called hospitals and different charities, and I said, “Hey, I’m Miss California. Would you like me to attend your event?” I hadn’t missed a single event that had actually been scheduled. But Keith kept repeating the charge, hoping it would stick and deflect attention from suspicions that he might be attacking me for political or religious reasons.

  As I grappled with this assault on my integrity, my employers made an even more personal attack—and in the process, I believe, violated laws protecting medical privacy—by revealing that I had had breast implants. On Access Hollywood, Billy Bush asked Shanna about my breast implants, and she confirmed it. Of course, a question like that doesn’t just come out of the blue.

  Nowhere did Shanna betray a sense that she was violating the privacy of another woman. She went so far as to join the show hosts in speculating on my new breast size, joking with them about my implants. And she made certain to tell the press, “I don’t personally have them.” Thanks for sharing.

  Keith also made sure the message got out. He told CBS’s The Early Show, “We assisted when Carrie came to us and voiced the interest in having the procedure done.”

  This was not true. The surgery was their idea, and they paid for it. Nevertheless, this disclosure set me up for another round of attacks from left-wing talk show host Keith Olbermann on MSNBC who said I had been “outed” for breast implants, as if it were somehow hypocritical for a Christian woman to have such surgery. Carrie Prejean, he said, is “not just a boob, but a fake boob,” who believes marriage is “marriage between a man and a woman who is partially made out of plastic.” Appearing with Olbermann was Village Voice columnist Michael Musto. He predicted that I would someday be “looking for a husband who wants the only virgin in the world with breast implants.” He called me “dumb and twisted.” He also called me a “human Klaus Barbie doll”—in other words, he compared me to a Nazi war criminal.

  Musto’s parting shot was a bizarre bit about me being a homophobic transgendered man, who had been married several times (as a man), and who had the pageant pay to “cut off her penis.”

  There’s no way I’m the only one who thought Olbermann and Musto came across like a couple of obnoxious, bullying, unprofessional punks. There is something unmanly about that kind of behavior. I wonder if they would say it to my face—not that that would make it any better, but it does seem pretty cowardly for them to broadcast denigrating jokes about a young woman, like two degenerate boys in a locker room; and I wonder how funny they would think themselves if I happened to be sitting across from them. And I wonder what their audience would think if they performed their Perez Hilton routine right in front of me. I know “reality TV” today is all about humiliating people, but I think there’s enough residual decency in America that Olbermann and Musto might be exposed for what they are. It wasn’t a one-off attack either. On a separate appearance on Olbermann’s show, Musto dismissed me as one of many “bigotry-spouting women trying to cure cancer in bikinis.”

  What is this? Somehow the liberal media can get away with these degrading, disgusting jokes about a conservative woman, while still touting themselves as open-minded and tolerant. What if Sean Hannity or some other conservative media figure (male or female) had said something like this? Especially if he said it about a liberal woman? But for some reason it was perfectly acceptable for these men to belittle me on live television. Laura Ingraham pointed out the onesidedness of “tolerance” in her television debate with Gloria Feldt (a liberal feminist who said I—another woman!—needed a “heart transplant” instead of breast implants). Laura commented—quite rightly—that she would be taken off the air if she spoke of liberals the way these media figures were speaking about me.

  My parents were reeling. But no one was more upset than my sister. Liberal feminist that she is, she was appalled at seeing some of the most powerful news organizations in the world attack her 21-year-old sister like that.

  It wasn’t long before the implants story began to appear in the tabloids in snarky pieces like The Star’s “Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous.” I remember reading the piece and shaking my head. If I was famous, it is not a kind of fame I ever sought or wanted. And rich? I was having a hard time scraping together enough money to keep my cell phone account. Modeling jobs had already started to taper off and eventually stopped altogether. I did work for the San Diego Padres, but my schedule had bec
ome so hectic that I could only fit in a few hours here and there. Money was—to say the least—tight. I was a college student and beauty queen, not a lottery winner.

  The attack campaign kicked up to a new level when they began dishing out every bit of dirt they could find about me and my past—two heaping spoonfuls of it.

  The first one was a photo taken by a girlfriend of mine when I was seventeen. Taken from the back, it showed a generous amount of my skin, while not showing anything that would break a decency law. The picture had been made as part of a young model’s portfolio. Someone, however, had photo-shopped it to take it just over the line, and it became an internet sensation. It was soon joined by another photo.

  In early May 2009, I heard that an old picture of me was coming out. It was said to be shameful, ugly, unbelievable, and disqualifying for a Miss California. I braced myself, not sure what was coming. I should have known.

  Here’s the back story. In February 2007, after Keith’s debacle with Christina Silva left me first runner-up, Keith signed me up with a Los Angeles modeling agency.

  A photo shoot was arranged at the home of a famous photographer, Dominic Petruzzi, for Blisss magazine, an ultra-hip journal with lots of art, fashion, and surfing. I would be the model for the February issue of Blisss. I had heard about Petruzzi before, and knew him to be a top-of-the-line photographer, who had worked with big-name models. I saw this as a great opportunity to advance my modeling career, and was excited to work with him. While I sat in a chair for Dominic’s makeup artist to work some magic, Dominic told me we would be going to the beach to do the shoot. He then showed me last month’s model, and asked me to do the same.